What about things that take more time than money? I missed the sex of the children, but all kids seem to love note pads with their name or sport on it. Easily made on the puter. Maybe if you surf the net, looking under topics that they are interested in you could come up with more ideas. Coupons made fancy on the computer for special treats or just time spent doing something they love with you might be a possiblility, also. Make up kits for making jewelry or building a snowman or a movie kit with popcorn, soda and gc for a video could be put together. Good luck! Kathy

Well, if the truth be told, the thing that would probably make it more memorable for your kids would be extra quality time with you. Maybe you could have a tree trimming party and invite a few of their friends over. Make it after dinner time so you won't be obligated to feed them a meal. Maybe just have hot chocolate and cup cakes, decorate the tree, watch (or rent) a holiday movie, then maybe end the evening with caroling around the neighborhood. Something special that will maybe make a lasting memory for them. Maybe if it goes well it could be a family tradition. You can also take a ride and look at lights. We always did that when I was little. Play Christmas music and ride around to see all the different decorations. Some of the best things don't cost anything. I know as a parent that's hard to remember some times. As far as gifts go there is always the dollar store. They have great things for kids and you could buy just a few things a long and put them back. You can also wrap all those little gifts seperatly so it will seem like there's a lot to open. And don't forget thrift stores too. Some times they get nice toys that only need to be cleaned up a bit and the kids will never know where they came from - probably won't care either! Hope there's something here that will help. Hopefully some more of these wonderful people will share some ideas with you too. Just know that at one time or another every one has faced less than desirable situations for the holidays. My heart goes out to you at this time. Maybe you will get an unexpected shower of blessings for the holidays! Hope so!

Wendy,

Yes, the dollar store suggestion is great! My local Dollar Tree and 2 other ones have wonderful stuff. Do you subscribe to any of the freebie newsletters? There are a lot of kids freebies that are great for stocking stuffers, and some full size gifts. There are a lot of free clubs on the web to join for kids and you get great free stuff. I recently saw a Harry Potter club that you got a free backpack for signing up. Let me know if you want the newsletter sites. You could just go to their online freebie sites if you don't want the newsletter. You wouldn't believe how much freebies, kids and adults, are out there. I am always getting lots in the mail now. And some of the childrens freebies are sites with printable stuff for kids. I know printer ink is expensive, but I get the refill kits for $8.95. I can refill my cartridge 3-4 times before needing a new one.

First hugs to you!

My kids and I "took back Christmas" several years ago. We make homemade stuff for each other, homemade stuff only, and splurg a little on extra goodies we wouldn't usually buy to eat. At first no one knew what to do, but after awhile they were asking me for help and sneaking around making each other stuff. It was fun. One made a denim purse out of old blue jeans. The other made a book of pictures and memories for the other. They both LOVED the presents!

If you think it will be a hard day to just stay home you can volunteer with the kids at a Christmas Dinner at a local shelter. When we did this we had a fantastic Christmas. My kids still talk about how much it meant to make a difference in someone elses life, even for just a little while, and we sure forgot about our own troubles for awhile. One daughter helped start singing carols, the other refilled coffee cups. I don't know if any of these ideas will help or not, but the only thing I can say is that as long as you have each other, everything else is "gravy" in the world. I told my children that we will never stop loving each other or caring for each other and that is all that matters. We snuggled and shared stories.

Hope this helps.

I remember the Christmas I was 10. My parents had been separated for a few months. My dad was enjoying the good life -- traveling, buying expensive suits and cars -- while my mom, my brother and I were living in a tiny 2 bedroom rental and eating canned soup or 99 cent frozen pizzas most nights. I knew she didn't have much money and I didn't expect much under the tree.
Just before Christmas, my dad came back from Vegas loaded down with gifts. He gave me real roller skates, a coat with a fur collar, fancy leather boots and a beautiful ruby and diamond ring. When I came home that Christmas Eve and showed my mom all my new loot, she smiled, but later that night I heard her crying at the kitchen table.
When we opened gifts the next morning, my brother got a gun that sparked,and a couple of new shirts. I got an outfit and a small sewing box with needles, thread, buttons and cloth my mom had cut from our old clothes. My stocking was stuffed with paper strips that had envelope glue on one end.
I spent the holidays decorating our home with paper chains and learning how to handstitch Barbie clothes.
I'm 42 years old now. It's been a long time since the coat with the fur collar and the fancy leather boots got handed down to some other family who needed them. I grew out of the roller skates too, in less than a year. The beautiful ruby and diamond ring disappeared down a drain before I turned 13.
I still have that sewing box. And every time I look at it I am reminded how much my mother loved me. That's what Christmas is all about.

How about go to some of the free stuff web site? some are pretty good. like freesamplesite.com & moochies.com.
Does anybody know anymore?

If you have a computer with the internet at home, there are tons of freeware games that you can download. Some of them are really good.

thanks to everyone for the wonderful ideas.

What about the fish soap or the bami balls. My son enjoys the stuff from the dollar store more the the items I pay a lot for. coloring book and crayons. I f you can paint do a shirt it can be simple or email me for some simple patterns. Oh what about that angle dust that is on the craft forium.

Plan something special every day. One day, bake cookies. The next day make ornaments. Next day, go looking at lights. The next, watch a Christmas movie (from the library, they're free!). Christmas is a season and a feeling, not just presents one morning. Enjoy the whole season...

Darcy,
Your story brought tears to my eyes. And of course yours did too Wendy. Why does life have to be so hard?!

Summer life has to be hard sometimes so we treasure and appreciate every good thing. If it was too easy it would be taken for granted and it's when we are struggling that our strenth and courage are tested and we realise WOW aren't we resourceful! and WOW if I survived that I can get through anything.

that is very true because if I make it through all the hurt this *sshole has put me through I can promise NO ONE will ever get the chance to hurt me again. He was suppose to spend last night with his kids as today is when he is scheduled for court but low and behold it was more important to shack up with his girlfriend last night than to spend time with his kids, how is that for sorry do not believe I have ever met anyone any osrrier in my entire life. OK I am sorry just needed to vent this morning. I doubt he even goes to court today which will just prolong the pain he puts everyone through, I really need all the prayers I can get today, Thanks

Make something together that day - Rosie O'Donnell's July 2001 issue had a great idea in it that you could use - buy 3 vinyl pocket books (kind of old style works best) from a thrift store or garage sale right now. Then cut out from old magazines pictures and decoupage them onto the purse, then spray with a sealer - if you want to change the purse colors beforehand just spray paint them ahead of time - All 3 could be made for under $10 - Mod Podge is just $5. Believe me, I saw them at Neiman Marcus under the artist by the name of Isabella Fiore (now featured on their home page) they were selling for $375 - go look at the site for some inspiration. I think the kids would love them!!

cut out small construction circles of different colored papers - heck I just cut them out of frozen food boxes myself - then alternate them with large gumdrops for a cool xmas garland that the kids could make for the tree--

I made a videotape one year of all my family members and relatives (all the aunts, uncles, friends of the family, etc) telling me their happiest xmas memory (I had to borrow the camera from a friend for a couple of days)- We watched that together Christmas Day and we all learned something about each other and it was a blast!!

make Borax Crystal Snowflakes - you can find the instructions on www.teelfamily.com/activities/snow/boraxsnowflake.html

this is important - my grandma worked me silly and I thought she was the greatest, have the happiest memories, and loved, loved to spend time with her - don't underestimate the value of doing things together as the most important thing you can do for xmas

Let your kids know that Christmas is in our hearts. Take them to the Xmas parade, take them to a church service on Xmas eve...and drive around and look at the Xmas lights. These are all free things. Go to Goodwill or any thrift store and see what items you can find to make Xmas decorations with...you might spot a shirt or shoes or some outfit that are almost new that you can wrap (with the cartoon section of the newspaper) for under the tree. Make popcorn wreaths, construction paper wreaths...little things you can all do together are all THREE OF YOU ARE FAMILY. This is YOUR XMAS and make your OWN traditions and memories. Make some warm cider and cookies and sing carols. Have them make up new Xmas songs or new traditions. Let them have "ownership" of some of it. It takes the burden off of you and allows them some pride during this hard time. This kids will remember the good times, not the bad. Good Luck to you!

I do wonder though, that why, when people have learned their lessons, and real hard too, they have to keep having a hard life. Your right Sue, about appreciating things in life more because of hard times, but it's just that some people keep on getting knocked down, even when they have learned. We see it all the time, like with homeless people, people real sick, etc. I guess hell is on earth.

Wendy, my thoughts are with you!!

I tried to email you directly, but it came back to me... this is what I wrote

Wendy, first let me tell you how much I admire you for moving forward and not letting your anger put you in a really bad place.

Just as a thought, and I know this is going to be hard to do... our local salvation army and several churches in our area put people together to 'adopt' a family for the holidays. it might be worth it to contact either the salvation army or you local catholic church's office of social ministry (whether you are catholic or not) to see whether they have programs like this.

Our office of Social Ministry not only provides presents to children around town, but offer families in our parish the opportunity to help "anonymous" families who need the help, especially at Holiday time.

May God Bless you and your babies this year. Please know that He and many others are watching over you.

Diane

PS: where are you from? I live in VA

Diane,
Thanks for telling Wendy this!
~Summer

I know most folks will find this odd. But if you have small children, check out your local Thrift store. Sometimes you can buy some nice toys there. Just make sure you use a tiny bit of bleach and water. More like 9 part water and one part bleach to rid any plastic toys of germs. (Daycares use this solution just for that) of course rinse. Some times you can even find a NEW toy there. I once bought my now grow daughter a "Used' Barbie Dream House at a Yard sale and gave it to her for Christmas, she could have cared less where it came from.
So, don't overlook getting some good buys at a Thrift store or Garage sale.

As someone mentioned you would be amazed at some of the toys you can buy for a dollar at the Dollar tree. Also you might want to check out clearance stores like "Big Lots" of the store "Dollar General" and look over their merchandise. I would though check out your local Thrift store for items that you could wash and are in near new shape! Good luck!!
~Lynn~

You know I can relate to the lack of money situation. I have four kids and have been home with them for 7 years now out of necessity. Daycare for 4 is more costly than the money I would make at work. So we have struggled. Each year I get so stressed out over Christmas and trying to come up with something the kids will like. They are so influenced by the toys stores, friends, and commericals....how do you keep up? I try to save at least $50 for each of them for xmas and get something they really want. Thanks to my wonderful parents and my brothers and sisters they get a bit more. Without my family I would be so lost. Unfortunately you got a bad deal on a father for your children and that is so sad for them...Prehaps you could turn to Big brothers or Big Sisters for help in replacing it with a better role model. My husband is the best father I could have ever pick...without him the money problems would be unbearable for us. Love is what is the most important ...and not just at Christmas but all through the year. If anyone else has a suggestion as to how we may help maybe each make a craft and make some kind of donations?? I think it's the best part of Xmas....the giving and I would love to make a rag doll to give. Any ideas on how we could do something like this??

P.S. Wendy you are the love in your family and that's what the kids will always remember no matter what!!! Keep up the great work!

Bless your heart, Wendy! My sister went through much the same thing with her ex (You are not alone, though I know it may feel that way sometimes ~ I hope that makes you feel a bit better.). It's a tough thing to do ~ trying to help your children understand while constantly feeling betrayed, alone and embarassed yourself (even though it's NOT your fault). Sis finally opened up to me and I was her confidant through much of her ordeal, so I feel for you tremendously. But you WILL overcome this!

Diane's suggestion is a great one. You can spend the money you would have spent on toys to buy supplies to make cookies and ornaments for the tree or gas for the car to take the kids to see the lights (GOTTA' do that! It's SO fun!). Besides the Salvation Army and churches, a lot of police and fire departments have programs that give toys away. The Austin Police Dept. calls their program Blue Santa (they have blue uniforms) and the Travis County Sheriff's Dept.'s is called Brown Santa (yep, they have brown uniforms!). When I was in a local volunteer fire dept., we took donations of toys for people in need, wrapped them and delivered them on the fire engine Christmas Eve! That was fun!! One firefighter dressed as Santa and the rest as elves! I honestly don't know who has more fun with programs like this ~ the parents who don't have to stress over Christmas gifts, the kids who get the presents or the people who deliver them and get to see the smiling faces! So DON'T feel bad about getting this service from anyone! Not only are you saving that money at a time when $5 is a lot of money to you, you are giving someone the chance to do something nice.

And THAT is what Christmas is all about! How much "stuff" you get at Christmas isn't. Nowadays, most people have gotten so far away from the true meaning of Christmas that it makes me want to cry. Things are so commercial. I don't like going to any store at Christmas anymore. And the malls! Oh, they're the worst! All those displays, all those people, and all those signs saying, "They won't be happy unless you buy them this $499 thing!" Horse-crap! I completely and wholeheartedly agree that the best gift you can give your children is your time. It doesn't matter how much $$$ you spend or what you do. What does matter is that you all are together.

My sis was crying one time about how she coulnd't afford to give her two sons everything she wanted to. I told her flat out that we didn't have much growing up and we turned out great, so don't focus on what you can't give them ~ focus on what you CAN give them. And, Wendy, what you CAN give your children are memories. Those are much more precious than ANY storebought gift.

you are all a bunch of wonderful people, we found out yesterday my ex is going to be sent to safe P which is a lock down facility for drug rehab he will be there for at least 9 months......I just hope I am smart enough to move on with my life during that time, because I am really tired of dealing with his crap....

ok now that I have that off my chest wanted to let you know that all of your wonderful letters have brought tears to my eyes, and I appreciate all of the wonderful ideas and words of encouragement...may need you all for the next few months

Wendy

Wendy, hang in there, there are better days to come, been through this same mess. I only have one daughter, she turned out beautifully. She is 26, married and has three beautiful children. I ended up divorced, but eventually remarried and my dear husband is responsible, kind, honest, caring, etc. He loves "our" daughter and now "his" grandchildren dearly. Keep in mind, children usually have more fun with the boxes and they last longer than any high dollar gifts packed in them. Think about what your children really like, don't let the advertisers tell you what they want or what will make them happy, I agree with the others, your time, baking, seeing the lights, some special gifts will mean more, these are the things my daughter remembers, than any high dollar gifts that will be put aside by the new year.

I agree with EbonyRose, Not about amking a rag doll to send (I don't know how to do that) but I'd love to put together bead Necklace and bracelet sets for the girls to make thereselves. With a little help from mom of course. :-) I don't see why we couldn't give gifts to the girls. I love giving gifts and it would be fun. :-) I try to give gifts to all my friends kids. It's never much we're not rich but it makes me feel realy good to give the kids something. :-) Please let me know your address Wendy and I'll send the "kits" for the girls to have to make on Christmas but also one for them to make for you. :-) I know I always felt rotten as a kid if I couldn't make or buy something for every one for Christmas. :-/ OK maybe I still feel that way... I would love to give gifts to you and your girls just like I do all my friends. :-D

Take care, Penny
PS: They would be simple necklaces to make maybe Buckskin thong with beads that are esily strung on them, or if you have neadle nosed pliers I could send something a little harder to make. :-) hmm I'm getting carried away now. If possible maybe I could send kits for each of the girls to make a neckalce and bracelet for each other, you could help them individuely? Then they could make one for you on there own? They would pick the colors and pattern for yours... I guess in that case just one "kit" with enough for several necklaces and bracelets would be better. :-) I have an over abundance of these supplies on hand and it would cost me nothing. I would love it if you let me do this. Thank you, Penny

I know this is kind of late, but I hope you have a very Merry Christmas~

PS Give those kids a "BIG" hug~

Cyd

Wendy, Please email me with your home addy. I can't giv emuch but I can help some
And do you sew? Or maybe do other crafts, like crochet? Knit? I have many craft items I would be more than willing to share. I am sorry I saw this so late, but am hoping something could arrive in time for chrismtas

Sorry everyone, I think I scared her away when I offered to send gifts ..... I've never heard from her and she hasn't posted again. :-( .... Sorry I didn't meen to scare her off .... Take care, Penny