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How do I steer my husband away from cream colored cabinets?

Lauren Confair
11 months ago

Kitchen remodeling HELP! We can't compromise on cabinet/ kitchen colors. My husband has a VERY traditional, antique style. He loves ivory cabinets with more caracter. Example: Fovermark signature pearl cabinets... It's just not my style. I want modern. I lean towards light, fresh, sometimes trendy colors, at least in a fresh, newly updated kitchen. Ivory cabinets were more popular in the past. People updating their kitchen today are trying to get away from those warm-toned, ivory, brown kitchens. Ivory has a strong yellow undertone and there aren’t as many countertop or backsplash options you can pair with ivory cabinets, IMO. I don't think my husband fully understands that, because he still wants light gray walls and countertops with a pure white backsplash. He doesn't understand that those colors will not mesh well with ivory or cream colored cabinets. He’s stern on the ivory cabinets and we're now at a point where we can't even talk about kitchen planning without someone getting frustrated. This new kitchen is going to cost us at least 23k, I really want to love the outcome, not feel like I have to redo the cabinets in a few more years.
I'm sorry if you have creamy or ivory cabinets and love them! There are instances where they can look really beautiful... But it's not for me, not on kitchen cabinets at least.

Comments (125)

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago

    @ cpartist.........

    It's Friday ! I didn't get to total refinement: ) git yer pencil : )

  • mcarroll16
    11 months ago

    Love both of Jan's plans! But, can't help but ask if it's possible to move the window, not just enlarge it. I would love to see the same essential layout, but with sink shifted at least a foot to the right, to make a larger prep space between sink and range.

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  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago

    One more:

    While nobody would argue the existing kitchen is a total ugly disaster? Don't buy a disaster, either.

    Want to tell me you want to BUMP OUT walls? Open the kitchen and include the porch? Condition it, 24/7/52 and your 23k turns to 123K? We shall all jump in quite gleefully

    You have a 9' x 17 ' kitchen. Unless you make it bigger : ) Make the most of what you have.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago


    While you are at it........in a drawing and with all the dimensions. show THIS ding space and the living space in front of it. Walls, windows, door, just as you did for the kitchen

    Add more pics too. Standing in kitchen, standing in entry etc

    You never thought it would be this much WORK......right?



  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    So I did some math.. the first kitchen layout you gave me only gives me about 6 extra inches of cabinet storage space compared to the layout that the cabinet “designer” gave me. The third layout you gave me actually takes about 3 feet of cabinet space away.
    A few commenters said that I was getting a lot of help on here? Where? I’m getting my ass handed to me. To the commenter that told me I didn’t know my design vocabulary, did you research Forevermark signature pearl cabinets? If they aren’t traditional what is? The paint color of the cabinets is called antique white, because it is ANTIQUE.
    I really hope some of you don’t talk to your paying customers this way. People go to you and trust you because they need help. My husband and I needed help. What we don’t need is to feel judged and belittled. Yes my house is a bit more traditional farmhouse than I anticipated. That’s what compromising is. I’m allowed to want a more modernized kitchen, one that’s going to still look great in 20 years. Dining room and living room decor can easily be changed. Furniture can change, walls can be painted. Right now I like my dinning and living room. In 5 years I might hate it. That can easily be changed. A kitchen can not easily be changed. That’s here to stay. I did mention that the dining room wall will be getting repainted if necessary to compliment the kitchen once the kitchen is finished.
    Thank you to the few commenters that actually understood what I was trying to say. Thank you to those who researched pearl cabinets or already knew what they looked like. Thank you for realizing that I needed advice to get away from IVORY (yellow), not beige. Thank you for understanding. Thank you to the few who recommended us sharing kitchen ideas. An idea so simple, yet not something we tried in a long time. We lost track of our vision.
    I have no doubt that some of you are amazing designers. But please do not look down on others. I’m on here for inspiration and help. I did not anticipate being belittled. Jan, we are not in competition, DARLING. I needed the help. You can keep your side comments and unwanted opinions.

  • J Sk
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    Since your husband wants traditional style and you modern ( did you think modern like European slab door

    ?), you need to find some middle ground. I think shaker or something similar would work.



    I also wanted modern cabinets, didn't work out. I did shaker and I am pretty happy. Regarding color, you could do something off white or warmer white. There is so many options.

    Here is also a kitchen my cabinet maker made for different client, also some pantry?




  • marmiegard_z7b
    11 months ago

    I guess I’m the vocabulary nerd. I had no idea that would be offensive. The style terms used by OP’s and “ pros” or other commenters - and even perceptions of cool vs warm—are often all over the map and a big cause of confusion and even huge disappointments—I was trying to share that with you.
    My example was that you said you wanted modern and then listed colors. You started sharing actual pictures of kitchens with DH and began finding common ground— based on visuals not words. So I guess that turned out pretty well.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    I'm not sure you understand either plan. Any of them. Nobody is yelling at you, belittling you. Your plan was not truly functional. It's better to have real venting over a range, than a microwave if at all possible.

    This is the internet, a lot of opinion - some good. Some not. But I have designed /done more kitchens/baths/homes than you will do in five lifetimes.

    If you like what the designer gave you? Proceed.

    I recommend you actually relax, chill a bit, step away back a bit, as you WILL need your sense of humor before all planned and torn apart, and executed .

    Btw? You got more time from me than you did from your designer.......So thank you! Voluntary as it was.

  • spindle22
    11 months ago

    Great post! One thing you might consider is the less detail on cabinets the easier they are to clean. Good luck with your project. I hope you will update us as you proceed.

  • calired
    11 months ago

    Wow. I’m amazed at the time and attention from Jan. What beautiful suggestions and solutions.

  • Jennifer Hogan
    11 months ago

    @ Lauren Confair - Renovations are frustrating and it is hard for both the inexperienced person getting advice when they don't fully understand and the expert who gets it and know why things should be different but isn't being heard.


    We all look at things from our own perspective and it makes communication difficult.


    You want that open feeling and want an island, but functionality is more important. Your already frustrated with your current kitchen - not enough counter space, cabinets.


    Obviously your current kitchen is a bit of a hot mess.

    The new design is using the one wall that currently isn't being utilized. (Where the fridge placement is proposed.


    It gives you more counter space, but not where you need it. You want a good space (I like a min of 33") on each side of the stove. (Prepped food on the left , cook on the stove, plate food on the right of the stove). The second place you need counter space is on either side of the sink and you want the dishwasher on one side of the sink so you can load it without dripping across the floor. (Anyone who has dealt with the dishwasher opening toward the sink will tell you how often they cursed this setup)


    Both your current kitchen and new planned kitchen keep stove and sink on one wall.

    You should also have a landing zone right next to the fridge.


    Read some articles on the kitchen triangle. Developed back in the 1950s and still the best working layout for a kitchen.


    Jan's first plan is what I would consider an ideal setup. I know it doesn't have that pure open concept that you were looking for, but it is much better functionality and a 6' wide opening is plenty wide.


    I can't tell you the number of times my mom told me how to do things and I wanted what I wanted only to later discover that she was 100% right and I screwed up. My mom would just say "You can't put an old head on young shoulders." It would have saved me a lot of expensive mistakes and a lot of eating crow if I had been a little more open to her ideas and advice.


    If I were you I would mark the wall with tape where Jan is saying to open it and really look at the space. Think about staring into your kitchen and seeing the stove directly in front of you or open counter space and cabinets directly in your field of vision.


    Try standing at your current sink and loading your dishes into a box sitting where your new dishwasher is placed. Then try it right next to the sink. Which works better?


    Set a board up on either side of the stove that spans 33-36 inches - support it with other furniture so you can actually use the space and cook a meal or two. It will feel so much better than being so cramped.


    Shove the cabinet you have against the wall in the kitchen (behind the black trash bag) and place a piece of wood over it the size of the island in your plan. See if you find it useful or if it is just in your way. Islands are not always the right answer and often cause more issues than they solve unless you have enough room to have one that is large enough to be a work zone.


    Test things, play with the way things work. Go to your mom's house or friends homes and see how their kitchens are set up and talk to them about what works and what doesn't work. What they love and what they would not do again. Try to learn from the mistakes of others.



  • Jennifer Hogan
    11 months ago

    I will come back later and give you some advice on color and style that will help you find your own "signature" for your home..

  • Kendrah
    11 months ago

    @Lauren Confair - There are a whole lot of furstrations, money, and emotions tied up in designing a kitchen. Take some deep breaths. Come back to this later. Jan's ideas are superb. You wanted advice and you got it.


    Are you really sure you are from Philly? Everyone I know there has a steel spine and could either handle this feedback like a champ or would have been dropping some F-bombs on Jan long ago.

  • cpartist
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    Lauren, please take a deep breath and truly look at what Jan has drawn for you. Her designs are far superior.

    Yes you may have a few extra inches in your "designer's" layout but you have less usuable space with it too. Jan's ideas give you much better working space.

    I've worked in badly designed kitchens and I now work in a really well designed kitchen. In fact, this kitchen and my first house's kitchen were the only two that worked well. Why? Because they followed good design practices. Some of my other kitchens had lots more storage space, but that didn't make for a good working kitchen. Jan's ideas follow good design practices. Your "designer's" doesn't.

    Please truly look at Jan's ideas. Any would be better than what you have. When you have a good flow and counter space where it's needed, so you don't have to constantly move food stuff back and forth, then it becomes almost a joy to cook in. (Spoken by someone who'd rather make reservations than cook, but does cook 4+ x a week)

  • witshewoman
    11 months ago

    Hello to the OP, Jan Moyer, and all. You have GREATLY helped me. I don;t have the color problems that the OP has, but my kitchen is currently almost the same layout as the OP as well as adjacent to my DR. I cannot afford a redo right now; I'm dreaming. Jan Moyer, thank you VERY much for your professional advice here w/those detailed drawings. Others, I so appreciate your input from living in your own kitchens and the time it took you all to participate here. I will be back in the future.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago

    Thanks guys : ) all of you. It's funny.....but there are versions of this that do happen one on one, with paying clients. The ONLY difference and a difference for which I am well known (especially Houzz lol ) :

    It's this: " I don't make a thin dime less, if you insist on taking this ill advised route. So WHY am I exhausting myself, regarding something I shall not have to live with, but you WILL. You're paying me for the best idea- this isn't it. You're mad, you think I am not listening, you want to kill me. Fine!

    I just want you jump up and down happy after you have paid me. "

    These are the days I talk to myself in the car. A lot. Weird glances from dogs at a traffic light......

  • anna_682
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    OP, I suggested that your house was not modern and you may want to consider a cohesive design. Possibly warm paint and shaker. A compromise with your hubby. Often, people can't quite figure out what is wrong and why they are unhappy with their homes. Many times it is because their houses don't flow or lack cohesion. This can be due to many things. Color, design, etc Eclectic design is hard to pull off.

    I had a large house with very expensive dark cherry cabinets. I was reluctant to paint them. They were beautiful. When I was getting ready to sell the house, my realtor recommended painting the cabinets white. I regretted not doing it sooner as it made a meaningful impact on the cohesion of the house. The dark kitchen just did not fit with the rest of the house.

    When doing design and decorating, it is important to consider the house as a whole. It is not just your furniture that leans toward traditional.

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    I don’t want to kill anyone. I’m sorry. This is all new for me and it is more frustrating than expected, especially when you have to compromise with someone you don’t see eye to eye with. I didn’t think my rant was that harsh. I am rethinking everything and definitely considering your designs. So thank you! I talk to myself in the car a lot too

  • nickel_kg
    11 months ago

    LOL my dh and I usually see eye to eye, so when he's wrong it is super frustrating ;-)

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago

    You are forgiven - with that said I will annoy you one more time.

    Set aside cabinet color. Set aside cabinet style. Go back to the beginning.

    Share the entire thread with your designer. Go out to dinner !

    Make a compromise in that cabinet style: He gives you some plain, you give him a bead of inside trim and some detail. You give up stark white, which may not look too hotsy totsy in a kitchen voided of abundant natural light courtesy of porch. Soft does not mean yellow.

    The best thing to do? Show in feet and inches ALL of the surrounding area of the kitchen. Including the dining and living, hallway etc. !

    "You know exactly what you want" - don't ask the ten thousand times I've heard those words. But the want must be derived from full understanding of the space.

    "Nuff" said. : )


  • Jennifer Hogan
    11 months ago

    I'm back and I am going to ask you to think about a new way to approach your interior design.


    I want you to think about your personality. Not the illusion, but who you really are. (I love the one line in the movie Sabrina when Sabrina's mentor says "Illusions are dangerous people, they have no flaws". ) With interior design we see all these beautiful homes and imagine a life in one of these homes, but we don't live in the pages of a magazine, in Houzz or HGTV . . . we live real lives in our real homes that may not be magazine worthy, but our home is serving it's purpose as long as it is filled with joy. Don't let the illusion of the life your not living interfere with the joy of the life you are living.


    To find your style you need to know a bit about yourself. If you look through Houzz what styles appeal to you? There may be different things from different styles that you think are beautiful. Now you need to think about what fits with the way you live your life. How often in the past year did you entertain guests? What types of entertaining did you do? Do you have friends who pop by unannounced and make themselves at home or are you more likely to have a dinner party, a Sunday afternoon bbq or a wine and cheese tasting? Is it generally only close friends and family or the whole neighborhood or business associates? Do you entertain daily, weekly, or only a couple of times a year? What is the typical weekday like in your home? What do you do on the weekends?


    Are you more likely to stay in your pajamas all day or do you need to get dressed even if you won't be leaving the house? Are you a jeans and t-shirt, slacks and blouse, or sweat suit person?


    I will admit that when I bought my first home I didn't think things through very clearly. I loved the Scandinavian white on white with bold pops of color. So when everyone else was doing flowered wallpaper boarders and paisley everything n every room I painted my home gallery white and bought white / light furniture. I had ight taupe/off white tile floors and Berber carpet.


    I still love this look, but I am very casual, and am constantly doing projects, love arts and crafts, don't mind getting my hands dirty and had a busy household. I owned 4 dogs, 10 cats, 2 horses and had 8 employees working from my home based business. The look was much more sophisticated than my reality.


    The part that stuck was the furniture style. The sleek Scandinavian and Mid Century Modern teak furniture had beautifully clean lines. With as busy as my life was (and is) and with my introverted personality I needed simplicity. Introverts can be exhausted by over stimulation.

    I am also extremely detail oriented and need things to be done right. I can't own a rustic piece of furniture - I want to sand it and stain it and finish it. Shaker cabinets - who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to create a cabinet door where you have all those joints where dirt can collect. They feel like someone was in a hurry and half assed the job. Rudimentary is not my style.


    Knowing who I am helped me define a style that is comfortable for me.


    My sister is my best friend and my polar opposite. She is an extrovert. She loves to entertain and has formal dinners and wine and cheese tastings, owns a Tudor home with Queen Anne antique furnishings mixed with rustic and industrial pieces. Every cabinet and drawer in her kitchen has a different pull. She has tons of intricate details and mixes bunches of busy patterns together. Her home is beautiful, (actually won a county award for best new home the year she built) but sitting in her home for a few hours makes my brain tired. I am ready for a nap when I get home.


    After defining the style that you love and that fits your lifestyle you have a starting point to your decades long process of collecting great pieces that all work together and with your lifestyle.


  • Jennifer Hogan
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    After defining your style, the next thing is defining your whole home color palette. It is less about picking the exact colors than picking the color families that bring us joy.

    I am over 60 and have been helping people pick colors for their homes for about 30 years (not as a profession, but I have been identified by friends and family as someone who is good with color.) I went to cosmetology school when I was a teenager and learned about skin tones and hair color and makeup and nail color. Worked as a makeup artist for a few years before going to college. I also have always loved arts and crafts and painted with oils, did fabric art . . . The more you work with colors the better you become with color.

    What I have observed is that by the time you reach 50, most homes are filled with the colors that look good on the wife. The colors that work with her skin tones and hair and eye color.

    There is good reason for this. Seeing colors that are associated with happy memories increase dopamine production. We like looking good and often have great memories from times in our lives when we were wearing something that made us feel like a 10. We like feeling good about ourselves and wearing the right color makes us feel good.

    Knowing the colors that make your heart sing is the starting place for picking a home color palette. I don’t expect that everyone will have these colors all over their walls, but I can usually walk through a home and see all the art and décor and I know what they love.

    I have a sister and sister-in-law that have very different coloring than me.

    I have very dark brown eyes and dark brown hair with lots of red highlights. My skin is very fair and has a lot of pink undertones. My skin burns if I walk outside without protection. I am a winter and look best in either clean, clear colors (lime green, coral, fuchsia) or in purples and wine reds and teal blues.


    My sister has medium brown hair and brown eyes and olive toned skin. She’ a fall; looks fabulous in muted greens and golds and coppers and orange reds, the colors found in fall leaves.



    My sister-in-law has blond hair, blue eyes and tans to a beautiful golden tan when she walks outside.

    She looks good in pastels, especially cornflower blues. I don’t have interior pictures of her home, but these are pictures and bedding that she owns.



    For the most part (there are always exceptions) walls and floors are not really supposed to be the main attraction in your home. They are the backdrop for the things you own.

    Should Susie, Lisa and I pick the same colors for our homes?

    Knowing the colors that you love makes picking the backdrop for those colors much easier and will lead to a more satisfying result.

    FYI - Our neutrals are very different:
    I selected a violet undertoned taupe (Between beige and gray)

    My sister picked a greige with a lot of green undertones.

    My sister-in-law picked a cream that has some yellow, but not overly yellow.

    Once you pick your neutral you pick your white and you pick a white that works well with your neutral.

    This is my tried and tested method to get people into a style and color that they will love for decades.

    We may switch things up a bit, but we don't get rid of everything we own and start over with the new trends every 10 years.

  • cpartist
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    Jan I was an interior design major for 4 days until I realized I didn't have the temprement to deal with clients day in and day out like you do and all the other ID's do :) So instead I was a home furnishings and wallpaper textile designer for 22+ years before becoming the fine artist I originally wanted to be.

  • cpartist
    11 months ago

    I don’t want to kill anyone. I’m sorry. This is all new for me and it is more frustrating than expected, especially when you have to compromise with someone you don’t see eye to eye with. I didn’t think my rant was that harsh. I am rethinking everything and definitely considering your designs. So thank you! I talk to myself in the car a lot too

    I hear you loud and clear about how frustrating it all is. I have a design background but the first time DH and I bought a condo together (second marriage) I was ready to throw DH out the 8th floor window. Thankfully I didn't do that. (But I wanted to!) DH doesn't have a design bone in his body but he questioned every single design decision. Eventually we compromised in the sense that he did all the technical research and handled the bills and I did the design.

    I did run colors and other things by him. I did it like I used to do with my kids. DH, do you prefer this shaker cabinet style with the 2 1/2" edge or the 3" edge? For your room do you prefer this tan or this beige for your walls? Do you prefer this door handle or that one? ETC.

    And when it was done? He was so proud that he was the one showing everyone around the condo.

    Thankfully when it was time to build our house, he let me run with it and knew he didn't need to question every design decision I made. And conversely I didn't question his decisions on HVAC, water filters, solar, etc.

    My reason for commenting is so you realize that eventually you'll find a way to work together.

    I'm glad you're rethinking the designs. You were give 3 good choices.

    PS: I talk to myself everywhere.

  • Christa G
    11 months ago

    I don’t know if this has been said…but if a hubs won’t listen to the wife…sometimes it takes a professional to explain. A male voice may help too. If it were me..I would have a professional do mock ups including the counters do one that you could live with even if it’s not exactly what you want, and one with what he is saying. Unless people see it doesn’t work as well as they think, they won’t budge.

  • Christa G
    11 months ago

    Should be a period after counters. And a capital D for Do one..

  • Christa G
    11 months ago

    And you as the professional doesn’t count

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    There was a time, if you can even believe it, that all kitchen design was done by hand. The plan was then farmed out to the guy who did the elevations. The pretty part you want to see. All of this .......remained in the shop until you signed on the dotted line for the cabinetry purchase. It was a way of preserving the intellectual property and the bottom line. There was no way you could shop it, no great cell phone to even snap a pic of it! It was black and white, pen and ink.

    You could argue it was unfair, a total crap shoot. But today....and for any and all who may land here, wanting help, opinion etc?

    We want the "ugly" plan. The flat one. Not your up in the sky view , computer generated whatchamacallit with the multi colored boxes. We want the one with the feet and inches. For everything. Show the surrounding area, from where you come and go....

    You may say, "I just want to know about my kitchen!!" To which the answer is......that kitchen is not all alone in your home.It exists within a context. A whole.

  • herbflavor
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    given the size....why dont you put in a nice hardwood floor if not there already. get some wood cabinets for the lower and painted uppers. couldnt you both be relatively satisfied? its not a very small space......all painted cabinets w detail as he wishes will be costly. You can save with wood stained lowers. Most men i know respond to that point.


    is this what you think he has in mind?


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    the "transitional" look is something maybe he's not aware of. Maybe he thinks the embellished kitchen symbolizes something.....but if you're not in a classical southern formal setting etc you have to point out the finish he describes which goes with the embellishment is getting replaced with easier materials/finishes for upkeep and more VERSATILE for the long haul.....and who knows when plans change and selling the property may occurr. this is more like it:


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  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Thank you everyone! As for style, I can now see where my husband and I clash. I have always loved the bohemian look. No matter what I always lean towards that style or find myself trying to incorporate SOMETHING to give the home a more boho look. My husband hates it. He hates bright colors, clashing colors, clashing patterns, anything rattan and he especially hates live plants. He gets overwhelmed when looking at bohemian themed decor and thinks it looks messy and cluttered. As for his decor style, he has no idea what he likes. He only knows what he doesn’t like. No modern slab cabinets, no wood cabinets, nothing too bright, no open shelves, no glass upper cabinets, etc. It leaves options very limited. What I can say about his style is that he leans towards traditional, vintage pieces. He also loves a good rustic piece of furniture. If you ask me, I would assume his decor style to be a manly version of French country style with muted, warm colors. I guess I always thought a farmhouse themed house was a common middle ground between bohemian and traditional or French country, but I could be wrong. I can see traditional farmhouse leaning more towards French country and it can be really hard to incorporate my likes into those 2 aesthetics. I can be more lenient when it comes to design. I’m the one who’s more likely to cave and give up what I like. I can look at more traditional cabinet styles but I cringe. I don’t care if the cabinets are wood or painted, I could take or leave the open shelf concept and I’m open to a few upper cabinet glass door options but I could take them or leave those as well. I’m more open. When design gets brought up and his opinion is needed, a lot of times it a hard no from him. Which is why I’m the one settling a lot. I’m a bit more versatile. But I want to put my foot down when it comes to the kitchen. I don’t want a traditional kitchen, especially when you consider how far we’ve come since those really defined vintage kitchen cabinets. So many cabinets designs have modernized. I’ve been studying them since last year. I need want trending slab cabinets but I won’t settle for a 1990 kitchen either. There has to be a happy medium.

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Supposed to say I don’t want trending slab cabinets but I won’t settle for a 1990 kitchen either

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    I have been studying cabinet styles, sizes and features since last year so I have an idea when it comes to what’s trending and what’s not as popular. I seen all the latest cabinet features. You can really get caught up in the research of something like that, but still really lack the overall aesthetic of the entire kitchen. That’s where I’m at. Cabinet style doesn’t matter when you don’t have an overall general understanding of a decor style

  • rnonwheels
    11 months ago

    Show him to the Basement!! Not really but geez man if it's not something you understand well don't assert yourself so strongly! I would try to appeal to his traditional cream with a more greige tone and accent it with real wood tones, and black. You can get that to a vibe that's more boho in subtle ways and its still fairly neutral. He is really willing to invest in something that is already as out dated - $ down the drain and his wife doesn't even love it?? Come on Man!

    Communities - Herriman, UT (38) · More Info


    San Blas · More Info


  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Love those kitchens

  • just_janni
    11 months ago

    I coud easily see that first kitchen in a farmhouse. That cabinet colors are super peaceful and forgiving. Can you show that pic to hubs? He needs to look through kitchen pics for something he LIKES - not just the "no's"

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    You share a life, you share a home, you share a child or two.. You will share this kitchen, and the meals prepared within it. If you're happy with the designers layout? Do It! None of us has to like it.

    As to style? None of us needs to know - you both have to enjoy i

    Both of you DO have to like it, and I am certain there exists a happy medium. I am NOT using the word compromise. ..........not a great word in a kitchen and often leads to a mish mash in style. So one of you needs to give.

    Or remain stuck in the quite miserable kitchen you have.

    Perhaps you could start with this: Agree that (almost )any new kitchen is superior to the one you have. Start there.

    In fact, I'll help you:

    Here's what I say to this type of hubby, yes in person.

    "How many couples do you think, ever go to dinner at the home of another, hop in the car to go home......and utter these words:

    Can you believe that WALLPAPER?! HIDEOUS! Whatever the hell possessed him?

    The answer? Basically none/ never. Because in this society, it is (fairly or unfairly) presumed that the interior of a home is the domain of the woman who resides within. Most definitely the kitchen within that home..

    Conversely:

    Same couple, day time drive around, touring the neighboring burbs...... He to HER.

    "Wow! LOOK AT WHAT HE HAS DONE WITH THAT HOUSE! Fantastic! Must've spent a boatload on landscaping!!

    That is because in this society, it is assumed very very often, that the exterior is the domain of the man who resides within. ...and when bushes and grass become overgrown? Nobody says WTH is wrong with her???"

    Make a deal and move on. You can tell him what I just typed : ) and were i there I'd tell him myself.

    Get going, and get house proud/kitchen proud.

    For future? I am not an attorney.

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    I agree

  • Mrs. S
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    In the earlier days of my marriage, when I used to be sooooo annoyed by his "taste" when we went furniture shopping, I learned that sometimes it's better to either shop on my own without him, or at least hit the pause button. One thing I learned to do was to offer him a choice: "We need new stools. Do you prefer backless or these swivel-y upholstered ones?" That way, he felt he got a choice, and I was ok with either option (as I had poured over catalogs/magazines/pinterest, etc, ahead of time).

    Or this: Let a week go by (or more). Wait until there's something he really wants (brown leather recliner, perhaps, as my husband did--or whatever). Then you offer up something about the kitchen that would mean a lot to you, were he to concede. Brown leather recliner for him ==> blue island with white perimeter cabinets for you.

    I hear you with the clashing-styles issues. It is challenging. Do keep us updated with any progress.

    (I need to add some suggestion: cream cabinets with white tops are my long-time fav. So pretty, and you can google those search terms to see some great examples. He gets the cream-but maybe not as ornate as he originally wanted-, you get the white tops or even white backsplash----along with more colorful [less permanent] items like a colorful rug, pretty jar, brightly colored kitchenaid mixer or toaster for the countertop, add in plants on a windowsill for you----just a suggestion....)

  • Kendrah
    11 months ago
    last modified: 11 months ago

    And even though I said nix labels, I think West Coast Spanish Revival kitchens are a really incredible combination of vintage, traditional, and boho. The examples on Houzz are terrible so don't search for them here. Architectural Digest, My Domaine, Pintrest, or just a google image search might be better.

    Here are a few kitchen that I think are modern and vintage at the same time without fitting into a particular lable. or style. (They say they are Spanish Revival but who the hell knows!)


    Rustic Spanish Revival · More Info



    Modern Spanish Revival · More Info



    1929 Spanish Colonial Revival · More Info


  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    So pretty

  • Alyssa Fernandez
    11 months ago

    I'm glad you're finding things you like, Lauren Confair. And as critical as layout is (the thing that pushed me over the edge into ripping out our old kitchen was that we couldn't open the pull-out trash and the dishwasher at the same time, because they were on adjoining ends of a corner), don't let anyone admonish you not to think about color or style yet, because when you're researching contractors and writing big checks and emptying out storage and living through weeks of dust and noise and inconvenience, it's not the thought of a handy prep space and sensible work triangle that will pull you through, it's the vision of soaring cabinets, shiny new countertops, and a gorgeous result. BOTH are important.

  • PRO
    Norwood Architects
    11 months ago

    Have you been able to steer your husband in a non-cream color direction?

  • PRO
    Jeffrey R. Grenz, General Contractor
    11 months ago

    A women's iris has more color receptors. This is an especially an issue with this color range.

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    @norwood architects, yes! Thank you everyone! We’re going with a white colored cabinet but he wants a more detailed cabinet compared to the standard shaker. We’re currently looking into Gorevermark Gramercy White

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Also love the look of wood cabinets vs painted. He doesn’t want wood but I can definitely understand that. We currently have wood and had wood cabinets in our previous homes so I think he’s tired of the wood look

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Forevermark I meant

  • cpartist
    11 months ago

    I was going to ask who does the majority of the cooking? That should be who has the majority opinion about the kitchen and it's style.

  • Kendrah
    11 months ago

    We got custom cabinets made that are shaker but with a little strip of shoe molding inside the shaker panels to make it not quite as modern but not sugary over the top ornate either. I just checked out Forevermark and they are akin to something like this.


    https://allcabinets.com/products/forevermark-gw-gramercy-white-raised-panel-white-door-sample?variant=41159943159945&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gclid=CjwKCAjwiOCgBhAgEiwAjv5whAGwPnY2W5Jg50fy7Z-TWnBCIWxNDo8a6iQmwE_wIQIJ06udRUNdMxoCYk0QAvD_BwE

  • Lauren Confair
    Original Author
    11 months ago

    Thank you Kendrah! I didn’t realize AAA distributer sold these cabinets