I'm not dealing with that, but I sure would feel the same as you if I were.

Trust me, Rose, even if you lived in the same city you would most likely not see them everyday or possibly even once a month!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder ;-)

Rose...I was a basket case when my oldest left...of course she left with my first grandchild who was brought home from the hospital to our home (she still lived here) and was with us for 4 years before she left. They were gone for 8 years before they returned to our area...

She talks about moving away again after the kids are all out of school...and already I worry about that.

anyway...yes I really do know how you must feel.

And I feel for you.

Hugs

patti

I think this is a normal feeling Rose.
Perhaps it is a bit of post-holiday blues?
Or the fact it's January and nothing very exciting happens in January? Seasonal disorder could also be why you feel so blue.

At any rate, I think it's normal to miss your kids and their kids. I would worry about anyone who didn't (Rosemary).

I have no solutions other than the usual 'make phone calls, send emails, exchange pictures etc. etc.'
Just know you aren't alone with these thoughts.
It's a sign of being a good mother and grandmother and I hope your family appreciates how much you love and miss them.

Lori

I haven't seen my middle 2 for nearly 4 years now although we keep in touch by phone and e-mail. The oldest we get to see about once a year since she's ONLY about 700 miles away. The youngest is still at home. Between him, DH, and I, we work 7 days a week and with the mortgage, finances are strapped pretty tight. It is very regrettable that we can't get together more often, but I am glad they are living the lives they want. I did try to raise them to be independent.

I'm a far away daughter. My parents are 8 hours drive away. I miss them being at the kids' games and events.

My brother lives in the same town as them. They see him when he/wife want a babysitter... Not my parents' ideal relationship. ;o)

I miss my grandparents, too. They are also 8 hours away. They are 80/81 and while they still live in their own home, they need help with errands, chores, driving and just company. I wish I was there for them now.

My son and his wife and my first grandson recently moved to Tokyo, Japan from NYC. We only got the see them several times a year in NYC but with the economy the way it is and our income the way it is, I know it will be more difficult to see Jake grow up. The kids told us they will come here to visit but it is just not the same as being close for the long term.
I know my son did the best for his family and my grandson will be close to his maternal grandparents, so I am happy for them.....still sad I am so far away......but happy my son made the choice he did.
My DD lives about 15 miles up the coast and it is nice to be able to see her off and on and to know she will be here in a minutes notice if necessary.
Steve would be here, too, if necessary but the time difference is a long one.
There are no easy answers!

My DS lives 15 miles away from me, and is up and down the road close to me, weekly. Do I see him? NOT!

Two of mine live 400 miles away.We see DD in OK 2 or 3 times a year.She rarely comes here but we go there.DS in NM comes here 3 or 4 times a year and we go there a couple of weeks in the summer.This may change soon since DH has retired and we plan to go see them all more often.DD lives across the driveway from me and I see her maybe once a week.DS lives with me and I see him almost every day but not for long at a time.I probably see them as much as I would if they were all living in the same town as me.I talk to them every day,sometimes more than once a day.I miss them,sure,but they all have their own families and lives and that's the way it should be.But to answer your question,yes,it is sometimes hard.I especially miss my 8 year old DGS in OK.

I don't have kids so I can't possibly know what you are feeling, Rosemary. But I'll send you some special thoughts anyway ~

Rose, I'll echo what the others have said. It's normal to feel like that. Also, what Lori said about it maybe being some after holiday blues, January/February cabin fever etc. 3 of my daughters live within 20 miles from me. I don't see them all that often, especially in the winter. The other daughter lives in California. She comes home a couple times a year. She's happy out there, so that means a lot to me.
Maybe you can find something to fill your time. Go volunteer at a hospital holding babies that need some attention. A nursing home with the aged. They all need someone too.
Leslie

I'm a daughter (43) and I feel bad for you. My mom lives in the same town as me and I see her several times a week and talk on the phone and email with her all the time. I couldn't imagine living further away from her. She's my best friend. On the other hand, I have a sister who lives in the same town and we never see her unless it's a holiday get together. It's sad and I really don't know why she is the way she is but whatever - she's the one missing out. I'm sure my DD will move away when she is old enough. She's only 14 now. Maybe she'll be like me and like the small town atmosphere and want to stay. I can only hope.

As a matter of fact, I just posted a similiar Post around Christmas. DD&SIL are 85 miles away, DS&DIL &GK's 165 miles away.

It breaks my Heart.

Gayle

I see my kids everyday, one of them, the youngest still lives at home and the other 2 live within 10 minutes from us and I can imagine what your going through. DH keeps telling me it's going to come..the day that one of them moves away. We are not going to retire here, plan to move just haven't decided where yet. I am going to dread that day when I won't see them on a daily basis. I feel for you.

I know what you are going through. My youngest daughter moved to CA three years ago, at first she
came home every 6 months or so and now it has been over a year and a half since I've seen her. I do talk
with her just about everyday but I sure so miss her. I even miss Makayla and Kaden after a day or two of not being
around them. So, my heart goes out to you and I am here for you.
Deb
{{gwi:1575444}}

May I make a suggestion? Sent them a care package. It'll give you a job for your hands and something to look forward to, because they will surely give you a call. It will also give you a new thing to think about. Even if it's just a card, any little bitty (cheap) thing, from you to them, will make you feel better, and them too! It's not how much it costs, it's the connection. And if you don't want to do that, here -(((((Rosemary))))), I hope that helps, and I love your name, my DD's name is Mary. I'll be praying for you. Nancy

My son & 7 year grand son live 500 miles from me. It was really hard when they moved that far away after living with us for 2 year (ugly divorce for him) He 're-meet' his BF sister, fell in love & moved to Iowa. I wish I could see them more but they are happy living their lives. I gave them a Web Camera for Christmas & we've have allot of fun visiting online! Now I'm able to 'see' how much my grandson has grown & stay close with the 'kids'. I'm also thinking about becoming a big sister so I have a young one around to have fun with and mentor. There are allot for kids that would love to get to know and learn you!

Hugs to you....I do know how you feel,
Ginger

It truly is a way of life, we raise our children and then we turn them loose...I think more often than not you will find most of us in your situation...but I have learned and appreciate that our children have very full lives and are involved with their own children, their churches and their communities and I truthfully think it is wonderful that they are all so involved in this and that...I do miss them but I also can say that I wouldn't want them on my doorstep every time I turned around, when I need a kiddo fix...I go and get it...I feel that the best thing I can do is to give them the freedom to live their lives they want to live them...I miss them but....

I'm not, but as Bestlawn said, I would feel the same if I were. I've always said I'm a Walton at heart.

The Waltons aside, though, I don't think most people see their grown children every day. They get busy. Hopefully, we get busy, too. Contact is more likely to center around a shared meal or social gathering rather than the ins and outs of daily life. For families who live next door to one another, of course, that's a different story.

You are not alone! My youngest moved to San Jose and I haven't seen him for 6 months! My middle son lives in Oregon, about 5 hours away. I try to get down there every 3 months.
The rest live within a hour of us, and we see them every few weeks..seems like the road only goes one way though..they rarely come here.
We really miss them all, but it'd kinda nice to have the time to do what we want when we want too. Kathy

When my son, DIL and Grandson lived in Texas it was hard. I was glad they were able to move back to NJ and he got a job here as a police officer. We are lucky and get to see them at least every other week (sometimes more). They are happy to be back in the area because they have babysitters available pretty much anytime.

Sheryl - NJ

(((Rosemary)))

Hi Rosemary

My oldest daughter just moved back to Oklahoma. She lives a 5 minutes walk away. I am slowly getting used to her coming over whenever she feels like it. It is WEIRD. Here we were, parents with grown daughters, but living all by ourselves. One daughter in New Mexico, the other in Korea. Now this.

It's weird I tell ya!

but honest, I think who ever said it was right. I Bet, this is the after holidays blues. Bet it will get better as soon as this winter weather is over with.

Hope you feel better about all soon.

Moni

My DH's DD and her three kids live 500 miles away in Texas. We only see them three or four times a year, if that much. He misses them terribly as his DD is his only child and those are his only grandchildren. He has my two "kids" and their families here close but I know he misses his crew. He says it's just not fair to have them living so far away that we miss school programs, spring breaks, etc.

I understand how you're feeling. I would hate it if I couldn't see my own two kids every few days (or weeks).

((Rosemary))

My DD lives about 1 1/2 hours away. When DH retires, we plan to move to the same town as her. That way, we'll see them more often, nobody has to give up a weekend to visit, we're available to babysit, etc. Also her town has more to offer than the village we live in. I can't wait! DH is almost 63, so just a couple of years to go!

Laurel

Rosemary, you are not being silly. I think this is very normal, how can it be that you would spend a big chunk of your life and heart raising them and then not wonder about them most of the time when they are not around?

Over the holidaze my SIL was going on about her 19 year old daughter, who wants to take a break from university and travel overseas for 6 months. Her mom is negative about this, her mom is worried that her daughter will fall in love and stay there, and the mom won't have her girl near her. Then someone pointed out that that is what SIL's mother did to SIL's grandma, married a man and moved clear across the country to raise her family on her own. And that led to SIL meeting the man of her dreams, and having her own unique family. It was hard for her to accept, but grown children take their own paths, some revolve closely around their parents, others some distance (physical and communicative) apart.

Another niece was chomping at the bit to move far far away and experience adventure when she was old enough...until she married and had babies. Now she'd love to move back to be closer to her mom (and so her kids can be closer to grandparents) but can't, because the dh needs to be where they are for their work, and they've also become very accustomed to the lifestyles of the area they live in (would be very bored to live back here!). So, they all had to accept that this is how it is to be.

January is such a lull of a month to be in (February's not much better in these parts!). I look forward to spring each year, the extra sun literally does put a spring back in my step! Maybe yours too?!

Hi Rosemary,

I hated it when our older son refused to leave Oregon with us. We had to move to NC without him (we're talking 3,000 miles) and I was so sad and miserable. However, as time passed I was able to at least be grateful that he was happy, even though I thought it would be a lot better if he could "be happy" a lot closer to me!

About the time I was resigned to his being so far away, (it took a couple of years) he decided he wanted to give NC a try. Imagine that. He wound up moving to NC, meeting his future wife, learning to speak Dutch, getting his bachelor's degree, moving to her country for a few years (The Netherlands) and getting another degree, and then moving back to NC with her. Today they live nearby, have an adorable baby, and he is preparing to take the bar exam. My point is that my perspective today is so different from what it was right after we left Oregon. I couldn't begin to see all the benefits that would come to him from the choices he made all by himself.

Once he passes the bar exam, I have no idea where they will end up. But wherever they are, I know he has acquired the tools to do what he wants to with his life. I hope they stick around here, of course. But it's easier now to accept that what he needs may not be what I want. And that it's OK.

If you're living at the beach, I'm guessing you couldn't be in a better place to get regular visits. Lucky you!

I live in Missouri and my Grandbabies live in Florida - do I miss them - YOU BET! Am I going to remedy that? YOU BET - I'm retiring in April and moving to Florida this fall - I will be right up the street from them!

Along with OKWriter, I don't have any kids, but I'm sorry you're missing them, Rosemary. I live near my parents, but both brothers are far away. I know my parents miss them, but they miss my parents, too. Circumstances just aren't always right for everyone to live in the same place. I feel very lucky to be near my mom and dad. Maybe your kids will realize that, too, and move to where you are. You can always hope!

Yes, Rosemary, I feel your pain. My daughter and grandgirls live near us but my sons live 5 hours away. It just kills me sometimes but we are a close family and I talk to them nearly every day and see them every month or so. I keep telling myself that this is what I raised them to do, be educated, independent and successful, but danged if it doesn't kill me sometimes. Hugs, Mammie

Hi Rosemary,

I am sorry that you are feeling rather isolated from your young ones. It sounds as though they are either in process of, or on the verge of, getting more and varied responsibilities.

As you realize, and a number have said, even the nearby ones sometimes don't visit a lot, though there are more opportunities of seeing the grands (even if for babysitting). And one can get a fleeting glimpse of them from time to time.

Rosemary, do you find that you sit at home quite a lot? Don't sort of stew in your own juice, I hope.

Have you found some social, church, sport, community, etc. functions where you can meet new friends?

How about some volunteer activities? There are many people who find it hard to get around, or are lonely, who would apprciate a friend. In our area they have organized a goup of younger seniors who help some older ones do chores in their home, to permit them to live there longer.

There's Meals on Wheels in a number of areas, and driving people dealing with cancer for treatment, etc.

We've heard of Big Brothers and Big Sisters but I haven't heard of Big Grannies (Oh! Oh! I think I made a boo-boo!) but many families with children have the Grands at a long distance, so could use some substitutes. When we were in Korea, our children used to call a number of the other unrelated adults Aunt Helen and Uncle Frank.

Our chilfren's mother was head of food service in major hosp. for 20 years and I overseas missionary for several years, parish clergyperson, liberal protestant, for a number of years, then a personal financial advisor for several.

Our children were taught by both parents to choose their own way, and I've often said that it seems to me that one of my main jobs as a parent is to help my offspring prepare themselves for independence.

Two children, both in their 40s, no grands.

My daughter is rather footloose. She spent a year in Hamburg near the end of H.S. (2nd last?) and later a recent German immigrant, initially speaking German to me, thought that daughter spoke it so well that she'd learned it at home.

She spent a few years in AZ a few years ago, then was connected to a S O 120 mi. away for several years, but now breaking up and she's moving to back to AZ - planning to buy a place and taking her stuff with her. So helping her move the last of it to storage on Sunday was rather bittersweet.

Serious business.

Bachelor son lived in Toronto, 120 miles away, for several years, and here in London for a number of years recently, and we have spent quite a lot of time together. He hasn't had a driving licence and I've driven him around quite a bit in rcent years. He'll be getting his licence back soon.

Their mother died in this city about three years ago and they were busy for some time disposing of her assets and selling her home.

I've always felt rather close to daughter (her mother and I parted when she was 6, son was 9).

AZ is a long way away.

I've done some long distance driving, going 1,600 mi. from here through U.S. to Sask. several times.

But I'm nearing 80, and my son is making objecting noises about my idea of driving 1,600 mi. out there for family reunion at brother's farm in July. Would also like to visit former colleagues in British Columbia, and son doesn't like that idea.

Also have some idea of visiting NC (former overseas workers' reunion) and GA (niece's family) at the end of July.

Daughter is thinking of attending family reunion at my brother's in Saskatchewan in early July, I said maybe get one way ticket, we drive her home to AZ, then I head for NC. Son doesn't like that idea, either.

This business of his vetoing my major travel is a new thing.

So I am feeling rather bereft at the idea of "losing" daughter.

We call back and forth and send emails.

I have an old computer but may upgrade to one that will allow me to have a mike and webcam.

But, living in the country and unwilling to use satellite, I am confined to landline and am not sure whether webcam works on that. M a y be sl o w m o t i o n!

Rosemary, I hope that you find ways to alleviate some of the sadness and emptiness (empty nest syndrome?) that have been part of your experience lately. And not just some sort of stop-gap alleviation, but some ways of operation which will prove increasingly satisfactory over the long term.

((((((Rosemary))))))

ole joyful

My kids both left right after high school. One, off to college in another state, then another state, then another. He's settled in Chicago, and happy, but it's so far away!

My other is just sort of drifting. He's settled in Seattle for now, but heaven knows where he'll end up.

I hardly ever see either of them. You're lucky to see yours four times a year. I've gone years without seeing mine.

Thanks for all the responses.

This isn't about being old and alone and bored. I have many full days and many happy days, all filled with busy-ness but none of those things "scratch the itch" of missing my children.

I just miss my children. They left home to start new lives when they graduated college. As they get older and get married, I realize they're settling in, far from home.

I was just hoping to hear that I'm not the only one with *all* my children living so far away. And I'd like to hear how other people cope with missing their children.

Thanks again for the supportive responses. It does help to hear from other women in the same spot.

Rose