I'm not surprised son told his mother what his wife said. Poor guy is probably scrambling to find something worth saying, since he just talked to her last night! lol Or this could be his way of getting off the phone call roster. Too bad he wasn't man enough to shoulder the blame himself, he has to let his wife be the bad guy.

I talk to my mom twice a day when Pops is out of town and we both run out of things to talk about, sometimes she just calls and says "goodnight" and hangs up! lol She's 90, though, so I have to keep tabs on her. When Pops is home, we'll go a week without talking sometimes.

If she is asking the question, then she probably already knows the answer LOL.

What if she calls one kid per night, then takes a night off, then starts the cycle again? That way they get breaks in between, and she can always call if there is something important to discuss.

She can always ask her sons, but only if she won't be offended to find out how they really feel (although, she might be pleasantly surprised).

Dances.

I agree she should back off! No need to call and talk every night for that amount of time.Anyway,it's not her business what his day was like.He should be discussing that with his wife,not his mother! I'm sure he could care less what happened with other family members.
My oldest son isn't married now and lives in a different state.He usually calls his dad and they chat about cars and man stuff every day but I don't talk to him every day, unless he calls me.Of course we live with youngest son right now but when we didn't he would call DH just about every day.I didn't do the calling though.This woman sounds like a meddling old woman and she needs to stop or she will lose the relationship she has with her younger son too.It's time to let her baby boy grow up!

DS & I talk on the phone on average probably about once per week... occasionally twice or sometimes none. I am pretty certain that my DIL wouldn't appreciate a daily call from me to him. DS's going off to a college 4 hrs from home helped immensely with my need to be in frequent contact.

DIL's mom used to call nightly, they are no longer on speaking terms. Now the phone calls had zero to do with their separation, but perhaps it does illustrate how intrusive she was in my DIL's life & marriage in soo many ways.

My DH has 2 grown children aged 36 (married, 3 kids) & 35 (getting married in Sept 2011) - he talks to them probably 2-3 times a week - no set schedule - he will call them, they will call him. I have 2 DDs - ages 27 & working FT, and 21 in College & working. We text frequently, talk probably once a week. They are local & good about coming home for visits. Interestingly - my DDs and I are not phone talkers - we are very close, but none of us are phone talkers.

My very Dear Mother passed in November 09 - we spoke on the phone rarely - she had hearing loss. I would put letters in the mail frequently & visit often.

hostapasta

I don't call mine unless I really have to, but one calls me about every 2 weeks and the other calls me about once a month - they lead very busy lives and I don't like disturbing them unless I really need to.

I might talk to my son maybe once every 2-3 weeks. He's very busy with his own family. Most of the time I will email him. Actually my DH has been on a business trip for nearly 2 weeks. For all my son knows, I could be laying at the bottom of the stairs, dead or something. LOL He rarely checks in with me. But, I'm totally fine with that. My MIL was not a meddler, and I completely love her for that.

Intrusive and controlling! I would bet that is what is behind her DIL's aloofness, it sure would be mine! Her children are probably trying to figure out how to tell her to back off, that they have their own families and lives that need attention. She needs some friends and interests.

My married son and I probably talk on the phone once a month - we do email each other quite frequently both at work and on facebook. My married daughter and I talk on the phone every sunday night, sometimes up to an hour! It's always been this way ever since she went away to college.

I read every post in this thread, and I'm not going to add anything new. Everybody said what I would say, and said it well.

I wonder if your friend knows how . . . er . . . unusual she is.

Sounds lonely to me. She needs to make some friends. Her kids need to live their own lives. I talk to sons at least every couple of weeks. Sometimes they'll call in between.

If she was my MIL, I wouldn't like that one bit. Does she really think her sons care to know what happens with Mom, Dad, siblings, neices, nephews EVERY SINGLE DAY? I talk to mine maybe once a month for just chit-chat plus additional calls if there is something particular to talk ABOUT.

There's a very simple way to figure out whether or not your behavior is excessive. Just ask yourself, if your mother-in-law called every night and kept your husband tied up, on the phone, for at least a half hour, would it bother you?

If the answer is Yes, you have your answer. Couples today have little enough time to spend together, since they both usually work. Then to know that no matter what needs to be addressed with your spouse, his/her time will be cut short by a nightly phone call would absolutely irritate me.

Both my children are married. We speak with them on a weekly basis. Of course, if there's something that needs attention right away, there's no standing on ceremonies. But, the one thing I do not want to do is wear out my welcome with their spouses. As a result, our in-law children treat us with great love and respect and will call, on their own, to ask our opinions or help.

I agree with georgysmom, she must be lonely to spend that much time on the phone with her sons. ....she needs to get a life.....Her sons would probably rather be doing most anything else but don't want to hurt her feelings.......she is so over the top that I am surprised the DIL's even speak to her.

Well I don't have a son but I do have a daughter. She's 24 and we talk daily. Always have. If I don't call her, she calls me. But we NEVER talk for even 20 minutes. We talk for about 3 to 4 minutes every day. Don't know why we do it but we do and I believe we both like it that way. She must like it since if I don't call, she calls me. But like I said it's only for about 3 minutes. We always talk when we are getting supper ready or we are at the gym. I don't like to call her when I know her boyfriend is around. I imagaine that once she gets married and has kids, we'll switch to a couple of times a week.

I do think talking for 20 to 30 minutes is excessive. Maybe she could try cutting it off at 3 minutes? That way she could talk every day just to check in but that's it.

I have sons, sometimes weeks will go by, sometimes they call daily. As a daughter, my mom and I spoke every day. Even after she had no idea who I was I called her every day at the time we would normally call. Her caregiver would hold the phone for her. This thread makes me miss my mom.

I do not believe this is REAL. No one could be that rude, needy, intrusive. My son calls me once a week. In return he knows I won't call him, unless an emergency came up. He isn't married. I am hoping the habit is set firm by the time he is. I tried like heck to get my husband to call his mom once a week, but it didn't happen. There is no one I don't live with I talk to for 30 minutes every day. This story is not possibly true.

Well, she's just too needy to be believed!

My DS is in grad school, not married, so I wouldn't be inflicting myself on a girlfriend or spouse, but there is no way in hell I'd be calling to talk for a half hour every evening!

He has things to do, and SO DO I!, LOL. That woman needs a life.

Thank you for all your responses. My friend did call her sons every day once they moved out, so this nightly phone call was established before they got married. Maybe because the sons have always been used to it, it never occurred to them that their wives might find it a bit excessive. (Her other 2 kids are daughters and she feels she has a good relationship with her SIL's.)

I asked my friend if she always calls her children at the same time of night, and she said no, but it's usually sometime between 8 and 10:30 p.m. After reading all your responses, I think I will suggest that she might wish to ask each child when is the best time to talk to them so she can avoid interrupting them at an inconvenient time. I'll tell her that although the nightly call has always been accepted by her sons, perhaps the older son's wife finds it a bit excessive, which might explain her aloofness. Maybe he's hestitant to tell her for fear of hurting her, but it might be hurting his marriage instead. I'll also gently remind her that the newlyweds are just that, and her spontaneous phone calls might sometimes be derailing a 'romantic interlude' since they never know when she'll phone each night.

I call my DS once or twice a month....he doesn't enjoy chatting.
He calls me if it is something really important...like when Jake was born or when Mio was born or when the Twin Towers fell and he was working across the street.
And he does call for Christmas and for our birthdays.

After reading your update I can say that I will get very annoyed if anyone calls me after 9 and get really mad if it is after 10. That's because my DH goes to sleep at 9 because he gets up at 4. Maybe that's the problem also? It's really hard when the kids get married. I'll have to be mindful of this when my daughter gets married.

yikes! that's insane! LOL My son would have told me
STOP! lol If that had been my Mother in law, I would
have freaked.

HOLY COW!!! I agree with the poster above that said the son should shoulder some of the blame, but man-oh-man, that is waaaay too excessive.

I talk to my mom once a week and DH talks to his family once every few months, LOL!

Blessings,
Haley

In my family we are FaceBookers~Emailers~Texters. My three kids keep in contact with me that way the most. If one is having an unusual problem I am the sounding board and may recieve lots of calls~~I am also the go to person when one of the 3 is stuck in traffic, they want to talk until they are out of it. As for me I very seldom call my kids~~I do not want to intrude on their lives~~~but with all of the above going on we talk quite a lot and usually with me never calling them.

The lady needs to back off give them a chance to call~~she may be surprised at how often they do call mom;)

I talk to my mom every day and my siblings almost everyday...but I don't often do it during family time.

I think that's the main problem here. My husband talks to his mom but it's on his cell in the car or he often calls her from work. If your spouse is working evenings, talking to your mom every night may be ok, but the mom in this case is interupting time with his new wife every evening... that's a huge problem. Does she not see that?

they ought to get fb! we all check there for things like updates on the kids, or whatever.. lol...

i check in with the kids only if we need something or to make arrangements to see the grands play soccer, ect...dd1 will call once in a while on her way to work, or like the other day, to let me know about dgd surgery..(tubes)

we established rules years ago when the kids were small...no calls after 9pm...and we've kept that schedule..my kids all work and need that tme to be with their families...

Never, because he calls me about 4 to 5 times a week. I couldn't ask for a son more devoted to his mother than he is.
It seems as if we always have something to talk about especially his 3 children. He is a graphic designer and works at home a lot. I fear I would break his concentration if I called, so he calls when he needs a break.

That's way way over the top. I talk to my kids occasionally but not every day for sure. In fact saw my son at the gym tonight from across the room and just waved. They are both local, so if I want to talk, I'll drive to their house.

I very seldom call my kids (both married) because I don't want to interfere with their personal time with their spouses, or with things they are doing in their off work time. My daughter calls me once every 2-3 weeks and we usually talk 45 minutes to an hour, maybe more. My son calls me when he has something he wants to talk with me about, usually once every month or two, and we talk maybe 15 or 20 minutes. We also stay in touch by email and on Facebook.

Haven't read all the responses, but I agree calling every evening is a bit much. I generally phone my married sons about once a week (more in an emergency or special situation, or course) -- sometimes they do the calling.

Both of them are VERY busy in their careers, get up early, are tired in the evenings, have wives and small children (one has a new baby), so I know their time is valuable, and I don't want to interrupt their time at home with their families. Don't want them to get tired of hearing from me, either. :)

I think you should just print out all of these responses for her, or let her read them online. That way, she will not be offended by YOUR advice! (I rarely call my son In ky, just wait for him to call us.)

I agree, you should print out the responses. Your friend must be lonely in her life. There is no way I would spend two hours of my precious time every night calling my kids, and no way would they tolerate it.

sleeper said it .no way they would tolerate..Show me a Mother that rude and insensitive and I'll show you a daughter in law that can barely stand her MIL. I/We do not interfere in our kids lives in any way. I learned that from a friend who from the time her kids married had to be in their faces all the time. Advice and intrusion blah blah blah.....she doesn't understand why her DIL doesn't like her. She has gotten upset because of things like calling and telling DIL we are going to pick the kids up at 8:00 and go to ??? and DIL says, I don't think so.......no notice, no preparation anything. Or here's another good one......two grands but they want to take the older one and not the younger one for pizza........DIL .....no you can't do that......Some parents seem to believe that they are still in charge........I don't blame the DIL's and I think my friend is a sicko.

It is time the son step up and tell mom that he loves her but to back off. Set a time of once a month to call him. If I were the DIL, I would think that his mother was rather wierd, and I would run like the wind, even if I had just got married. It ain't gonna get any better babe!!.

If I were hers, I would buy an answering machine and
let the machine take the phone calls and call her back
when I wanted......

Guess it's unanimous that she's over the top. My MIL had a hard time letting her boys go but even she didn't do that. I notice these days that a lot of parents are very connected to their young adult children - texting them multiple times per day. Probably will be even more cling on parents in law in the future.

I will add that when my in laws were in their later years my husband talked to them every day and often visited them multiple times per week. At times I thought it was maybe a bit much but a good thing none the less.

Wildchild, I was thinking more of unlatching them from the breast.

That's ridiculous.

I talk to my mom most days. I didn't use to, but as my sons are older (early 20's) and she is older (early 70's) I have more time to chat and want to check in to be sure she is ok and help her to not feel alone. She is a busy, vibrant woman but loves her children dearly and I know she loves to hear from each of the four of us.

As for talking to my two sons...the younger one away at college and the older has moved back home and is back in college. When they do not live with us I talk to them 2-3 times a week at the most. I would LOVE to talk to them every day, but I know then they would take our conversations for granted. A daily conversation would last perhaps 5-10 minutes as it does with my mom. I think if she limited herself to that, it might be well-received. Sometimes we children have to do things we don't necessarily LIKE doing to make our parents happy. But I could definitely see a spouse growing resentful to daily conversations of that length!

I had an acquaintance in her 50s that would call her aging parents every afternoon as she got off work, for about 5 minutes, just to make sure they were OK. I thought that was sweet.

I agree with all of the above. My grown children call me usually. About twice a week for each of them. I may place a call every 4-6 weeks. More often if there is something going on. The mother in the OP needs to let go. Her son is a grown man and does not Mommy to check up on him every day.

This thread is 6 years old!

My daughter and I are close, but she doesn't like talking on the phone all that much. However, we text, email and respond to each others Facebook posts. It's not just me -- that's how she communicates with friends, too.

This is evidently still an interesting topic.

I almost never call my DS or DIL. I told them at the beginning of their marriage that I would love to hear from them -- whenever they want to call me. (I had an intrusive MIL.) They married one another, not me. With two grammar school age kids and work, they are BUSY. I only hope they have time to talk to one another! (DIL's family is not intrusive either.)

DIL never calls me, but will sometimes email me. DS will call every 4 - 6 weeks. He sometimes uses speaker phone so we can chat with the whole family. DIL and I will chat for half an hour if *I* ask to speak with her individually.

DH and I love to hear from them, but we have all the time in the world. They don't. It's good to have 'ties that bind' as long as the binding isn't a stranglehold.

I never call my sons unless it is for a specific purpose and checking up on them isn't a specific purpose. One of our sons works quite close and so will drop in to say hi.

My MIL calls my DH every night and every day at work. I always knew it was her because DH's reaction was always the same "oh no" or "that's too bad". First words he said to her all the time which means that she went straight to complaining without ever asking him how he is. I feel sorry for him.

I used to call my Mother twice a day to make sure she was OK and just to let her know what I was up to for the day. Sure wish I had her to call now. The people who have said it would drive them nuts to talk to their parents everyday might regret that statement someday. Just saying....

I text my DD once a week unless we're meeting. She's married no children and has just passed her accounting program. I'm brimming with happiness for her... :). Anyway that's about as much as my 30 something DD wants. I don't think she'll feel guilty at least I hope not! To me, Life is too short to live riddled with regrets about the past.

I responded to this thread 6 years ago lol. Happy to say things are still the same with how often I communicate with my sons and DIL.

My mom and I call each other every night and have done so since I married 36 years ago. Sometimes my dad will also be on the call. They are often quick chats about the day or what dad cooked for dinner. Wouldn't miss those chats for anything!

Our kids are so busy with toddlers and DD has a newborn, a toddler and a 9 year old. I never call except to arrange a visit, see if they need anything, stuff like that. Occasionally DD wants to chat on the phone but I let her call me or I text to see if she has a moment.

Our son's in laws are at their house every day. I am quite frankly put off by rarely having them to ourselves when we go for a visit. Her parents are always there. Son and his wife have toddler twins.

How do these old threads get started back up? I would be interested to know what the OP told her needy friend. I agree with everyone, way over the top. My kids both live across the wide ocean, but with What'sApp we text frequently and skype about every two weeks. Was skype around 6 years ago, lol. I know it was, but both of them were stateside, so need to use it.

To those who expressed disbelief that any mother would call her grown son every day and talk at least 30 minutes every time: BELIEVE IT. My MIL did. Drove me nuts. As soon as she got home from work every day. And naturally, we had just gotten home too, and wanted quiet time with each other.

I resented the time my DH spent listening to her on the phone - he didn't talk much, just mostly listened. It was so intrusive. And pointless. He was too nice to tell her to quit, and I thought, therefore, he was putting her first in front of me.

She has been gone 20+ years, but the memories still make me angry.