Clare, I missed seeing this earlier. I'm so sorry. Even though you weren't close physically, you had a connection. Emotions are not something we can always predict. Grief can hit unexpectedly. It did so with me when a friend passed away that I wasn't super close to, as in best friends, but we sang in choir together as altos, and I admired her greatly. Her death from cancer hit me much harder than I ever expected. It's natural. It's unfortunate you can't express it openly. I'm sure you miss being there with your DH, too. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you. Sally

Bless you and yours, I know it is a stressful time for you. My DBIL woke my sister up Friday morning about 1 AM sweating and having problems breathing. At the hospital he was stablized and then had a massive coronary attack. He died about 2 AM and he was 41 years old. No high blood pressure or cholesterol. My sister's faith is strong and she is doing much better emotionally than I would have expected her too. I don't know if the sudden deaths are easier than the long illnesses. I have been thru both and both are painful. Rosa

Vickey, I can sympathize with you 100%. My late MIL was exactly like that, did everything she could to destroy our marriage and Woody would always excuse her behavior to me. She would say horrible things about me to anyone who would listen and it never failed to get back to me somehow, small towns, ya gotta love/hate 'em! lol For years and years, he would sort of get it, but he was unable to do anything about it because he's too nice and didn't have it in him to be confrontational or rude to her, said she was such a good mother to him and his sibs when they were young, that he couldn't do it. He was brought up to respect his elders and especially his parents. Fine. Whatever. I wouldn't have taken that from my parents if they'd hated him, but OK.... anyway... You know what really drove the point home, to Woody? The day she turned her venom on HIM. Yep, he was shocked. And he drove over to her house at 10:30 PM, to let her have it, gave her notice to NEVER speak ill of either one of us again. She denied saying what he heard, but he knew he heard it. She never apologized, either, but it sure opened his eyes and I think it got a lot easier for us after that because I was able to stop resenting the fact that he wouldn't stand up for us. I don't know if your DH will ever get there, but the more you can ignore her and not think about her, the better. That's what I had to do. Not talk to her, see her as little as possible, let him deal with her. It's nice that the rest of family is getting their eyes opened, finally! And I liked your 25 year analogy! Good one. Maybe he'll ponder that a bit and wake up some. Good luck!

I think it could be tics. He's also been clearing his throat for years. He feels like something's dripping into the back of his throat, but he's talked to two doctors about it. They prescribed medicine that dries your sinuses, but he says it makes it too dry so he won't take it. He'd rather clear several times every minute. I try not to focus on it and sometimes I have to leave the room. He's OCD about certain household things too. Always checking behind me to see if I locked the door for instance. Today when we went out for lunch he didn't sing about Bob but he quietly hummed a few bars of the song he sings to the kitties, drummed, and fidgetted. There must be something about the environment because he's not fidgetty at other times. We (humans) are strange creatures.