Your girlfriend is bein immature and jelous.Of course you shouldnt stop talking to your ex.Its good for your son that you still communicate.Tell your girl to grow up.

I can't believe I'm agreeing with tracystoke, but, yes, your girlfriend is being unreasonable. Unless you're texting back sweet nothings she can have no reason to object to you discussing your son with his mother. Since you're on opposite sides of the country your GF can hardly think you're going to rush off and date your ex or anything.

Your girlfriend has no say in your relationship with your son. Period. You are doing the right thing. You ex is keeping you in the loop about your son and that is good. Tell your girlfriend that this is how it is going to be. Your son is the most important person in your life, as it should be. If she doesn't like it then she can move on. A child needs to know both parents still love and care for him even if they get divorced and one parent is miles and miles away. NancyLouise

Good for your for staying involved with your son; yes, it'd be best if you could be close to him but if that's not possible right now you're still doing the right thing. Do you also talk with your son and visit him when you can?

As far as your girlfriend goes, she is, in my opinion, completely wrong. She sounds immature, jealous, and unreasonable. She should support you in your efforts to be involved in your son's life. If she is trying to stop you from interacting with your ex for issues related to your son, she is in the wrong. She should be very impressed that you are communicating with your son's mother and not abandoning him. Good for you. Perhaps you need to find someone who respects your parenting.

Suzieque

Your girlfriend is a dope. Suggest setting her straight in no uncertain terms with the understanding that she may reject you because of it. Lots of girlfriend candidates. One son. This is bedrock stuff. She must be very immature.

I think you are being a responsible, loving father and your girlfriend should ponder that.

I think she is being immature and possessive.

Aha - the other side of the story! There always is one. Ok, given what you've written, jeika03, I'm with you now. However, I suspect that the whole story lies somewhere in between.

There is absolutely no reason, in my opinion, for your conversations to be interrupted by a text from the ex. Texts can be read at a better time - they don't disappear if they're not read immediately. If it's an emergency and needs quick attention, a phone call should be made instead of a text.

I think the real problem here is not the son, not the ex. It's the inability of the 2 of you to communicate and understand each other. The difference between what you two wrote is astounding. Is this a problem in all of your interactions or just this one? It doesn't bode well for your future.

Renaruto, after reading what jeika wrote, do you better understand what she's trying to express to you? And Jeika, regarding the ex still being involved with the in-laws? I don't think that's a terrible thing. They are the grandparents to her son. And, she was a member of their family for awhile. I've grieved the loss of a dear sister-in-law because of her and my brothers' divorce, and I think it'd be great to be able to have some communication with her.

Can you guys work this out?

Thank you very much for everyone who responded to our dilemma. Suzieque to answer your question, yes I do feel that we can work out our dilemma, however, it takes two. Both of us have to put our effort into it and do our part to fix the problem. Everything has a solution except death.

I think the problem lies with the boyfriend. He has set no real boundaries with the ex and allows himself to be 'interrupted' by a text or a phone call. Ever heard of the ignore button or the power button??

If he is ok with her communication and it's not bothering him that he is being updated by his cross country ex about their son, then really... It's his problem. Ex isn't being selfish, she's doing what she feels is ok because those are the boundaries he has set.

If boyfriend doesn't understand girlfriends feelings and doesn't want to stop communication with ex over son, and girlfriend can't accept his feelings for wanting to be as involved as possible via text/phone calls then I think you might need to throw the fish back and try for another...
You only have 1 son, you can't replace him or get these times back... Your son comes first. When he becomes an adult then you can stop getting updates on his behavior... And so forth. And then you can date and not have to worry about having someone not understand your feelings of wanting to be plugged in to your kid.

This is BS...I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and probably received 3 calls and about 10 texts. The fact that the truth is been distorted is more disturbing than the issue with my son becoming about her. Never has sex been interrupted by a phone call or a txt msg. Most of the stuff she knows is because I consulted with her and I could tell she was bothered by the subject. We are only together in the weekends so not ground to say she is always communicating with me. Like I said maybe 3 calls and 10 texts in a year. That she feels threaten by my ex and not by her selfish action which are making me recent her really confuse me. Anyway, since the facts are been distorted getting help from this forum won't possible.

Oh, buck up! Do you expect clairvoyance among your responders? All anyone here knows is what you wrote the first time....which didn't include any of those things you just wrote in your ONLY response so far.

"Distorted facts..."? Go soak your head. You are not suited to participation in a public forum.

The facts may only be distorted by her or me, so Asolo you go soak your head or anything you want... The comment was not directed at the forum members...

I think renaruto was referring to the post that his girlfriend (jeika03) made, which presented a completely opposite viewpoint. Renaruto, you're correct - the problems you 2 have cannot be resolved on a forum. Frankly, you're only dating; I think it's been made evident that you're not a match made in Heaven. In my opinion, you should both cut your losses and move on. You're miles apart in your ways of thinking and in how you process things.

Ditto suzieque.

That head-soaking did me good. Still recommend it to renaruto.

12 year olds can have a cell phone. Texting needs to stop, if not go back to her

ok renaruto this may be a case in which you provided way too much info and details about your ex wife to your new girlfriend and now she is using that against you which imo is immature and only shows how insecure she really is, i only say that because this exact situation has happened to me before only thing different is that my son is 5 yo and is unable to keep a cell phone....women can be very good at hiding their true feelings about certain issues to get you to open up to them and disclose unnecessary information and due to their own insecurities will make you the bad guy when all you were doing from the get go is being totally honest ...i do believe that sometimes theres such a thing as being too honest...did you really have to tell your new gf that your ex wife still wants you?... by saying that you set your self up for constant drama and nagging everytime she contacts you whether it is important or not...any way the answer to your problem lies in your heart i made my decision to make my son a priority and had to break up with my previous gf the good thing was that i am now with a woman who understands and supports my decision to be a good father and doesnt question the communication between me and my sons mother it is truly a beautiful feeling to not feel like you have to choose sides between the ones you love if she really loves and respects you she will trust you and leave it all up to you to set boundaries with your ex wife without having to butt in...hope this advice is not too late

The bottom line is that parenting a teen is a 24/7 proposition. It doesn't matter how many times the ex texts, it doesn't matter how much time you devote to raising your son, especially if you're doing your best to be a long distance father. IT'S YOUR #1 RESPONSIBILITY NOW and for at least the next 8 years (possibly longer given the trends of today's society).

Sorry, girlfriend--if you don't want to deal with a boyfriend who is involved with the responsibility of raising a child, then bottom line, you need to find a boyfriend who has no children. ANY parent's first responsiblity is to their child. Even happily married people find that they often need to put each other second, during their child-raising years. We did--knowing that eventually, we'd have time to devote to each other once our daughter was safely raised, adequately educated and on her own. But until that happens (when they're in their mid-20's if you're lucky) the kids always come first--getting the lion's share of the good parent's time, attention, emotions, finances, and heart.