Boy, that's a tough one. If it's the phrase Sweeby is referring to, I hear that more frequently than I care to admit, and I ALWAYS call the person who says it on that. They've learned to just say 'rigged up' instead. I'd have said to him 'Oh, you mean jury rigged right?'. I know that the people I know who used that term would never use the word in any other vernacular...it's just that they're accustomed to that phrase. Not that it's right mind you!! I'm not so sure it's an age thing...I know a lot of people my age who still use that derogatory term..but not with the intent of it being derogatory. If that makes sense what I'm trying to say. I'd say that older people, my parents generation for example, would be more apt to use it in a derogatory fashion, if they used it at all. Unfortunately, my mother and father use(d) that word when I grew up and I hated it immensely. My mother and her husband will use it when describing a colored person, and it REALLY ticks me off...I call them on it if they ever use that term around me. I was used to my Dad saying things, but this man is very polite and seems the type to go out of his way to not offend. Then to hear the n-word fly out of his mouth is shocking. And my brother uses it, too. I can't understand why..he's my age, younger than me in fact, but I attribute it to his racist bent. I'm so not proud of being brought up in a racist household, and frankly, that is a big part of why I'm not as close to my siblings and parents as a lot of my friends are to theirs. I have an elderly neighbor who is 'careful' in her racism, she uses PC terms, but always in a whisper, like just referencing a persons heritage or race is an integral part of them and is something to be ashamed of. I change the subject when she does this, I know I'll never enlighten her, but I also don't need to subject myself to her narrow minded views. I think you did the right thing for how you feel. I probably would have asked him not to use that term (if that was the case), but if he'd been making pointed racist comments, then I'd have told him thank you for your service, but I'm afraid I can't abide by your way of thinking; and shown him the door.

As you probably already know, I'm white, Southern, straight, married, 65, and have always considered myself privileged, even though my household never had any money to speak of. I was privileged because: - I grew up in a house where people were gentle and loving to each other. - I was raised with music and books and games and some lovely old things to use every day. - I was taught things that have helped me to navigate relatively successfully through life. All very nice. But the real and underlying privilege of my circumstances was that I was protected by the system and by the law. Had I been a different color, that would not necessarily have been the case. Had I not been straight, or blessed with a quick mind, or reasonably attractive, I would not have been able to move so easily through the world. And had I not been "one of us," there would have been many gracious and sometimes powerful institutions into which I would not have been invited. So when I hear "privileged" used as a pejorative, I think that the speaker must mean "entitled." Privilege is a gift that is accidental, not earned. Entitlement, in my view, indicates an abdication of the responsibilities that come with privilege - the responsibility to keep an open mind and a kind heart; to share the wealth of privilege, whether it's money or access or knowledge; to stay on the right side of the line between discernment and judgment; to respect the person even if you don't like the behavior; to be tolerant of differences and intolerant of unfairness; and to protect, with whatever power your position grants you, the right of every person to equal treatment and equal protection under the law. I wish I lived up to those responsibilities all the time, but I know them, and that's part of my privilege, too. So I am right there with olychick when she says that it is those of us on the safe side of the river who must build the bridges.

I was reading this like it was a new post...then realized a lot of those people don't post here anymore. Scrolled down quickly and thought, "so glad I didn't post on this thread". Then I scrolled up slower to see who had posted and I guess I did post. I referenced things in the post but when I scrolled up more, whatever I mentioned wasn't there anymore. Looks like I was hallucinating because those pics are gone now. lol

A friend told me I looked tired one day about two years ago and I still think about it, wondering what made me look so tired! I didn't find it insulting exactly, just puzzling because I wasn't feeling tired! I often think it's time to spruce up my look with a little more makeup -- with age I have acquired paler lips and fewer eyelashes. But I'm too lazy most of the time. My makeup routine takes about 3 minutes -- tinted moisturizer, blush, a bit of concealer, and done. Before I leave the house I add some lip gloss, which I reapply a few times usually throughout the day. If I want to put in more effort, I'll do a quick swipe of eye shadow and mascara. I know I look better when I wear a bit of eye makeup, but usually I just can't be bothered. Fortunately I have dark eyes, lashes, and eyebrows, so nothing disappears when I don't wear makeup, but I do look nicer when I "enhance" my eyes. I wear makeup to prevent others from being scared of my face. I was makeup-free for much of today (working at home, waiting for a delivery) and when I glanced in the mirror, I found myself scary. I have noticed as I get older, too, how much what color I wear (in clothing) affects how my face looks. For instance, I look much better if I wear a bright pink or orange/rust shirt than I do when I wear a gray shirt. I have been trying to be more conscious of that, and I really do feel better when I wear color. (And I probably look less "tired"!)