Greetings Nita1950 ... fom a guy who goes back to 1929, I take my hat off to you who, with a noble heart, has been so kindly disposed to relatives who have treated you so poorly. With regard to his trip, the major difference is distance. I expect that, as a pizza driver, he may well have had a few hard knocks to deal with, or ones that could have become so. He has quite probably run into some difficult situations, which, in deference to your concerns, he has not revealed to you in their entirety: people can sometimes get into some rather hot water, close to home, let's not forget. It has long seemed to me a wise idea for a parent to discuss various potential results that might develop if one were to follow varying courses of action in certain situations, as our children grew up, though I was partially removed, being a non-resident father from the time that ours were rather young. It has seemed to me important, our world having become as complex as it is, and with innovations happening so rapidly, to encourage our children to develop reasoning skills and the ability to navigate their way through the increasing complexities of life. To prepare themselves step by step for independence. My daughter spent I think that it was her junior year in High School as an exchange student in Hamburg, Germany, living wih a family where the father was an engineer in the city administration. She said that, while she was happy to go with them as a little mouse in the back seat on various trips, she did some travelling on her own, going with a school group to camp above Florence for about a week, I think, and she did some travelling through Europe and in ... was it Morocco? in North Africa. Her Mom being from Iowa, she has dual citizenship and, following the breakup of hewr marriage, took off for Arizona ... California ... a few years ago, settled in Prescott, found work, later moved to Phoenix ... returned to Ontario, Canada after a layoff, and when her Mom was battling cancer, but since has returned to AZ, where she plans to locate. She's a venturesome spirit and, if she may have encountered some minor difficulties alog the road, has been able to cope with them effectively. I grew up on a farm near here, had never travelled more than 30 miles from home ... till my Dad, due partly to health problems, relocated to the prairies when I was a teen. After Univ., on grad from (liberal Protestant) seminary, near the end of the Korean War I asked and was appointed as a missionary and refugee resettlement worker to go to Korea ... this kid who had neve seen an ocean spent more than 2 weeks on it: it gives one an idea of how large our world is. And the Korean War had ended in a truce in 1953 (there's still been no peace agreement) by the time that I arrived, but the refugees were having a hard time. I hope that you can rest easily, trusting that this precious child will be fine as he embarks on this new adventure ... as I think that there are about 999 chances in 1,000 to be the case. And even if the one potential difficulty should occur, quite likely it will be minor, and easily coped with. I've been hearing that some of our kids are breaking down in college, largely due to their having been driven everywhere, so carefully shepherded at home, and scheduled, etc. that they've found it almost impossible to cope with life on their own. That's tough - we need for the next generation to be innovative, self-reliant, etc. and not lacking in self-confidence ... and, from what you've said, I don't think that your young son is on such a path. Good wishes to both of you, as you embark on this new adventure: it's time to let him off of the leash, right? ole joyful

Hi silversword. Thanks for the response. A PI is Public Intoxication. He was actually walking along the sidewalk with one foot on the curb, one foot off, trying to catch a cab. We live in a college town and it was a football rally night and tons of students were out (along with lots of cops to keep things in line). Don't think he was drunk - just had had a drink but the point is: why the heck would you be drinking at all if you just got a DWI 4 days earlier?? I'd be freaked out. That's why we are pretty sure he has a drinking problem. As for drugs, he's said he tried pot but didn't like it at all. Don't think there's coke or anything else involved b/c I think he would be dropping those 30+ lbs he's gained. In fact, I overheard him talking to the Assessment Counselor for that 6 week recovery class we're 'making him' go to and he said only alcohol and 'dip'. But I agree - it does sound/look like drugs. Seriously, to meet my son, you would think he was just fine. Clean cut, manners, talks intelligently - but it's all just that 'performance' he does, I think, because 'if I look good on the outside, I must be okay'. Very sad. Oh- the student loans are $30,000-private university (which we co-signed on and agreed to pay half since he planned to get a business/accounting degree - math brain -and should be making a salary to take on those loans) plus the $8000+ in credit cards plus the DWI lawyer($2500) + fines related to that. Yes, it's huge. And stressful. And unfortunately, to cope, he blows it off. And apparently drinks. He does recognize he's self sabotaging but again, he knows what to do to change and can't make himself do it. I'm thinking more depression. But he refused medication the first time around and I had to agree mainly because he drinks and I was afraid of the combination. Heavy sigh...

You're not failing as a parent because you aren't a parent. That responsibility belongs to his father & to his mother, absentee though she may be. This little boy sounds like a very angry person, & there's a reason, there's always a reason. Your family might benefit from professional help (although I hate to say that-it seems like "counselling" is always the recommendation for everything from screaming hysteria to broken fingernails). People don't just make up new behaviors; they learn them; is this boy mimicking the way he sees you treated at home? How does your boyfriend interact with you? Do your views matter? Does he repeat what you've said or contradict that you've said? So often, we women think we're married or "as good as", & in fact our partners have no such illusions; many times I've heard girls & women talk about their partners, & in the conversation it becomes obvious to everyone except the woman involved that she's a live-in, a babysitter, a resource that comes in handy. I'm not criticizing; I've been there, done that, & paid for everybody else's tee shirt. You've taken a great deal of responsibility off the boyfriend's shoulders, & unless you have his respect & his wholehearted support, this will get much much worse. The two of you already have a child together, you're taking care of his son, & yet you aren't protected by marriage. How much does that sound like a committed, loving partnership between equals? If your boyfriend walks in front of a bus, what happens to you & your daughter? What happens to this little boy? You've got an awful lot on your plate, & you absolutely need back-up at home & the security of a committed partner. I wish you the very best.

Some great ideas!! Thank you!! The rug cannot be moved in any other position - covering the hearth slightly is the only way it fits in the space. Its a uniquely sized room and we downsized when moving here :) I want to add color, but in a way that it works with what I already have. I was thinking maybe some light blue or gold to tie in with the rug? Not sure how to add color other than pillows and throws. I like the idea or art or a mirror over the fireplace and art above the chair. Would you suggest using the art to bring in those colors?