U cant worry about what others think ... there is no rule set in stone saying something like: 1 month for each year (sounds ridiculous doesn't it ... I think so) I say u will know when u are ready until then just go out with friends and have fun with life. Your husband would not want u suffering any more than u already have. If a date comes out of it that would be great. Just my two cents. Another piece of advice that u may know already but I will say it anyway :) Some peoples advice may just be given to you at the wrong time in your life. So I like to say take it or leave it but it is given with the best of intentions.

In response to the accountant remark, its not the IRS, its the state and not an income tax audit. I have paid a CPA $11k to do a forensic audit on me and according to them the state owes me $4k. This state is going after anything they can get so they won't have a shortfall. They hired 49 new auditors for this. It was a sales tax audit. I was told 20 years ago not to tax on vehicles by the DMV because I an not a dealer. They were wrong. I have to pay the sales tax on all the cars I have sold through my business. I have 11 people I know going through the same thing. The reason it has taken 3 years is they kept asking for extensions because they are short handed. So thanks but no thanks for your smart a$s comments, you have no clue what you are talking about.

Personally, I think it was a mistake for your husband to call his ex. We've dealt with this for two years now, SD goes to her mom's and tells mom 'stuff' and mom calls dad up, yelling & ranting at him.. not 'discussing' as reasonable parents should. From your post, it sounds as if he didn't call when he was calm & reasonable, he was upset. She responded with anger or defensiveness, which is not going to resolve any conflict or resolve the problem he hopefully wants to resolve. (and my SD has also been sitting next to her mom when mom calls dad to yell at him and she'll be crying and begging mom to stop... then I'm sure she feels this is all her fault. Not a good position for a kid to be in.) Kids will play up the parts of a story they know mom or dad will react to and the truth is, there isn't much you can do about what mom did. Unless there is a bruise of other evidence of abuse, involving CPS on a one time incident is going to subject the child to further trauma... if it's an ongoing problem, then maybe intervention would be appropriate but it sounds to me like mom was stressed out and reaching out to dad for help by calling him. When she called to say she was going to hit him, what did dad say to her? Did he offer to take the child since she was obviously stressed out? I think one resolution would be to give mom help with reducing stress, which may be more time at dad's and maybe the parenting classes or counseling to help her deal with problems. I don't think it would help to call CPS or file to take her child away from her if she is otherwise a reasonable parent that just had a bad day. Last year, I was put in the position of being accused of hitting my SD. She wanted her mom's attention so she told her mom that I hit her all the time. Her mom called CPS on us claiming my 18 year old daughter grabbed SD by the arm, dislocating her arm. All of it was untrue, nobody has ever hit or grabbed SD in our home and CPS closed the case because it was an obvious lie, but the point is that it put my SD through additional turmoil of us having to take her to the doctor to be examined and she was pulled out of class at school to be interviewed... and all the time, she knew this was because she told her mom that I had hit her.. which was made worse for her because she knew it was a lie. I don't think she realized what a big deal it would become. and it's no picnic to be falsely accused of abusing a child!

Any advice on how to deal with resentment to husband caused by MIL? This post really resonated with me, although my MIL is a good, kind woman and it sounds like your MIL isn't. As nice as my MIL is, we still have an uneasy relationship. You and your MIL have very different expectations about what your relationship with one another should/will be. She has made it clear she doesn't want the kind of loving family relationship you want. You cannot change that. It doesn't matter how nice you are, how many texts or pictures of the kids you send or anything else you do, you cannot make her like you, love you or want to be around you. Accept that. Your husband can't change that, either. There is absolutely nothing he can say or do to make her love you, like you, or want to be around you. Accept that, too. If your family is abroad and you would like to embrace your husband's family as your own, that is not going to happen. Not because of you, but because they are not that kind of family. They aren't going to help you, call you, keep in touch with you, and your husband cannot make them. Accept that. Develop other close family-like friendships so you will have a network of support, but don't look for a support network from your husband's family. There are probably other people in your area who have no family or a dysfunctional family and would love to have close family-like ties with friends. Stop worrying about what she wants the kids to call her and whether or not she tries to manipulate the kids by sending gifts. Let her send all the gifts she wants. Kids love their moms. Stop worrying about what your MIL tells the rest of the family about you. Your MIL sounds creepy, selfish and mean and the rest of the family probably knows how she is. If she's been that way toward you, she's been that way toward other people, too. Stop making little digging comments to your husband about your MIL. If he comes home and tells you she said hi, just let it roll off your back. That doesn't mean you should never discuss your feelings or concerns with him, just don't make a lot of little digging comments. Save your discussion for when it really matters, then sit down sometime when you aren't angry and have a calm discussion. She is your husband's mom. He loves her very much, regardless of her faults. Trying to get him to include you in their phone calls, emails and texts is a losing battle, I think. If you keep insisting, what you will probably accomplish is that he will talk to her just the two of them anyway and he will stop mentioning it to you. She sounds like a mean and unpleasant person, so really, this works out great for you to not even have to talk to her. This problem is between you, your husband, and your MIL. Don't drag the kids into it, don't encourage them to ignore your MIL or treat her badly. In time your children will notice things for themselves. It sounds like they won't see her often, anyway, and it sounds like she's not really a kid person, anyway. Counseling would help you sort out what expectations are reasonable and what aren't. Having said all that, my husband would never in a million years scream at me, shake me or call me names. Please get some counseling so you can get some perspective on this. Your family is abroad, you sound isolated, make sure you build some ties with friends in the area. Keep your job skills current and make sure you have all the tools you need to become independent if you want to or need to do that. Best of everything to you and your little family.