We do very similar to you. We both share inside and outside chores. Hubby does not cook or do laundry. I do nothing involving maintaining the vehicles, etc. Hubby does the mowing and more of the bigger yardwork. I am most often the one who does grocery shopping and day-to-day errands as my schedule is more flexible. It works for us.

tina

I do the majority of the cooking, but DH does it on occasion. Same with the shopping, but I think that's probably a 50/50 split lately.
I do the laundry because DH knows I'm really picky about it. Same with loading the dishwasher. We share the cleaning of the kitchen.

DH usually sweeps the floors (except for the bedrooms) and he cleans the main bath. I do the dusting and deep cleaning, and I keep the bedrooms & master bath spiffed up.

Outdoor chores are usually left to DH, he enjoys mowing & he goes up on the roof at least once a month to clear leaves off the roof. He also stacks the firewood and does the pressure washing of the deck & driveway. I do pruning and general yard clean up-we hire out for weed pulling and dog duty.

DH brings in the groceries if he's home when I return, and he unloads after the Costco runs. He also does all our vehicle maintenance (oil changes, brake jobs, etc).

We share the feeding of the animals, but I let him refill the dog watering jug, it's one of those 3 gallon jugs that goes upside down on the water dish. It's so heavy when full. Also we trade off on cleaning the cat boxes. So I guess over all we're equal. Wasn't this way when the kids were small and at home, for some reason I ended up doing a lot more back then. But now that DH works from home, he sees first hand that he is a big part of the mess!

I'm retired, dh isn't.

He mows & trims, turns the compost pile, and takes care of miscellaneous repairs inside and out.

At one time we shared gardening duties, but now that's pretty much my baby. I'd much rather be puttering in the yard then doing any form of housekeeping, but if that's going to get done I'm the one to do it.

I do most of the grocery shopping, but when he's home he'll sometimes tag along and I enjoy that for the most part.

He'll occasionally do a load of work clothes, but laundry is pretty much mine too.

I cook 90% of the time, but he likes to help and usually offers to wash the dishes that don't go in the DW. He's the griller in the family. In fact he asked this morning, "filets or chicken this weekend?"

I do daily litterbox scooping, but he's recently volunteered to do the weekly washing.

I take care of finances. He has enough paper/computer overload from work with the new regulations.

Pesky, every month on the roof? I'm a nervous Nellie when dh gets up there a few times a year. I don't think I could handle every month.

I think we're like Tina and her dh.

I do the inside cleaning, laundry, etc. He does all the yardwork, including watering (which is a huge chore on our acre in the summer), and he cooks a couple of big meals a week.

Half the time he goes grocery shopping with me which is a once a week thing, and boy are there a lot of groceries to carry in!

Now one thing he's done which is brand new, when he does cook, like a fried chicken dinner, he cleans it ALL up by hand, because he doesn't know (nor has he asked) how to run the dishwasher! lol But I'm slowly working on that. :)

However, he does have his office here at home now so he spends most of the time in there or in court so I cut him a break.

Generally speaking, the inside of the house is mine, the outside is his.

I do all the baking, and most of the cooking, although he grills in the summer(I marinate, he stands over the grill.)

I do the dishes and put them away.

I do the laundry, but only put away my own clothes. Everyone else is in charge of putting away their clean, folded laundry.

I do all grocery shopping.

I sweep, steam mop, vaccuum, and dust, though DS1 is in charge of tidying the rec room once a week. DS2 is in charge of his legos in the rec room. Both boys tidy up their own bedrooms.

I take care of the litterbox and the garbage.

DH cleans toilets.

DH does yard cleanup and roof & gutter maintenance.

DS1 mows the lawn.

I wash windows inside and out.

Written out, the division of labor looks a bit lopsided, but I'm a SAHM so it's really not.

I'm essentially a SAHM although I do work very part time. I have 3 kids and 3 dogs at home so that's my full time job!

No one does the baking. Well, that's not completely true. DH and DD have been learning to bake together so sometimes they do the baking.
I cook all the dinners.
DH sometimes does the dishes.
I put away leftovers and wipe up things.
DH pays the bills. He is also in charge of any dealings with cell phones and insurance.
I do most of the laundry. DH definitely helps but the man really lacks folding skills, so I almost would prefer that he stay out of it!
We have someone clean our house every other week.
I do 95% of all shopping, including holiday and birthday shopping, food shopping, and his clothes. He hates to shop.
We also pay someone to mow the lawn. DH had a hernia and couldn't do the mowing, so he hired someone "just for the summer" -- that was 10 years ago.
I have a small flower garden that I take care of.
DH has always been in charge of the kids' bedtime, almost every night for the past 19 years (now older two kids, age 16 and 19, put themselves to bed, of course, but he still reads to DD, who is 10, and tucks her in).

my husband works very hard in his career and I do the cooking, housecleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, vet, almost everything for the holidays. We have a gardener but I am in charge of that. I pay the bills. I do the decorating (yay!). He takes my car in for maintenance because I hate that, but I get my own gas. I worked as much as he did when our three kids were home, but I don't think I work as hard as he does now. I consider myself very lucky.

I have to admit, there are some parts of cleaning that hubby does better than me. He is much more thorough vacuuming, for instance. When he vacuums, he generally moves all furniture. We both take responsbility for financial stuff. I enjoy working in the yard and do some of that, but because of allergies, hubby took over all mowing. I will also admit, in all the years we've been married, I've never washed a window. Hubby has always done that, inside and out. Like I said, we're a good team.

I stay at home, occasionally work part time, and take care of my Dad who lives with us - needs nursing home type of care- and our two dogs.

Dh is not allowed to touch the yard without my permission.

Inside I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and decorating. Dh washes his own clothes, which I am not allowed to touch, and buys his own personal foods but sometimes I get them for him too.

I take care of everything related to Dad and the dogs but dh cuts Dad's hair. ( His mother was a hairdresser for fifty years and he's into it).
Dh handles all the bills, taxes, investments, and the cars although I wash mine.

Things we do together. There are a few :-)

We discuss our vacation plans ( we have a time share that has multiple locations) and I make all the arrangements but dh pays the bills.

I pick out all the movies we watch and also get the current book Dh is reading. I read a thousand times faster than him and he is very happy with this. Generally he likes fast paced easy-to-read thrillers (Nelson DeMille). He doesn't have time to keep up with whose who, what's good, etc.

I usually ask Dh's opinion about new furniture that will effect him ( Guest bedroom, naw, living room rug, yeh)
as he lives here too.

Paint color choices, all me. If I veer to much away from what we already have, I would solicit his opinion somewhat.

We have many rental properties that Dh takes care of after his regular engineering job. I don't help often with those but I do try to lessen the load by making everything at home as easy as I can.

He enjoys managing the money and as he would rather have it and make it than spend it, it's not an issue.

I'm a SAHM although my kids are now 22 and 24 and DH works and does quite a bit of volunteer work. He is in charge of taking out the garbage, cleaning up after bears, mowing the lawn and doing the edging, (kids used to do it but he loves doing it) changing lightbulbs, paying the bills and killing spiders (or putting them outside).
I am in charge of everything else - cooking, cleaning, shopping, gardening, decorating, hiring maintenance and repair people when necessary, vacation planning and booking, etc.

Fun read. I love peaking into other's households :)

I forgot that DH does all the cookie baking so he and the ovens and baking stuff are in good rapport. He used to do the Sullivan bread and it was wooooonderful but then I got into doing the wild yeast sourdough so he now makes cookies about 1-2 x a week. His specialty is Italian cookies...biscotti della Regina and cantucci di Prato. He is always tweeking the formula. I eat them but never help :) I have baked all our bread since 1976.

I do the roof and leaf removal. When the leaves are falling I have to get out there all the time...at least every other day but other times not so much . I also clean all the skylights and prune the banana shrub which is SO huge it hangs over the same roof . I do all interior and exterior windows also. I bought a special extension pole and attachments after I fell off the ladder into the front azalea bushes....at least they were there and it pruned them nicely.

DH doesn't drive, legally blind, so I do all the car stuff...meaning I take it in and they do it.

We have a money manager at an investment firm. DH and I talk about what we want them to do and then we talk to them on the phone or visit in person when we are in NYC.

Oh DH does all the pool stuff. I am the swimmer but he is the chemist so that is his baby. He brushes it down and checks the balance and vacuums and backwashes. I have no idea how and don't want to know.

All trips are jointly planned. He handles his reading and I mine. We have very different hobbies so to each his own. We do both meditate and do that together a couple days a week at a local meditation center. We run together several days a week and go to the gym together also. We love to camp together and combine that with cycling. He isn't interested in the LONG bike trips but I am not doing anymore of those anyway since I don't want to leave him anymore.

I hope others will post. Very interesting reading. c

DH makes the messes and I clean them up!

To be fair, he's blind and I'm unreasonably picky about how things are done. He feeds the cats, empties the garbage, takes out the recycling, takes laundry up and down the stairs, lifts anything heavy, dries the dishes. We shop together. We hire someone to do yard work and shovel and plow the snow. When we have a lot of snow DH also shovels.

The monthly bills are divided so we each manage our own accounts. I do the taxes since none of the screen readers work with the tax programs.

I do all of the cooking and clean up
I do all of the laundry
I do all of the baking
I do all of the grocery shopping
I do the bills
I do all of the cleaning, but have a housekeeper once a week
DH takes care of our ginourmous vegetable garden, does the processing of said vegetables, which is a big undertaking. We put up over 200 jars of tomatoes (so far) and have frozen tons of green beans, eggplant, peppers, shell beans etc.
DH takes care of the trash and recyclables.
We have over 20 rental properties, which my DH built and maintains. We are building 2 more rental homes this fall and 1 home for us to downsize to. We only have 1 DD left at home, the other 5 are on their own. (for now ;)

I work full-time and have a home office. My husband works full-time; his commute is about 45 minutes each way.

My husband likes to do fix-it chores (well, "likes" is strong; he likes to avoid paying someone else)--I almost never have to hire an electrician or handy-man. He cleans the gutters (on our very vertical house), mows the lawn (we have a lawn service that does all the seasonal stuff), takes care of the cars (that is, takes them to the mechanic and oversees the schedule), takes out the garbage and recycling, pays the bills and does our taxes (he's an economist). He makes our travel arrangements. He also does the dishes (primarily loading the dishwasher).

I do everything else. I have a cleaning lady who comes in twice a month, but I require a very tidy and clean house, so I keep up with it between times. Grocery shopping, cooking, extensive gardening, decorating, entertaining--all of which I love--laundry (which I don't). Feeding and walking the dog.

When the kids were young, it never felt as if my husband did enough. Because in addition to working full-time and having all the daily household duties, I also had most of the responsibilities concerning the kids since I work from home. Appointments, play dates, overseeing, chauffeuring, supervising, homework, supplies, clothing, haircuts, projects.... on and on and on it went. I could never seem to strike a balance, and always felt harried.

When the kids got older and many of the "custodial" duties eased, the division of labor felt more equitable.

It strikes me that I do the things that must be done on a daily or weekly basis. He primarily does things that require being done periodically, except for doing the dishes.

And now I have to go fold laundry.

It's like a different version of GTKY!

me - cook dinner and make dh a sandwich for his lunches, he adds the rest.

me - I do most of the deep cleaning - which is at the bare minimum level right now.

me - vacuum/dust when I can or can't stand it any more

me - clean the kitchen after daily cooking.

me - laundry

me - quick wipe down of the bathroom every morning.

me - clean cat boxes every night and feed kits (who's hungry?! I sing out and they all come running:)

dh - lawn, which takes 4 hours and he comes in like he has been on a battlefield, bloodied and exhausted.

dh - winter shoveling and getting the cars out of our treacherous driveway.

dh - bills, dh does this for home and my business and likes to grump about it and I let him.

dh - grocery shopping. Dh usually does it because I hate it and try to avoid it until we are eating scrambled eggs for dinner and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch 2 days in a row. Then I will go.

dh - makes the bed every morning, I change sheets weekly.

Responsibilities have moved back and forth between us over the years, though I have never mowed the lawn and he has never cleaned a toilet. And that's OK.

This was rather cathartic trail! Just writing this makes me feel like we are doing enough. I tend to think of the stuff we don't get done rather than all we do get done.

deedee...yes in addition to just being interested in the GTNY aspect I felt like it would be an increase in our self knowledge to see it written out :) Always good to see how things are managed in our homes. There were many years when we had 3 kids at home and all were in different activites and I was working full time and the only driver. I thought I would lose my mind. There were some hard words spoken in those years about not enough being done on the DH side , I can tell you. But as you say they have moved back and forth and of course we are older and money isn't a problem anymore so things have smoothed out and it is all pretty much a good time. I am so glad that folks have gotten into this c

I live by myself and do everything myself. My son comes over to cut the grass once a week. He doesn't have a yard of his own, so he doesn't mind. I do everything else myself and I like it that way.

I was sahm when the kids were growing up, I worked in a design shop part time for years when they were teens, DH always travelled a lot and his job has always been demanding. I was the mommy who did everything for the family.

Now we're heading towards 60 this coming year, DH still has a demanding job and travels more than ever so I still do everything concerning domestic things and I also book all his travel, flights, limos, hotels, I report to 3 offices. I manage his emails and schedules . He can't hide anything from me, I see everything, lol.....

I also do all our bills and accounting for 2 homes. It's a part time job for me , all doable from my laptop wherever I am. I would say the only drawback to my lifestyle is that although I have plenty of free time, it seems like I'm always "on", available at the drop of a pin . It's tha nature of our life, it won't change for another 5 years at least until dh semi retires.

I am a SAHW (no kids, so I have always been an economic parasite.)

I do: almost all things inside; most things to plan and care for the outside except I don't mow (or very rarely do) and I never run the tractor to blow snow (a very big job here). I do clear the snow off the roofs as needed, however, as most things to do with roofs are mine. I must have squirrel genes as I adore scarpering around on roofs for some reason. I haul, split, stack and process all our fuelwood and transport and stack the wood pellets. I garden (veg. and fruit). I can and freeze. I am a laundry maven.

My DH: He looks after the damn cars and all the farm machines and the plane. I swear, even if all he ever did was that, it would likely seem a fair bargain to me. He also earns our living. And pays the bills and does taxes and routine economic things like that. He sweeps the chimneys. He knows about electricity and electronic stuff so he cares for all our computers, the cell-tower repeater (how we get internet access in our remote area) and telephonic gadgets. When I got very sick last summer he discovered he could nuke food. From time to time, he'll do the dishes. He also pounds fence posts and cuts firewood. Once in awhile I can get him motivated to undertake a big project: he gutted the old chicken coop this summer, for instance. But getting projects like that off the Honey-Do list takes some serious "negotiation" each time.

DH feeds the animals, I clean up after them.

When we were first married I was pretty resentful (and not shy about expressing that) about his lack of domestic engagement. It seemed to me that he thought he had married his Mother (who had indoor and outdoor staff to help) and expected it all would be the same with me, as if by magic (and all without help which, perversely, I wouldn't have accepted even if offered). But three decades, plus, of being married irons out rough spots and I have no complaints. Well, not on most days.

Actually I discovered that once I got over my pique about doing things that I thought he ought to be doing (like managing the wood), that I got a great sense of competence from handling it on my own. Same with the roofs, I would never have imagined that I would get pleasure from repairing slate. Perhaps it's my age, too. What would have made me feel somehow lacking in appropriate gender-role activities (for lack of a better phrase) at 31 gives me great satisfaction to be able to do at 61. I saw the same thing in my DH when he learned how to nuke food. Perhaps that's the upside for everybody: revealing competences in self-sustaining skills that otherwise would have been left hidden.

L.

Such an interesting thread.

I can't imagine choosing my husband's books. But whatever works!

Bumble - ya'll have separate food?

Trail, your husband sounds so sweet.

Lirio - your post cracked me up. (Economic parasite! LOL)

We should do a thread about retirement . . .

BB, I think I remember you mentioning your dh doing his own laundry, but the food thing is new. If I picked out all our movies dh would be starved for entertainment. Fortunately, he gets to see a lot of bootleg flicks offshore.

Oh I missed the laundry bit! LOL

lirio says it SO well:

But three decades, plus,( 4+ in our case) of being married irons out rough spots and I have no complaints. Well, not on most days.

I got a great sense of competence from handling it on my own.

Perhaps it's my age, too. What would have made me feel somehow lacking in appropriate gender-role activities (for lack of a better phrase) at 31 gives me great satisfaction to be able to do at 61.

Perhaps that's the upside for everybody: revealing competences in self-sustaining skills that otherwise would have been left hidden.

WOW....that is exactly how I feel. Thank you .

and tina: you just don't know...he is a so special...and I am so lucky as are these kids. They think the sun rises and sets on their Dad...pretty much does.

Everyone has such busy lives ! I am so impressed with the diversity of each description . We all have managed to make it work it seems under circumstances that are so varied. A great thread. Keep them coming !

"he is a so special...and I am so lucky as are these kids. They think the sun rises and sets on their Dad...pretty much does" and that's how it should be. I'm pretty sure your DH feels lucky too.

I am thankful every day of my life for a strong and happy marriage. I am sure you are too! We are truly blessed. I often wonder if we share tasks so easily because we don't have children. Then again, my MIL had a career and my FIL stepped in when she wasn't there. Their sons saw that and also they were taught how to do things around the house. They were never taught that was "women's work".

No, dh is still dependent on my cooking! Very much so. He loves my cooking. But he makes his own lunch everyday and typically buys the things that go with it. He enjoys this.
I always call him when I am going to the grocery store to see if he is out of his stuff but he often picks up the stuff himself. He generally enjoys shopping.
At dinner, he has to have a salad with almost everything and he prefers to make it himself. He also piles everything else that we are having on top. Dad on the other hand, would love it if I served his meals on a divided plate!

We all like different vegetables, so sometimes I make Dads dinner with his mushy California veggies, roasted asparagus for me, and dh will make his own salad but will add some asparagus spears on top. This is accompanied by the meat and side dish I make.

When we first got married, I said, "I guess I'll be buying your clothes now, and he said, Do you want me to pick out your clothes?"

And so, we both still like what we like and want to pick it out ourselves 16 years later. Except books and movies...

I do everything except mow/edge the lawn.
DH has a full time job.

I'm amazed how many women I know, mostly neighbors, who are princesses. I'll never forget this one neighbor who was a SAHM of one baby. She didn't cook, clean, garden. After her husband worked all day he had to come home and cook for her. On the weekends he did the laundry, grocery shopped and cleaned. I never met a woman so lazy and spoiled. One day she says to me "I'm ready for another baby, it's so easy!". Of course she thought life was easy, that's because he was doing most of the work.

Another neighbor has no children and stays at home. She's another lazy one. This gal won't even go into the garage to collect the mail after the mailman drops it in the slot. She waits for hubby to come home to do it, and he sorts through the mail. She hires people to clean her house, do the gardening freeing up time for her to play.

These are the women who only do what feels good. If they don't like doing something they won't do it. Hello? Do I like cleaning the floors, no, but I do it anyway. There's an attitude I've noticed with younger people who have been raised to think they only have to do what they like. Where did that way of thinking come from?

BTW I am very happy to read so many women here are reporting that they share equally in the chores or do a lot of the work.

I don't see this in my neighborhood. Maybe I just haven't met them yet. I have one neighbor who calls me constantly, she's so bored she can't think of what to do with her time. I'm so busy it's hard for me to fathom how anyone can have that much time to kill. There's always something around here than needs cleaning. I'm surrounded by princesses and I can't stand it. I kid you not, when my next door neighbor saw me kneeling in the dirt pulling weeds she stood over me aghast that I was doing such a menial chore. I'll never forget her snooty words, "...We hire people". lol. She may but we'll see who dies with the most money cuz I'm not wasting it on hired help. I said to my husband, do you think they hire people to wipe their butts? ;-)

About the movie thing, I get man movies all the time and go read a book. They both watched No Country for Old Men two night ago night on direct tv while I did my thing.
Last night we watched Jane Eyre (Michael Fassbender, my new fav) and dh read a book.

i'm also a sahm, so for the most part am in charge of the house. this is especially true now that my husb works and maintains a townhouse in another area...
i do all the shopping and cooking and baking and laundry. i don't hire house cleaners to clean my home. my elderly dad w/ dementia spends 1/2 the year with us, so i am 'in charge' of him as well...
he used to be in charge of all of the lawn mowing/triming/sweeping, but we hire all of that out now. i was always in charge of all of the pool maintainance, but have for past year hired that out too which is fantastic!
my husb has never cleaned a bathroom in the 27 years we've been married! but, he does a great job cleaning the kitchen. i spend alot of time in the kitchen and so do the dogs...i get overwhelmed with how cluttered the kitchen gets with mail and 'stuff' and how messy it gets over a week or 2...he can just dive in and get our kitchen spic and span again! he periodically cleans out the garage. he takes in and out the outdoor furniture every fall and spring. he'll occasionally vacuum the house. he usually is in charge of the bills. he will basically do anything for me that i ask. he works his butt off making a good living for his family. we too are lucky!!
i have no idea of how the household chores will change when he retires...i imagine they'll become more equal. i know that he will always clean the kitchen though and i will always clean the bathrooms!

Trail, thank you for those words above about time ironing out those differences. Dh and I are about to hit 15 years and there are still the harsh words and money issues, etc. Gives me hope for the future.

We have 4 kids, 13, 10, 7, and 5. The 7 year old has autism and the 10 year old is diabetic with celiac disease. The 7 year old attends school and the older 2 are homeschooled. We have yet to decide if the 5 year old is going to attend school or be homeschooled yet for the early years. DH handles the science and does homework with the 7-year-old every night. He also gets everyone in bed at night since I am working during that time(I work at home).

I handle most of the cooking, especially now that there are special dietary needs to be managed and I am most knowledgable. Some weekends he will make me a nice omelette for breakfast or if I am too tired to cook that evening, he will make burgers, or a steak if we have some. DH does most of the grocery shopping. I would rather do it but since he is already in town, it makes more sense for him to do it after work and that is where the specialty stores are like Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Natural Grocers, etc. Wal-Mart in our little town is split up by both of us.

The 2 oldest kids take care of their bathroom and their laundry. The oldest often puts up his little brother's laundry to earn more computer time. They also help with dishes, cleaning the table at night, taking out the garbage (all the way down the 300 foot driveway) and they are beginning to help with weeding their play area. Oldest also takes care of his dog and vacuums the living room of the dog hair.

Cleaning happens when I can get to it. We have yard work kind-of divided into our own specialties to keep us from wringing each other's necks. DH has a particular interest in roses and bulbs. He also does the design for the rock work and he goes up the hill with the wheelbarrow to get the rocks. I just add constructive criticism as necessary there. The vegetable garden was his gift to me and is my happy place. He pretty much leaves that to me (with gentle reminders sometimes). I take care of most watering, trimming, and weeding as I am home more.

I am very impressed with the though of lirio splitting wood. I have tried to pick up that big heavy thing before to do it, and oy, I am fit but that is one job I am not likely to take on(unless we purchase a wood splitting machine). DH splits the wood but the kids and I will keep the wood nook in the house stocked and the kindling available.

The major sore spot here is the bills. I pay them and manage the $$ and Dh is pretty clueless there, that is the biggest thing I need time to iron out.

@tishtoshnm: Oh hun, I don't split the wood with a maul, I use a 3-ton, PTO hydraulic woodsplitter! We burn 5 to 6 full cords every year and if I had to use a maul we'd have frozen to death years ago! Remember, the very first thing on my list of DH's jobs was keeping the d*** cars and machines running, and that includes the woodsplitter and its power supply.

I probably glossed over it a bit in my post above, but we had some really hard times over chores in our early years, too. I blush to remember quite how grumpy, cranky and just plain, b**chy I was about it. Sometimes (but more often not, I fear) with justification. Like when the above-mentioned woodsplitter was often on the fritz for months on end preventing me from getting the wood done in time for good seasoning.

Of course, I could have hired someone to either bring the wood (not split the way I would have wanted it) or to fix the wretched machine (not done the way he would have done it) but instead we squabbled over it, endlessly.

Ex: When we married we were both wood-burners. I was horrified to discover that my DH was content to dig wet wood out of the snow and throw it hissing and dripping on to a smoldering fire. I need to have wood stacked up two or three years in advance to feel secure. I needed to have wood separated by species so I could match the BTU-load to the heating demand of the day's weather. Because I have small hands, I needed to have the wood split into relatively small sizes so I could pick up a log in one hand and load it safely. I needed to have dry kindling in the house every morning to re-kindle the fire. I am terrified of chimney fires so I need the chimney swept regularly (multiple times per burning season). I get great psychic comfort from neatly filled woodricks. I also was at home all day in a house heated ONLY with wood, while he was away in an overheated office. (Once he began working at home, the need for dry wood seem to be driven home to him for some reason. Hah!)

Finally, it dawned on me, or maybe desperation took over, and I took command of the fuel issues. (Except for maintenance of the machines.) And Peace finally reigned in our household on this topic. But I really did have to get over my own embarrassment that I had taken over this "masculine" task. I used to be quite cagey about revealing who actually did the wood work in my family.

What I learned from this was that I could get it all done, alone, and done in the way that made me happy. (Except for fixing the machines, which is still an issue.) And it taught me that I would be able to continue to live here if I was left living here alone. (Except for fixing the machines, of course.)

We gradually started to practice a regime of "whoever is bugged the most about something, does it. And for the rest, who cares?" Not elegant, but practical and it certainly makes for a calmer, more generous and loving household. And that, over multiple decades, is pure gold.

L.

PS: There are different weights of splitting mauls, you should try more than one if you have to do it by hand, as I did before I married Machine-Man. Handle lengths also make a big difference, too.

Tish, I felt the same way about yard work. Dh would not remotely do anything in the yard the way I liked or as often as I wanted so eventually, I took over everything. The only thing I do not have or use is the chain saw. I wouldn't mind learning how to use one and having my own.
I do use the heavy duty landscaping string trimmer with blade and we have several tillers and lawnmowers and I use them all. He does do the maintenance. I really don't think it has crossed his mind that it's unfeminine! He's happy I'm doing it!
I also maintain and do everything with the grill too.

Last week, I unloaded in one morning, three huge truckloads of mulch. This week I am spreading it all.

Lirio, I am the same as you about the wood thing! DH just throws any old thing on there and I can't tell you the mess he makes.

I agree about the time to work things out. Early on, both DH and I came into our relationship with kids from previous marriages. We didn't have time to really get to know one another before we blended our families, and it was a struggle at times. No, not a struggle, a BATTLE! But we learned what pushed each others buttons and learned not to push them.

The work division with DH and I used to be very lopsided, me doing probably everything while he ran our business. I also put in a lot of time on that, too, but if it was house related, including home repair or maintenance, it was all up to me. Plus raising the kids and being the one the school called for emergencies, etc.

Then I got hurt and I developed my disability, and DH had to step up. He's stepped up even more in the last few years now that we're empty nesters. I still handle the finances and taxes, but he's taken on a lot more responsibility for the big ticket things. He hires out housecleaning for me a lot (like today when I came home from work to find it done). He knows I'm very self-sufficient and I come from a long line of DIYers, so I don't mind doing a lot of the typically masculine chores. DH and I learned, over time, that we can give up control (me) and admit we don't know how to do some things (him) and the world won't come to an end.

For the first 25 years of our marriage, I worked mostly part time. I had a housecleaning business through the child-rearing years so I could leave my toddler at the babysitter for maybe 4 hours, then, go knock out a house and bring in what most women (doing the average retail job) would make in 8. I did that to be home with children and home when the older ones came home from school. DH worked about 60 hours per wk during the same time period.

So, that being said........I did ALL the cooking and cleaning and laundry and shopping. He did all the mechanical, wiring, plumbing, yard stuff.

In the last 5 or so years we are both working full time and both working about 40 hour work weeks. (He still works some overtime, travels out of state for work and does record-keeping volunteer work in a religious venue)

I do all the cooking, all the cleaning and laundry and shopping. Some nights he unloads or loads the dishwasher. If I ask..........he will vaccuum, mop, sweep, or anything else I want him to do. He also volunteers to go to the store for me to pick up a few items anytime I need it. He still takes care of anything broken, mis-wired, unplumbed, or engine-related in and around our home and won't rest till it's done. Seems pretty fair to me.

Red

Not only does DH not cook.....at all....and does not do the other domestic things around the house....he can take my washing machine apart, go find the part we need, and get it installed and running again. Same with dishwasher, pool pump, ceiling fans, car, etc. If he's in his recliner with his feet up and I mention that the stove isn't working right, he gets out of his chair THAT MOMENT and comes to check it out. If I mention at 6am on a Sunday morning that I meant to buy yogurt the day before because I'm in the mood for it, he immediately asks if I want him to go get some, and puts on his jeans and shoes, takes off to the store. If I say I'm tired and don't want to cook, he says "Let's go out". If I leave the house uncleaned all weekend and read a book, he tells me not to worry, I need to rest. He hands me the remote every night because he says I'm better at choosing channels. If I mention a headache he's up looking for advil for me.

So....I cook, clean, do bills and laundry. I shop and make all reservations for everything. It's not an issue for us.

Red

red: what a TEAM you are. I had to read this 3 x. You really have a wonderful companion.

tish: you hang in there ! you have so much going on and it sounds like you have a wonderful outlook/perspective. Things change over time...not necessarily for the better. But as I said perspective and we see the changes as better. I am so glad you shared a part of your life with us.

Everyone has really opened their doors to us. What a great gift each of you has given. Insight is a precious thing. c

Hmmm, we're a little backward, methinks.

DH is the baker and the griller. I do the other cooking, and the bulk of the cleaning up in the kitchen.

I do the dusting, vacuuming, windows and kitchen. But DH does the bathrooms! Except for the cat's bathroom. DH doesn't want anything to do with that so I am the little box champ.

I do the mowing and blowing outside. DH helps when we have a big project out there, and he's the one who gets on the roof with the blower and to do any other repairs needed up there.

For a lot of the other stuff, it falls to me. I am self-employed and my office is 5 miles from home. DH has a 45-minute+ commute each way. For groceries, it depends on if I have free time during the week. If I do, I'll go Thurs, of Fri. afternoon and knock it out. If not, we both go on Saturday or Sunday.

I handle everything with all the pets - litter box, baths, medicines, vet visits. I also do all the banking, going to the car tag office, etc. And I'm the one who is here if a repair person or utility person has to come to the house. It's just easier since I am closer to home and everything is nearby.

I do all the budgeting, bill paying, etc., and DH loves that he doesn't have to mess with it. But he does the taxes (which I love!).

wow, this is a cool thread. We tend to do everything together in some way shape or form especially cooking. I do laundry, I load the DW, he empties it, I do the bulk of the grocery shopping, he prefers to bring the stuff in and help put it away. And we both stop to pick things up on the fly. I take care of the birds and our new puppy, he cares for the cat. We make the bed together, we both clean the bathrooms, he does the vacuuming, while I dust. I'm the one who initiates the bigger jobs too like cleaning the garage or basement. I pay the bills and he does all the trash, heavy lifting and outside stuff. He hates to shop so I do all the shopping and planning for our house projects.

it just keeps getting better and better. I want to come and visit these homes...every one ! Each is SO different and yet really inviting. I think we should all swap....oooooppps....oh well ....LOL...just kidding :) c