Oh thank you so much for asking Jen. It's been such an ordeal. I went to see him yesterday during my lunch break (I'm fortunate that we live & work close to where he's housed). On Easter Sunday there had been a series of fights at the prison which resulted in a week long lockdown. Fortunately my son was not involved with these fights, over 100 inmates were! But all visits and yard had been cancelled until this past Wednesday. We'd gotten a couple of letters from him, that assured us he was fine, but couldn't see or talk to him. No updates on a release yet. We're thinking it'll be sooner than later, but have no guarantees. It's just so frutstrating because every day I read of someone who's committed REAL crimes (not that what my son did was not a real crime, but it was something that should have been a misdemeanor not a felony) and they're getting such minimal sentences! 14 months for manslaughter?? And my son gets 13 months for putting up stickers? Ok, no soap box here...just updates. Jon looks too thin for my taste. I'd say the worst part for him is the overall IGNORANCE that he's exposed to daily. He's a smart, intelligent, well read kid, but he's locked up with people who have no regard for intelligence. So we keep him updated on current events (he finally has his own TV so he can watch CNN) and cerebral conversations ;) I send him photos all the time, as do his friends & family. He gets visits frequently, and that is helping his morale. Yesterday he told me he's written a 'bucket list' that included climbing a mountain, learning a foreign language, skydiving, and visiting Canada. He's told his sisters that he wants them all to go on a trip to some place none of them have ever been, and they're considering a trip to Utah when he's out. He's also going to start college. He's probably going to break up with his girlfriend because I don't think he sees her sharing his life goals and she'd hold him back. I'm mixed on that, but I think it would be good for him to be unencumbered and live life when he's home. His sister wants him to move to her town and go to the school she'd attended. They're so close and he's considering doing that. I think it would be great for him. MEanwhile, we're caring for his dog, and we might end up with his cats, but I think he might try to rehome them because the girlfriend is too flakey to keep them. We're making plans for his return. And I visit him every chance I get. I love my son so much, and he's gong to be such a wonderful contribution to society when he's home. It's such a shame they've taken such a bright kid and thrown him into that pit, but fortunately, it hasn't hardened him; it's made him more determined to put it behind him and live a full life. He always tells me how grateful he is for the generosity of everyone and the kind wishes. I'm so sorry, I forgot to pass that on! It means so much to him to know he's not forgotten. (And it means so much to...

I call my in-laws by their first names. they asked me if that would be OK when we got married, and I was very relieved. I would not even consider calling them mom or dad, because for me, it would feel like a betrayal to my parents in my heart. think if you were in a situation in which you were divorced and your husband remarried someone that you either couldn't stand or were jealous of. and your children started calling her mom. I would think that would be painful. so in that same thought process, I wonder how our parents feel to hear their adult children calling someone else mom or dad. Actually, I would like to hear from those whose adult children are married. Would it bother you to hear your adult son/daughter call someone else mom or dad?

My heart goes out to your DH. This loss will be very hard for him, but he has to remember that few people are blessed with that many years, and very few have a sibling with whom they have been that close. I hope the wonderful memories will ease his pain and help him through the tough days ahead. Give him a hug for me and let him know that he has cyberfriends who are holding him in their hearts, and are with him in spirit. Hugs!

I don't really have a "relationship" with my in-laws. My MIL is frankly not the kind of person I'd choose to be friendly with in real-life; she's (like yabber's) passive-aggressive, gossipy, talking behind one's back type. They didn't like his ex; MIL and she would get into arguments into which they'd try to drag friends and relatives to be on "their side". But they've always been completely distant with me; I'd try to reach out and I'd just be disregarded. My mother tried to reach out during wedding planning and was ignored. So I've given up and don't really much care what they think of me. When we've visited them or they've been here (not often), I don't apologize, don't change things, I just remain perfectly civil and disengaged. Since they've rebuffed any effort to know me, their opinion is a matter of indifference to me, since they know almost nothing about me. DH has had his own problems with them in the past. He was, and is, the one in the family who is blamed for anything and everything that goes wrong - yet he is also the one who is expected to drop everything and run up to save the day at their convenience. I leave it all up to him; if he feels that we should visit, I go - if he wants to invite them here, I do my best to plan a nice event and ignore the fact that they will be unhappy and find fault with it. It's not often that we do see them because of their behavior towards all of us. That's right, all of us. MIL had done a lot of babysitting of SS18 when he was young, and blatantly favors him over SS8. When SS8 sees them, he is first told how they miss him and he should see them more often (maybe he should drive himself?), then treated to a dissertation on his grandmother's health issues, then questioned about and compared to his brother. And then he's just ignored - given one of his brother's old toys to play with and set in a corner. And now, since SS18 is on-and-off living with BM, the two of them (BM and MIL) are back playing some twisted game. BM will invite herself over and promise to bring SS18, SS18 will refuse to go, and BM will show up with SS8 whereupon MIL and BM go right back into their bickering, while SS sits, ignored by both of them. It's fascinating in a horrible way to watch it all as an outside observer (like watching a train wreck). I'd often wondered why DH had married BM at all (aside from the shotgun part) since they seem so different. I realized a few months ago that MIL's behavior (self-centered, back-stabbing, playing favorites and pitting people against each other, the drama queen behavior, the disagreements in which everyone is expected to pick a side) is so very similar to BM's that it's no wonder that he didn't see anything unusual with it. Additionally, DH already knew that anything and everything that went wrong was his fault and his responsibility to fix - he'd been brought up that way! Poor DH and SS; they both deserve so much better. I don't understand it, maybe they were very badly behaved in a past life or something. I'd always thought my family was kind of out there, but DH and SS love them. We may be weird and quirky but everyone is well-meaning and unfortunately there are too few like that in DH's family.