GREAT news! It sound wonderful! don't overdo! I know I say that everytime! I found a diet too, and I GAINED 55 pounds! Not happy! They had me eating exactly opposite of what we should be eating, and I guess I haven't stopped. Starting a new way of eating TODAY! yeah, Jannie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope we hear from Bulldinkie soon.

I appreciate the comments from everyone and your opinions based on limited information. As for the not communicating with BM. This woman does not have civil conversations. I can only think of two occasions where DH didn't go in circles with her until he had to hang up the phone - which is why most of the communication is handled via e-mail. The judge gave him primary custody and the ability to have the final say which says alot when everyone knew he was not the biological father. The school at one point said my ss was brainwashed by his BM and that is part of the court record. They actually expressed concern for her wellbeing because she was not acting like herself. Needless to say, she only gets him wed nights and every other weekend. DH has him the rest of the time. DH has been the parent and I support him, but my SS is at our home more than at her home. That was the court's decision, not mine. If she wants to be a part of his life when he is with us, she needs to step up and communicate with DH- she doesn't. I do not 'parent' the child in the typical sense. I do not make the ultimate decisions on the big things and in regard to talking to the instructor-well, I did try to talk to her civilly after SHE APPROACHED ME. I was sitting by my husband and minding my own business. I explained what happened to her, guess what, SHE DIDN"T WANT TO HEAR IT. Which is the only reason I pointed at my husband. She kept telling me I needed to discuss it with her....no I don't. I only need to discuss it with my husband. DH needs to discuss it with her. If she would have acted civilly, I would have tried to talk more with her...she wasn't there to do that. She was there to put me in my place and she was there for a fight. Have you ever seen someone in that fight or flight syndrome. I have- she had the look for fight and the stance. All I did was answer her questions in a calm voice even though I was blindsided by her daggers. I never called her a name, never raised my voice, never left my seat. When she was getting out of hand, I deferred to the person who had to deal with her for 10 years. Seemed like a pretty good idea to let someone who knows her, deal with her. Even her mother will tell you she was looking for a fight- not to have a civil conversation. Maybe one day we can talk civilly, but she never did with the step mother for her two older daughters. The daughters that refuse to talk to her except when forced to in counseling. Then she yells at them in the counseling sessions. My husband is the one ordered to deal with her, not me. So at this point, I refuse unless she is acting civilly. And I don't see that happening any time soon. And if you think we can talk in e-mails - think again. I've see the e-mails she sends to people. They are equally uncivil and mean. I do not take that at home, I will not take that from her. As for warning her about the police and order of protection- she cornered her own mother in the courthouse-with her son there- grabbed her by the arm and I had to call a bailiff to get her away. It took three of them to escort her back to the courtroom and she was still yelling back at her mother. She has told my ss she is going to commit suicide and told him she already tried once. Her husband refers to her as a suicidal b____. When someone has already show aggressive tendencies and when someone is suicidal- nobody can predict what they will do. She has also called my work before trying to get me in trouble and I warned them about this weekend also because she is just crazy enough to call and try something. I asked them to let me know so I can document the behavior if it happen- AGAIN! For those who think I'm wanting to be the parent of my SS- I try very hard not to overstep that boundary. My DH and I are constantly reminding him to call his mom or when he thinks we'll be upset about his talking about her, we assure him we won't and let him talk without reproach. We all know who the mom is except mom. And if she really had an issue with this outside of wanting to start fights with me- she should take her own son to the dentist instead of scheduling the appointment on DH's time knowing DH can't take him, she won't take him and I'm the one who will take him. She was pushing her parenting off to me...I can't really say-no, I'm not taking him to the dentist because my ss's tooth is hurting. He had a cavity because both biological parents were doing some poor parenting by not taking a cavity prone kid to the dentist in over two years. She didn't want to pay, and still hasn't paid her half, but I stepped up and took him and paid. Nobody on this forum has been in my shoes and can know about what is happening and I don't like this feeling of having defend ever small little thing when all I really wanted was a vent. I did nothing wrong. I don't want to communicate with an uncivil, emotionally unstable person. A person who has shown aggressive and self destructive tendencies. Maybe if she gets some therapy and shows some improvement in her interpersonal skills. Who knows, but now-no way will I take the risk of her verbal or potential physical abuse. By the way, where I live, her using profanity in that setting, is a crime and is punishable in the municipal courts. Now, I'm going to have to stop writing on this forum. This means of communication doesn't really work for me. I have found a support group locally and think the face to face- real conversations will be more beneficial. This picking a line and seeing how it can be disected and destroyed really seems to be causing more stress than anything. And the last thing I need right now is more stress. It's upsetting as this forum should do more good than harm, but there are obviously people with personal agendas. I don't mind some someone saying- maybe this is what is going on, but comments comparing me to a babysitter are just insane and cause my blood to boil. A babysitter doesn't have to handle the child when he comes home every other weekend angry and not himself. Nor do they have to handle the child who cries because their mother did or didn't do something, or the step father pointed a bb gun at him while the mother watched. A child so scared to go to his mom's house, he cries himself to sleep with both me and my DH stroking his back as his cries are so heavy he is losing his breath. I think I do more than babysit. Thank you for those who provide advise without the personal agenda- the ones who truly are trying to help- whether I agreed with your take on things or not. I really do appreciate your input. There are always new ways of looking at things and that can be a positive experience. I may peek in from time to time, but I think I'm out for now. For those who are interested- I spoke with the doctor today. He is willing to try the IVF procedure with my eggs with whatever limited supply I have. The chances are low, but there is a chance for a child with my genetic make up. Even if it doesn't work, at least we can say we tried and didn't just give up. If it doesn't work, we will likely try either donor eggs or adoption. We are beginning to look into adoption in preparation. Thank you for all your kind works regarding my dilema and I wish you all well.

I feel the same way about my husband's exwife. I am custodial stepmom of 3 chlldren. My husband has always had custody because the exwife decided one day she no longer wanted to be married or a full-time mother. Before I came along she constantly dumped 99% of her time on my husband, he of course never said no, she had full control of her old household only she lived in a differnt place and had her own life. It was a very unhealthy situation. My husband just never stood up to her, he struggled to keep a full-time job and take care of 3 children. I give him tremendous credit because many men in his situation would not be able to take on that responsibilty. Well, then I come along, we get married and all of a sudden she begins to take a deeper interest. Mainly because I would not allow her to control my household and my husband began saying "no", She always used us as her babysitter, whether it was a work meeting, an exerecise class or a European vacation. She has been nothing but a major PIA, she wouldn't pay child support when my husband enforced the order she opened a full blown custody case, suing us for full custody because she did not want to financially support her children. We also have a screwed up schedule. During the school the chldren visit their mother Mon&Tues 4-8pm with alternating weekends. During the summer they visit her Mon-Wed 4-8pm with alternating weekends. The exwife wanted some crazy, they live with her 3days one week, then us 4days, and the next week it was the reverse. Mind you, she only had a 2bedroom condo. All three children sleep in the same bedroom. 2 girls 13&10 and a 8yr old boy. The master had enough sense to reconize that the living arrangemnents were not appropriate and would not grant anymore overnight visits except for the already standing 2 weekends a month. The schedule is crazy. The exwife is crazy. She teaches the children it is ok to lie to us. She is NOT supportative of myself or my husband. She has harrassed us to the point that she is not allowed on our property, she can not contact us by phone, she may only communicate via email, unless it is an emergency related to that day's schedule, then she may leave a message on our cell phone. She would call my husband at work and pull him out of meetings with the CEO of the company for some nonsense question. HE would get numerous calls on a daily basis. I never saw 2 divorced people talk on a daily basis. We have insulated ourselves as much as possible but everyday there is some new issue. She never returns clothes that the kids wear over there, one day she sent my ss home with no shoes on. She won't take the kids to baseball games and then tells them we did not give her the information. I could go on and on. But your words say it best I HATE HER!!!!! If I had hindsight my posting would be alot differnt. I would be like that one woman who used to be involved with a man with children. Trying being involved with a man who has custody of his children. The rewards have been few and far between. I have lived this from the first day I moved to where my husband lives (I moved from a different state). So the entire two years of my marriage have been filled with this crap. My husband's relationship with his children has also suffered terribly. I was divorced for 11yrs before I remarried and never experienced one ounce of the trouble I have in this life, and it isn't even my divorce. The best advice I can give you is stand your ground. Say NO, she is responsible for her custodial time. It took my husband a long time to be able to say no, it is very easy for me. I know that he is still uncomfortable with saying no but I help him, Remember you can't let her control your life. Good luck, God Bless. I understand, it's one hell of a way to live.

I sometimes just go limp when I think of all she went through. The ups and downs, the hopes and despair. It was just exhausting. I don't know how she did it.