Only for the child, not for the in-law. $50, enough for them both to have a modest evening out together.

I usually manage to find something I know my girls would like. Last year, Ulrike got a couple of stoneware bowls. Can't remember what Lori got... but she got something...

:)

Moni

PS, Doug gets a card, or a phone call.

It's difficult sometimes. Our older son can buy anything for himself that he wants, and when we get him something, he usually takes it back! When he comes back home, we'll take him out to eat and find something for him. Younger son is easy to buy for, anything makes him happy.

I bake the boys their favorite cookies. It's ridiculous hat it costs to mail them but it's tradition. The girls are always watching their weight so mostly I just send a card and call.

Bigack, are we sharing kids???? We have the same situation. This year we gave the older son and also the DIL nothing giftwise (they don't care--they are minimalists). The younger one got one of those flashlights to wear on the head which he needed for work. We helped the younger with another expense last year, so the small gift was fine.

I always give gifts to my SIL and DIL, and I don't give money to anyone (except sometimes to my DGD). I usually spend somewhat less on the in-laws, but at Christmas the joint gifts usually even things out somewhat.

My DIL's birthday is coming up this Saturday. Don't tell her, but I bought her this.

My last birthday gift to my SIL was so much fun that I wrote about it on the KT. Can't find it in a search, though. I found ads for the car he just bought and a much older model and framed them. Didn't cost a lot, but he really loved this gift.

I would think a lot depends on how one feels about the particular in-law. :-)

My DD is still in college and in her first apartment, so it is always easy to think of things she needs.

My DM always gives DH and me cash on our birthdays. We don't need it, so sometimes it will sit around almost a year before it gets spent. DMIL always sends a gift card for each of us. I'm glad they don't buy me actual gifts though because I already have too much 'stuff'.

As the child in this situation, MIL sends me a card (which I love) and DH gets a card and cash/gift card etc.

Everybody is now facing higher food prices which are expected to continue. For our nieces we have given gas cards (new drivers in school), store cards to places they like to shop. For our parents who enjoy going to movies we give movie cards or take them out for dinner. Or if something bigger is a needed item we contribute towards it.

As times are getting tougher for all of us - we now ask rather than guess because money wasted is money wasted. And ya never know if someone may be putting aside cash for emergencies or even next weeks groceries.

I have also done things like make my own gift basket with smaller items on a theme - my brother is into asian cooking - I got him some seasoned cooking oil, a couple of wok tools, spices and other related small items. He was quite tickled with this gift basket of goodies.

In-laws I say no to cash, just cards. Immediate family - whatever your norm is. And don't be shy if you have to lower the value this year - everyone will understand I'm sure.

I spend more on my kids that their SO's formy kids they will usually tell me what they would like, my girls I usually give them a Nordie's card if they have not requested anything. My DS like dinner GC's

Generally, I think if you are giving your kids gifts, you should give their spouses gifts too. I think it makes them feel more a part of the family....if you exclude or don't remember them on their birthday, it may make them feel left out. I guess it's kind of telling, do you consider them a part of the family or not?

With that being said, you can be creative with the gifts and I don't think you have to spend as much on inlaws and your kids. But, don't spend a lot on one DIL and a little on another DIL. (That's where you'll get into trouble)

Although I'm not big into money or gift cards for gifts, you could always give gift cards to restaurants to the inlaws so that usually both spouses could enjoy it.

When push comes to shove, if you can't afford gifts, be sure to call them on their birhtday. That, to me, is one of the best gifts anyone can give.

Every adult gets $60.00 for their birthdays and each get $30.00 for Mom's or Dad's day. The grandkids get $20.00 plus gifts on their birthday. I wouldn't think of not giving each of them the same. They are all family. Everyone gets the same amount spent on them at Christmas, too. We have 6 adults and 8 grandkids plus 2 step grandsons. We love them all the same and they are treated the same as well.

They all save what we give them and spend it on something special. Our daughter-in-law got a new camera for her December birthday so she is taking a photography class. Most of them either have late in the year birthdays or right after the new year. Pooled with their Christmas money they have a nice sum for something special. Last year our daughter and son-in-law pooled their money and bought a new puppy..

I am not one that goes out and buys them something just to see them get a gift. I want them to have what they want. Giving them the money to add some with to get that perfect thing is special for both of us.

Joe's mother usually gives him a gift card to Future Shop, he can buy what he wants that way. Some years she gives me a gift, some years she doesn't. It doesn't bother me one little bit if she doesn't give me a gift. I'm an adult, I don't NEED anything, if she gives me a card that's ok, if she doesn't that's ok too. I don't need everyone to acknowledge my birthday. To want her to give me the same amount of money or gift that she gives Joe is being petty. She is 82 years old, she has 7 kids (plus their 7 spouses) and 10 grandchildren. I wouldn't expect her to give every in-law a gift.

We adults don't exchange Xmas gifts any more ,but we do b-day ones. I love to buy for DD. I go to TJ Maxx and buy her clothes, picture frames in which I place a significant family picture, cool items for her house..She's my clone so I like shopping for her. SIL , not so much but I get him maybe clothes and cooking stuff or books. Son is easier and I get him clothes and stuff for his house since he has no wife.

I give my kids and grands a $100.00 gift at Paypal which they can spend any where online. They love them.

speaking as a daughter in law, it DOES hurt your feelings to not be acknowledged on your birthday. DH's family has never sent me a card, email or called on my birthday. and yes they do know when it is.

For my daughter's husbands, I do send a card and gift. Now that they live away from us, we try and send gift cards. When they were stationed in our area, we made an effort to take them out to dinner and buy a small gift.

thnx for all the responses.I have been giving everyone 50 for bdays and guess I will continue,don't want any hard feelings. I asked since one of my friends told me she gives her kids & gkids the smae, but the inlaws less. She thought that was common but then everybody would get 50 and the inlaws less-doesn't seem right to me.Just seems like there's getting to be so many people and wish we could all be happy with a nice card and cake!

We don't do gifts any more for either Christmas or B'days. There are just too many with in-laws, G-kids GG-kids both natural and by marriage. I do send everyone a card on their special day. I wouldn't think of gifting in-laws less than my own kids. I have a friend who gets $2.00 bills from the bank and that is what she sends all of her G-&-GG kids of their B'day. I thought that was a good idea.

I ask DD what DSIL would like or need. Same thing with DS and his SO. SIL often needs car parts for whatever he is tinkering with at them moment.

DS's girlfriend sews, dances and does a lot with make-up.

They send me a list with various suggestions and often links to the best place to buy. I pick and choose off the list. if I see something I know they would like on my own I sometimes will add it.

We don't put dollar amounts on gifts. This year DS was the one who got the most dollars spent at Xmas but the least amount of gifts. Actually his Xmas gift was so much more expensive that it is also his birthday gift for this year. But it was something he really could use and DD and her DH were quite happy to see him get it. I'm proud that my kids don't compete like that. In fact both of them are generous to a fault at times. I never tried to be exactly even or (gag) "fair" from the day they were born. It paid off.

This is a sore point with me. My inlaws don't know when my birthday is. BUT... they always expected us to get together for their birthdays and celebrate which means getting a present for them and going out to eat or something. It got really old particularly when we didn't have very much money and were driving 500 miles to get there. I got tired of having to give up my desired 4th of July and Labor Day traditions (because that is near their birthdays) to accomodate people who don't reciprocate or care about me. They sucked the life out of other holidays like Christmas too and of course, they seem to forget that roads go both ways.

Well, I don't have a son in law yet but they are engaged. This year for Christmas I gave him a nice present but did not spend the same amount because the gift I gave DD is a gift he'll also be able to use. I got her a TV and they live together. I guess this is something I'll need to think about in the future. I don't believe his feelings were hurt this year but thanks for the post. It is something I'll need to think about now.

Our kids and their spouses recive the same amount from us for birthdays and Christmas. I've given up trying to buy gifts so it's always money these days. They don't seem to have any objections to that.

We give our kids gifts worth about $300 or $350, but usually not checks. To our only SIL, we write a check for $200, the same amount his parents send to our DD. The four of them go to Napa Valley wineries for his birthday weekend while we babysit, so he buys wine with his check. Our son has a serious girlfriend, and for the past year, we have given her $100 to spend as she may wish.

I would also encourage those of you who differentiate between children and in-laws to rethink that decision. Even in your child's spouse says that it is fine, trust me, it is not. I was that DIL for well over 20 years and it hurt a bit more each year.

I can't imagine treating an in-law like that - it does hurt. Some of these replies brought back some hurts that I had long buried. My MIL did that to me and it made me feel like I wasn't quite welcomed into the family. At first I thought she didn't care for me but after a few years I realized that I wasn't the only one to be slighted.

My MIL played favorites - she favored her daughter over her son (my DH), she favored her DD's children over mine. She favored my first born over his siblings. It was obvious and the children caught on at a young age.

She gave expensive presents or paid for home repairs for her DD even though her DD and her husband had a decent income. She never gave us a wedding present because she had just moved and 'didn't have time.'

She would visit her DD and take her grandchildren on shopping trips. She'd come to visit us and give the kids a $10.00 bill - except she gave my eldest who was her favorite $20.00. I finally asked her about showing favoritism to the grand kids once when she was visiting. Her answer was that she was the Grandmother and was entitled.

None of my adult children are married yet but when they do I hope to treat them equally and help them feel like part of the family.

This is a sad post. I can't imagine being an Inlaw in anyone's family that would be treated differently then their children. And favoring grandchildren is just flat out wrong. I can tell you these children know this. As a parent I would "never" allow a grandparent to do more for one of my children then the others. NEVER!!!!!! To those of you that do this shame on you.

Sheilajoyce, step up to the plate and treat your SIL the same as you do your children. Just because his parents give your DD this amount doesn't make it right for you. She is a valuable part of your son's lfe and should be yours, too. Just think about it. Would you like to be the only one on Christmas with a gift half as nice as everyone else's?? I can't imagine being that one person in your room.

Gifts for our son & DIL are roughly equal, money for their birthdays IS equal. Can't imagine doing otherwise. I have no idea how her parents did it & don't care... too much like "keeping score", imo, & why trouble yourself in that way.

I stopped giving nephews and nieces gifts when they were about ten. They hadn't sent thank-you notes in several years for gifts I jhad sent, plus I had no idea of their interests. Don't exchange gifts anymore with siblings. So I think big folks don't need gifts. A card is nice, to show you remember them. My Mom stopped sending gifts once I moved out of her house at 22. In later years she didn't even send cards. Because she had gone blind. She did send Christmas cards this past December, and she passed away Dec 24.

I, too, can't imagine dissing the spouses of children as some have indicated. To me, that person becomes a treasured part of the family and deserves to be treated as such. If a gift is given to one's offspring, then a gift should be given to the offspring's spouse. That's the way I've been treated and have treated my family; it just seems right.

As such, I've always felt valued and loved. How hurt (and outcast) I'd have felt if it had been otherwise.

Suzieque

used to do gift bit, but everyone gets a $25 check (adults) know that doesn't sound like much but we're talking 4 kids 4 spouse...add the 8 grands (we do $25 in gifts,) and i'd be broke...

I'm glad someone brought this up! I have 3 older stepchildren. We stopped doing big birthday gifts for the boys when they were over 18 (granted, they were in the military and on their own). My husband and I agreed a long time ago that adults get $50 for their birthday. My stepdaughter still lives with us and is turning 19. She just asked for an Iphone for her birthday! We also have 3 kids under 10 at home who still get the birthday party, etc. Should we still make a big deal out of her birthday now that she is an adult?

I'm glad someone brought this up! I have 3 older stepchildren. We stopped doing big birthday gifts for the boys when they were over 18 (granted, they were in the military and on their own). My husband and I agreed a long time ago that adults get $50 for their birthday. My stepdaughter still lives with us and is turning 19. She just asked for an Iphone for her birthday! We also have 3 kids under 10 at home who still get the birthday party, etc. Should we still make a big deal out of her birthday now that she is an adult?