Hi, Kay. Yes, she is going through all of the paperwork, and she is getting a bit overwhelmed. My dad left everything to her, and my sister-in-law, who is an accountant, is the executor of the will. She is doing most of the work, but they are waiting on the official death certificate before the house can be put in my mom's name. She can't sell until that is done. She also has to get rid of the car, since she doesn't drive, but one of my brothers needs a trade-in, and he is going to buy the car from her ( at a fair market price, of course). My dad did have his affairs in order, and all of the investments were in my mom's name anyhow, so she doesn't have too much to do. Right now she is slowly going through the house getting rid of things she won't need in an apartment. They lived in the same place for 44 years, so it's quite a big job, although in recent years they did begin to clear out a lot of junk. The biggest job is already done. My dad was into model trains, and had a huge set-up in two rooms in the basement. He had literally hundreds of cars, plus little villages, etc. He kept all of the boxes, but it still took us the better part of a week to dismantle the whole thing. The trains are going to be divided up between my brothers, and my mom didn't have to do a thing. We have been very fortunate that there have been absolutely NO arguements over money or disposing of posessions. I have heard so many stories about how a death in the family can bring out the absolute worst in people, but this is not the case for us. All of my brothers and I just want our mom to have as smooth a move as possible, and to end up with as much money as she can get. She is anxious to sell, she finds there are just too many memories in the house, and she wants a fresh start. Hopefully, she can be settled in her new place before the winter weather begins.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 10 months apart and it is hard.

You should have your mother make a new will. Estate and prbate laws change all the time.The most important thing you need to do is have her signh powers of attorny, especially for health care You said your brother lives far away so you are going to be the care taker weather he likes it or not. You need the power to handle anything that may come up. I will never understand why most parent make THE son executor. Just because they wear pants dosan't mean thay can walk on water. I lost my mother just a year ago and one of the greatist gift my parent ever gave me is the power and the knowlage of thier affairs to handle everything without having to bother my father those first few monts after the funeral. All the trust papers were in my posission, all the powers in place, they even had pre paid funeral arrangements. It has been the hardest year I have ever had but because of their caring for me they made it easier to deal with. I also have a brother and a sister who are lurking in the wings waiting for the final estate battle. My father was so conserned about this that he recorded the visits with the attorny naming me as the final word, we made copys and sent then to brother and sister and they have been rather nice to me since. I guess what I want to get across to you is to get everythong on the table now befor you need it.One thing that really helped me during my mothers last few months was the authorization papers she signed with all the doctors, medacare, insurance company so I could make phone calls and talk to her doctors. With the new privacy laws you really need them. I have them for my father now and it makes my life easier. Is your brother going to be there to take care of you mother?? Of cource not, you live closer,and that's what daughters are for. Good luck to you

Well Momof5angels, can I share my touchy pictures-of-mom-and-dad story? I have the same situation, except it's not one picture, it's a bedroom full of pictures like this. Childhood pictures of the three of them, or pictures and drawings of just her mom. I think I'd be more understanding if (from all their accounts, I've never met her) she was a loving wonderful mom. They tell me she was/is a drunk, a user, a seller, and had several BFs behind dad's back. One of SD's complaints is that her BM would come home from work, go to her room and ignore all 3 of her children. Dad made major life changes and wanted his then wife to clean up her act too. She didn't want to leave her BF and partying ways, so he divorced her and they shared custody. (Only the SD is his. Other 2 were fathered by someone else.) Five years later, I enter the picture. Dad has since gained full custody of his then 14 year-old daughter. It was SD's choice to leave mom's filthy, unkept house where the live-in BF hung around drinking all day. Well, my custody arrangement w/ my ex requires that I live in my current town. I let my then-just-dating guy know this immediately and he let his daughter know she'd have to choose whether to live with us (4 hours away) or stay at her mom's. BM flipped out! She threatened to have a friend of hers come over to the dad's apartment (while we were house hunting) and rape her own daughter to punish her for even thinking of moving away! What kind of mom threatens her own daughter to have some thug rape her as punishment? Well, SD decided to come live with us. (14 then, 19 years old now.) I know it's hard to leave your home town and move away from friends! (I'm a former military wife, moved 20+ times over 9 years!)We made all sorts of accomodations to try to ease her pain of having to move away: taking her back for every school holiday and summers to visit her friends and family. (Expensive!) Unlimited Internet and cell phone access to her friends/family. I certainly don't expect SD to deny her past! I want her to treasure the happy moments, like we all do from our childhood. BUT! We all eventually move on into adulthood. I was a professional photographer and we have TONS of current photos of all sorts of family functions. I do scrapbooking, painting, collages, sewing etc. and have let her know she can invite friends over from her new school or our new congregation for any of these or other activities, but no. For the first 2 years of our marriage she spent her free time online or talking to all her old friends w/very little effort to make "new memories" to hang on the wall. I talked with my husband letting him know I appreciate we all have previous memories to treasure, but she seemed stuck in "Little Girl Land" and was in denial. We had a discussion with her once to encourage her to do things with us, make new friends, start taking the steps to becoming a young lady. She bawled (literally) about "not having a childhood." She was 18 then and had no plans regarding her future. A job? College? Move out eventually? I'm just the meanie "not letting her have a relationship w/ her dad." Our parent-child relationships evolve over time. She was 18 then w/graduation just weeks away and it still hadn't dawned upon her to make plans for schooling or employment!It's not that she doesn't know, it's that she doesn't want to learn ... at least not from me! I was stunned. Oh yeah, you had a childhood, I told her. Unfortunately, it was pretty crappy since your BM neglected all 3 kids! (So why is she the one STILL adorning the walls?) I try to be understanding that since BM didn't teach SD any personal hygiene skills or etiquette, it isn't automatic. But, I ask my husband, she's been living with you for 4 years now. So why does she still belch w/o saying 'excuse me'? Spit phlegm out the window? Take food of my plate? Keep her room in total disarray? I'm "the bad guy" for expecting her to not sleep in till noon, take a shower and be presentable every day, (not just when we'll go to services), further her education so she can become self-sufficient some day, and bother to include us in her major life decisions? I'm the one driving her back and forth twice a day to two different schools so she can take foreign language classes, to doctor appointments, etc. I don't WANT to replace her mother. I want her to learn from my varied experience, not criticize my cooking, home decorating, etc. I love her dad, and she's part of him. I guess it must be crappy to have to accept that your mom is a disappoint. Maybe she feels she'll be disloyal to mom if she likes me? I wonder this because now she does do things with other people here. And I mean other people MY age(40), not just with other teens. She goes to their house to watch movies, eat dinner, etc. I ask her dad, how does letting her do this promote family unity? Sure, I think these other women are great friends to have, but now even they replace me and take her to functions I should. They'll have some congregation event and my SD, not me, is the one invited to share a dish. Am I the wife, or is she? Example: I recently invited my husband to go to bed early for once, so we wouldn't be so tired for our "private time." His response? "When do I get to spend any time with (SD)?"(They spend hours watching movies together almost every night of the week!) Anyway, I'm going on and on ... guess it's not just the pictures of "Mommy Dearest" still on the wall that bother me. BTW, I am also a high school teacher and deal with some pretty rough teenagers every day. My students send me cards, give me hugs (nothing inappropriate) and say "thank you" for sharing life's hard lessons. My husband's response to discomfort over walls of BM photos? "It's her room." Excuse me? If my 18 year-old or 9-year-old hung a photo of their father, or our former family, in "their" room, I would talk with them about part of healing is moving on. My girls' dad left me for another woman, has since left her and is now shacking up with a third. (I only hear this through the grapevine, I don't ask!)So does he have a place in my home? No. In their lives, yes. Hang those pictures on your apartment walls, not my house. I gave my ex tons of family photos to give to our daughters, but no, those will not hang on the walls of where my current husband is to be respected. Am I being too sensitive? What do you all think? THANKS! No one I know personally understands this from their own experience.