First off, it's great that you are letting her choose a few things. My mother tried to force frilly fluff on me my entire childhood, and it continued right up until my wedding day, ARGH :)

Anyway, my suggestion for the paint color (because purple can get a bit bright/cartoonish if not done right) is to narrow down the options to those with a lot of gray in them--and let her choose from among those grayed down versions of purple or plum. That way, it will look much more sophisticated and also be more likely to grow with her, as you say.

If she really wants something moody/dark, how about painting it on just one wall...perhaps the one with the windows so that the windows will really pop and paint the rest of the room the same color but at 50% strength? Or even a different color like cream to keep it light overall?

i think the black and white set would look fantastic with purple and green! i think if the walls are fairly bright purple, the bedding will really standout!!

i personally wouldn't suggest to gray down the colors of a preteens/teen's room unless they really wanted that! too 'adult' for many and they'll be adults soon enough!!! but, i would encourage her to be a part of the painting process so that she sees the work that goes into changing a rooms' look! (that can be really hard to do, especially if you're a bit of a perfectionist!!)
you could probably find some cool trim to add to the black and white valances and repeat that trim on chair pillow, lampshades, etc....

I know from experience that mixing various shades of purple (especially if she's putting purple art on a purple wall) can get...complicated. If two shades of purple are somewhat similiar but not exact, it will just end up looking like they were supposed to match but you failed. By keeping the wall color a bit duller (but still fun and youthfull--graying a color down doesn't take the color away) she will be more free to add vibrant purple pillows and artwork while not clashing with the wall color.
Kids react to color just as adults do...glaring bright purple in an entire room could get very tiring for her. And kids don't necessarily understand the way the color intensifies once it is on the wall. Any shade of purple, greyed or not, is going to be vibrant! That's why an adult who understads how paint changes once its on the wall should have her choose from among the best options, I think.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I plan on being involved with, but not dictating, the paint choice. It is afterall, paint and can be rectified easily. I was horrifed when she first told me she wanted a purple room, especially since I spent the last year redoing the main level of my home to have color flow through out it. Don't think this goes with my color flow, but oh well.

I do really like the idea of a stronger wall and three toned down ones. Interesting and may very well be used. I can see where the purples could easily get clashy and glaring. And her room is so small, I don't want it to feel closed in and I worry that too strong or too dark of a color with give it that feel.

She's leaning the most towards the black artwork with the white and purple flowers which I found funny because she's wanted to get away from the flowers in her room for so long. I told her we'd wait till we got more of the room together before she makes a decision on something for behind her bed.

I do plan on having her involved. We are DIYers here and the kids are used to being part of whatever is happening. She's actually the reason my bedroom finally got done; she helped me tremendouly and learned priming, patching, cutting in, rolling in the process.

I painted my to-be-9's room a purple selected from her bedding colors. I left a blue strip at the top so it tones things down some. She loves bright color and actually wanted orange so I put orange and yellow paper in the back of her bookcases and painted some frames in stuff in purple, etc. A few thoughts--

1. Your daughter's room is very dear as is :) Her nice furniture should go with anything.
2. I actually read somewhere that kids read color differently than adults, which may be why I loved such a strong yellow as a kid...
3. How bright is the room? In small dark rooms I've had success with choosing dark, warm colors, because "bright" isn't happening and at least you get a cozy effect.

This is the purple we picked-- sorry I don't have a picture of it complete.

Hi it's a newbie/lurker here but I have to chime in.

I have a 12 year old DD and last year we redid her room in a scheme very similar to the one you have chosen. It was already painted a pale lavender and I wasn't willing to repaint (her old scheme was purple patchwork and butterflies)

I made a black and white print duvet cover, and throw pillows in deep purple velvet and pale lilac satin with tulle ruffling. Sounds ick, but it looks great. I replaced her mini blinds with a more grown up white roman shade banded in black, lined with black out lining because she's becoming a teenager and is starting to sleep in. She likes her room dark!!
I went for sparkly accessories- clear lucite lamp, glass pic frames, and fun decorative mirrors. We also got 3 of those vinyl decals in a black chandelier shape. It's super fun, and similar to your scheme.

I'd love to share a pic, but she has a problem with clutter ;) Sounds like its a common one. I'd love to see a pic when you're done!!

Sounds a bit like my DD: clutter and likes bright colors. I redid her bedroom last year in B&W bedding with turquoise walls; only I did decide this time to satisfy her passion for vibrant colors this time. Her room is even tinier: 8x9 or 9x10 I can never remember. Since it is so very tiny and furniture covers much of the walls, it seemed to balance the stronger color. Over the years I tried different compromises with her to get her to tone down her color choices with an accent wall or racing stripe across the middle. Frankly, as with most compromises, neither of us liked it--which is probably why she tried to cover up the walls with pictures and posters! Surprisingly enough, we actually both really love the color we choose. I did also add a few lime accents. As for the clutter factor, I added more storage baskets (2 in bookcase, one in nightstand and 2 in her captain's ged) for her to keep all her every growing stuff organized. Her latest "decorating addition" is a lovely blue yoga mat on the floor. So far, I've been able to keep the posters off the wall and added the two photo wall frames to put up her favorite snaps.

Before:

After:

love the contrast and brightness in valinsv's photo above!

bottom line is, EVERYONE reacts to color differently!!! just by reading opinions here/observing photos in different threads is evidence of this!! there is no right or wrong! i know one of my 3 kids certainly LOVES bright colors---the brighter the better and still does at 16!! and, that's ok! i personally love color, but MUCH more subdued... which makes my one son 'react' negatively to some of MY choices!
i do think it's nice to help create a bedroom that your child loves... but, you have to be able to live with it too!

If she doesnâÂÂt like pastels and wants a deep purple, I would do it. With all the light and the white furniture, it wonâÂÂt shrink the room, but give it dimension and if you paint the ceiling as well, expand the room rather than contract it. Remember, you donâÂÂt have to live in the space, and if the deep color floats her boat, I would go for it!

I am with you on your/her choices, but would not do the patterned curtain. That is one item too many with the pattern. It also multiplies because of the pattern with folds of the curtain. Stick to a white one for versatility and to not have visual overload. Matchy matchy is out...

I am happy to report that my daughter made a decision on wallcolor. She opted to go with Ellen Kennon's Lilac which is what I wanted for her to begin with.

Her bedding and sheets came and after seeing it all together with the paint samples, there was no denying that Lilac was THE color to go with.

I think it will give the room just the right amount of color, and being a full spectrum paint, I feel it will blend with accessories so much better since the paint will have depth and movement to it like the other full spectrum's in our house.

I'll take pics and post once the room is complete.