"After much thinking and considering, I decided that I'll spend however much I please on my garden. What's more, I don't care whether it's the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do. I spent a large chunk of my life doing the "right thing" because there is no "somebody" to do it--there's only you. I'm done with my efforts to save the world. I like gardening. If anyone else on this planet appreciates or gains from my efforts in the garden, great. But if they don't, it doesn't matter. Gardening helps me to deal with and recover from my efforts to do the "right thing". Gardening fascinates me, and keeps me busy mentally and physically. Gardening amuses my cats. So I'll do and spend as I please for and in my garden." I'll add an AMEN! to that. I give a great deal of time, effort and energy to several charitable causes. I don't have one bit of guilt about what I spend on my yard. I'm actually working part time and, while we're finishing the landscape overhaul, pretty much everything I make goes to the yard. This week I'll be buying stone for the stone patio- doing my part to pump up the economy I guess. Obviously I'm fortunate that my husband can support our family and the money I earn is for the extras. I'm also fortunate to work for a landscape contractor so I get all my plants and materials at wholesale cost which helps a lot.

wow, i havent been in here in a while and was surprised to see this thread is still alive. so i read through the last few responses and heres mine: Posted by lindac If you are sick and can't work I feel it is my moral duty to feed you....but not buy you cigarrettes nor a movie so you don't get "depressed". Where did this sense of entitlement come from? You really think society owes you money for small luxuries? Aren't you ashamed to accept a handout? Don't you feel guilty using government money for smokes and a DVD when there are people out there choosing between the medicine that keeps them alive or having a telephone? first, YOU are not buying me ciragetts and dvd's. I AM. WITH MY PAYCHECK. "You really think society owes you money for small luxuries?" absolutly not. but i do owe it to my kids to provide some sort of life to them other than playing with their toys (oh wait, should we sell those to buy dinner?????) and staring at the walls. "Aren't you ashamed to accept a handout?" no i am not. i do what i have to do to feef my family. "Don't you feel guilty using government money for smokes and a DVD when there are people out there choosing between the medicine that keeps them alive or having a telephone?" i do not feel guilty because i am NOT using gov't money to buy these things. in case you forgot, I WORK 3 JOBS. i pay taxes on ALL 3 INCOMES. i am a tax paying citizen of the greatest country in the world. me and my family DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE CRIMINALS IN JAIL BECAUSE WE RECIEVE A LITTLE HELP!!!!!!! have you people never had someone come over to your house to help you with something? have you never moved and asked a few friends to give you a hand? you have never been in a store and couldnt find something so you ask an employee where it is? oh you have. were you embarassed? no. hmmm... when you asked your friends to help you move, did they tell you that because of that you cannot buy ANYTHING because if ou couldnt PAY someone to move you stuff, you definatly dont have the money for a USED $7 dvd from the video store??? just make sure you read my words carefully and fully understand what i am saying before i am stomped for needing a little freakin help. maybe i can look into selling a kidney or 2.

Geogirl has a good point. There may be services available to your son--but you have to know about them and ask for them in order for him to get them. Again, my nephew's disability is physical, so not an exact comparison to your son, but he is also completely mainstreamed. And that has caused some problems, because he's not in a special ed classroom with a special ed teacher who knows about all the resources. There's a ton of adaptive equipment that the school has, like rulers and compasses and protractors, but no one thinks ahead that during math lessons that use these, it might be a good idea to have them in the classroom for Nephew to use. He can't hold or move a standard ruler very well. But the classroom teacher doesn't know they exist, and the special ed teacher never sees the lesson plans. So what happens is that a week is spent sending notes back and forth between home and school and finally the necessary adaptive equipment is identified and located and given to Nephew. And then the next week, the class moves on to a new lesson topic. My brother and SIL have found that they need to really be on top of some of this stuff and remind the teachers repeatedly, to make sure that Nephew gets what he needs. And this is with a school system that is really trying to work with them--from the start they have been very willing to try new things, to keep Nephew in a regular class (he has health issues so a home nurse accompanies him to school daily), to really try and get him the best education possible. I can't imagine what it would be like with a school system that had less money or no desire to really work for Nephew. My brother constantly gets, "Sure, we have X equipment. All Nephew has to do is ask for it." But it can takes days or weeks to find out the school has the equipment. My brother finally broke down and asked for a list of every single piece of adaptive equipment the school system has, so that they can ask for things without spending days sending notes back and forth. It's the little things like this--yes, the school can help, but you have to know what to ask for in order to get that help. And if you don't know the help exists, it's pretty near impossible to get that help. I would encourage you to ask about other options and find out what's out there. Pull-out sessions, one-on-one aides for certain subjects, extra tutoring, whatever the school has to offer. Ask other parents what support services their kids are getting. And when you identify a specific problem, be it that it takes your son half an hour to figure out what the homework assignment is or that after weeks of your working with him, he still is not grasping a specific concept, go to the teacher and ask what can be done to address that issue. The regular classroom teachers aren't going to know everything that's available, they have too many kids with too many different needs in one classroom, but they should be able to help you find out what's out there, or point you in the right direction.

Things not looking great again. Yesterday we discovered that 2 of our 3 new Totos arrived broken. I guess it's not that big a deal as they will be replaced, but now we have to wait again for new ones. We had a meeting with the GC on Tuesday night to discuss how things are going. It didn't go well. He says that I am nice to the whole crew, but not to him and that's why he barely comes to the house. He said the whole crew had noticed 'how I treat him' and that in 10 years of business he has never had this problem before. So now I feel uncomfortable in my own home. Now I'm wondering if it's me that's the problem. He called the following day to apologize for how he spoke to me, but I really don't much want to talk to him at all any more. He is asking us to eat a lot of extra expense (including most of the $940 Home Depot bill) because of all the 'extras' he has done including 'thousands' in additional plumbing work for free (?). He says we can go over the contract again but it will end up costing us thousands because he will charge for all the extras he's done. We appear to now be paying for wiring and other items I had no idea would be on the list. I thought he was paying for behind the walls stuff and we were paying for the 'pretty' stuff (including paint, but wiring??). My husband has stepped in to talk to him and yet I don't feel satisfied with that arrangement either. GC was meant to go to Home Depot for $80 worth of unidentified stuff (paid for by us) and when the Home Depot person called for our cc number (which GC no longer has) it was for $175. For 'wiring and boxes'. Huh? The problem is I just don't trust him and I guess the GC feels that and is (understandably) offended by it. But when we ask for receipts he flashes them at us and then says he needs them back. It's like the Hone Depot receipt debacle all over again. But we DO have extra issues that SHOULD be resulting in extra charges - the problem is getting numbers out of him for the extra issues is tough. So our sunroom leak issues and retiling (over the existing) bathroom floor are costing an additional $2400 on top of the $940 which he owed us from the Home Depot thing, but we didn't know that until he's ripped out carpeting and the place is a disgusting mess and we have no choice really but to do the work. I just wish he would tell us what this stuff would cost before starting it! I don't know what to do at this point. I feel like every time we question something he has a million explanations and excuses which never really tell you anything. He talks a mile a minute and you can't get a word in edgewise. I know we should be paying for the unexpected stuff, but the way it happens is so backwards and confusing to me and I end up wondering what is going on. Why for example have we paid $500 for insulation product as part of the contract as well as $814 in insulation as part of that Home Depot bill (that's NOT part of his $940 building materials which was all dry wall) and yet he says the remainder of the insulation in rolls downstairs isn't ours. It's his? He says we have to eat the $500 for insulation that was in the contract because he underbid the installation part of insulating and because we owe him so muc for the extra plumbing (which he hadn't mentioned before and we thought was included). Another example. He ran wiring for the baby's room high hats and ceiling fan. Told me the switch was slightly off center and not to straighten it or it might short. A couple of days later it stopped working. He says it's a coincidence and the wiring must have been 'chewed by rats or squirrels' and that it's an unforeseen issue. this seems like a remarkable coincidence to me. I thought if we contracted that he was installing 4 recessed lights and a fan, that meant they should work? The house has a newer panel with a ton of electric amps, but I guess that doesn't mean no problems. Maybe we're being unreasonable in our expectations. Apparently most people around here tell him to go ahead and fix unforeseen issues and just send them a bill. It's very possible as there's a lot of money around here. But we would like to know what things will cost in advance. He seems to take this as a personal insult. :( DH thinks he's on cocaine. I would not be surprised. I am exhausted and this has turned into a book. Sorry. Just needed to vent again.