Ready for divorce after 45 years
Scorpio1947
10 years ago
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emma
10 years agoamyfiddler
10 years agoRelated Discussions
Back after 2 years
Comments (5)Welcome back! :) I was absent from GW for a long time too, for personal reasons including death in the family, time to grieve, health related challenges, etc. and am now back on here also after rising like a phoenix from my personal troubles of 2009-2010. I tend to get "bonus" seeds from well meaning gardeners from plants which need more chill than I can provide here in Zone10b, and I am sure these plants would do great in your Z6 garden. Flowers, veggies, herbs etc. Some are heirlooms, some are natives. Some are even fancy catalogue seeds from places like T&M, Seeds of Change, Botanical Interests, and TomatoFest. So, if you are open to surprise seeds suited to your zone, just say the word and the seed fairy here will send you a bubble envelope with some candidates! Also, once your wish list is up to date, please let me know and I will see if I can send you anything on it. Cheers and Happy Growing, Grovespirit...See MoreGetting ready for empty nest next year
Comments (2)How do you go from being a mother who your child depended on to someone that no one seems to need? I'm not exactly in your shoes. I'm not single and I have 2 college students, not one. But most of my life revolved around my kids since I was mostly a SAHM and worked part time. The first thing I guess I would say is that my kids both seem to enjoy having me around more now than they did when they were in high school. They both go to college close enough for me to drive up (or down, depending on the college) and have lunch with them. When your daughter starts her freshman year, give her some space and time to get acclimated, and time to start missing you. Then if you are close enough, you may find that she enjoys having you come for short visits sometimes. I find that my kids are around a lot more than I thought they would be, and like to have me visit them more than I thought they would. My other suggestion is to shove those negative thoughts out of your mind after she leaves, and think about positive things. Now is your time to rekindle friendships that you didn't have time for before, or make new ones. Time to take up new hobbies, repaint the house, or whatever you've wanted to do that you put off. Volunteer. There are probably people all around you who need you. And exercise - exercise helps keep the blues away. Every time you think, "Oh how much I miss little Susie, my heart is just breaking", shove that thought out, be thankful you raised such an independent, capable and intelligent young woman, and think about how much you can't wait to buy that new rose bush or take that Italian cooking class, or whatever. One day you will be exercising or gardening or whatever it is that you like to do, and you'll realize the hole in your heart is not so big or so painful. And after she comes home next summer you may even be happy to see her go back to school in the fall and get back the peace and quiet you've grown accustomed to. I know that advice sounds trite and cliched, but it worked for me. Give yourself time to grieve. But keep trying new things or rediscovering old things until you find something that helps fill the hole in your heart....See MoreParents Divorcing After 35 Years
Comments (39)I'll get flamed for saying this, but... Divorce is SOOOOOO much harder to deal with than death. My mom always told me that and now, having talked with several women who experienced both death of a spouse and divorce of a spouse, I have no more doubts. When they die, you get sympathy cards and tasty casseroles and warm hugs. When they divorce you, there's very little sympathy. When they die, you have to learn to live alone and cope the best you can but you have memories of good times to sustain you. When it's a divorce, you have to learn to live alone and you ALSO have to deal with the agony of rejection, abandonment, disappointment and figure out how to make peace with the fact that the marriage you invested your heart and soul in - failed. When it's loss by death, at least you have sweet memories to hang onto. When it's a divorce, all those memories through all those years get injected with a toxic hit of poison, with comments such as, "You know, I don't think I ever did really love you..." My mom was divorced after 28 years. It was very very hard on her but she survived and the rest of her long life was happy and joyful and sweet and good. My dad did the same thing as yours; walked out so he could take up with someone new. I was divorced after 24 years. It was very very hard but I survived and now I'm married to a good man and his life's purpose is to make me happy. Took six years to get here, but it's pretty nice. My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom. I hope she gets through this okay. Rose...See More401K to refinance after divorce?
Comments (5)"so the wisdom of his decisions is his own business." ???? Generally, a 401k is considered marital property and is divided in divorce proceedings. Any decisions about withdrawals from it in the middle of a divorce certainly aren't just "his business." Anyway, if he really is intent on doing this, you need to talk to a lawyer. In the divorce, a judge will have to issue a qualified domestic relations order specifying the division of the 401k. If everything is done properly, you will get a 1 time opportunity withdraw money from the 401k without the 10% penalty. You would still have to pay taxes on it though. Don't encourage him to do this outside of the actual divorce proceedings. Once that money is out of the 401k, things can get much trickier. Depending on the state, that penalty and taxes may be part of your marital property, so you could end up having to pay for his decisions....See Moresusie53_gw
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