UPDATE: I am the OP on this thread. It's been about 3 1/2 years since the financial infidelity disaster between me and FDH and I thought it was about time to give an update. In 2009, FDH and I completed our counseling after a couple of months and it was a great experience for us. We got a lot of things out on the table and learned a lot of new communication skills. FDH uncovered a lot of stuff around his relationship with money and had a lot of light-bulb moments that were helpful to him. We learned about how our different upbringings shaped our feelings about security and money and it was highly revealing. He also initiated a debt repayment plan, and we decided to postpone our wedding (and not even talk about it) until he reached the halfway point. We decided to stay engaged, at which point I explained to him that if he ever, EVER lied to me about money again, no matter how minor, I would be done. He agreed with this and was supportive, assuring me that he would not make the same mistake again. And of course, I talked to my family and my bridesmaids and everyone was so understanding and supportive. At the end of the year we moved about a half hour away to save money in rent which helped us both financially. The new apartment was quieter, more in the suburbs and felt like a fresh start. In 2010 I bought a new car, and we visited a financial planner together and created a financial and retirement plan that works for us. In 2011 we took our first trip together overseas and I met his family for the first time. The halfway point of his debt repayment came and went, and I congratulated him, but it wasn't until 2012 that we hired a wedding planner and began making plans for our wedding, which will be in September 2013. I am very happy to tell you that over the past few years, FDH has completely changed his relationship with money. He worked through his issues from the divorce, and began a totally transparent system of financial accountability. He also became an avid coupon-clipper! LOL (But spending was never really his problem - it was more around a lack of respect for his own earnings and a lack of reality and motivation on how to manage things.) And happiest of all, I am so glad to say that in about three more months, FDH will be DEBT-FREE. I could not be prouder about the changes he's made and how he has stuck with the debt repayment. Getting out from underneath the burden has allowed him to become the man he should be - someone who works hard, has money to provide for himself and his daughters, and is able to make choices about his priorities in life rather than reacting to situations powerlessly. So, I'm posting this update to anyone still reading this thread, and anyone who happens upon it because of a similar situation in their own lives. Like some of the wise women earlier in the post said, it's not so much about whether you think people can or can't change, but about whether or not they are adult enough and motivated to correct wrongs. I listened to my heart and it told me that it was too soon to leave. (Even though in many ways I am a tough and cynical person.) I was brave enough myself to say, "Financial instability is a dealbreaker for me and I will absolutely go to the wall on this," no matter what the consequences. And things turned out in my favor, because I believed him when he said he was willing to stick with getting out of debt, for himself first. That's when I realized he really got it, and he has more than proven his point to me. So you see, there is sometimes light at the end of the tunnel! Our lives aren't perfect, but we are so, so much closer than we used to be, and we're living a shared life, a life that can be built upon, and not one that's being hollowed out by deceipt and fear. I so much appreciate all the support and hugs I got here. Thank you all.

Ok, to clarify, my issue is not what their rules are. Its the dont tell or your in trouble policy. This goes back to the inappropriate touching issue. My youngest DD in trouble for telling me that the step-sister had touched her inappropriately. Yes, call it nosey, call it controlling whatever, but when I get the "I'm not supposed to tell" speech that's when I get upset. THere is a history of I'm not supposed to tell stuff that has gone on. Getting in trouble specifically, the girls will figure that part out, and stay under the radar eventually. The kids are not allowed to call the OP and whine about being in trouble. That goes for both houses, so we are on the same page. Even if they did call their dad, I have nothing to hide and will not prevent them from telling their dad they are in trouble. TO KATHLINE, to answer you. Funny because as I was responding back to SM yesterday as she asked me what I thought of her parenting style. My thought was...well on one hand you are too lineant (sp) and then on the other have some really unreasonable strict that's how it is kind of rules. So how do you decribe that parenting style? Two complete opposite sides of the spectrum. She allows the girls to dress like tramps....that's not strict. But then has a rule that step-sisters cant be friends with each others friends. That doesnt make sense to me. They are all close in age and we live in a very small town. Too me...just doesnt make sense. Why can't they all be friends? Not that I'm gonna go discuss this with SM just my thought on the idea. Secondly regarding my son and his older friend. I never said anything while it was going on.... but after the fact, yes reminded him she was the one I warned him about in life before I sent him out on his way into the world. No I do not need to control my son's love life and havent. I will however tell him if I am concerned about something. Sometimes he listens, sometime he doesnt. As in the past I will always be there for him regardless if his choice is one I agreed with or not. He will eventually figure it out and luckily we have that type of relationship we can talk about this kind of stuff. Yes, I have been forced to deal with SM because EXH cannot take care of anything. Sooo this is the only way as parents we have been able to coordinate crap. I realized the other night how angry I actually am with EXH when he wouldnt talk to me. He's letting his wife handle everything, just like he let me handle everything when we were married. So her and I are left to deal with each other. I resent that a little bit I guess because he is still not being responsible for choice making, again! Yes, I do need to make some changes and that is what I am working on and hence the whole reason I put my foot down with SM. It really shouldnt be this difficult EVERY day! I am a very strong woman and for the sake of peacekeeping have turned the other cheek and bit my tongue more than you could imagine, I have tried to build a relationship with this woman which I thought was in the best interest of my children. Instead I have become the mat for her feet wiping and I'm done. Call it controlling if you want. I am taking my space back. Believe me, the less I have to hear from the otherhouse the better. I have a wonderful life right now with my husband, our new baby girl, my job, and my relationship with my kids. Everything else is great! I just have this rash....and it won't go away. So.....this forum is my venting space and I will not engage with her any longer other than one liners. I have too many wonderful things going on in my life to let this black cloud ruin my sunshine.

Tulips need a winter chill. You could try storing them in the fridge for 8 weeks starting around October and then potting them up and setting them outside. The fridge should not hold any fruit like apples, because the chemicals sent out by apples will affect the bulbs in a negative way. But really--Tulip bulbs are meant to be briefly enjoyed then tossed. Even in climates where they can come back every year--they usually only come back for a few years and then vanish. If you want a bulb that will bloom every year in a pot, get a Hippeastrum, commonly called Amaryllis (but they are really Hippeastrum). Have a look at the Amaryllis forum--Hippeastrums make Tulips look pretty wimpy by comparison!

Hello, midwaycat. In your location, you probably can use just about any of the macrophyllas (aka, mophead or lacecap with white, blue, purple or pink blooms), arborescens (mophead or lacecap blooms too), quercifolia (aka, oakleaf; has panicle shaped white blooms too... usually) and paniculata varieties (white or green panicle shaped blooms). To obtain best results meaning reliable bloomage, consider use of arborescens and paniculata shrubs as these produce flower buds in Spring and are normally not impacted by winter weather issues. Also, in my opinion, their leaves handle “too much sunlight” issues better than macrophyllas so they have less wilting or drooping. Examples of arborescens hydrangeas are Annabelle (white blooms but sometimes suffers from flopping due to the weight of wet blooms), Incrediball (white larger blooms; less bloom flopping after 3+ years), Invencibelle Spirit (pink blooms; two versions: I or II), Bella Anna (pink blooms; have not seen it for some reason lately at my local nurseries though); White Dome (a lacecap version of Annabelle). The species versions of H. arborescens is also sold out there; has white blooms in lacecap form but White Dome's blooms look better to me. Because arborescens cannot be seen with bloomage some times of the year (nurseries cut them for unknown reasons ???), and since wrong plant labels are a problem that happens, it may be useful to see these arborescens plants in bloom before buying so you can match the bloom against the bloom in the plant label. Thus, if the plant has lacecap-type blooms and the plant label says Annabelle, woops, beware. You can use any of the macrophyllas or oakleaf varieties too but they can be affected by winter weather because their invisible flower buds develop in the July-August time frame and open in Spring. They have bigger leaves too so they can be a pain with leaf wilting/drooping in the hottest part of the year and especially in their first summer(s). If winter gets way too cold for the plant hardiness or if the temperatures fluctuate enough to make the plants break dormancy, that can kill the invisible flower buds. Just recently, these last two winters, I have had issues with both of those 2 types. Last winter, I had some –not all- macs and oakleafs not bloom. Two years ago, I had almost zero bloomage from all those (but the arborescens and paniculatas came thru with no problems). White macs that only bloom once in Spring but which impressed me with their reliable bloomage are Mme. Emile Moulliere and Sister Theresa (or Sister Therese). Those two macrophyllas (mopheads) are non-rebloomers, produce invisible flower buds in July-August and tend to flower when similar ones do not. Macrophyllas that advertise reblooming will have blooms as usual in Spring and then again in the July-ish time frame and perhaps still again in mild winters. These can be good for you because you do not loose bloomage for the whole year when there is a bad winter. You may loose the Spring bloomage for example but there should be another set of blooms later on. The Endless Summer Series, the Together & Ever Series, the Let’s Dance Series and so forth include examples of these mopheads and lacecaps that re-bloom. Most of them are great as they include colored blooms: white blooms or either blue-ish/purple-ish blooms in acidic soil or pink-ish in alkaline soil. But for really reliable bloomage, you may have to winter protect them even if they are hardy. Winter issues are not usually a problem for me so. I do not winter protect. But I pay the price (no or limited bloomage) on 'bad' winters. The oakleaf hydrangeas have oak shaped leaves, are hardy to zone 5 and have plain gorgeous Fall Leaf colors! I have a compact Pee Wee that does not disappoint and it develops reddish leaves in November. There are other compact ones and even much larger ones (10’) so check the plant labels to see if the size will be good in your planned location(s). Little Honey has yellowish leaves and is compact. Other compact ones are Sikes Dwarf, Vaughn’s Lillie, Ruby Slippers, Munchkin, and some of the Gatsby Series. Oakleafs are more drought resistant than the other hydrangeas but, they catch root rot if allowed to sit in water for long periods of time. Paniculatas are extremely hardy to Zone 3, have smaller leaves and develop invisible flower buds in Spring-early Summer. They include many interesting new compact versions whose name has the word “little” in the name: Little QF or Little Quickfire (very early blooming for a paniculata), Little Lamb, Silver Dollar, Sweet Summer, Little Lime (a compact version of Limelight with green blooms that stay green longer with the less sun that they get), Strawberry Sundae (a compact version of Strawberry Vanilla), Wedding Gown, etc. Fall is a good time to plant but during the Fall Season, many nurseries usually have zero or low inventories. If you find any now, the good news might be that the plant has spent the growing season developing a large root system so you get a larger plant than if you had bought it in the Spring or early Summer. Do prune any roots circling in the pots. Size is usually not much an issue as most times, they tend to grow a lot quickly. But I have had some that hardly grow on year 1 and leave growth for years 2 or 3. Go figure. As long as their soil acidity, sunlight exposure and soil moisture requirements are met, you should be fine. Too much sun can make the leaves turn all yellow including the leaf veins. But I suspect your area does not have summers with a strong summer sun like I do. Do not let them have wet-dry-wet-dry soil conditions but evenly moist soil with lots of mulch. Use 3-4” of mulch up to the drip line to protect the roots from the cold temps and lengthen the soil moisture; fertilize in Spring with ½ to 1 cup of organic mulch, composted manure or cottonseed meal; use liquid seaweed, liquid fish or coffee grounds thru the rest of the growing season (but stop fertilzing by thend of June so they will go dormant at the appropriate time); and again, maintain the soil evenly moist as best as you can. Stop watering when the soil freezes but, while dormant during mild dry winter months, you can water during dry months once every week or once every 2 weeks. If your soil is alkaline, plant nurseries will offer for sale amendments that can be used to acidify the soil. I amend in Spring and sometimes again by late summer or early Fall. In alkaline soils, the leaves can turn light green or even yellow-ish colors while the leaf veins remain dark green giving the leaf a skeletal look. Be aware that hydrangea blooms start life with a certain color and, as time passes, the blooms mature and change color until, at the end, the blooms are brown. You can keep these brown blooms for winter interest or deadhead them. Consider too that if you go shopping now, whatever hydrangea bloomage you see now in the local nurseries may not be (color wise) what you will see in Spring. Originally white blooms may now be green-ish or pink-ish. Due to the reduced supply of plants now, consider buying the in Spring instead. But also consider that it may be cheaper to buy now (one of my local nurseries have azaleas and hydrangeas on sale 30% off). Oh, decisions, decisions, right? A book like Hydrangeas by Glyn Church contains good info if you want to learn about these shrubs. For online reading, I recommend going to this website: http://hydrangeashydrangeas.com/ I hope that helps. By the way, if you post pictures of the planting location(s) and its dimensions, I am sure a lot of folks will chime in with specific suggestions. Luis