He certainly is stressed and you as well. Although I am in no position to offer advice, I hope for a good outcome
and also that you both will stay healthy going through this hectic time. I see that you are up late, so I know you probably cannot sleep right now.

"I know he would like to just quit--which has NEVER been in his vocabulary before. I tell him, let them do the firing! He says they won't do it, but just keep making it so miserable for him, he is getting sick over it all."

Your husband should book a consultation with an attorney who specializes in labor law. There is a legal term known as "constructive discharge." Ask about it.

Just recently read an article on how the American workers' production has increased with this recession. It is happening all over the country because firms let people go, and doubled up the work on those remaining. They pointed out that as we come out of the recession and companies are getting more business that there is a lag before they hire anyone new for fear they will have to lay off again. Therefore, it gets even worse for the employees who were doing the work of everyone who left when business went south. Now business is picking up and they are working even harder.

I do discourage your husband from quitting with no other job lined up. If you think your finances are unstable now, imagine how stressed you both would be with no income.

I think you have done the right thing in advising him to adjust his attitude. Encourage him to use his driving time to think about how he can line up some interviews and slip them into his day. He may need to make "dental" appointments here and there.

Yes, I been there and done that. My sanity was never a consideration; It went out the window. In the end, did it pay off? I suppose so. I kept my job to the bitter end of our research center and got shoved out to pasture at age 62 after 38 yrs of service. The exit was made a bit more palatable with a buy-out offer plus retirement benefits. The research and development center was reduced to a shadow of its former self.

I would be looking. It's really tough to say what someone else should do. I don't like to quit but I have left jobs before because it just isn't worth it. I've never felt so dependant upon benefits that I would suffer through the things, but that's been my experience, not his, so it can't be compared fairly.

I certainly would discourage him from using "dental" appointments. That would be foolish. That's an offense that warrants immediate termination and being terminated for cause disqualifies you from unemployment and probably would lose out on other benefits. That would be a very unwise thing to do IMO. It sounds like he has plenty of vacation time to use and should make use of it.

Which brings up another point. Maybe he needs a few days or a week off to refresh. Sometimes that makes a world of difference.

Sometimes things get better. Hopefully they will improve soon. My best thoughts and wishes to you both.

Normally they take away work from employees if they want them to quit. They know he's capable and will continue to give him more until he lets them know that he's at his limit.

Can he talk to someone there? Or is he at the point where he's burnt out and needs a break from the place?

Check with your unemployment laws...IF he quits, would he be able to collect unemployment? In Wisconsin you can't. Make sure he has a job lined up......not much to pick from in some states. Unemployment is really high here...not many jobs out there.
I've been in his shoes, NOT fun! I talked with my boss & told her enough is enough. I couldn't do the work of 4 people. In the end, I got an intern to help take some of the load off.

I wish you & your hubby the best.

The first thing he can do is go to a psychiatrist for a mental health evaluation. If the doctor is a M.D. then insurance will cover the visit. Tell him to contact his Human Resource dept. and bring the Family Leave forms to the doctor. Tell the doctor he has major anxiety and he needs to take intermittent family leave. The Doctor should put depression/anxiety for a diagnosis. His employer by law cannot fire him for taking time off for Family leave. He can take that time to rest and re evaluate and look for another job.
The second part is he has to change his mindset. His employer can keep giving him more work but that doesn't mean he has to comply. He has to learn to be more of a slacker. If they call him in he can say, "I didn't have the time to complete the project". I would not quit until he has other employement.
Donna

Here is a link that might be useful: Family Leave

welcome to working after the depression of 2008! that is the same exact state alot of well paid people are in right now or those on unstable financial ground. i am in a similiar boat but have worked sooo very hard to be able to afford to keep my lifestyle while allowing my DH not to work while he pursues a new BS/MS honors degree, full-time in engineering. i will do whatever i have to maintain my current financial status which has not been affected by the economy much.

in 2008 i lost most of my mandatory overtime which made up 20% of my income atleast. i was running ragged from it so i adjusted well. then fall of 2009 ALL but 1 co-worker was laid off in our office, 75% of everyone working outside laid off too. i used to have an assistant until then. now i cover my job, my assistants', plus 2 other's. i am very well paid, have great insurance that has not gone up much, have built up a decent amount of vacation etc... i am very stable financially, am the child of 2 CPA's and Certified financial planners and have spent my life preparing to never get social security or even unemployment. my busy time is less than 6 weeks away at which time, co-workers will be brought back. they have no choice as i go to work at our main farm location and no one will be left here.

that said thou i am well aware i am overworked and hence underpaid, everyone i know who is doing well financially & working is the same. unfortunatley i'd never find a company to pay me this much in orlando, chicago (my hometown) yes but not in FL. i have to keep doing this for my own stability until DH is done in Dec w/ his BS or may 2011 w/ MS. i can do it and i am not willing to risk all i have work for over 25 yrs, to find a job that makes me less stressed. my happy time will come when DH is done.

if i were you i'd spend every waking minute finding a full time job and start working on someway to better your education at the same time. that will make you feel more in control and in control of your future. then after you secure that your DH can work on finding something else. unless he's in a field where there are jobs avail for experienced workers. there are some out there unfortunately alot of employers are all doing the same thing trying to save $$. it certainly doesn't hurt him to atleast look. ~ liz

I took a 42% pay cut to keep my sanity a couple of years ago. Don't regret it for a minute!

Eric is going through this right now. He finally submitted his resignation last Wednesday. The company is wanting to keep him on a "contingency basis"- basically they call him in when needed but he also has the option to tell them no when they call. He has been living away from home 4-6 nights a week for the past 2 and a half years. We are both looking forward to him being home more. Most likely, we will have to take out some student loans while he looks for other employment but his sanity (our sanity!) is more important.

Good luck to your husband,
Janie

My dh was in the same spot a couple of years ago; they know how to boot the older people out. He developed a case of diverticulitis that required surgery, then they "laid him off" a week after her returned. He saw the writing on the wall, ever since his wonderful older boss retired and vindictive (don't ever disagree with him or yerrr out!) new boss was brought in. The stress was terrible and took a toll but he stuck it out for the severance, as he is the sole breadwinner in our house. Is your dh older? If so, they can't outright let him go but will make his life miserable in hopes that they don't have to give him any severance, etc. What happens if he refused more work? My dh could never do that, as I suspect yours cannot either. I feel very badly for you and hope something works out. Ask him to send out resumes to contacts and network, network. Is there any uptick in hiring in his field? That would be a bonus. I wish I could help you more as I know how difficult this is to live through.

I don't know what your husband does or how much latitude he has to speak up about the situation. I know from my own experience and that of quite a few other people that if you are conscientious and sacrifice most of your personal life for your job you are rewarded with more work sometimes to the breaking point if you don't put a stop to it. Sometimes people bring this upon themselves by continuing to do more and more and never admitting that they cannot continue to take it all on and do it all. I've seen my own worklife and that of a good friend grow entirely unmanageable while my co-workers in similar positions maintained a decent work life balance and continued to be respected and rewarded.

I've learned it's not a sign of weakness or failure to speak up when you're going well above and beyond and you just cannot take on any more. It's a sign of self respect and it's important to your physical and mental well being - without which not much else is going to matter.

Please tell him don't quite until he has other/better working conditions. BUT, go by the book--if you know what I mean. Have him get a manual etc if they have it, study what is his job description, then like one person put it, start slowing down, sorry, I cannot do it at this time, I will get to it, sorry, will get it done etc. I do agree, talk to the Dr. this could be a heart attact waiting to happen. Stress Leave??? If he goes some place, sorry the battery went out on the cell phone, whoops, left it at home. I really do wish you the best and do know what you are going thru, as I went thru this when I retired from the bank 20 years ago. My supervisor kept pushing, pushing, but never in front of anyone. A personal friend put my name for early retirnment, and then they couldn't do anything.
Sending hugs and soothing thoughts.
Marie
from ND where we cannot get enough help especially in construction field.

The husband of a good friend left his job at Merrill Lynch last year because he got so fed up with their practices. He and his DW were financially stable but they needed his income. He did his homework and got things in order for his own business before he quit. It was a risk but it has paid off. It has only been 7 months or so and he is making more money now than he thought he would. This is a man who is 60.

First of all I want to Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your advice & compassion. I have been very stressed over all of this and I could feel the genuine concern you have for our situation.

Just to fill in a few blanks, we are both now 56 yo. DH has his BA & MBA & a certified Project Manager. He worked AND went to school at same time. I'm afraid I am lacking in the educational department. I have 2 AA degrees in nothing marketable, & got my RE License about a month(2006) before the market started crashing-but left because of my DM deteriorating health at the time.

But, actually I was the main caregiver for both of my parents from 2001 until 2007 in our home until they both passed. Dad had cancer & Mom had Alzheimer/dementia. About 2 months after my DM died (Dec '07) I started babysitting(Feb'08) for my 2 granddaughters until just this past November '09, when I started working part-time again. Can't believe I did the formula, diapers, potty-training all over again, but my girls were a good distraction from my grief. My DS & DDIL paid when the could, what they could,--most of the time, not at all, but I just wanted to help them out & make sure the girls were safe with me. It was never about the income, it was all about what was best for my GDD's.

Last summer I looked into a local university here & wanted to start school to get a Gerontoloy Certificate ( would take 18 months) & eventually work in Hospice & for seniors. (Heck, I am a senior now too according to Bob Evans--lol) I guess I am just destined to be a caregiver all my life. I started the application process & was told I would probably be eligible for Finacial Aid, but I think working Full Time has to be my priority now.

I've been brainstorming to think of any additional means of bringing in some income--like maybe renting out the in-law quarters of our home. Selling off some jewelry--only about $200.00 worth, but every bit has to help. We're down to 1 car which we "juggle".
Right now, everything just seems up in the air. We might know more by this week-end, when either my DH's project goes well or comes crashing down & him with it. I am preparing for the crash down, because in the past few weeks, anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Like servers going down for hours, connection problems etc. One manager just walked off the job, because he said he couldn't take the pressure anymore.

So, Thank you, thank you, thank you, all for taking the time just to let me talk/write about this & for listening. I know there are those here with far worse problems (health etc) & my problems are miniscule compared to theirs, but I thank you again for your suggestions & support. God Bless ~~ katclaws

Hmmm....sounds like he's in an IT role. Has he been at the same place for 27 years??? I think sometimes when people have been at the same place for so long they are "afraid" to leave - maybe not consciously but subconsciously. I have a friend who has worked at only one place his entire life (30 years) - absolutely hates it - and has excellent credentials to go some where else but he doesn't. He just complains about it day after day. It sounds like your DH also has excellent qualifications and could go somewhere else if he really wanted to but is clinging to what he knows. If he's PMP certified he can probably even do contract/consulting work at a decent hourly rate.

You reach a point where you really have to decide what's important in life otherwise life will pass you by and/or be cut short if you don't take care of yourself. If he's really unhappy he needs to take some action to make a change - ideally by lining up something before he leaves. I can see though that he probably thinks he doesn't have much time to do that and if he's not been in the job market for 27 years it can be a bit overwhelming.

It's hard to know what he's going through but I kind of think if it were me, I'd back off the work a bit and start taking care of myself. If that makes his employer think he's slacking off or not doing a good job then perhaps they'll lay him off and then I imagine he'd probably get a decent severance package that would give him some breathing room to find a new gig.

((((((((((Katclaws and DH)))))))))))))))

I don't have any advice for you, but hope things will all work out.