Oh you've got your hands full that's for sure Stacie. But once they start school, look out. They'll be graduating before you know it. I'm just sorry I had to work so much in my girls childhoods. And now they're all busy working, and we still can't spend a lot of time together. Just on holidays.
Leslie

Wise woman. You won't regret your time spent with the children. Congratulations on learning that, while they are young.

Oh boy - I am so happy for you that you "get"
this while your kids are young. Good for you -
you will have a Happy Life. :)

I only have one child, and I didn't have her until I was 34 years old. Only having one, I had all the opportunity in the world to spend time with her, and I did. I don't think it would be possible for me to have spent another minute with her.

I read a book called The Continuum Concept when I was pregnant and that is an approach to raising babies "in arms"...which means, you never put them down. So she was held constantly or with someone constantly...my mother and my husband being my extra pair of arms. She slept with me and nursed until she was 3 1/2 years old. I took her everywhere I went, and even when she was in college, if I was going somewhere that I thought she might possibly want to go, I invited her. I remember she went to an iris convention with me when she was in college. Not so much her love of irises, but she knew my friends from other trips, and we stayed in a nice hotel and had good food and she enjoyed that.

We are still very close to this day, and altho she moved away when she went to college and didn't move back home again, she and I get together every week or two, because she lives close enough that we can.

The only thing I would say...is, yes, spend as much time with your babies as you can, and teach them everything you can. They are like little sponges and they soak up so much and learn so quickly. Read to them and help them develope a
good attention span. The years from one to five are often
neglected when people leave children to their own devices all the time, or sit them in front of a tv set. You will never regret time spent with your children. It will come back to you a hundred times over.

A family friend had a reminder for me when our DS was still in a crib, but waking early and calling for me before the sun was up. She said, "No one will ever again be that eager and happy to see you!"

It's true. I'd open his BR door. He'd be standing at the crib rail watching the door. As soon as he saw me, his little face would light up with joy.

(I tried very hard to remember all that when he was a teenager, sleeping until noon!)

Raising babies "in arms". I've never heard that expression before, but it is so very meaningful.

My "babies" are now 48 and 62 years old. We had a baby carriage, and later a stroller when we went out. Other than that they were carried in arms. I really believe some of the problems that children have now comes from the lack of personal bodily contact with the parents.

Now, from the time the baby leaves the hospital it is strapped in a seat, or carried in a carrier. Often at home they are in a bouncer or swing. Car seats keep them in the back seat, alone. Where is that human touch connection? No wonder they feel isolated.

As a mama, the hours are long but the years are short. How true! As my DM often reminded us, When they are little, they will pull on your apron strings. When they are older, they will pull on your heartstrings. Again, how true!

Stacie, hold those babies, close and often.

Sue

When I was deep in the throes of motherhood (my boys were 2 years apart) my mom told me this:

"In the pie of life, this is just a little slice."

At the time I didn't know if I should cry or run screaming but now that they are both gone and in college, I do understand what she meant. They aren't little for long but sometimes it sure does feel like it at the time.

I sometimes wish I could go back and just be with them again with they were little. I do miss those days when they would climb in my lap with a book and want me to read to them. I'm glad I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom although there were days when I wished for a job. It's not easy but it's so rewarding.

I spent a lot of time with my youngest son......when my other two were in school or participating in an activity. Several people told me I was spending too much time with him.
He was killed in an accident when he was two weeks away from his eight birthday. I am so glad I spent the extra time with him.

I think Marilyn and Sue have pretty much covered it well. I didn't "raise my babies in arms" but I came pretty darn close.

I was just recently speaking to my own DD about how babies today seem to always be in some type of conveyance rather than in a parents arms or a toddler held by the hand. (Except in restaurants where the new age parents seem to have a disdain for high chairs and let their tots run wild HUH!?)

I would add that getting down to the child's level and playing with them is equally important. Forget the Einstein toys etc. Rolling balls back and forth and stacking blocks are more important than some talking computer chip.

Girlsingarden you sound like a great mom. Kudo's to you for your optimism and taking on your parenting duties without complaint. The only other thing I could suggest is that you and DH make some time for each child to be alone with you or him or even both of you now and then. With four little ones it would be beneficial for mom or dad to have individual time with each one, maybe just once a month.

Rhianna would really get a lot out of having some daddy time to herself. Girls need their daddies. I've always believed that girls learn more how to be a secure woman from their daddies. Girls with involved fathers don't seek out father figures at age 12.

DH was involved with Indian Guides and Indian Princesses when ours were young. Great times with dad without the feminine influence. I heard some hair-raising stories about their camp-outs but they thrived and survived. LOL

Later DH would visit my DD's girl scout troop to lend a hand with projects and stay involved on occasion.

Your children are close in age so it would be easy to treat them as a unit. Give them their individual time as well. Let Rhianna be the big sister but let her be your baby as well. Let the middle kids be top dog once in a while.

Girlsingardens, by the time I read this post it had all been said, and said beautifully. I know you're smart enough to listen to us older and more experienced moms. You are smart to be learning the lessons you are learning while your children are young enough to reap the benefits. I think that's why we're all better grandparents than we were parents, b/c we learned so much by just doing it--raising our children.

I had 2 17 mos apart, so I was pretty busy. Before the days of Pampers. One day I was sewing and my oldest said something like "play with me." I said I was trying to make her a new dress and she said to me "I don't want a new dress, I want you to play with me." Talk about a wake up call!! That did it. I always figured the housework would wait. The dust won't go off and leave you, it will always wait. It doesn't matter one bit, it's not important. You know what's important and what lasts and I think your values are pretty straight for someone your age. Good for you!! Love them, b/c they will be gone soon. Thank goodness there are mothers with your attitude.

What your MIL says is very true. Another thing I read somewhere is that MOM must carve out some time just for Mom,
because babies will demand all your time not knowing you need some for yourself. And this is the hardest part, MAKING some time for yourself, a 30 minute walk by yourself twice a week, or one afternoon/month that is yours - not to get groceries by yourself! - but to get that hair trim, shop for that elusive new bra or new denims. Even to take a bath while hubby keeps the kids from clawing at the bathroom door to get in with you (because a bath isn't relaxing while THAT is going on!).

I myself am guilty for concentrating on the things I thought mattered most (home cooked meals from scratch that took time), laundry kept up, house vacuumed and dusted, then one day I looked down at my 18 month old who was pestering me to play with him while i was performing one of these 'important' aspects to being a stay at home mom, and the thought occurred to me that he'd be happier if I'd gone back to work, because his day's would be filled with playtime with other kids, instead of following a working house mom around the house and being put off all the time, and I figured since I quit the job to benefit HIM, then I had better start making this stay-at-home thing about HIM, and not about how clean and organized I could keep the home. We didn't live in a pigsty, but it felt like I was always behind on something, if the place was vacuumed, then the bathrooms needed attention, then when I got to the bathrooms, now the laundry needed to be done etc etc (the late Richard Carlson wrote about that in one of his 'don't sweat the small stuff' books), remarkably, we could use the 'messy' bathroom safely, had enough clothes that laundry could pile up, and no asthmatic sufferers in the house so a bit of dust wasn't a health problem. But my 18 month old would only be that age for such a short time, I had to grab what I could while he was there. I have done that, and never regretted it, and look at all the extra housework I got out of doing!

Keep smiling Stacie, you've got a good handle on what's important, stick with what your gut is telling you.

kioni

Like Carol, as I've mentioned before, I lost a child.......and I have few regrets because I was the mom that sat on the floor and played board games, and watched all the kid movies, drove on the field trips, etc. That's a great quote, Stacie, and one to definitely remember!

I'm just echoing everyone else's thoughts.
I had 5 kids in 12 years. When the youngest was barely 3 their Mom died of ovarian cancer. What an eye opener. They're grown up before you know it. During Christmas break I took the youngest to get his learners permit. Soon he'll be coming and going on his own. The other 4 have all left the nest.
Cherish the days.

Ron

((((Carol in california)))))
((((Angela59)))))
In friendship,
Deborah

My Mother would say.....Its nice to see them come but its
nice to see them go!! LOL!!