kculbers 3 months ago Pinebaron: how did you find out about those tourmaline rocks?? kculbers: My apologies for not responding sooner, just saw your message. Some online research plus knowledge gleaned from a book of fortune or something, helped a lot since I was previously only aware of stones negatively impacting various things. Now I keep a very large tourmaline rock on my office desk below my monitor and another really large one in our living room; that definitely did the trick for us. Now it's almost exactly three years since we moved to our 'masterpiece' although it only became party capable a year later (we love to entertain), i.e. by Thanksgiving 2019. At the time the pandemic struck, my DW was promoted at her work and my own work tripled due to an insane demand for what I do, helping generate an enormous surplus, an ingredient that helped grease the wheels of life. Buzz Solo in northeast MI @Pinebaron We finally sold our house in September 2020. we lost money on it but it's out of our hair (and I left my old neighbors with a good new neighbor!) And DH and I are still married, still frustrated in different ways (the home building board has seen a lot of my "can't find an HVAC guy" posts, but we're getting there. What worries more I think is what we're going to do with ourselves when it's done and we move in! we're going to have to find another project so we don't sit and stare at each other all day. Buzz Solo: A house, no matter how complete, is always going to need some love and there should always be a project or two in-flight to keep you both interested and engaged. If all is really done and when travel becomes easier, take a vacation or two, even a one day sightseeing or window shopping excursion can do wonders.

Sounds like the emotional intimacy has been neglected along with the physical... And yes, you two do need to talk about it. It could be that's as hard for your wife to admit and discuss as it apparently has been for you. And it could be she's feeling as lonly and sad about it as you are. Or, maybe she's stone-cold-furious about something, and is withholding sex and affection for that reason. (She may not even be aware of it.) Or that she's scared you don't find her attractive anymore. Or this. Or that... So many possibilities. I'd suggest you 'court' her all over again. Make plans for your daughter to spend the night with a friend, then take your wife out to a romantic dinner. Gaze into her eyes and tell her you love her. Tell her how much she means to you, and how much your family means to you, and that you would like to enrich your marriage again and recapture the romance you two once shared. See what she has to say and follow her lead. It may take a little while to work back up to full marital relations, but it can certainly happen if you're willing to take some emotional risks and open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt.

Find some things to do that you really love that you wouldn't necessarily do while your DH was around. My husband leaves every summer for the whole summer (6 months) and is out for up to a month at a time with no email or telephone contact. We see eachother about once every three months for a few days each time. It's not easy. There will be good days and terrible days. There will be days that you are so proud of all you've achieved on your own and days you feel you will feel overwhelmed by your aloneness. Lean on your friends and family. Get involved with a new project you simply wouldn't have the time to do if your husband were there with you. Take good care of yourself (this one's important). Though I hate it when my husband is gone, I have started to really love having my girlfriends over for dinner parties whenever I want, destroying the living room with arts and crafts projects (including the glitter my husband can't stand), and doing silly dance workout videos with no fear of teasing! Whatever you do, I think it's important to remain connected to your spouse. Be proud of your ability to maintain your life on your own. Try not to feel sorry for yourself. Do your best to stay positive during your interactions. Fighting, anger and resentment are pure poison. Let your spouse know that you miss him, but you are okay. Men worry about their wives and want to make sure we are safe and comfortable. Reassure him you are. Like I said, it's not easy. Though I'll admit to calling my mom on occasion and having a full-on cry fest, I'll also admit to having great moments of strength and accomplishment. Who knew fixing a toilet or installing a new light fixture could be so empowering! Hang in there and know he's doing this for you, he'll need support too. Share what help get you through the day and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Worried: I wouldn't call our relationship loveless. I love him very much. I believe he loves me. He says often enough and tenderly enough. Yes he has control issues and I have issues dealing with his control. But things have changed a lot since our confrontation and he does try to listen more. As for if I'm happy well at this time we're trying to deal with this situation so I wouldn't say there is a general feeling of happiness. But we're not directing the unhappiness toward each other. When he's not working we are together a lot. Problem is he's working a lot. Lucky for me that whether he's really working is easy for me to know the reason for his trip is work. That doesn't really prove whether he could be cheating although when I've asked him if he is/has he says no. He doesn't act withdrawn but I'm aware that he still could be. I enjoy being with him and he seems to enjoy being with me. Our sex life is everything I could want and he sure seems satisfied too. But he is also very affectionate outside of sex. I pretty much can't keep my hands off him and if ever want to get him to not act angry just touching him usually does it. Doesn't change his mind much but does change his demeanor. But he doesn't speak roughly to me often anyway. Like I said in my first post I almost wish he didn't treat me in the manner that he does because then I could easier resist him. Thanks to Mkroop for pointing that out as manipulation but Lawd! It's still hard to resist him even when armed with that knowledge. Granted in the past that has been because I just let him have his way but that has changed some too. I guess I really need to look up that word narcissistic to see what else is involved other than control. One positive I have gotten from all of your posts is speaking up for myself and not being afraid to oppose him. I don't know what my fear was with that other than not wanting to be a nag for fear it would drive us apart and our marriage wouldn't last. I remember hearing one of my sisters say that he husband was the boss until she started having kids. Now she is definitely the queen bee so I guess there's hope for me yet. This post was edited by wifey1281 on Wed, Dec 5, 12 at 7:32