I agree that composting in place is a good idea, especially if it would enable you to keep all the material onsite instead of sending some to the landfill, saving you both time and money. The concerns you have about turning the compost and covering the bins would be important to address if you wanted compost faster or had limited space. In your case, since you're not in a hurry, you have lots of land, and what you are doing is effective, the less work the better -- I think it 'll be more productive to figure out how you can spend less time on the composting process (move piles only once, to their final locations, for instance). I have 6 compost bins and a relatively small garden plot (at a community garden, so I have to use bins). I turn them rarely, and I get good compost. Without turning, it takes a little longer. My understanding is that turning can speed up the process if you monitor temperatures daily and turn after the temperature spikes and then declines, and that otherwise turning doesn't make so much of a difference. Covering compost does help control moisture levels and help keep the compost critters warm and happy, but if it works without covers, that's ok too. I have one bin made from hardware cloth, which was drying out too much during the dry season, so I added some cardboard to keep moisture in. It's not pretty, but after one dry season, it does look like it has been very effective. Again, the cardboard sides and the cover help speed up the composting process by conserving moisture (and, to a much lesser extent, heat), but I got compost the old way, too. When I do turn my piles, it's because I see ants, which tells me there are dry spots, so I water it and then (if I have time) turn it and make sure the materials are more evenly distributed. But dry spots usually occur if I've put in a bunch of stems and twigs, and not enough small loose stuff to fill the spaces, so the stems and twigs stay dry. If I were composting only horse manure and watered as I went along, dry spots probably would not occur.

Cat mom and all, no one's saying the cat WOULD become a biter but only there is a real RISK of aggression problems or other personality changes. Is it worth the risk when there may be options with a more certain or sure outcome? The point is you shouldnt think of it as a "last resort," because there is a real chance it would NOT solve the problem. How I manage a similar situation is to do sort of a time share - my old 20 yr old cat stays in the bedroom 8 am - 8 pm, then gets the run of the house 8 pm- 8 am when I put the new cats downstairs in the basement (there's couches and stuff downthere and I feed them when they go downstairs so they have pleasant associations. What makes this work is that its so highly routine - cats just LOVE routine and predicatability, same things happening at the same time each day. What was NOT working was just trying to keep them separate in random, unpredictable ways. Everyone has settled down knowing they each have their own space and own times for occupying the "common area." In the wild, cats often make these same types of arrangments to "time-share" an area. If youre not up for that.... do consider finding another home. Ive done it many times, found home for cat in an unfortunate situation. There is a way of screening people and making sure its a good home - I could tell you more if you want. There's always the long difficult process of getting cats used to each others smell, and build up their tolerance for each other. But Im thinking because the ragdolls are so passive and unable to defend themselves (are they? Ive never had one) that might actually be triggering the other cat's dominance and urge to drive them out of the territory. Nature and feline territorial behavior is not pretty sometimes. In my case I decided I just could NOT put my old 20 yr old cat, deaf and arthritic, through the attacks she was getting from the 1 young new cat I brought into the house. She could not defend herself and she was literally getting knocked down, clawed, bitten and terrorized and she started peeing out of the box she was so freaked out. Now, Im happy to report, she is feeling secure again and her old self.

Lovemykids Too, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There are a lot of parents who have been through similar things, so don't feel like you are the only one. We went through some difficult times with one of my kids, so I sympathize with you and I have advice. First, nurture and take care of your marriage. For a lot of couples these kinds of problems take a toll on a marriage. Next, even if your son won't go to counseling, you can go. Particularly if he has anxiety and/or depression you may want to get some tips on how to handle this from a professional. If you haven't been to counseling before then keep in mind you may have to try more than one to find someone you can relate to. My husband and I found a wonderful counselor who had been through a lot of the same things our child had been through, but the first counselor we tried was a useless waste of time. If it were my child, I would consider paying for a cell phone for my son. It would be worth it to me to be able to call him directly if he went back to live at his girlfriend's house. But you don't owe him a cell phone and don't pay for one if you don't want to. In my opinion you are doing the right thing about the car. If the car becomes a major point of contention then I might even sell it or keep it and store it somewhere else. Since I'm not familiar with the situation I am just guessing, but perhaps the situation might partially resolve itself as time goes on? I can't imagine your son's girlfriend's parents like having an unemployed 19 year old man around who can't help pay for food and has no car. Hmmm, sleeping on the couch, sharing a car, burden on girlfriend's family....betcha there's more to that story than he's telling. Maybe girlfriend will lose interest after a few months if he has no more money. I would talk to the counselor about what to do when your son swears at you and says he hates you. Our daughter never did that and I have no idea what to do but I would be very reluctant to allow a grown man (or woman), even my own child, swear at me and say he hates me while he was standing in my own house. I would sit down with my husband and my son and work out a formal agreement between adults who live in the same house. I would go to a neutral location, like a local McDonald's, sit down with a cup of coffee and a notepad and tell him that you respect the fact that he is an adult. Ask him to tell you what he thinks parents should expect from an adult son living in their house and what adult sons should expect from their parents. Hear him out. Stay calm. Although he is sort of an adult, he's a very young adult, so model the behavior you wish he would use. If he starts getting angry or if you start getting angry, you can always stop the session with "I'm glad we sat down and talked together, it has been very helpful to hear what you think, let us think about it and we'll talk again tomorrow". If he is talking without swearing or yelling then be sure to end the session before he gets tired or overwhelmed and the situation deteriorates. Resist the urge to keep pushing through because he's been *good*. At this point you want to start a pattern of reasonable communication more than you want the agreement, although you do want the agreement. Another tool in your toolbox is "convince me". Instead of convincing HIM that you are right, ask him to convince you. I think I would find something that you think you could compromise on and let him convince you before I started on something bigger. Another great phrase is "you are an adult and I know you will figure this out". Also excellent is "what is your plan", a very versatile phrase. Also good is "you are an adult, adults contribute to the household they live in, how do you plan to contribute to this household". Adults living in a household pay their way, either rent, chores, or both. My daughter asked to discuss our issues by email and I was reluctant to do that, but it worked out much better for her and surprisingly also for her dad. We handled some in person but some in email. Work out consequences for infractions, yours and his. Don't agree to consequences that you won't follow through on. Don't tell him he can't live there if he doesn't mow the grass unless you're prepared to make him move out if he doesn't mow the grass. Not all consequences have to be negative. Maybe one of his consequences has to be finding a joke that makes the whole family laugh, maybe he has to figure out how to make ganache for the family or you get to wake him up with a silly song in the morning. Maybe the family has to eat dinner and talk to one another only through sock puppets, or he has to learn to say a phrase of your choice in Italian. Or give him a choice out of 3 things. I picked something that my daughter could not do without laughing and that worked like magic. She couldn't wallow in her role as martyred victim if she was laughing. Stay calm. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page. If your son starts swearing, yelling, saying hateful things or if you start getting angry you can always tell him that you are stepping away for now until you can all talk like reasonable adults. Your theme is reasonable, calm, adult. It may take some time to change the dynamic and don't expect overnight change. Since your son has anxiety and depression, it would probably be very helpful if there is some kind of exercise or outdoor activity he would do with your husband, you, or a sibling. Kayaking? Rock climbing or bouldering? Disc golf? Geocaching? That phone Pokemon thing together? I doubt you will accomplish anything positive by criticizing the girlfriend. Just try not to dwell on the girlfriend in your head. I tried very hard to remember that I taught my daughter to do the right thing, and if she wasn't doing it that was on her, not her boyfriend. Your best hope is that you taught your son well and hopefully he will recognize the flaws in his girlfriend over time and they will either both grow up and be better people or he will end that relationship. Having 5K, blowing it all because his girlfriend wanted him to and ending up with no job, no car, and no money to do fun things with that girlfriend is a priceless lesson that could save him untold amounts of grief later in life. Don't be manipulated, it won't help your son. Have confidence in yourself and remember that what you want is a responsible, reasonable, self-supporting son in the long run. My once-difficult daughter is now a kind, thoughtful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside, which is saying a lot because she's very pretty. I could not ask for a better daughter. And her bratty boyfriend is now a wonderful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is a much-loved and wanted member of our family (they married last year). But in the thick of our difficult times all I could do was try to do the right thing, hang on and hope for the best. Best of everything to you and your family and hang in there.

I sympathize with you. I remember feeling some of the same feelings at your age. I am the mom of kids in their twenties and I know they've had times when they've been frustrated with one another. It sounds like your issues are: You want to go out with your friends and not have to take your brother along. 2) You feel stuck in a box. 3) You want to be able to ride/have a motorcycle (although it doesn't sound like this is your main issue) 4) You are tired of doing your brother's chores 5) You want your brother to move out. First of all, in my opinion a busy 18-year-old is a happy, or at least happier, 18-year-old. If you were busy getting some type of college degree or doing some type of job training course and working part time at the same time, or if you were working full time, I think you would be happier. I think your parents would be less in your business and you would have a lot less time to even notice what your brother is doing. If a full time job or a degree isn't possible for you right now, then how about volunteering, which sometimes leads to job opportunities? Intense fitness program? Your issue#1, wanting to go out with friends and not have to take your brother along - the only thing I can think of is to talk to your parents about this. You shouldn't have to take your brother along. Sorry, I don't know what kind of advice to give as I don't understand why your parents would expect this. Issue #2, stuck in a box. If you are spending a lot of time at home, doing a few chores and working a part time job, then you are going to feel stuck in a box. See above - go to school, work longer hours if you can, volunteer, learn a skill like sewing or carpentry and market things on etsy, repaint your parents' house (you can learn to do it on their dime, i.e. learn a useful skill), learn to decorate cakes or repair small engines. Do stuff. It is very normal for an 18-year-old young woman to feel stuck in a box if she's not busy doing useful, productive things. Your feelings are normal, I think those feelings are healthy. My kids would be climbing the walls and unhappy with every little thing in their lives if they weren't busy. Your body and your brain are telling you that you are 18 years old and need to be busy learning and doing. If you are stuck in a part time job and college/technical school isn't an option for you, then job hunt, job hunt, job hunt. You need to be moving toward becoming self supporting if you can, so work 2 jobs, work 3 jobs, better yet, go get some type of additional education and job training if you can. Issue #4, doing your brother's chores. Don't. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Either do it or don't do it, but don't get angry about it if you do it. If you are too busy with school/work/volunteering/exercise/etc, then this won't even be an issue. You'll be too busy to do his chores. Issue #5, you want your brother to move out. It's your parents' house and it's up to them whether or not they let your brother live there. I wouldn't bring this up with my parents if I were you. I would bring it up if my brother was bringing illegal drugs into the house, if he was bringing friends home who threatened me, things like that. But you never know what might happen to you later in life and you might need to come back and live with your parents. I wouldn't pressure them to kick him out over the things you've mentioned. Again, if you are busy with school/work/volunteering/exercise/etc., then you'll be too busy to care where your brother lives. Re your brother not respecting your wishes about your gaming system, get some type of lockable box and lock your stuff up when you're not using it. Ooops, I forgot that one of your issues was that you want to go out with your friends, period, and your parents won't let you. I sympathize with that because my parents gave me some unfair difficulties over that issue. It's been over 35 years and I still don't understand why they were like that. Again, this would probably be fixed if you were busy with a job, school, etc. For example, if you were getting a college degree, then you could have all sorts of school related reasons to be out and about on campus at night. Study groups, art presentations at the university theater, campus volunteering, etc. After awhile the problem of not being able to go out with your friends would probably work itself out as your parents got used to you being gone places at night. I understand why it's tempting to compare yourself to your brother, but regardless of whether or not your parents are being fair, comparing yourselves like that isn't going to make you happier. You cannot control other people, but you can control yourself. What can YOU do to enrich your life? I am not telling you this to smack your hand, but to empower you. I hope you find something wonderful to do with your life!