Hi, Sue. I am also a full-time student and I have 4 little boys. I have also delegated grocery shopping to my husband. I think you should definitely make a list for him. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't send him a list, we would be eating Doritos and Oreos for a week :) I organize my list according to areas of the grocery store. For example, the produce section is the first section in the store, so I list all the produce items first. I divide all the sections and label them "Produce", "Dairy", "Meats", etc. For my husband, the more organized the list, the easier it is for him.

I also just started making my own stock after years of using the store bought kind. I guarantee, once you start making it yourself, you will never go back to store bought. It is very easy, and the results are fabulous. Here is the link to the page I used to help get me started. I hope this helps :) Good luck!

Manda

Here is a link that might be useful: Stock Making 101

I agree with Manda on the good organization of a list. I also lay it out by the aisle number in the store we shop at. In my case I've found that I have to be very detailed about what I want and sometimes even have to say "not" such and such. If I want Gala Apples then I have to state Gala. If I want yellow onions I have to say so. If I don't want him to buy a store brand I have to say what brand I want. If I want Uncle Bens Converted Rice I have to say "not wild rice and not rice with anything else in it." Hopefully your DH will will not have as difficult a time as mine does. I also know that when he goes he's going to call me several times if the list is more than 5 or 6 items. It's usually easier to do it myself.

Hopes this helps.

Beverly

The first thing you should do is take DH along with you when YOU shop so that you can demonstrate how it's done. My brother has gone shopping with me enough times that now I can give him a list and he will bring back exactly what I want. You also have to teach him to read expiration dates - something my sister still refuses to take the time to do. I hate shopping with my sister because she will send everyone in all directions in the store to get different items because she thinks that will save time, but then we can never find each other and invariably she manages not to buy something essential. The last time I was in Austin, she took me to Central Market (an upscale version of HEB) not far from her house, and since she never buys anything there (she thinks it's too expensive), she had to shop the way I wanted to, which was to go down every aisle that looked interesting. I got some great pumpernickel bread that (from a local German bakery) and found a great selection of cheeses - at prices that I am used to but she is not.

You'll need to explain the importance of price; i.e., when you want to save money and when quality is more important. There's actually quite a bit to learn, and you won't think of everything unless you take him to the market with you. Explain why you buy what you do and why you don't buy what you don't. I hope he's better at being taught than my sister!

Lars

Sue,

My DH always tells people that his Mom told him he needed to learn to cook, grocery shop, do laundry, & clean. DH says, "So, I got married & sure enough I've learned to cook, grocery shop, do laundry, & clean!" :)

I used to make a very detailed list. Now, it's not necessary. It's like learning every other new skill...it takes practice. Make detailed lists at first & speak with him as though you ASSUME he's going to do a good job. He will.

I'm so happy for you getting into law school! What an accomplishment, lady! You go girl...

/tricia

I think a lot of men are selectively and deliberately stupid when it comes to domestic tasks! It's their modus operandi for getting out of them. At the same time, however, I think it's difficult for anyone to shop to please another person.

The solution is to put him in charge of the kitchen completely. Let him do all the cooking. Yes, I'm sure there will be problems with that - maybe you like to do it, you have your own standards; maybe he can't boil water or the very idea of cooking a meal is anathema to him. This sort of thing must be overcome in order to solve the shopping dilemma. It's called 'compromise'.

Once he's in charge, does all the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, then he'll know exactly what he wants and needs when he's grocery shopping. Or he'll very quickly learn! He'll get into the way of planning ahead, making lists and checking stock. He'll soon learn to select a good tomato from a bad one. Sure, he'll make some almighty mistakes along the way, and for a while it might be 'feast or famine' at your place, but truly it's the only way. The sooner he starts, the better. Encourage him to explore your pantry, learn the brands you prefer, learn to check when the sugar or flour is running low.

Look at it this way - it's very hard to somebody else's thinking for them, and that's what you're asking him to do when he's shopping FOR YOU. It will become a lot easier when he's shopping FOR HIMSELF.

Meantime, have a few practice runs together, but don't be too controlling. Supervise, with a gentle hint here and there ('do we really need 6 of those, dear?', but generally let him loose to do it for himself.

Very well said, Daisy!

/tricia

"I think a lot of men are selectively and deliberately stupid when it comes to domestic tasks! It's their modus operandi for getting out of them."

You could have said "people" instead of "men". I find that statement offensive, insensitive, and inaccurate - at least from my experience.

Goldgirl, you're fortunate to have a supportive spouse who is willing to take over the grocery shopping. As mentioned above, teaching your good man to shop is a great idea, as is making a list by the aisles of the store(s) where he'll shop.

When I was expecting our second child, I made a long inventory list of everything I usually bought, including brand name, size, and other details, and typed it up -- this was pre-computers -- by categories as mentioned above (produce, dairy, cleaning, etc.) and left plenty of blank lines to add other items as needed for new recipes. The pre-printed list of basics came in very handy when I was ordered to bed six weeks before DD was born, and husband, son, and my mother shopped together.

Best of luck with your studies!

In DH's case, he's very willing to shop, but knows that I'm particular about items and brands. That's why I mentioned that I'll have to change my thinking as well and know that he's doing his best. I just want to set things up so it's very clear what he needs to buy. Lars - great idea about taking him with me. There's stuff in my head - e.g. it's okay to buy generic whatever but I prefer whatever brand of pasta - that he doesn't know and I can't expect him to read my mind.

I get what you're saying Daisy, about letting him cook. But it's my stress-relief and will give me something to look forward to other than work and school work ;) Plus, I like cooking for him as much as he likes me doing it :)

Sue

I tried that when I went back to school with three kids. He did it for a week (bless his heart), and then I went back to shopping. Since I didn't have classes 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, it was no harder shopping while I went to school than it is while working (it was actually easier) and it was a nice interlude in the day. I enjoy grocery shopping, seeing what's available and taking advantage of sales, etc. It took more time to go through the ads and make a list. Trying to cook with ingredients someone else bought drives me nuts. It's never quite right.

Good luck.

I think it helps to keep a running list. As soon as you've emptied the box/jar/bag of something, write down everything you can to identify the item. We use a chalk board, which means I have to write the list again to take it with me. (Keeping it redundant actually helps me to remember!)

Lars idea of taking him along is brilliant. Sometimes we use Friday nights as ''date night at the grocery''. At least we're together, and it does help to have two pair of eyes looking at expiration dates. With a little guidance from you, your dh will probably turn into a very savvy shopper!

Momj47 - I'll be working full-time and going to school (an hour away) four nights a week. I'll have to do all my reading and school work on weekends, so time will be at a premium. He's gonna have to help so we stay sane ;) Fortunately, he's a self-employed consultant and has a pretty flexible schedule.

Claire - It's funny you say that because I've been talking to other "late in life" current students and they've all recommended that we reserve Fri/Sat nights as date nights LOL. Ah, a trip to Wegman's is sounding so romantic...

Sue

i'm sorry lars. i know you do all of those things and more, including baking and sewing which i absolutely CAN'T do, as many times as i've tried. and it is a learning process which is much easier if someone takes the time to teach you. Mom tried but i'm certainly a slow learner in some respects :) but she did that with all 5 of us and we had age-related, rather than gender-related tasks as we were growing up and none of us would starve to death if left to our own devices! i think she was very smart in that respect but the funny thing is that she was probably in a grocery store no more than a few times in her married life! she hated it for some unknown (to me) reason and absolutely avoided it like the plague! dad read the paper daily and clipped out coupons and shopped 3 separate stores, depending on who had what at the best prices. i can only really remember a couple of times she went to the store for some reason and she was totally aghast at the prices of things! in any case, i'm sure that daisy didn't mean any offense...

sue--big CONGRATULATIONS to you on being accepted into law school--that's fabulous! and you are going to be busy! i missed alot of it but i certainly remember my youngest brother finishing school and the summer before he took his bar exam. lord what a grouch he was then!

anyway, as others have said, show him what you do and then LET him! if a particular item is important for some reason, that's what you put on the list--such as low-fat rather than no-fat or, greek yogurt, or whatever...and i was just talking about this very thing with some friends recently. i used to go the store a few times a week and not only did that get old but, i really got tired of trying to think of things to eat. so i'd give ted a list and then write "vegetable" or "meat". in the beginning he was really resistant to that kind of note; i think out of fear of getting the "wrong thing". and sometimes maybe it wasn't what i was expecting but it actually was sort of fun to figure out what to do with 2# of rutabaga and sometimes he actually had his own ideas about it and i consider that to be a great thing because he thinks of things i haven't and meals get more interesting!

and as much as i've kidded with others about it previously, claire has a great idea as far as i'm concerned. we've been married a LONG time and ted and i will often meet at the grocery store on friday night for our "hot date", and shop together for food for the weekend. someone had to do the shopping anyway and we pick out what seems appealing at the time--it just doesn't seem like a chore and i actually look forward to it. in any case, hope you settle on something that works for you and good luck with school! (by way of encouragement in case you need it, my mother went back to school in her early 40s to finish her bachelor degree and a couple of years later got her master's--and you can too!)

I can't offer any first hand advice since when DH is home he is more than happy to do the grocery shopping -- and cooking and cleaning and anything else that he sees needs to be done -- and he is probably pickier than I am about meats and cheeses. But I think Lars has the right idea...get him to go with you and point out why you choose the items that you choose. If you are dead set on a particular brand, tell him why -- he's more likely to remember A Brand has less sodium and larger dicces of X or B Brand is less sweet than "because I said so".

Also, be ready for him to buy a few things that he thinks look interesting and wants to try. After all, he may well end up doing some of the cooking before you finish school. :)

Lars you are so right, you cannot dump all men in the same category at all. And you are definitely one of those who "can do" anything you set your mind to. And my DH is not selectivly stupid when it comes to grocery shopping either. Some things just comes easier to some than it does to others.

Beverly

I just had to tell a funny story about my DH and grocery shopping. I only ask him once to go with me. It was 15 years ago and I had just had surgery and really wanted to get out of the house. He had never been in the little market that we have in town and all went well until he pushed the shopping cart around a corner and saw that they sold guns in the sporting good section. So I not only got lettuce, onions, potatoes and a roast but I got a new S&W 38 special for dessert. I still tease him about it and after that he always ask if I needed anything at the market.

Congratulations on making it into law school. What an accomplishment. You should be so proud of yourself.

Claudia

Congratulation on being accepted to law school, great accomplishment. I think the advice you've received so far will get your DH started off, shop with you a few times, detailed lists and be accepting of the results.

My husband is a very bright guy, handy around the house and glad to help with most things but he is the world's worst shopper!

I find he does really well with anything that is labeled but when it comes to produce, forget it! He doesn't know one squash from another and head lettuce is the only green he knows by sight! Meat is another area where he is challenged, he is unfamiliar with the cuts and has no clue how to recognize well marbled, lean etc.

So pick an area that you think he may need a little coaching on and concentrate on that when you are on your shop dates.

I was offended by Daisy's comment too. It is no more fair to lump men together than lumping women together. My DH has always done his share of housework (probably more than his share) and since he retired two years ago, he does most of it except for cooking. Like Sue, I enjoy cooking and find it stress relief at times and my son and DIL live with us and like to cook too. That leaves DH with the difficult task of shopping for 3 cooks and we aren't big on planning meals ahead. He does it quite well. And he does it while providing day care for our year old granddaughter.

I'd suggest starting by going through your pantry and fridge to make a inventory list of staples that you always want to have on hand.

For items that have a good shelf life and are used part of a bottle or box at a time - like olive oil, vinegar and oatmeal - we normally keep one unopened container plus the one in active use.

For other items, put down the amount you want stocked after the weekly shopping trip - e.g. at least x onions, y gallons of non-fat milk, etc.

When you do this, you can also make note of which items you want a specific brand.

Then for these staples, he can make the list each week by checking the inventory on hand. For the weekly list making, you can focus on just adding the non-regular items you want that week.

My husband was already pretty good at picking produce so I didn't have to train him on that. I occasionally ask for particular items for something I want to make, but I also try to leave him free to pick what looks good at the store that week.

Some items are particularly difficult - those where the brands compete for shelf space by producing so many different variants like soaps, toothpaste and feminine products. For difficult items, he likes to have part of the old package with the product name clipped to the shopping list.

It works pretty well for us, though at times I miss the impulse buys that I would make. Occasionally I have to go shopping to see what is new out there.

I am a grad student and I just had a baby. My DH has had to do more of the grocery shopping since I started school. He also does more of the cooking now. I also find cooking a good way to de-stress, but it's just not always possible while you're in school. One of my classmates managed to continue her tradition of cooking on Sundays for the entire week, but she is single, no children. Even then, she wasn't able to do so during finals and midterms.

I second (third? fourth?) the idea of taking him with you. Also, he's going to bring home some stuff you don't like, and you'll just have to roll with it or give it away. (I have had a lot of success foisting the unwanted items on babysitters to take home.) At first, he won't always get what you want, but you won't starve and as he inevitably cooks more, he'll start to figure it out on his own what's good and what's not. Also, he'll probably bring home things you wouldn't have purchased and you'll end up with surprising new favorites.

In addition to taking him to the store with you and writing detailed lists, which I endorse (my lists include things like "bell peppers, yellow or red, 2 or 3 total" and "corn, frozen or whole kernel in a can, not cream style" or "Enfamil baby formula, make sure it isn't soy"), I would recommend getting Rachel Ray's magazine or one of her cookbooks and let him find a couple recipes he'd like to make. I assume from your post that your DH doesn't cook much now. RR's books are GREAT for beginners and the magazine and most of her books include shopping lists for basics and for specific menus. Then he can choose what he'd like to cook and he can shop for the ingredients. Knowing what the end product will be helps shopping accuracy.

Also, if you don't already do this, put a magnetic notepad on the refrigerator and tell everyone in the house to make a note on it when things like toilet paper, shampoo, and milk run low. You may also want to rip the labels off of items that you must have a certain type of (like tampons, shampoo, etc.) and clip them to the list.

Also, LOL Lars re: your sister. (My aunt; Lars is my uncle.) I also hate shopping with her. But don't be fooled: she's persnickety, too. When I lived with her in college, she got upset if I bought the wrong brand of dish washing liquid. And we finally had to just agree to have two brands of toilet paper in the house; neither one of us would budge on that one. :^)

I would also tell him where certain items are located. I asked dh recently to go to the store and get me some Bisquick -for his mother's special b-day dinner- and he freaked out not having a clue where bisquick was located.

Or that english muffins, while bread, are in the dairy case next to the eggs. And that Parmesan cheese, while a cheese, is on the shelf and not in the cheese case. (Yes,I use the cheap stuff sometimes) And that cheese is located in several places in the store, not all together.

One more thing: In addition to/instead of a magnetic pad on the fridge with a jot-as-you-go system, you might make up a categorized pre-printed list on your computer. You could have spaces for: bathroom, laundry, produce, frozen, pantry, refrigerator, etc. Whatever makes sense for you and will jog your memory when you sit down to make the detailed list.

I'm also here to tell you that it isn't just men who pretend not to know how to do things or do a poor job so they don't have to do it again. Ashley does that with laundry, I'm convinced she does! Elery, on the other hand, is better at grocery shopping than I am, knows how to do his own laundry well, and keeps a neat and clean house.

Definitely keep a running list, that works for me even without anyone else to do the shopping. I just forget. And you're going to have to give up control and let him do it. I think you may eventually be so tired that you won't notice any more!

Annie

You've got some good advice going on here. DH enjoys going with me. The one thing that I try to convince DH to do is to check expiration dates. Of course he always takes cell phone. Too often it he goes spontaneously like on the way home from work, he comes home with BOGOs of things we don't use.

Good luck with school!

If I can jump in at a late date, couple things....

First, c'mon, nobody should be offended by a typical female chauvanistic remark! ;) I got a chuckle out of it, albeit a little shock first, but I don't take offense. I'm not the normal guy.

The list is important, but here's a tip that really helped me. I hate, nay, I HATE grocery shopping. BUT, I made up a grocery list form and divided the store up. Not all stores are the same layout but this will work in most all. I have separate sections for deli, produce, dry/canned goods, paper/plastic, baking related, dairy/OJ/eggs, cleaners, health & beauty, meat, refrigerated, and frozen and maybe a couple more I can't think of offhand. I divided up the sheet to give more space to dry goods and frozen, for example than for cleaners & H&B. This way, I can scratch off sections and get through a store faster.

I'll admit that some stores hide stuff in different places so it's not always a slam dunk but for the most part you can get through quick and if worse comes to worst, I might even ask someone, though I don't like asking directions....

Good luck!