Decisionmaker and all others who are having a rough time, I hope things get better soon my heart goes out to you hearing your stories and frustration. Someone compared this process to pregnancy and childbirth and I think that is true. Dreamed of, prayed for, all that fun in 'planning' :), then when you are actually expecting it is so exciting then it is so scary, then you feel sick for...months...then you feel better then the last weeks drag on and on and finally you don't think you can take it and then after great work and pain you get the greatest gift you have ever known and forget all the bad things and feel the joy. I hope you will all feel the joy SOON. For myself, I tend to be a 'researcher' and feel empowered even in the midst of a stressful situation if I am prepared for it and know why things are happening. So I am wondering, if you could share what in particular has caused you the most stress and if you could have done anything to avoid it or if it is just a part of the building process? Beehappy2007, I immediately thought of The Owner Builder Book, and Amy Johnston's Book when you asked about resources so there is a second recommendation for you. As for your land purchase, I am sure a lawyer will tell you this, or even an escrow officer: get a title report and make sure there is a provision for title insurance in the contract. You might also check on the availability of utilities and water. If there are going to be higher than average costs for septic, utilities or water or if there are zoning restrictions or easments it can affect the 'usability' of the land and therefore affects the value. Bellamay, From this and other posts I have read from you, you seem to be a builder with integrity that truly cares about your customers and others who are building homes. Perhaps you could share from your point of view how some of the stress and heartache can be avoided...or at least lessened? I know I would appreciate any helpful advice on how to have a smoother build and I'm sure others would too. Thanks.

Dear all, Here's a copy of email I sent to the three Kids: Dear SS, SD1 and SD2, SS, your father tried phoning this evening, left a message, and turned in for bed before 9pm. He did have an opportunity to speak with SD2 on the phone a bit earlier, and he went to visit with SD1 at (her work) for a couple of hours today. I want you to know that we would really, really enjoy having all three of you here for a few days to spend lots of time with each other and your father. I know you all would like it best if he would come to (SD's hometown) (either with or without me), but he's feeling pretty stressed, and does not want to travel at all right now. He and I had planned to have a couple of days in the motorhome this September. We had talked about it in the late summer, after it was evident that we weren't going to be busy canning our non-existent fruit this year. But now he doesn't want to go anywhere. He seems to forget about the plans we had made -- that's just how things are right now. It's been very confusing to him to have all the conversations with all three of you about how, where, dates, etc., regarding this visit and trying to explain how and why he feels like he does. What he would like best is for all of you to come here and stay in our home or cottage (which we are still keeping vacant until we hear the final plans). Right now he's most comfortable at home, and he can't think of being anywhere else. I think the best thing to do for everyone would be to just try and make this visit as easy as possible, as comfortable as possible for everyone, and just plan on having nice relaxing days "chewing the fat", reminiscing, and hanging out together. Going sightseeing, going on adventures, experiencing new things ... are out of his comfort level. He's unsure on his feet, is afraid of feeling confused, and can't describe how he feels at times. I know that I have many projects I can work on and things I can do on my own, which would afford all of you time to be there to talk, listen, and nap with your father as you see fit! Who knows, you might all enjoy relaxing in one of his two favorite rooms and close your eyes like he does! Maybe there will be a day where your father feels less weak, confused, agitated or stressed and he will feel like riding with me over to SS's town, SD2's town, or SD1's Island -- but that day is sure not now. Since I'm the only one here who can tell you what it's like to no longer have your parents alive, I'll let you know this: It's final. It's nothing you can wish or pray to change. There are no more opportunities to enjoy their presence. There are no more opportunities to say what you wanted to or should have said. And if I had to live with regrets for not doing what I knew I needed to do ... well, it would be unbearable. Please understand that I'm not trying to "guilt" any of you into anything ... I'm just trying to share what I've learned because I've recently experienced losing both of my dear parents. They weren't perfect; my father especially wasn't always easy; and I wasn't always the best daughter. However, next to your father, their wellbeing and happiness were my top priorities. Above all else, you must know that my love, time, energy, and money went to care for them and your father, as it does now for your father alone. I know that I tried to put myself in their shoes and do everything I possibly could for them, just as I would hope that my daughter and granddaughter will do for me someday. So, please do what you can to visit with him sooner rather than later. As we all know, "later" doesn't always arrive. And if you all can't make it here together (with or without your spouses) please know, again, that you are always welcome to come visit on your own. Love, Kathy ...................................... This is the email I received back from SD2: Dad and Kathy, I spoke very briefly to (brother - SS) this morning. He should find out within a couple of days when he has to go to (foreign country for work). I would prefer October 17 as I think it would be better for my work. Our freshmen are arriving tomorrow and school begins September 22. Its always crazy this time of year and I can feel the tension around my office increasing each hour. So IÂm hoping that (brother - SS) will know in two days (by Thursday) if he is available Oct. 17. If he doesnÂt know by then, maybe IÂll need to get bite the bullet and be brave and let (my boss) know IÂm taking Friday, Sept. 26 off (donÂt ask, tell her!!) and weÂll come that weekend. I want to know by Thursday so that I can book at least a one week in advance flight. IÂm leaning towards flying out on Thursday night but that will get me in to Seattle between 10-11 pm then I will need to drive to (your home). If I leave on Friday, half the day is over before I get there. I will be leaving Sunday evening whether we come Sept. 22 or October 17 to get back to work on Monday. IÂm sorry for all the confusion and seemingly indecisiveness. But itÂs just that all of our lives, like everyone elseÂs, is complicated with all 3 of our work schedules. I havenÂt spoken to (SD1) yet but hopefully sheÂs flexible. Love, SD2 ................................................. Here's the email I sent back to all three of them Dear SD2, SD1, and SS, Thank you both for trying to arrange things. SD2 and SS, I am willing to pick you up and take you back to Seattle airport. Your father might be willing to "go for a ride" since he usually reclines his seat and sleeps whenever we travel beyond (our home town) anyway. I'm accustomed to driving to and from the airport, and night driving isn't a concern for me. It's not my favorite thing, of course, but it's not too difficult as long as there's not rain. However, if both of you, SS and SD2, are able to arrange flight times close to each other and you'd like to rent a car that's fine too. I don't know the need for another vehicle while you're all here, but that's up to you, of course. Your father's still in bed, and I'm bringing coffee in to him and we'll sit and enjoy that. I'll let him know of the (still possible) dates. I know he'll feel relieved and happy to know that you'll all three be here. And SD2, the lawyer I worked with for so long (and who is still a good friend and I admire so much) had a lovely sign in his office. About "easier to ask forgiveness than permission". I think you'll find this true with your boss! Of course, we got most of our clients through that same adage ... trying to sort out their "forgiveness" because they hadn't asked "permission", but I don't think (your boss) will sue you about this! ha ha I'll put the cream in his coffee, and go visit with your father right now. Thank you both (and SD1, too) for trying to arrange this visit with your father. Love, Kathy .................................................. NOW, friends on the Stepfamily forum: I thank you for all your ideas, suggestions, comments, and opinions. My husband made his decision and spoke with all the kids about it. They discussed it amongst themselves. I sent emails and they sent emails. Everything is settled and, as you can see, all communications are friendly, proper, and loving. I am certain we will have a nice visit with them ... whether they arrive in a week or so, or later in October after we return from our one flight of the year ... to a grandson's wedding in Santa Barbara. PLEASE LET THIS TOPIC DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES, NOW. I hate to see so many of you going on and on about this. This is NOT what I needed from any of you. I don't think continuing this conversation is beneficial to anyone. I believe we all know where everyone stands now. However, if any of you would like to learn more about Dementia and/or Alzheimer's Disease, I suggest you do some research. I've read a number of comments that led me to believe some of you just don't understand the disease and its symptoms and behaviors. Now, to all, Goodnight! I'm joining my husband in the library where we will watch (undoubtedly) something on The History Channel, because that's one of his favorites! Kathy in Washington P.S. I'll tell you a perk of being married to a man who fought in World War II: learning my history from him! I know more about that war than I ever learned in school. And I have such a great appreciation for what truly was The Greatest Generation! Please ask questions of anyone you know who fought then -- they'd most likely be happy to share their experiences with you.

Oh suzie2003's post reminds me! One June, years ago, we had our wood floors refinished. Because of the humidity, it was too tacky for the guy to finish them for days. It didn't bother me but it drove my DH crazy. Every day the flooring guy would show up, crawl across the floor on his hands and knees and then say, no, it's still too tacky for the next coat. The guy even came to the house on a Sunday morning, clearly looking like he rolled out of bed, his hair all sticking up, slapped a tool belt over his cut off sweats, and came to our house to touch the floor. The floors look great and, to me, it was worth it so when we added hardwood to the kitchen we called the same guy back. He seemed to be the poster child of what can happen if you breath in too many fumes. But we also suspected it might have been more a result of a misspent youth.

The worst part of the mini-jade disaster is in that I'd been training them all for bonsai for several to many years.. This is one of the plants that got creamed. And this, too:Though it isn't as developed as the first image, it's on its way to being a nice bonsai 'tree'.Younger version of it ^^^. As you see it, it was a recent cutting off a larger plant I keep specifically for cuttings. FWIW, you can start extremely thick cuttings of Jade & portulacaria.The third one was the one on the right. K - I ask my friends for advice all the time. It's not unusual for me to drive 100 miles (1 way) to a bonsai club meeting) with what I consider to be a special piece of bonsai material for advice on how to develop it. I took this tree to the Ann Arbor Bonsai Society to see what others would do with the tree. I was convinced it should be a triple trunk specimen, or perhaps a 2 trunk. I ended up removing the 2 subordinate trunks and pulling up the branch that angles off to the as the new top. I then chopped off the thick trunk above that left branch and started building a tree. Getting to the point in a roundabout fashion: it isn't a sign of weakness when you feel the need to ask for help or advice; I think, just the opposite. When I need help or advice, and am having trouble asking for it, the way I convince myself on those occasions is by reminding myself there are more than 30 verses in the bible that warn against the sin of pride; and the warnings don't come only from the bible, either. Mencken's Dictionary of Quotations has 4 full pages (thasalot!) from some rather famous thinkers, devoted to admonitions against 'pride'. See why it's easier to admire someone who pride can't control? Al