need help dealing with my husband's death
teaj
18 years ago
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alisande
18 years agolulie___wayne
18 years agoRelated Discussions
Coping with Husband's Death
Comments (18)Coping With Grief “All his [Jacob’s] sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. ‘No,’ he said, ‘in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.’ So his father wept for him.”�"GENESIS 37:35, The Holy Bible�"New International Version. THE patriarch Jacob grieved deeply over the loss of his son. He expected to grieve until the day he died. Like Jacob, you may feel that the pain of losing a loved one is so deep that it will never go away. Does such intense grief necessarily indicate a lack of faith in God? Definitely not! The Bible portrays Jacob as a man of faith. Along with his grandfather Abraham and his father, Isaac, Jacob is commended for his outstanding faith. (Hebrews 11:8, 9, 13) Why, on one occasion, he even wrestled all night with an angel to get a blessing from God! (Genesis 32:24-30) Evidently, Jacob was a deeply spiritual man. What, then, can we learn from Jacob’s grief? Deep feelings of grief and sorrow when a loved one dies are not incompatible with strong faith in God. Grief is the normal and natural response to the loss of someone we love. What Is Grief? Grief can affect us in various ways, but for many the overriding feeling is one of intense emotional pain. Consider the experience of Leonardo, who was 14 years old when his father suddenly died from cardiorespiratory problems. Leonardo will never forget the day his aunt broke the news to him. At first, he refused to believe that it was true. He saw his father’s body at the funeral, but it all seemed strangely unreal. For about six months, Leonardo was unable to cry. Often, he found himself waiting for his father to come home from work. It took about a year before the full impact of the loss sank in. When it did, he felt terribly alone. Ordinary things�"such as coming home to an empty house�"reminded him of his father’s absence. At such times, he often broke down and cried. How he missed his father! As Leonardo’s experience well illustrates, grief can be intense. The good news is that recovery is possible. However, it may take some time. Just as a severe physical wound takes time to heal, so it is with bereavement. Recovering from grief may take months, a few years, or even longer. But the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen in time, and life will gradually seem less bleak and meaningless. In the meantime, grief is said to be a necessary part of the healing process and of learning to adapt to the new situation. There is an empty space where before there was a living human. We need to adjust to life without that person. Grief may provide a necessary emotional release. Of course, not everyone grieves in exactly the same way. One thing, though, seems to hold true: Repressing your grief can be harmful mentally, emotionally, and physically. How, then, can you express your grief in healthy ways? The Bible contains some practical advice. Coping With Grief Talking about your feelings can bring a measure of relief Many bereaved ones have found that talking can be a helpful release. Notice, for example, the words of the Bible character Job, who suffered the loss of all ten of his children and endured other tragedies. He said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Notice that Job needed to “give vent” to his concerns. How would he do so? “I will speak,” he explained. Paulo, who lost his mother, says: “One of the things that has helped me is to talk about my mother.” So talking about your feelings to a trusted friend can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) After losing her mother, Yone asked her Christian brothers to visit her more often. “Talking helped to ease the pain,” she recalls. You too may find that putting your feelings into words and sharing them with a sympathetic listener will make it easier to deal with them. Writing can be helpful in expressing grief Writing can also be a helpful release. Some who find it difficult to talk about their feelings may find it easier to express themselves in writing. Following the death of Saul and Jonathan, the faithful man David wrote a deeply mournful song in which he poured out his sorrow. This emotional dirge eventually became part of the Bible book of Second Samuel.�"2 Samuel 1:17-27. Reading about the resurrection hope can be a real source of comfort Crying may also serve as an emotional release. “For everything there is an appointed time, even . . . a time to weep,” says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) To be sure, the death of someone we love is “a time to weep.” Tears of grief are nothing to be embarrassed about. The Bible contains many examples of faithful men and women who openly expressed their grief by weeping. (Genesis 23:2; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12) Jesus Christ “gave way to tears” when he neared the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus, who had recently died.�"John 11:33, 35. Working through grief takes patience, for you may feel that you are on an emotional roller coaster. Remember that you do not have to be ashamed of your tears. Many faithful individuals have found that shedding tears of grief is a normal and necessary part of the healing process. Draw Close to God The Bible tells us: “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you.” (James 4:8) One of the principal ways to draw close to God is through prayer. Do not underestimate its value! The Bible makes this comforting promise: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) It also assures us: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) Think about this. As we noted earlier, many have found it helpful to talk about their feelings with a trusted friend. Would it not be even more helpful to pour out your feelings to the God who promises to comfort our hearts?�"2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17. Paulo, who was mentioned earlier, commented: “When I just couldn’t endure the pain anymore and felt that I could not cope, I would get down on my knees and pray to God. I begged him to help me.” Paulo is convinced that his prayers made a difference. You too may find that in response to your persistent prayers, “the God of all comfort” will give you the courage and the strength to cope.�"2 Corinthians 1:3, 4; Romans 12:12. Here is a link that might be useful: Watchtower: Coping with Grief...See MoreHow to deal with Christmas without my husband
Comments (5)Sandy, I am truly sorry for your loss and Christmas will be hard but we have to get through it because this is not the only Christmas we will have on our own. My husband died on Nov. 23, 2006 and Christmas came up so quickly. Bob knew that Christmas is my favorite holdiay and I knew that he would want me to be happpy. It wasn't easy, but I put up my tree and put out a few of my decorations and, believe it or not it felt so warm and I truly believe he was enjoying it with me. Put up your tree and enjoy it with him then decide which of you children you will go to and do your best to have a good Christmas because Jer wants you to. Good Luck and God Bless you, life will get easier over the years, I promise....See MoreHow Do I Deal With My Husband's Anger?
Comments (13)I totally understand your situation, but I do want to ask about his "growing up" time. Was he raised in a family without a lot of stable conditions? By that, I mean "of the same" or "not normal conditions, should I say? My husband too was brought up in a "not so good environment, and he's #4 of 8 children, and it was a rough up-bringing for them all to some degree. Some areas affected some more than others, but this being said, does help to know the basis of the stem. Most of the 7 children (as 1 did die at the age of 18 in 1990) are on anti-depression medication, and have been diagnogsed as bi-polar, or something of similair. I've been married to the love of my life for 27 yrs this Oct. and let me tell you the last 3 haven't been fun at all. Most of the marriage has had it's times, but, it's like in full force now with the anger. In fact we've really fallen apart bad a few times lately, but we're starting counseling and marriage classes with a christian church this Friday. It's going to be ongoing. I just know it will. But I see you're stuggle, and you're doing the right thing by researching, and reaching out for advise or anything that may work. I've been there for quite some time, and you may want to google....Passive Aggressive. It sounds like you're really in a relationship with a husband with that condition. There's no cure, but it helps by you understanding. And not calling him out on it, as I knew I couldn't either as I don't have a degree to do so, but maybe even baby steps to help him see what he's actually doing. That's been my husband's problerm, and a passive agressive person always blames YOU! for everything. Even if it's black and white plain as day, and you had nothing to do with it, but it's you're fault and it will come down on your shoulders. Look it up, and not just one site, but many to fully understand, and let me know your thoughts. I'm the type that I believe I can fix anything, and i've been scared on this, even though i'm giving my best effort, but I can't throw this away until I know I've tried and down all that I can do. Sex, was getting scarce for a couple years, but i've even got that back to a couple times a week now. Awesome on that, until we argue, and then it just seems that he must take it to the extreme, and it doesn't stop until I take the larger part of the blame and reconcile. Just not what I intend to do for the rest of my life. I am 46 and he is 49, and we've just got to make this work, or else. 3 children, all grown and moved out, so that's a struggle also I'm thjinking, but it stems from his passive aggressive behavior and upbringing in such a passive household. Good Luck, and keep me posted...See MoreHelp Needed to Honor My Husband and Caretaker
Comments (1)Sarah, your love really shines through! What a heartfelt testimony. I pray you find the help you are seeking. Mike must be a truly amazing man!...See Moreeleonora
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