Cheating Wife - need HELP!
tapla (mid-Michigan, USDA z5b-6a)
16 years ago
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kioni
16 years agotoadlilly
16 years agoRelated Discussions
Caught my wife cheating...
Comments (48)I also have a cheating wife and I went through all the above. I would not give advice to anyone, but, I can share what I have found. The actual hurt diminishes in time. It doesn't completely go away. I made the mistake to immediately forgive my wife out of love, and according to her friend she took it as "I didn't love her enough to be mad at her". Your going to hear a lot of bull about it being half your fault. Unless you are a real bad guy, the problem is in her head. After time you will resent her. Not resent her for cheating, but actually resent having to "help her through her problems". If you don't have kids, dump her now! Life is too short to waste it on her. If you have kids, then do the counseling thing. Where am I after 4 years? I am tired of hearing about her being lonely. Her life is no different than mine, and I don't get that option. I am tired of compensating for what going on in-between her ears. I am not her mother or babysitter. When we have sex, in my head I still see her giving head to her first boyfriend, bouncing up and down on her second boyfriends lap, oral sex on her girlfriend, and going down on the last guy (friends boyfriend) for 3 hours because he had whiskey dick. Yes I made the mistake of asking for details. I used to love sex, now she repulses me. She is in a depression now and lives in bed when not working. I now have to live in a pig sty. Her nick name from her girl friends is "Fat, Drunk, Slut!" "Her" friends feel sorry for me. I am trying to figure out a way to leave her without effecting our kids. If I find the right woman, I'm outta here! F... Her!...See Moreneed help for useless wife
Comments (18)From what you have said here, you seem to be a nice guy. I also come from that part of the world, not necessarily from India, and know the culture very well. I have many Indian friends and like Popi said, I sometimes feel sorry looking at the state of the women in such marriages. But from what you have told us here, you seem to be a different. You seem to have given enough space for your wife to express herself and also seem to have taken different measures to help her and make herself feel better. Let me tell you, how we can contribute in our marriage depends a lot on how we conduct our individual lives. Your wife seems to be doing nothing to enrich her individual life and hence she does not bring anything to your marriage. You said that you have encouraged her to go meet other people or go shopping or on a walk with them and also take singing lesson. But you said she does not take the steps to do these things. It is a clear indication that your wife is depresses. You need to seek a counselor and your wife needs to be honest to herself and open up and tell the doctor what she genuinely feels. Give her the confidence to open up, tell her that you will be there to listen and support her on whatever she might say. You might be hurt by what she has to say but being hurt for a short time and getting over it is better than being hurt for ever. Ask her what is bothering her. Or best, tell her that you would like to talk to about your marriage at a certain time (for example in the evening). Sit down and start asking her what is it that is bothering her. Ask her what she wants in life and what she expects from you. And then ask her to listen to what you have to say. Tell her what bothers you. Tell her that you want to make your marriage better and that there are certain things that could improve it. Be strong, tell her that you love her and want to make things better but if she is not willing to make any efforts you might just part ways. This might scare her and she might be more willing to work things out. You need to be strong and need to think for yourself too. If is not your entire job to make your wife's life enriching and to make her feel good all the time. I have tried this in my relationship and it has back-fired. I tried to please my partner all the time even if it meant me doing things and compromising on things that made be unhappy. I did all this to keep her from going away. And very soon I was so miserable that I wanted her to actually go away. So good luck to you and your wife and please seek a counselor's help as soon as possible....See MoreWife Cheated, trying to fix things.. what about her Girlfriend?
Comments (6)I am sorry that this is happening to you. Awhile back this was me. I found the emails by mistake; he said they just had a few lunches, different than what she said and what the cellphone records said...long story short we almost divorced. He has been more on time coming home, more considerate at times but all in all, I will not trust again if ever. You need to get some therapy with her and without her. i wish at times i had left and now i would be okay, over the pain if that would be possible. take great care of yourself and remember you deserve to be loved and treated with respect....See MoreI need help, am I being the whiny wife or...
Comments (10)Whoa! Porn is adultery...Heck I though porn was a great tool to help keep actual adultery from happening...Whoa! What an easy way out...having a no porn clause... But uhh for real, anytime someone makes you question your sanity you should leave, unless you are like," I love you so much I feel crazy." Something like that is crazy, but constantly hearing you are soft minded will make you believe that you are, and that isn't right... Then again my husband is jealous and constantly accusing me of cheating or not wanting to be with him, and I literally never leave the house...ever. If I do happen to go somewhere--the store, the kids grandparents, anywhere other than home he will call me...frequently. I have gotten 3 or 4 calls in a couple of hours numerous times...He continually checks my phone, facebook, email, everything...It for real has made me not want to be with him anymore, and i tell him things, what your guy says to you. "it's all in your head, stop asking me that, so on and so forth..." Perhaps I am like your guy, and my husband feels like you do. I haven't ever cheated though... My husband has acted like this as long as I have known him. Really I should have never continued seeing him, but I did... Now I feel like it is too late most of the time... I do know that my husband being so freaking whiny needy and insecure all the time, has put me in the danger of cheating category...I'm not going to, but I find myself being attracted to other men these days. It didn't used to be an issue not cheating on him, but now I have to think about it...Could it be because he wore me down with all the constant worrying and asking and snooping and everything...I don't know. But your guy is actively cheating often by your description, so you either have to stay knowing that he is stepping out with other ladies...(because you know he is)... and if you can't he happy with sharing him, then go out and find someone that is happy with just you. I feel like some people are incapable of being monogamous... and those people belong with other people with the same views...You can't put a person that needs 3 people to make them happy at any given time, and pair them with someone that needs only one person to fill their hearts. Unless you actually only need 1/4 of that one person's heart...Because if you are sharing your partner you are not getting the full time and attention of one person...so true monogamists can not really be with "Social" monogamists. Which basically means you have this one person that you want to spend your life with, but there may be other people from time to time that you want to sleep with just because of some sort of physical thing, but still wish to be with and love that one person that you spend your life with... Sounds like you got with a social monogamist. He wants to be with you, but also other people from time to time, for nothing serious. You are his serious person...So I guess think about whether that is something you can deal with or be interested in. Then you would remain married per your beliefs, you could set some sort of rules on these extramarital affairs, and perhaps you might enjoy having the same freedoms, which obviously this goes against your beliefs, but it is one of the ways to stay with this husband you have... Do you want it to work as it is, or do you want him to be a whole new person that he has shown you repeatedly he can not be? That you knew he wasn't before marrying him? If you want a truly monogamous marriage, then go find a husband that truly wants the same...but make sure to give them awhile to show their true colors...A lot of people claim to be monogamous, but they are claiming such because they know it is the right answer, but not how they actually feel...so give adequate time and opportunity for cheating, and if none occurs, then you may have found someone just as interested in being with only one person as you yourself are...if you are? Just mull it over....See Morehornetwife
16 years agotapla (mid-Michigan, USDA z5b-6a)
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