I can`t believe I have the strength to write this, but I recenlty loss my mom last month in Nov. 2010. Her Job called me after she didn`t report to work, so my husband and I drove to her apartment and since I had a key, we was able to get in. I was hoping to find the apartment empty, but to my horror, we found my mom in her bed. I don`t want to go into details, but discovering my mom like that was the most horrible thing I ever experienced in my life. We tried to wake her up but she didn`t wake up. My husband did CPR until the EMS came, and I was hoping she`d come back, and even expecting her to wake up, but she didn`t. while my husband was trying his best to do CPR, all I could do was sit the the livingroom and cry my eyes out! I even prayed for God to bring her back because I`ve read miracles in the bible, but she didn`t come back. I just knew she was gone!

Everything seemed so surreal! I couldn`t believe this was happening! I had just talked to her earlier that day and we was talking about the Thanksgiving gathering I was going to have at my house! She sounded so happy and well. My mom and I had a rocky relationship, but in my adult life she became my best friend! She turned her life around, and gave her life to Jesus. She was so full of life and energy! Sometimes I felt like I was her mom, and she was my teenage daughter, thats how full of life and energy my mother had! She would always always make you laugh no matter what, and she was so outspoken, but well liked by many!

The funneral was full of family and friends and everybody that spoke of her remember her as being a person that was kind, but she was a person where you wouldn`t have to wonder what she was thinking because she would tell you! I used to always tell my mom not to do that because she would hurt someone feelings, but that was her and I couldn`t change who she was! Her intentions though was never to be mean, and some of us hold things from others to spare feelings, but she didn`t. And even with all this, she was loved my Many and I mean it! Many! One of her supervisors said at her funneral that she would threaten to write my mom up, and my mom would reply: "Don`t nobody scare me but God!" everybody laughed when she said this at my mom`s service because that was her all the way!!

God, I miss my mom so freakin much! I thought that we would have had many years together!! She was only 52!!!! I am so freakin Mad!! She died of hypertention, and previously she had 2 strokes! I am so mad! I just want my mom back! I didn`t think I`d lose my mom in my 20`s (27) I just don`t know what to do! I have since dropped out of school because I can`t function. I have my 3 teenage siblings with me, my 2 sons, and my husband along with other family members, but its a big void in my life. When she left me, she took a part of my heart with her! My mom and I had so much fun together and its killing me to think we`ll never have that time together on this side of life. I hope she send me some signs that she`s still around, and I hope she visit`s me in a dream. It will bring me great peace!

I Love you Mom!!!!!!! (filled with tears!)