Why do I feel bad about this?

10 years ago

We are having a brand new deck built on our house. We already have deck that stretches across the back of our house with entrance via the dining room. The deck isn't behind the dining room, it ends there since the dining room extends out past the rest of the house. So the new deck is going on the other side of the dining room, and we wanted a door on that side that matches the existing door, and is directly opposite it. The deck is done, the door is installed, and all seems well until... I want to move a small table from the existing deck to the new deck. I make it through the original door easily, but it's a tight squeeze through the new door. I measure, and the door is 4" narrower than the existing door.
They are both full light doors and the glass is actually the same size in each, but...they were supposed to be the exactly the same.
I called our builder and he was very nice, and said that he hadn't measured and had just assumed the size of the door, and that they would change it out. Yet still I feel bad! All that work that has to be redone! Is this a female thing, or the fact that I avoid conflict at all costs?

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Comments (8)

4boys2
10 years ago
Ahh~ How sweet of you to feel bad.
Don't........
I have spent too much time not wanting to be a bother and not really getting what I want.Yes I think that it is a female thing.
Keep saying to yourself that making a hole bigger is not so much a problem as making it smaller.
He'll get a glowing recommendation from you and you'll get the door you will be living with everyday.
redcurls
10 years ago
I think there is a HUGE difference in a 32" door and a 36" door, which is quite likely what you have going on now. The smaller door needs to be changed.

And a 30" door, in my opinion, is only acceptable for a linen closet door. NOT something you would want to walk thru.
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caminnc
10 years ago
You should not feel one little bit bad. Things like this happen on occasion an the builder should fix it.
terezosa / terriks
Original Author
10 years ago
Thanks you guys. I know that it is irrational for me to feel bad about it. It was the difference between a 32" door and a 36" door. We actually have two of the 36" doors in our house, so it would really be wrong to settle for this smaller door.

I did get a call from one of the builder's crew that he has ordered the replacement door and apologized for my inconvenience. So I really do feel better now.
runninginplace
10 years ago
I try to keep a mindset that I'm not blaming or accusing anyone, I'm simply involving the other party in solving a problem *we* have. In other words, this isn't about your builder doing wrong, being incompetent etc. It is only about a door that isn't right, so what needs to be done to make it right? Hey, you and he are on the same team, because OF COURSE he wants to have that door done correctly!

Sometimes the interaction doesn't go smoothly but I've always found by starting out on a positive let's-fix-this-together spirit, often things stay pretty upbeat and there isn't much if any negativity involved. To get defensive, a person needs to perceive that s/he is being attacked. Once that pattern is initiated, it is usually downhill for both parties. If you don't trigger someone else into feeling the need to fight back, the discussion can often stay very cordial and the problem will get solved to everyone's satisfaction.

And....how can you feel bad about that?! :)

Ann
User
10 years ago
I also wouldn't feel bad as builders run across this kind of stuff all the time. It was an error that is better caught now than later and at least the fix is not a hard one for them. I haven't been here much so I didn't know you were in the midst of a project but it sounds lovely, lots of light!
kellyeng
10 years ago
This sort of thing makes me feel bad too. It's completely illogical and my con-man builder totally used it to his advantage. I learned my lesson the hard way.
dedtired
10 years ago
Of course you should not feel bad. However, I get that same feeling when I ask for changes. My roofer used nails that were too long and they came through the ceiling of my screened porch. I was so upset, especially since I had just painted it a pretty blue the year before. I considered all ways to remedy the problem, such as nipping off each nail.

Finally I screwed up my courage and told them about it. They were great. They removed the new roof on the porch (which made me heartsick to think of new shingles in a landfill), put on a new one with shorter nails and sent someone out to repaint. They were happy to own up to their mistake and fix it. I, in turn, have recommended them to many people. Overall, they did a great job.

I do think we girls have a harder time asking for what we rightfully deserve. I personally am getting much better at it!

Why do I feel bad about this?

Comments (8)

4boys2

redcurls

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Why do I feel bad about this?

Comments (8)

4boys2

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