We used to do this. Every adult brought a wrapped gift that worked for either gender. We drew numbers and #1would pick first, open the gift, and then it was #2's turn. She/he could either take the already opened gift and pick another wrapped gift for that person to open or #2 could pick his/her own unopened gift. Each in turn could choose from among all the opened gifts (giving the person whose gift they took a new one to open) or you could pick a new unopened gift. By the end, there had always been a lot of "stealing" and laughing. The person with #1 always got to pick again at the end from all the opened gifts. Bottles of cheer were always popular. Once, one SIL gave a silly elephant planter, but she filled it with peanuts as a consolation to whoever ended up with it. We had a good mix of nice and joke gifts and it was always the highlight of the day. Oh and we put a $20 limit on the gifts. Not only was the exchange fun, but shopping for your one gift was great! I always tried to find something fun. DH usually bought a bottle of something decent.

Ah, you have touched on something that our family has been dealing with.

We have the 2 grandparents, they have 4 children, two of these children are married.

The two married children have 2 children in one family and the other family has 4 children. One of the 4 children is engaged. (total of 6 grandchildren + 1 fiancé.)

And let me preface this by saying we all live in the same community and see one another often. And no one "wants" for any material goods.

Many years ago when the kiddies were all little, the 4 siblings and 2 spouses began drawing names among the 6 of us. This was a good thing to help cut down on the expense for everyone. But because the kids were small, every adult bought for all the kids.

But...

It always seemed very unfair to me that the 2 single adult children, one of whom lives on a teacher's salary, bought for her parents, sibling from the name draw, and 6 nieces and nephews. I just felt that it was very unfair, especially since this person had the least amount of extra financial resources.

Now of the 6 grandkids (plus fiancé) since they are all high school/college/out of college age, we last year said that they have their own draw among the 7 of them. The 6 adults draw as we always have, and everyone chips in to get something substantial for the grandparents.

I am so much more comfortable with this than the previous situation. It just seemed to be too much for the single people to have to buy for all these nieces and nephews.
And as a mom, I got to really resent when my DDs were in high school that "their" gift to their cousins was not from them, but part of mom and dad's holiday budget and to-do list. This new arrangement squarely puts the responsability for the cousins to do the shopping task for each other. And it is something that can easily expand as more of that generation grows and has boyfriend/girlfriends/spouses of their own, without stressing the budgets of everyone.

We tried drawing names among the adults, but there are some people who aren't good at buying gifts, so there were always recipients who were disappointed. I think it would be fun to do the white elephant game as Cyn427 described, but I have a few humorless relatives who wouldn't understand the concept. As a result, we only buy gifts for the children. Once you've graduated from high school, you are considered an adult. This still isn't particularly equitable considering some people have multiple children and others have none, but c'est la vie.

P.S. Trading gift cards was deemed to be wasteful spending by one family member. "Why not just trade $20 bills," she said. Sadly, I sort of see her point.

My four brothers, spouses, and I stopped giving gifts 30 years ago, but continued giving gifts to each others' kids.

My six kids and their spouses put all their names in a hat at Thanksgiving and choose one name. Since it is a secret ballot, so to speak, I am in charge of keeping track so no one gets their own spouse, but that is the only restriction. No swapping, no rigging the vote. Each kid has one adult to buy for that way, instead of eleven. They all give gifts to each others' kids. Hub and I buy gifts for everyone.

My birthday is the 23rd, one gdtr will be four on the 26th, my dtr will be 28 on the 29th, another dtr 31 on the 2nd. It is a chaotic time, a mess, and a whole lot of fun. You will work out a good system for your family, and I think everyone will be glad not to have to buy for everyone, to concentrate on one. The things my kids give each other are always thoughtful, unique, fitting, and sometimes hilarious. It's all good.

Thank you so much, Cyn & Julie. This is exactly the help I need. Julie, do the grandparents still buy for the kids/grandkids or are they included in the draw? I think my mom would have a hard time with the draw--and I like going in on a larger gift for the grandparents, as I would hate not to be able to give my parents a gift.

In my husband's family they buy gifts for kids and you are considered a kid until you have one of your own. Kids do not buy gifts for anyone. It works really well. I wish my family would convert to this system. My dad still throws a hissy fit if he doesn't get what he considers a "good" gift and he's 82.

I have 6 siblings, my husband has 5....all have spouses and children. We only buy gifts for the children (a child is a child til they graduate from college).

We all have too much stuff, and don't really want any more.

One thing to consider, it may be too late to change gift giving for this year. Some people may have already starting their shopping.

ML

We've done something similar in my family. We draw names, but we exchange stockings. Each person fills a stocking for someone else. The limit is $100, which might be considered a bit high, but it means I don't buy gifts for 7 people, so I probably save some in the end. We fill them with candy, toiletries, socks, funny little gifts, ornaments... the usual stocking stuffers. And we have so much fun! All the gifts are wrapped individually in the stockings, so it can take all evening to get them opened. We combine it with a pot-luck at my Aunts on Christmas Eve.

Ellen,
The grandparents do buy for everyone.

If they were older and shopping was a burden I would imagine this might change.

rilie, I love this idea.

Rilie, I really like your stocking idea!

We haven't got small children in our family, but the kids all have very diverse incomes. In order to not put a burden on the struggling college students, we drew names for every one, but we put a STRICT $30 limit. Each person was to list 3 things that they would like to have, regardless of price; their favorite thing to eat/drink; and their favorite colors. This allowed the giver a wide choice.

It resulted in some of the best gifts-for example DS got his older sister a Chanel lipstick and a few other girlie goodies. She was in college at the time and that would have been an extravagant splurge for her, but she adored it.

Santa (Mom & Dad) supplied stockings for everyone that had nice little goodies, and always includes a scratch it lottery ticket. That seems to be the best part.

We entertain about 35 people for Christmas. Between buying the food and cooking dinner, it is already a very expensive day.

We buy the grands gifts and the kids, including our great nieces and nephews. The parents typically get a bag of candy from Costco.

DH and I never buy gifts for each other as we consider a day with family our gifts. Last year, the only gift we received was a single towel from 'Mom'. We ask everyone not to buy for us. We have too much stuff already.

We do exactly what cyn427 described, a robber type gift exchange. The kids saw the adults having so much fun with it that the younger kids asked if they could do away with their traditional gift exchange and so now everyone participates in the robber exchange together.
There are about 28 of us ranging in age from 10-80 when we gather.
The robber gift exchange can take a good hour or more. The gifts can get quite funny, practical or impractical, ironic or embarrassing (depending on who gets what). We've seen anything from food items to gift cards, beer to pig and skunk pillow pets, books to games, Starbucks coffee, Victoria secret gift cards, etc.

This type of "gift" exchange allows for guests, boyfriends & girlfriends to participate. Everyone does it for fun rather than the actual gift.
Other than a gift for parents, that's really the only gift buying we do.

DH and I have 5 siblings, three children, and many nieces and nephews. We made the decision between all of us when the kids were small to not exchange gifts with our siblings, but that each child would receive a Christmas ornament from their cousins/aunts/uncles. Once the kids all graduated from h.s., everyone stopped doing it. Every year, we look at the ornaments and remember who gave them and when.

For the two sibs who are unmarried and childless, we gave a small gift. We usually give our parents something edible since none of them need or want anything, and our kids get a few nice things plus money. My parents and in-laws give everyone money and have for years.

My 5 kids and their spouses exchange names~we do this over the phone on Thanksgiving since we're not all together. They made the limit $75~each person puts 3 things under their name, including gift cards. Usually there are more GC given than anything else since anyone can use a gift card, be it a restaurant, Target/Walmart, or a Visa.

I buy for all the grands, and the siblings may send a $20 GC to nieces/nephews~there are only 6. This seems to work for everyone.

Live the Christmas ornament idea!

My large family has shifted from drawing individual names to a range of other options. We usually decide on Thanksgiving what "the plan" will be. We have: given to a cause that was meaningful that year to each individual family (sharing on Christmas about the cause but not sharing specific dollar amounts), pooled our money to support one cause as a collective and, on two different years, had a "fake plan" and pooled money (and other resources) to support one of our own families (eg. the year my brother's dairy barn collapsed or when my brother in law had cancer). The person collecting has always been very discreet so it is really joyful sharing... we all know the total given, but individual amounts aren't announced. We started this when most of the the "grand kids" we're over 14 or so.

Merrygardner - what wonderful and meaningful ideas! My family (at least my side) gave up gifts several years ago. It was much like someone mentioned, we don't need anything, we buy what we need/want, honestly, I find it hard to even come up with ideas for something for myself! I HATED when it got to the point that it felt like we were exchanging gift cards or money. To me, that is also so impersonal. I know it is practical for some though. I am a child at heart about gifts I suppose, I want something meaningful, I want it to be a surprise, etc., etc., etc. LOL

I also agree with Goldie about the day with family being our gift. That is what I look forward to more than anything, the meaning of Christmas, the whole season and then the "big" day - celebrating with family and friends. Now that my dad is alone, we do buy something for him. Treat type things, just to spoil him a little. The same for my grandmother, who is in assisted living, but she usually gets candy and little things she enjoys having on hand (game books, etc.). We have no children in the close family. My husband and I do buy for usually two children from the community each year to contribute to their "santa" gifts. My family has also "adopted" a family for the holiday who needed a little help.

tina

My DH's family is large. My SIL sets up a rotating gift exchange between the adults with a limit of $75. We rotate through everyone through the years, and there have been many! My MIL does not participate b/c she wants to buy everyone a gift and each adult couple buys her a gift. We all buy the kids gifts until they are done with college and on their own (in the $20 to $25 range). Then they join the adult xmas exchange. It works for us, makes xmas fun for everyone, but not overly expensive. We have 8 adults, 9 kids and my MIL.

For one or 2 Christmases we tried picking names between my 3 sisters and I and it did not work for us. Some participated more fully than others. Now, I do get children gifts for their birthdays and on Christmas I will do a family gift. For the family unit it might be a comedy DVD with candy and pizza gift certificates or restaurant gift cards, etc. I have tried to get the sisters to pool resources for a nicer gift for our mom but that usually means everybody waits until the last minute. DH's family just does gifts for kids, so far, there has been no cut off age yet on that, yet.