Hi and welcome!! I think worrying about whether the aide will quit is one of THE top concerns among folks in your situation. I know for me, it was #1 or #2. It will happen at some point, to be sure. BUT, I found that the good ones have an amazing tolerance for the behavior of their patients, esp if they have been doing Alz for a while. In addition, most of these folks really need their jobs. Somethings that worked for us included making the aide as much a part of the family as you can, which means be as considerate of her as you would be if she was a family member. Get to know her family and try to get her off for her family affairs, etc. Overtly recognize the behaviors that are distressingto her...my Mom would use racial terms common long ago and that was offensive to one of her aides, for example. If you have a daycare or respite option, you might want to give the aide a break by having her take your Mom there for a few hours or a day. Also get familiar with the agencies in your town than have aides, because you may have to turn to one of those in a pinch if your aide does quit. But you can find replacements with some work. It Is VERY stressful to have to find a new aide, believe me. Of course be sure you are paying her the current "going rate" in your area and pay her for her vacation. It is all about making it a good place to work. Lots of these home aides actually bond more closely with the family than with the patient. Talk to her every day, without fail. Good luck! It is a hard thing. Derry

Hello, sweeby, uxorial, weed, & mitch...((((to you all)))) Dd is 9--sorry I spaced answering that, thought I had... Today she seems to have stopped with the pains. Nothing. She's keeping down food (which I think was due to the morphine anyway). We were going to go to the symphony tonight but I think we'll skip it just to be safe. She's saying now that the same feeling she had before when the pains started is coming back...so it's kind of touch and go. But we'll miss a 13-y.o. cellist playing the Saint-Saens cello concerto #1 *sigh* we were all really looking forward to seeing. sweeby, the phenergan was IV, which she already had in for the morphine--since it was already in, I'm glad they didn't try to do the suppository--she was not into any more orifices being affected...sorry to hear about your son's syndrome...I hope you know about the respiratory depression possibilities with it when administered to kids--just might want to keep an eye on him when he has to have it, although my DD had it in conjunction with morphine, which *also* can cause respiratory depression, so we were doubly at risk there...probably much more risky than what your son gets. uxorial, WOW! What a story. Who would have guessed. weed, that was exactly the site I was looking at last night! :) Thanks. The net is amazing. mitch, OW, poor dear...I shivered reading it. That would certainly cause the intermittent pain...I'll keep that in mind and I hope she hasn't had any recurrences or repercussions... So it's a quiet evening at home, applying sanded caulk and comforting my dear girl :) Thanks again you all--I am so grateful for this forum and the wonderful folks on it.

IF I recall I remember your post when this was all first happening. Was that you and was there a boy friend involved? I'm sorry if I'm wrong and it was someone elses post I'm thinking of. You did everything you could, things already mentioned here. I imagine you are still wanting to do what you can but feel limited by her reactions towards you. Now that you know how she reacts towards help, I'm guessing your reluctant to try to put your foot in her space. Some kids welcome the help and attention and others, they just don't know how to accept that a parent cares enough to be provide help. Your not alone. From what you've said she is immature and may not take the necessary steps towards her GED if left to her own. That would frustrate me too I'm sure. If you could somehow take her into the adult continuing ed counselor, this person could work out a plan with her to do GED studies at home. Possibly giving her weekly goals as well as a completion goal. Do you know if they can recommend another Math tutor? Could YOU put up a sign that your looking for a tutor at the local college? Do you think she would agree to that? Another idea is an online study , but from what I've found, that takes even more self motivation than just going to a class. You sound like a very caring mom, but in reality I don't know if she feels overpowered by you or she's just stubborn and immature. So from my perspective, I'm hoping that a third party can help her toward her GED and one day soon she'll spread her wings toward an independent life. (that's putting it all in a nutshell!!) I'm sure there are many answers but your the one who has to keep the peace and learn to deal with her at a level only a loving mom can do, even when she doesn't seem to want any love at all. Don't give up, just step back, just like your doing. Good positive thoughs for both of you.

I have several friends with varying degree's of MS...my niece was diagnosed about 8 years ago...she's very high functioning...but there are times when she curls up in a ball and sleeps for a couple of days...it acts different for everyone...reaching out to her with a simple call and offering your help or just a listening ear may be just the ticket to bring you closer!! If nothing else...tell her to get on the web and start researching...their are hundreds of sites and helpful hints for working with this awful disease... I wish Wanda/Va would come in and see this post...her hubster has had it for years and is very high functioning! I think lots depends on what area of the body it touches... give her my best thoughts...