I do everything..or should I say..everything that the "fairies" do....
Yeah I have a similar response some days...

uh,
feed the dog,
buy dog food,
pick up the dog poop,
grocery shop,
pay the bills,
and the BIG one, order his medicine because he never realizes he needs it til he has two or three left......
we have lots of elves here too ! under appreciated little buggers.

Add my husband to the list, of husbands, that
have no idea, what it takes to keep a household running
smoothly.
I shovel snow, clean gutters, and rake leaves.
I do all the cooking and cleaning, when when I
was working ten hour shifts. When I asked for help,
his reply was, "If you think, I'm spending my time off,
cleaning, you better think again."

Yeah, they do have different priorities!

gotta go for now...

get the mail, pick up cat food, stop at the library, get more groceries...

and so it goes...

I've been going like a house afire for two days around the house...and most of it was "Invisible Chores"...I don't mind it...but why is it when they do something we've got to praise and praise and praise...of course they only see us when we're sitting still and then have the nerve to think we've been sitting on our butt for days on end...GRRRR...

They only notice those invisible chores when they don't get done!!

I should have listened to my Mother. She told me when I married that I shouldn't be too eager to 'do things around the house.' She specifically said "Under no circumstances should you take out the trash unless you want to be wedded to that job forever."

Guess who was right?

Yep! Not me- I was so happy and in love I did it all. I'm still in love but now I'm much wiser. Except I still do it all.

mostly laundry and dishes...dh will help on some of the heavy duty things, plus he does everything outside i can't do anymore...

there were days when he used to sit there and lift his legs while i vac'ed...i could have run him over! a lot changed when he was my care giver after surgery...

Lets make this easy- the only chore I don't do is take out the trash and make the dump run. And judging by the amount of trash in my garage that ain't getting done!

Trish

This is a sore spot between DH and I. It's really come up a lot for us because we're starting a new business and he really wants me involved. I just have so much to do as it is if he wants a nice house. He's never mean about it, but I do have to point it out to him. :)

-Wash windows, inside and out (once every two months or so)
-Aaaall yard work, sprinkler systems and small pond maintenance (daily)
-Laundry (daily)
-Vacuuming (almost daily)
-Shampooing carpets (once every two weeks)
-Cleaning out fridge before I put new groceries in it(every week)
-Dust, including plant shelves, fans, light fixtures (daily)
-Mop (once a week)
-Empty all trashes, sort recycling and take trashes to curb (once a week)
-Clean bathrooms (once a week, sometimes more)
-Clean/organize kids rooms/toys (daily)
-Cooking (daily)
-Cleaning behind all those hidden places like the washer/dryer, fridge, stove, couch cushions, etc. (Do this once every 3 months or so by MYSELF, LOL)
-Animal everything (daily)
-Sort mail (daily)
-Kid stuff; volunteering at school once a week, homework, feeding and cleaning of, LOL. (daily)
-Getting the kids/DH off to school in the morning is a serious event; iron clothes, brush teeth, hair, breakfast, coffee/breakfast shake for DH, lunches made...And then DH calls me while he's driving the kids to school to tell me what he needs me to do that day. ARGH!

This is as much as I could think of now, LOL!

Blessings,
Haley

I'm not married but live with two guys. I noticed I was doing all the work and was finding dishes not done, floors need to be cleaned AGAIN etc. I put the smack down WWE style.

Now I get help :)

If you want someone else to do chores, ask them. Show them how. Don't complain if the result is not perfect or not exactly the way you would do it. Silent resentment won't help.

Most men simply DO NOT SEE what women see as needing to be done. I remember a study of germs on kitchen counters. Batchelor homeowners had fewer germs -- they didn't constantly 'clean' (wipe) the tops, thus spreading the germs and keeping them moist and alive.

If there are chores to be done, assign some. Don't rush in to fill the gap, or there will be no gap where DH can shine.

Lets see.........ummm my list of what he does is short too....he works and brings home the money...so I try not to complain toooo much but now he made the yard about another acre bigger this year (moved the fence line) and asked me was that going to be a problem to mow more yard???????? A no dear I already sit on the mower once a week for 6 hours whats a few more???? LOL I love him to death though....Stacy

There was a great story going around e-mail a while ago about a man who came home from work and found his kids outside, the front door open, the dog gone and the house in shambles. When he followed the path of destruction upstairs thinking something dreadful had happened to his wife, he found her in bed reading still in her jammies. He asked her what had happened and she replied: You know how you come home every night and ask me what I did all day? Well, today I didn't do it." Classic!

Yeah Stacy, that's my way too..he supports us on one income...Although chisue..sometimes asking doesn't get it done either,,,good, bad or otherwise.

It's easier to just do it..and grumble to the girls about it later..LOL

And he does claim that I've spoiled the boys..but I think he should be setting the example..so...the example is set by him....mom does everything...and Dad is peachy keen with that idea.

Although when I am especially run down.."he will handle" things..which means..delegating to the boys..so he doesn't have to get up off the couch..LOL

It's our life...and like someones mom told them above..do it once..and you'll do it forever...LOL

I used to do it all also,until i got diagnosed with BC last year.Since then dh has been doing almost everything including the laundry,and cooking.He even goes to the commissary for the groceries,plus run me all around for my appointments.

I told him one day i feel guilty watching him do it all and he told me not to worry about it,that it was his turn now.

Last week i did start doing the vacuuming,since i finished chemo this month and was feeling better.I still can't vacuum the whole house in one day without sitting down and resting,but i do seem to be getting a little stronger each day.Thank God.
Kathi

Kathi - that is such a sweet thing that your DH is doing...it is from his heart.

I wouldn't trade DH for his chores. He works very hard and long hours. When I am out working with him - he does pitch in around here - or he takes me out to eat at the local cafe for lunch when we are in the field.

I should have mentioned that I don't resent it or grumble. I do ask when I need something done and he does it- I don't mind most of the time so I do it.

Trish

When our youngest daughter got married and moved into their new home she just said, Which bathroom are you going to clean? Also he likes his work shirts ironed. Guess who does them___HE DOES.. I sure don't know where she got it from because I have always done it all. She doesn't like to dust so he does it, too. Maybe I need to take some lessons for her.. Sadly, I must admit I have done it to myself because I have always been a stay at home and he always worked loads of hours to support us. I chose to do it all to take a load off of him. I so appreciated being able to stay at home and raise our 3 kids.. Now I must say in our later years it would be nice to have a little help. What we really need to do is downsize but I don't see this happening anytime soon.. I am grateful for all I have and am still able to do myself. He has always been here for me.. If push would come to shove he would do it..

Susie

My husband was in the military for 22 years. He is so used to somebody telling him what to do. He can walk through the family room and into the kitchen and not notice that anything needs to be done. He will do anything that I ask him but he won't do it on his own. So in the morning I ask him what he is going to do and he usually says he doesn't know. I then give him a list of what needs to be done and he picks out the things he is going to do and I do what is left. If I am busy doing something and the dryer bings I will call him and tell him the dryer is calling his name. He will then fold the clothes and put them away.

This reminds me of my BIL. When he retired a few years ago he said that Joyce (my sister) and I are going to volunteer at the hospital. My sister asked, when am I going to clean the house? His answer, when I play golf. I don't think they volunteered.

My biggest pet peeve is the laundry. There is just the two of us and no reason for the laundry to get out of hand yet it does. I come home everyday from work put my dirty clothes in the appropriate laundry baskets and change into my pajamas. My DH who is a fireman and is on call 24/7 has to keep a change of clothes out when he goes to bed incase he gets called out...which is fine BUT the next day he puts on a new uniform and clothes and never puts his dirty clothes in the laundry so I picked them up wash them, iron them and hang them back up. He never says a word. He must think the laundry fairy does his laundry.

Back about 23 years ago I was 8 months pregnant and I'd had to work a 14 hour day. I started at 6:00am and came home at 8:00pm, and I was very tired and hungry and grumpy.

DH was clearly waiting for me to comment on the fact that he had vacuumed and dusted. I didn't say anything until he asked "Didn't you NOTICE I did some housework?" My reply "Yeah, thankless job, isn't it?".

He doesn't consider these jobs invisible anymore, LOL.

Boy am I lucky in this area! DH does tons of stuff. He does all his chores-yard work, his own laundry, windows...and then he helps me with mine. He's a pain in the butt in some ways, but he is very good about doing his share around the house.

Sometimes I've been busy all day but cannot really say everything I did. It's those invisible chores which eat up your time. Lots of picking up and putting away, sweep porches, wipe off the front door, empty all the trash--stuff nobody notices, but it takes time.

I do them all and will admit it, hate them all. The fact is they are never noticed or appreciated. I told DH you only notice when something doesn't get done and criticize, but never notice when it does get done and compliment me. And when he does do something to help, he expects a standing ovation.
Clare

My two big invisible chores are cleaning the catbox and cleaning the bathroom. Every time I enter, I hang any towels up, give the counter a quick neatening, plus I wash the tub every time I take a shower, and I always hang a new roll of toilet paper, and I'm certain the other three people in my household never do. What really hurts is nobody notices when I'm doing my "chores". I think they'd notice if I stopped.

Invisible chores...all those things listed and more, such as balancing the checkbook, keeping track of birthdays and buying gifts, doing our taxes, you know - fun stuff!

Did some of you read the story that I told (on "Retirement" forum?) about the guy who retired from work one day and next morning, after reading the paper, wondered where breakfast was, when none appeared?

Good wishes for finding some invisible help to assist with the invisible chores.

ole joyful

Here is a link that might be useful: The guy who got no early breakfast on the morning after retirement

This reminds me of when Mike and I were first married. He was in the Army and I was a secretary. Nice wife that I was picked up his dirty clothes and did our laundry at the laundromat on weekends. I got tired of always picking up after him so stopped doing it. One morning he asked me where such and such was. I told him it was right where he left it. He was really mad and I told him I was not his maid that if he expected his clothes washed he could put them in the hamper. Well low and behold he picked up his clothes. Now I got irritated that his clothes were turned inside out and I was expected to have them right side out when put away. I mentioned it to him but he didn't quit. So I washed his clothes inside out and folded them inside out and put them away. Believe me he was quick to turn his clothes from then on. So all these 41 years his clothes are always picked up and right side out.

i admit i do little as far as chores but do my own laundry, dishes when DH doesn't get to them quick enough and in general i pick up all the junk DH just puts down. i also get the dogs their water 2X a day, feedings and medicines 2X a day. my DH sometimes wants me to do more but he is here much more, he's a full-time college student and i am the breadwinner. my DH likes to remind me that when he get an internship i'll take over everything he does and i just laugh and say when that time comes i will lol. he's been threatening that for a yr now and he's not too motivated to have to work either, so i'm safe for awhile lol. i wouldn't mind it since i have to settle for his half-hearted efforts (w/o complaints) or do it myself anyways lol ~ liz

I do a ton of invisible chores. Once in awhile DH will lend me a hand, here and there.

When we bought our first house, we put a pool in the back yard. There wasn't a blade of grass back there. The front yard had a little 10' x 8' (maybe) area of grass. He hated having to mow that. When we walked in the door of this house and got about 12' in, all you could see from the windows into the backyard was grass. Guess what? He fell in love with it. I asked, "who is going to mow all that grass?". "Oh, I will", he replied. He went out and bought himself this fancy lawn mower. Spent a ton of money on it. After he mowed the yard the first time, I asked him how it worked out for him. Oh, he loved it. He could walk the yard...lose himself in his thoughts. It was great! A week later, it needed mowed again. He is out there mowing it like he should. The next time? Nope. He was over it.

So, I called my girlfriend and asked her if she thought her full time landscaper would like to take on another job. He did and he showed up the following Saturday. He has been doing our yard since. DH wanted to know who mowed the yard. I said, "my guy". LOL So now it is a joke with us. When I ask him to do something that he really doesn't care to do, he tells me to call "my guy".

Here is a picture of our yard. Keep in mind this is just a portion of the backyard. There is a lot you don't see, plus two areas on the side of the house that is grass too. No wonder he decided he was over it.

I need to learn to delegate. The kids are big enough to do more than I ask of them now. And DH needs to do more on week nights, cleaning up after dinner, etc. The kitchen really is invisible to him. Dirty dishes could be stacked to the ceiling with not a clean glass in the cabinet, and it would not occur to him to do a thing about it. Even if he can see that I'm busy with laundry, helping kids with homework, and cleaning a bathroom all at the same time.

Drives me nuts.

I do ask him to clean up the dishes, put away leftovers... he acts like he doesn't know how. "I don't know where you want the leftovers." Well, where would you look if you were hungry and looking for leftovers to eat? In a bowl in the frig! Doesn't matter how many times I ask, or how many conversations we have about how it makes me feel that I handled other tasks and kid issues to get them all to bed while he watched TV... and point out that he can see the TV from the kitchen sink... or that I'd have energy for (ahem) other things if I didn't have to do the dishes... Nothing changes. It's more exhausting to bring it up again than to just clean it up myself.

We used to go round and round about putting laundry away. He must have thought fairies were going to come put folded clothes in his drawer and move hanging clothes from the laundry room to his closet. He'd get annoyed that he had to go to the laundry room to get his clothes b/c they weren't put away. I would point out to him that when he went to the laundry for *a* shirt, he should maybe bring them *all* so he doesn't have to do it again tomorrow!!! Hello!!! If it really mattered to you, you'd put them away. Sometimes I think what really matters to him is that I take care of him. I have four kids, not five. I put a stack of his clothes on his side of the bathroom counter, so he had to move them to shave, thinking he'd get the point. He MOVED them to my side. I put them back. That went on for several days until he just wore the clothes from that stack. Now I just don't care what the problem is. I've made my point enough times that while he doesn't do it himself, he doesn't expect me to do it for him. He just gets over the fact that it's not done.

He is not stupid, really is quite smart about his job and technology and all things wired. I see him handle complicated issues for work and sort out disgruntled customer issues with supreme tact and competency. So I don't understand the lack of common sense when it comes to dishes and clothes.

And he has no idea what time the kids need to be at school or what they eat for lunch or when a project is due.

Whew. I needed to get that out. ;o) In the end, it does take both of us to get the jobs done. I do not mow, never in 16 years. I do only a small part of the bills/banking. We have to divide kid activities b/c we often have to have different kids in different places at the same time. He completely keeps track of #1 and #2's sport schedule, I keep track of #3 and #4, and we synchronize. Especially with the older ones, whose homework is harder, we divide that; he's the math go-to-person and I'm the reading/language/writing go-to.

He keeps our computers running and updated and fixes anything I need. I even got him to take the volunteer job of webmaster for the PTA. (They have no idea the negotiating that took.)

With me starting to work more, things are shifting. We're just have growing pains to get there. Now that I got that venting out, it's really not so bad. Some days he works harder, some days I work harder, but a household of growing kids is not a one person job, it would not get done if we weren't both doing a lot of invisible jobs.

Maybe that old "Kiss the Cook" sign should come down and be replaced by "Nobody Likes Being Taken For Granted". ("Ain't Nobody Happy If Mamma Ain't Happy" isn't *pointed* enough.)

When we were first married, kids were little (I'm pretty sure one was a newborn even), house was messy with kids toys, DH asked me what I'd done all days--I sarcastically said I'd sat on my butt all day watching soaps and eating bon bons. HE HAD THE NERVE TO ASK...if I'd saved any bon bons for him...and was serious. I about smacked him. He never really asked that question again. Men.....

Vickey-MN

Well, when you live alone, iff'n I don't do it, it don't get dun... And nobody notices if it's done or not. And it really irritates me! :)

I learned a long time ago that when I require a pat-on-the-back for something, I need to raise my own hand. (See first sentence!)