I am with Carla on all three points and think the last one especially important. An adult might love games and choose to play one with young people, but this adult has shown by his joking that he has some pretty adult interests that don't jibe with the innocent enjoyment of games with young people. At the very least, he does not have the kind of mind-set a churchgoer would want his own children to develop. If your wife resists all attempts to persuade her to support you in this, I wonder if she would be willing to have your clergyman mediate. Her answer to that may be telling. A father is not out of line to complain about something he feels inappropriate in an outsider's treatment of his children, and if this guy were worthy of having anything to do with your sons, he would have apologized and promised never to do anything of the kind again. But you have already said that he is vulgar. IMO, even if he changes his tactics and apologizes when he learns that you are standing firm or that your wife has begun to side with you, he has already shown that he is not suitable (and is, perhaps, dangerous) company for your sons.

Not one thing you said is untrue... It is sad that we live in a world where "In the best interest of the children" Now means "What I want" and yes bio-parents find it really easy to turn their kids against the other. I know this is hard, I know your husband is tired as well as in pain. She knows she is causing this and it probably brings her satisfaction. However in the long run the children one day WILL open their eyes and see what has happened. (It may take much therapy and money) But they will see how she turned them against their father. And matter of fact is if the tables were turned and it was you driving this wedge EVERYBODY including bio-mom would be up in arms ready to lynch yo for being the "evil step mom" Keep going, keep being there when they need you and DON'T let BM know that it bothers you. If she takes you to court oh well... Outside of the court room don't mention the on going battle. Don't let her draw you into arguments. Keep conversations short and ONLY about the welfare of the children. If she doesn't get to see the frustration or hear about it, it might just take the wind out of her sails...

Ok, so for others to think it is weird to read it, imagine how I felt when I first met them. I get that it may sound off the wall, but who could honestly make this up? I have to laugh, my gosh, I WISH it were all a joke. I was so absolutely confused when I met them, not only am I in the beginning stage of my relationship with my now husband, but the confusion with the fact that I AM A GOOD PERSON, and yet, everything I did in their eyes was wrong, and after so much of that you begin to question yourself. It's difficult enough to learn the dynamics of a family, but a family like this is just overwhelming. Like I said, I never met a family like this before. I recently made the cult analogy to my husband as a joke, then I started thinking that their behavior really is cultish. Sylvia, one thing I noticed about the Grandma is she does back down when the other "outsider" (I'll call her "Suzy") in the family stands up to her, but it's short lived. That marriage had years of problems because of the Grandma, and they finally moved out of state. When I first met the family, they'd all talk about the Suzy and bash her constantly, behind her back of course. And I thought, oh my gosh she must be a terrible person. Then, I met her, and she was totally nice to me, and I could tell she felt uncomfortable around the family. That's when things started to click, and I slowly began to realize that Grandma feeds everyone with her negativity, and I think the daughters learned this from the Grandma. So when I finally had the blow up with the sisters, and the family came back to me faulting me and blaming me for how I communicated with them by email, I was so completely frustrated and I went off on a tangent about all the nasty things I felt about this family, and told them how I think they treat people with such disrespect, especially Suzy. My husband grew up with it his whole life, and was so used to it that he never realized it until I started pointing it out. He knew his sisters were rude and warned me, so I don't mean it like he's completely oblivious, but when I asked him if Suzy had ever been rude to him, he said no, and then I started to point out how your family always bashes her, but it never seems justified, then he started to pay attention, and realized much of it was a fabrication from Grandma's negative attitude. Suzy is like me, she isn't really one to conform, though she's not rude either, but everyone has a breaking point. From what I hear, they've had a lot of marital problems and I suspect it's because of Grandma and the family. I mean, come on, anytime you are in the presence of people who whisper when your back is turned, you CAN tell, you can sense it. That's what the sisters have done to me, and I suspect they've learned that from Grandma. I get what everyone is saying about be nice and gently disagree, but they are so persistent it's irritating. And, you can't have a conversation with one person, they all have to chime in together, so it's like you against all of them. When I get frustrated, you can see that I'm frustrated. And they get defensive. I've learned to start walking away, when I can, but sometimes I regret not saying something, and at the same time I don't want to be "that person" at the party who crashed it because she blew her stack. LOL. Lonepiper, I do agree - I'll never be good enough, and my attitude is changing to the idea that if you don't like me for who I am, too bad, get over it. I suppose my distancing myself from them is my way of rebelling. If I get visibly angry with them, I get the "well EXCUSE me" attitude, and then they won't come over for a year, which frustrates my husband that they ostracize us. So, it's a viscious circle. If my husband didn't have a close bond with his family, I could care less, but again, I also have to think of his needs, so I try to be the bigger person. Txnursing, it's not that we let the guilt trip get to us, it's the anger that follows it that I can't stand. It's like dealing with a five year old. The Uncle is the worst. It'll be like this - he'll ask us to come over. My husband will say that we have plans with my family. Then he'll insist on my family coming over. THAT appalls me, as if my whole family is supposed to change their plans because what Uncle has going on is more important or better than what my family could possibly be doing. Seriously, that's his attitude, and he's very pretentious, everything is about "image" and he acts like people want to live his lifestyle of entertaining everyone all the time. Sometimes we just want to sit home and watch a movie. Screw your image if you are a nasty person, right? He doesn't ask us much anymore, but now it's like we've been ostracized. We get invited to family functions, more or less like it's expected of him, but that's it. And, he's given me the cold shoulder since I didn't go up during a holiday and kiss his family's butt after the sister incident - they wanted me to "brush it under the carpet" and swallow my pride once again (oh, and this was an "intervention" that took place at a mutual friends house). I stood my ground, refused to spend the holiday with the family, and this is the end result. My husbands friend said to me at that time, why do you always have to swallow your pride and they just keep treating you like crap and it's supposed to be ok? Honestly, it's reached a point where I'm bordering on despising them, but I think that's a good thing because a healthy attitude in this situation can only be one of, "I don't give a crap" what they think. silversword, your response made me laugh. I wonder what they'd do if I plugged my ears and did the, "la la la la la la la la" as I walk away. *Chuckle*

UGH. Everybody needs counseling for everything these days. This kids obviously seen/heard a little TOO much from Mom or whoever. She can't be left unsupervised with boys OR girls so the gender difference is irrelevant. The age difference is equally irrelevant....the boy wasn't 18. He is just as much still a kid as her. I think talking to her about the consequences of sexual behavior and keeping a real close eye on her is good for now. She isn't the first 12 year old to be kissing on people I promise. I hate to burst all your bubbles. I did it. All kids do, some or just better at not getting busted. There's no need to embarrass the child by forcing her to talk to a total stranger about her hormones and sexual urges. I think therapy can sometimes do more harm than good. It's like saying "There's something wrong with you...you need to see psychologist." Talk about labeling. I would want to be absolutely sure that she has a problem and not just normal curiosities before slamming her into therapy. Her urges are normal but she has GOT to learn to control it and she doesn't need a therapist for that. She needs EXTRA attention also. Make it a point to spend more one on one time with her. Encourage the DH to do the same. Get her to talk to you guys about whats going on.