Lost my father in law last week

14 years ago

Claude's family lives in Sudbury - about 4 hours north of us. Claude had booked 2 weeks off so that we could go up for a visit starting on June 20. It had been a year since we were up there. Claude was talking to his dad (Gerry) on the phone a few days before we went and he said he had been having stomach pains, and the doctor had sent him for labwork. By the time we got there Claude's dad had the results of his bloodwork and it was abnormal (not sure what exactly - we looked at it and a few things were off but it didn't mean much to us). They sent him for an abdominal ultrasound and more bloodwork a couple of days after we got there and told him he had cancer in his liver and stomach. Over the next few days they did a bunch of tests and scans and found cancer in his lymph nodes, lungs and on his brain as well. The Oncologist gave him 3-5 months. We left there to come home on Sunday, July 5, promising to go back for the long weekend in August. By that point his skin was very yellow, and even the whites of his eyes. It was killing Claude to leave his dad behind, knowing he didn't have much time left.

Just 2 days later - last Tuesday morning, Claude's sister called here to say that their dad's mind had "gone", and after checking him out, the doctor said it was probably a matter of days before he died. He wasn't recognizing family, he didn't know his favourite show, he was hearing noises that weren't there, he was trying to put a blanket on as pants.... So Claude left work and we packed up the van as quickly as we could. By the time we got to the hospital in Sudbury, he was unconscious and on some pretty strong pain medication. We stayed there throughout the night (kids sleeping on hospital couches) and his breaths gradually got shallower and further apart. At around 8:00 last Wednesday morning, his breathing just stopped. He had just turned 68.

They had a lovely private memorial service for him on Friday (he was to be cremated later - probably has been by now). Just Gerry's brothers and sisters (17 of them remaining - he was number 4 of 20!!) and their families, his kids and grandkids. Claude and his sister had put together a wonderful dvd of pictures and songs and gave everyone a copy.

We came back home on Sunday and Claude went back to work on Tuesday. It has been a whirlwind few weeks and the reality of it all is just starting to sink in now. It was all so fast. I never really realized how many details there are to think of and take care of after a family member dies. Claude and his dad were very close. Claude is doing okay - not ready to go back to work really, but has no more days left that he can take off.

Here's a picture of my father-in-law, Gerry with my boy Benjamin taken a couple of years ago....

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Comments (49)

gingertn
14 years ago
Nicole, I'm so sorry for the loss of your fil. That was so fast, that must have been confusing and so hard for all involved. Will keep Claude and the rest of you all in my thoughts. Hugs.
gemini40
14 years ago
Sorry for your loss Nicole...so much wrong with this man and no indications of its severity until the very end...Heartbreaking and hard to deal with for your husband.

june
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phyllis__mn
14 years ago
Be glad that he no longer has to suffer, and that it went as quickly as it did. Caring thoughts going out to the whole familly.
springer_mom
14 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss, your family will be in my prayers. Just went through it . My dear sweet sister-in law, we buried her o n Monday. 62yrs old. It so darn hard. We think it was a wrongful death,. Treasure the memories.
Mystical Manns
14 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear this, Nicole. As you know, the blessing is that he passed quickly and did not suffer ... but that doesn't ease the sense of loss that claude and you are feeling. My condolences go out to your family.
nodakgal
14 years ago
I'm sorry Nicole!!
It is so very hard to lose a parent.
(((Claude and Nicole and family)))
susan_on
14 years ago
I'm so sorry. I know how hard that is to go through.
dotmom
14 years ago
Nicole, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs and good thoughts coming your way. Dottie
chisue
14 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. It does take a little while to realize what's happened. There was so much, so fast! And now...he's gone.

I can tell from the photo you posted that he was a family man. Your Benjamin's contented face shows us that.

Grieve. Cry. It'll get better bit by bit.
patti43
14 years ago
Oh Nicole, I just posted on your vacation post--I'm glad Claude got to spend some time with his dad and the kids will have good memories. ((Nicole))
cherbo
14 years ago
You and your family have my deepest sympathies. God bless.
alisande
14 years ago
I'm sorry to hear that, Nicole. Sixty-eight seems too young. When things happen that quickly, it's hard on those who are left behind......but easier on the one who doesn't have to suffer for months. Sending sympathy.
ruthieg__tx
14 years ago
I'm sorry Nicole...68 is so young. Sending good thoughts for Claude and your whole family.
Dee1
14 years ago
Heartfelt sympathy to you and Claude and the rest of the family. So Sorry for your loss.
Dee in Michigan
lydia1959
14 years ago
Sending sympathy for your family Nicole.

(((((Nicole, Claude and family)))))
Marilyn Sue McClintock
14 years ago
Hugs to you both. Cancer is a terrible thing. I lost my Dad in 1981 and when we found out about it he lasted a week in the hospital. So sudden too. Keep your chin up.

Sue
jennmonkey
14 years ago
Oh, Nicole, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
angela_nor_calif
14 years ago
Nicole I'm so sorry for you and your family. What a sudden, tragic loss.
gardenspice
14 years ago
Nicole,
I'm so sorry. I'm glad your family had some time with him while he was still himself. I'm sure you will treasure those memories.
Best to your family, and especially to Claude.
margad
14 years ago
So sorry for all of you. Sending condolences.
susanjf_gw
14 years ago
i'm so glad you were able to make that first trip in june...that's the one thing i regret was when fil discouraged my dh from coming home for one last quality time with his mother...how wonderful you'll have the pictures to share with family...i have so few of my dad and my children were too young to remember him...
(((bless your family)))
mariend
14 years ago
Sending hugs and conforting thoughts for the family. Glad you were able to be there in the end. You might start a journal and write a bit each day and encourage other to contribute also. That way your children will remember also. Healing is one day at a time.
williamsburgjane
14 years ago
So sorry for your husband and all of you.
gadgets
14 years ago
This is so sad. I'm sorry your family has had to go through this, and so quickly. You must still be trying to cope just with the fact that he's gone so fast. May God bless each and everyone of you. (He looks the picture of health in the above picture.)

Shirley
jannie
14 years ago
So sorry for everyone. Sounds like when my Dad died in 1998. He had liver failure, too far gone for a transplant. He turned yellow-skin and eyes and was very confused at the end. He didn't even recognize my Mother, his wife of over 50 years.
velleen-2207
14 years ago
Vince and I will keep you in our prayers. The Lord Bless you and the family. Love Velleen
lindyluwho
14 years ago
So sorry for your loss.

Linda
joyfulguy
14 years ago
My heart goes out to you and Claude, Nicole, in this grievous loss.

You'll be pleased that you had that glorious last visit just so few weeks ago.

How true it is that we do not know what the next hour or day will bring.

(((((Claude, Nicole ... and families)))))

ole joyful
hayjud_mn
14 years ago
Nichole, My sympathy goes out to you and Claude and your family.
trishaw
14 years ago
Nicole I am so very sorry. That really happened so fast! Prayers for you and your family.

Trish
grammahony
14 years ago
My sympathies to you and Claude and the family.
Leslie
nan_nc
14 years ago
So sorry for your sudden loss. It was a shock, I'm sure.

Give yourself many hugs, and keep communicating with all the siblings who are willing..and the rest of the family as well. Share your grief; and, most important, the good memories of his life and how you shared it. You may want to record some of these memories for his Gkids, and for you.

Peace, my dear. It will come.

Nancy
country_bumpkin_al
14 years ago
I'm so sorry Nicole! My thoughts & Prayers are with you, Claude and the rest of Gerry's family!
Mickey15
14 years ago
Nicole, I am very sorry for the loss of your father-in-law.
Hugs,
Tammy
vicki_lv
14 years ago
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father in law. My most sincere condolences. May your family find comfort in the memories you have of him.
LorifromUtah
14 years ago
I'm sorry for you loss, Nicole and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Lori
msmarion
14 years ago
Good thoughts for your family. I'm so sorry. Know he is at peace and safe.
Marion
intherain
14 years ago
Nicole, I am so sorry. I am thinking of your family during this difficult time.

Sheryl
wildchild
14 years ago
My deepest sympathy to Claude,you and loved ones.
Cherryfizz
14 years ago
Aww Nicole I am so sorry to hear about Claude's Pere. Give him a hug from me.

My thoughts are with you all.

Anne
cheryl_ok
14 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss Nicole
ronf_gw
14 years ago
You, Claude, and your family are in my prayers today.
I'm so sorry.

Ron
Charlee_MO
14 years ago
Heartfelt sympathy being sent for you all.
Tears are in my eyes, Nicole, as Glen when thru a lot of what you described. I'm so sorry.

Big Hugs and prayers being sent y'alls way.

Charlotte
flowerpotmama
14 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. He looks like he was a wonderful grandpa. Please take care.

Danielle
tami_ohio
14 years ago
Nicole, You all have my sympathy and are in my prayers.

Tami
FlamingO in AR
14 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss, Nicole, Gerry was a handsome man and he looked like a really NICE man, too. He obviously loved his grandbaby!

I am so sorry for Claude and you and the whole family. I guess the only good thing is that Gerry didn't suffer for too long and that you were able to get there in time, I'm thankful you all have that.

(((((Claude and Nicole and the whole, entire family)))))
heatherinohio
14 years ago
I am just in shock at how fast things happened. How horrible.

I am so sorry for you and your family Nicole. ((((Huge Hugs))))
nicole_ont
Original Author
14 years ago
Thank you so much, everyone. It's been a hard few weeks, trying to deal with the little details and stuff despite the mourning. Claude was very close with his dad. I didn't know him too well, but I loved him very much. I was so upset for Claude having lost his dad, but he seems to be coping okay. He certainly has his days and moments, but he'll be alright for sure. Sophie's take on things has actually helped us deal with it all. When Gerry first died she though it was so exciting that he was actually getting to finally meet Jesus right now! Whenever Claude is having a hard time she reminds him that PÃ©pÃ¨re is probably playing and running around and having a wonderful time in Heaven right now. We tend to focus on OUR grief rather than the fact that Gerry is in a much better place right now.
sjerin
14 years ago
Out of the mouths of babes.... So sorry for your loss and bless that sweet little girl!

Lost my father in law last week

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