7 year old step son troubles please help

Nikki27

Hello everyone, I need some advise please. I have been taken care of my boyfriends son for 4years. I think of him as my own. No I don't want him calling me "mom" because im not his mother. In the past few years its nothing but arguments, disrespectfulness, rude comments and more. He is 7 years old and his real mother only sees him on the weekends "sometimes" if she feels like taking him. Dad works for hard to support our family as im a stay at home mom. We have a 2 year old little girl together. She knows her manners but now is going thorough terrible 2's. I have 2 older daughters that im trying to get custody back. Im going thorough counseling for my health issues. I have been put on medication to help me, but everyday with my stepson I feel as I need something stronger to keep me calm.

whenever I take him somewhere and im having an adult conversation he butts in. or says in front of a cashier person I don't buy him anything and im mean to him. Yesterday we all had to go to the doctors ( yes including my stepson) and I was talking to the nurse trying to tell her what medications im on, he turns around and repeats them and the nurse is like what's that. I had asked him to stop. when it was my turn to see the doctor. The doctor had asked how much do I smoke, i said a half pack, my step son says You smoke a full pack or 2. i never smoked 2 packs. i was like excuse me he was talking to me. Now i feel like that bad person because he starts and argument. My mother in law told him knock and start minding. He turn to her and what am i doing? instead of listening. if i tell him to do something he doesn't listen i tried talking his tv, tablet and toys that he really likes and he just don't care. i made him a promise that if he would start listening to me i would take him to "SKYLAND" but yet he still don't care... some please give me some advise because i honesty don't know what to do. i feel as im failing as a parent and im losing my mind....

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sylviatexas1

You're not failing as a parent because you aren't a parent.
That responsibility belongs to his father & to his mother, absentee though she may be.

This little boy sounds like a very angry person, & there's a reason, there's always a reason.

Your family might benefit from professional help (although I hate to say that-it seems like "counselling" is always the recommendation for everything from screaming hysteria to broken fingernails).

People don't just make up new behaviors;
they learn them;
is this boy mimicking the way he sees you treated at home?

How does your boyfriend interact with you?
Do your views matter?
Does he repeat what you've said or contradict that you've said?

So often, we women think we're married or "as good as", & in fact our partners have no such illusions;
many times I've heard girls & women talk about their partners, & in the conversation it becomes obvious to everyone except the woman involved that she's a live-in, a babysitter, a resource that comes in handy.

I'm not criticizing;
I've been there, done that, & paid for everybody else's tee shirt.

You've taken a great deal of responsibility off the boyfriend's shoulders, & unless you have his respect & his wholehearted support, this will get much much worse.

The two of you already have a child together, you're taking care of his son, & yet you aren't protected by marriage.

How much does that sound like a committed, loving partnership between equals?

If your boyfriend walks in front of a bus, what happens to you & your daughter?

What happens to this little boy?

You've got an awful lot on your plate, & you absolutely need back-up at home & the security of a committed partner.

I wish you the very best.

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suzieque

Ay yay yay.

I'm probably in the minority here. But, here goes. You are not married to the child's father. You're a live-in girlfriend who has been charged with primary care of a 7-year old. The poor kid is trying to figure out WTH is going on, where his Mom is, where his Dad is, who this "TBD" person is (you ...).

The poor kid. And as for your child with your boyfriend - where does that child fit in? And you're trying to get custody of your 2 other children? Why did you lose custody, and, if you don't have custody of them, why are you authorized to have custody of the others?

I'm confused, but that's Ok. I'm mostly concerned for the little ones whose lives are being formed by this apparent disaster. Where's the boy's father in this? Does he fulfill the responsibilities of a father? It sounds to me as if this poor 7 year old is looking for structure, for a mature adult to emulate, and for some direction.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're equipped to provide it. I'm sorry if that's rough, but the children are the ones who look to adults for leadership and nurturing.

Sigh.

Edited to fix typo

This post was edited by suzieque on Thu, Feb 5, 15 at 12:03

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