Cats really hate change-

All the moving may have upset them & made them irritable, & it's just escalated into a self-perpetuating battle.

Feliway generally brings down the stress level.

It smells like the hormone that cats secrete when they rub cheeks, communicating peaceful intentions.

You can get Feliway at PetSmart, maybe other places as well.

(& don't change anything-don't even move furniture!)

I wish you the best.

I agree that the stress of the moves may have precipitated some of your female's angst, but it's also possible that the male did hurt her during rough play while you were at work. If that's the case, she's now feeling vulnerable and unprotected around her brother, so she's taken a defensive position against him.

I recommend you put them in separate rooms when you are out of the house. This will allow your female to relax and not feel that she has to protect herself at all times. Also, try to find a form of play that your male is willing to do with you (chasing a laser pointer, wand toy, or catnip toy pulled around the floor on a string). That'll help him expend energy and divert him from bothering his sister.

Retrain the male to leave his sister alone, and give the female plenty of individual attention and playtime away from him. If you allow the male to keep harrassing his sister, they will sink further and further into the bully/victim roles, and you may never be able to reverse it. When you can't successfully distract the male with toys, give him a timeout in a separate room to give the female a break. She needs to trust that you will back her up and keep her safe from her brother. Her behavior as you have described it implies that she no longer feels safe in her own home.

You can fix this, but you need to start setting some behavioral boundaries on your boy.

Good luck,

Laurie

P.S. The Feliway or Comfort Zone is certainly worth a try. It might help!

Thanks so much for your comments! I DO know cats hate change and we did everything we could to minimize any disruption for them (ie: keeping them confined to a room, then to a floor, then on a weekend to letting them out fully), and they adjusted very well. They didn't start to act up towards each other until we had already been moved 5 months, so I do think it was something else.

Laurie, I love your suggestions about toys. I do buy approx $50/mth of toys for both of them and they are litterally littered around the house (so much so we get teased by friends cause they are EVERYWHERE). Don't need kids, I have cats lol.

If this makes any sense at all, I do believe my female is milking this a bit. She has learned that if she squawks, mommy/daddy comes running and she gets extra lovings. Duke on the other hand, I need to have a careful hand with him since he is already not human-friendly except with me. She is actually right beside me on the desk, on a pillow, happily snoozing away.

I honestly don't believe he is trying to "hurt" his sister, but rather just wants to play. Unfortunately, it is his "size" that makes it scary for his sister Cosmo. I've considered getting a playmate for Duke, one that is more his size, but considering his neurotic disposition I'm not sure if that's such a good idea, plus I also worry what if that new cat starts to bully Cosmo as well?

As for Feliway? I HATE my city so MUCH that I am in the process of a business plan to start my own business offering pet products that we just can't get here. And Feliway is one of them :( Darn near everything I buy for my babies (including their Drinkwell!) I have had to import from the US!

Laurie you say to "retrain the male to leave his sister alone" - I really respect your advice but am wondering what suggestions you have that I can do this without increasing his own fears (especially of humans)?

I sincerely appreciate your thoughts & suggestions!

Lora

I can identify with your situation on several levels. I currently have fourteen feline kids. Back in 1996, we had six cats when we knocked down our old house, moved into a different house for a month during the rebuild, then moved back into the new house, taking two additional cats with us.

Five of the cats were siblings - three from one litter and two from another. The mothers of the litters were sisters. One of the mothers died, so the remaining mother raised all five kittens. The litter of three were all sisters, and the litter of two were brothers. One of the brothers, Noddy, grew to be our 25 1/2 lb Lion King. The other brother, Capri (who disappeared about 10 yrs ago), was a very lean 16 lbs and was bullied horribly by Noddy once they reached adulthood. Noddy, however, has almost always been very tolerant and sweet with his female cousins.

There have been moments, though, when Noddy, for whatever reason, gets very angry at one of his cousins and goes after her. When that occurs, I don't hesitate to use a very stern voice to make him stop. If that doesn't work, he gets put into a timeout away from the other cats for 30 mins until he regains his senses and sweet self.

I haven't been faced with your exact problem, though. Well, maybe I have. It's possible that the playful relationship that Noddy and his brother, Capri, had when they were kittens evolved into the bully/victim relationship that made Capri's life miserable as an adult because Cappy wasn't able or willing to play as roughly as Noddy when they got older.

Once a cat assumes the victim role, as your female is doing now, it's almost an irresistible temptation for other cats to assume the bully role. That's why it's important for you to try to nip this behavior in the bud before your male decides to escalate his overbearing play into actual bullying.

Getting a third cat is NOT the answer. A third cat will only escalate your female's anxiety and fear response, setting her up to be a victim to the new cat, as well. You'd be better off getting a cat-friendly dog rather than another cat, though I wouldn't recommend that, either, under these circumstances.

Instead, let your male cat know that pushy play is no longer allowable with his sister by putting him into timeouts in a separate room whenever he starts bothering her. With the female, let her know that unwarranted, hissy/growly behavior is unacceptable by clapping your hands sharply in her direction whenever she starts complaining ... unless, of course, her complaints are justified by the pushy behavior of her brother, in which case you should grab him and put him into an immediate timeout. You always have to make sure you are reprimanding the right perpetrator.

Don't worry about how your boy will react to these new strategies. I have a houseful of timid cats, several of whom trust only me. Cats are very intelligent creatures. They know the difference between an angry moment and an angry person. If a spat breaks out in my house (a frequent occurrence with 14 cats), a sharp, "HEY!!!" from me will usually send the perpetrator (and any other cat who was considering doing something naughty at that exact moment) scurrying, while the innocents will hold their ground and look around to see who's in trouble. LOL! Within moments, everybody returns to normal. In fact, the perpetrators often seek me out to offer a personal apology for their bad behavior and make sure that Mommy isn't holding a grudge.

There are other possible explanations for your female's behavior. It may be displaced aggression - aggression caused by factors other than her brother but expressed as anger toward or fear of her brother. This happens fairly often when an indoor cat sees a feline (or non-feline) intruder in her yard through a window. The indoor cat can't do anything about the outside intruder, so she takes out her anger and anxiety on her housemate, instead. See if you can identify any potential sources of stress for your female that are unrelated to your male cat. The more stressors you can eliminate, the more likely you'll be able to resolve this problem.

Hidden illness can also be expressed as anxiety, anger, and/or aggression. You might want to consider taking your girl in for a thorough vet exam just to make sure she's healthy. A full blood panel should identify most major health concerns.

If all else fails, you might also discuss the possibility of trying an anti-anxiety med with your vet. I dislike the idea of drugging any animal, but I also know that there are cases in which certain meds can be extremely helpful.

Good luck. I know how stressful it can be for the entire household when any member is unhappy.

Laurie

Some cats are born victims. I have a little tortie who everyone picks on..My kitten Henry has grown to 16 pounds and he loves to chase her and she hisses and reacts. If she didn't, there would be no fun. He ignores all the other cats but likes the reaction she gives.