are you feeling any better? this really can turn physical...take care!

one other thing...make sure when you leave for in-laws the windows are really secure...i'd probably alert a neighbor, you're leaving...sometimes just changing locks won't stop a determined nosey sister...

We always lock the windows for security. This neighbourhood is changing - more police around these days...

Sister studied law at uni. but switched to history. She's well versed on breaking and entering and too stupid to wear gloves anyway. Wouldn't be hard to nail her. I don't honestly expect she'd do anything over the weekend - not if she wants to keep 'executor' and 'POA' for my Mom as well. If she got nailed with anything illegal, as both myself, I could have her legally removed from those responsibilities.

Little sister may not have gone to uni. but little sister is not so stupid either.

I did find her son on Friday through the Facebook web because she was too stupid to think of it - the police always have social network accounts for these things - they never thought either. I found him in 11 minutes.

My locks are changed and my life is changing now. I'm exhausted from all this crap and just about ready to drop from the emotional strain but this time next week Merle Haggard will be blaring out of my boom box and I'll be painting the house (which I can't do because of my mother's health)...

I can't but help feel sorry for your Mom.

I feel sorry for my Mom too but she's not asking anymore. My sister has the run of this place and it IS HURTING my marriage.

Try 2 years of the same conversation over and over and over again with respect to DH & I asking if she would let us know if my sister wants to send the kids over. The asking stopped. The 'want' stopped. The 'by the way the kids are coming this afternoon, is that alright' or 'they're on their way for a visit' became the norm.

Mom stopped letting us know and believe me - she mentally has all her faculties and is manipulating things to suit her need/want to have her grandchildren here whenever my sister wanted / needed to get them out of her hair.

If you owned your home, and asked for over 2 years to have your homelife/marriage life respected and just got ignored and put a revolving door at the front so kids, sisters extra family not invited to stay just got dropped off for you to

feed

clean up after

disrupt a movie/tv show your watching and enjoying

disrupt a home renovation

disrupt any planned activity

hurt your marriage

Cheeryfizz, unfortunately you really don't have the full picture.

This is my home, my husband's home. My mother is a guest here. This is not the old family home - it's MY home and I'm PISSED.

Don't feel sorry for my Mother - she's brought this on herself. I've quit my job over a year ago to look after her 24/7. I take sleeping pills because I lay awake at night to listen when she might go to the toilet and may fall. I got a medic alert alarm for her in case she falls and I actually do go into a normal level of sleep.

My mother has been taking advantage of me since DH and I moved home from a very happy life in Scotland to look after her 24/7.

Don't feel sorry for my Mom, she knows what she's doing. She left home at 16 to get away from her family and live her own life and never looked back. I'm 45 years old and still getting walked all over by my family. I wanted to put her in a care home with 24/7 care but

she doesn't want it until now because she's not sure if she can handle living with my sister.

Ever read the story - Cry Wolf?

Cherryfizz I like you, and appreciate your feeling towards my Mom. Please believe me when I tell you my marriage is being hurt and my health has suffered enough. There aren't enough pills in the bottle to take to fix family problems. And it's not fair that I should need to take them to get through my day and sleep at night.

If there is anything I haven't explained well, please let me know, I'll do my best to respond. I hope none if this is taken personally - after almost no sleep, 2 different pills to sleep each night, 2 prozac each morning - i'm not always writing clearly. I don't mean any offence to you Cherryfizz at all. I'm just hurting inside. I wish my Mom could stay but as long as she does, my sister will be interfering. I can't take it anymore. I have another sister and brother who have done NOTHING to help but sure know how to appear at meal time or holidays.

Door's closed. Don't come back ya'll. The diner is closed. Cleaning services are gone and no more free meals or take out being served here. The maid is tired.

I am the dishwasher and floor cleaner, laundry queen.

I want to go back to work again - this has cost me over a year's income. My mother REFUSED to let me get her doctor to sign her as a dependant so I could claim back some lost wages....

do you still feel sorry for my Mom?

I still do but I know you have to do what is right for you. I never said anything about you.

You don't need to tell me anything about caregiving or family, or whatever. I gave up my career, my chance of getting married, having children, whatever to care for my MOM 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for over 9 years. I would have done anything for her.

Peace

OM goodness Cherryfizz.
Peace to you too - like I said - my heads fuzzy today.
Had a very good talk with my Mom and she understands.
I am emotionally distraught because I wish things were different...

but on a happier note

she get's to live with her grandchildren, which I believe keeps her going day after day. My sister's youngest son has special needs and the bond between the 2 of them is precious.

I'm hoping for the best for my Mom and my sister's family that they enjoy their time together.

I wouldn't make it 9 years.

Thank you for posting.
Peggy

I'm feeling so badly for you, Peggy. I can see that you're on the edge and need desperately to calm down and take a breather; is there anyone you know who could give you a couple hours respite today or tomorrow so you can get out? Take a cab and if the weather's good, walk downtown or see a light, fun movie. (I saw "27 Dresses" yesterday and that would fit the bill.) You just have to get through another two days and then it's done. It's such a shame that it got to this point with your siblings who, it sounds like, have used you like a doormat for too long. I hope you're not feeling guilty about putting your mom in a care home, which is probably where she'll go when your sister realizes how hard the job is, because you've had far more to deal with than just your mother. You're lucky to have such an understanding husband who has backed you all this time (and not complained much?) I do hope your mom appreciates all you have done for her and if not, she will soon. Will you visit her when she is gone? I'm sure there are many family dynamics that we don't know about, but the bottom line is that in order to save yourself you had to do what you did and no sane person would fault you for it. Do your siblings realize to what extent you have been pushed, both physically and mentally? I do hope all goes smoothly and the plan is followed as you have laid out. Good luck and b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

Cherryfizz, you put yourself through so much, glad the situation is getting resolved. Stick to your guns regarding your Mom and Sis. They will be fine and don't need your help. Look out for yourself,it's all you can do. God bless.

I'm still having tears today - it's like losing a parent. I won't be able to visit my Mom unless I sneak in during the day to say hello to her. She will be a phone call away. I truly believe and I think my Mom does too that she'll be heading to a full care facility, especially if my sister does not get 'that granny suite' built soon.

I've done her laundry today, washed her special sheeps wool mattress cover. Tomorrow I'll start with my Mom sorting things she wants to immediately take with her.

I'm teetering on losing it - my emotions are all over the place. I know there are people here who have been through where I am now - it's just so hard when it's someone you love that you just can't care for anymore.

My husband is being extremely supportive right now. He even said if my sister would stop interfering with her kids and constant demands from our house, it wouldn't be a problem to have my Mom stay with us. Which is the basis of this.

I just feel very sad and trying to be a mature adult today is hard.

This is so unexpected the way things have turned out/come to a head. I knew this day was coming, it's kinda like when someone has been ill and finally dies - your just never prepared for 'the moment', no matter how much you prepare.

The straw that broke my back was Friday. My sister 'sent' her son here. When he didn't get home and my sister had the police call here looking for him, that was it. 'The Moment'. The officer even said at 15 years old my nephew is old enough to think for himself.

Anyway, I'm trying really hard to keep it together. I think Thursday I'll let it all out and have a really good soak in the tub.

I'm dreading having to get through Wed.

Hang in there and have a good ol' cry any time you want! We're thinking of you and I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
Erin