Hi again Carol, How gratifying to hear your report of how things are going for you and family. Speaking of family - I hope that yours became accustomed to your upgraded situation without too much distress. Interesting, isn't it, how people get used to seeing others (and themselves?) in sort of a rut, following a familiar path? Sometimes I wonder whether some of the partially/slightly negative attention that they pay to someone else's changing course may have some connection with their unhappiness with their present situation, possibly having some inner desire to do something similar, but being rather unwilling to give that desire house-room, whether from inertia (? - I thought that there was a more precise word, called son, but this is the best that we can think of at the moment), fear or whatever motive. I'm pleased that you're finding some success in the field that you've chosen to pursue, and hope that it proceeds apace. Son and I attended a networking project called "The Beehive" last year that's rather different and enables one to meet a number of folks who might be able to offer mutual support/business contact/development possibilities. I heard of it through an economic development council that I've been connected to in our area and took son to one of their initial local meetings. Actually, it was while I was taking son home from their first meeting that I attended that my car got smacked! They divide a number of people in a room into several groups of about 4 each. They pass out a business envelope to each participant, with a card inside. Each person becomes a "Queen Bee", writing some question relating to an idea that they'd like to develop their business around. For me, a financial planner, instead of writing, "Would you like to pay less income tax?" (which would focus on the hearer[s] only), they encourage me to write, "Do you know someone who would like to pay less income tax?" (asking the hearer to think whether they may know of someone in that situation, in addition to themselves). Another member of the small group becomes the "worker bee", and when the round begins, starts by asking the question in her/his own group. If someone knows of a person who might be interested, s/he gives her/his business card to the worker bee. The worker bee takes that Queen Bee's question around to each of the other groups in turn, asking the question. If someone there knows of someone that might be interested, they hand their business card to the worker bee and the worker bee departs, to visit another "hive". They get some hype and speed worked into the situation, each flying worker wondering whether they've been to this or that hive yet, and when a worker bee has finished in a hive and departed, the members of that hive put up their hands and shout, "Over here! Over here!" to attract another worker bee. When each worker bee has visited every hive, they all gather around the coordinator and each reads her/his question in turn, with the other worker bees handing over their own cards if they are interested in that question. Then each worker returns to his/her own hive and hands the question card with the group of cards that s/he gathered to the "Queen Bee" who wrote the question. They usually run four rounds, if there were four members in each "hive" - so everyone gets to be "Queen" once, and "worker" once. They usually run four rounds - which means that each person puts four questions of interest to each participant in the meeting that night. Each participant usually goes home with a fistful of pre-qualified cards in her/his sweaty little hand. The recipient of the cards then contacts the owner of each card received to ask for the contact. This avoids the pressure of the person contacted being put on the spot. I think that several friendships are developed that way, in additon to there being an ongoing live contact. If one of the other members who gave me his card and meets someone a while later who might be interested, s/he might give my name to that person, or tell me about the person's possible interest. Check them out at www.neworldcoaching.com. I've offered a "Christmas gift" to folks here on the "Finance" and "KT" forums, plus here for several years now, a gift that should save them hundreds, maybe thousands, in their lifetime, in addition to keeping former friendships warm. Write the names of everyone you've known since childhood, with contact info, then, over time, add items that relate to them - training, profession, interests, hobbies, vacation destinations, etc. When you want to know something - ask the folks on your database. As time goes along, if you develop some items of interest to several of them, you might begin a sort of newsletter to send to all or a portion. As people become familiar with what you're doing, they may contact you when they have a question, etc. If you can be helpful in such a situation, that guy owes you one, right? Isn't that rather shameful - offering the same (no direct cost) "Christmas gift" to the same people, over and over?! I guess if one's as frugal as I, there are some things about which it gets rather hard to shame them! Well - I didn't do it last Christmas, at least. I hope that some recent comers weren't left without another potential arrow in their quiver, because of it. Good wishes as you step forward into your future, Carol! ole joyful

I am so sorry for your losses. I had a similar situation, but mine was my mother and brother. My mom had a heart attack and while she was in the hospital she also suffered a stroke. We had all of our attention on helping her get better and my 47 year old brother had a heart attack and died. On the day we were having his viewing they decided to send my mom home from the hospital. We were all in shock over her sickness, his death, and then we had to get her home and settled. My brother wasnÂt married, and he lived with my mom. I have 6 other brothers and 5 sisters all scrambling around to get things settled and get to the viewing, so some of us were there at different times, and not all of us at the same time, which probably seemed strange to friends and family that werenÂt aware of the situation. Anyway what IÂm trying to get at is we didnÂt feel we gave him proper attention during his death, so when the 6 month mark came, my mom was doing much better, and we were still in numbness and grieving, we decided to have a celebration of his life. We got the activity center at our church, invited friends and family to celebrate with us. We asked that each person write down a memory they had of my brother, and if they had any pictures to attach them to the memories, and we made them into a scrap book. It wasnÂt anything formal, just friends and family and memories. We were able to laugh and cry together and give our undivided attention to his memory. So I think maybe you could do that for your son, and get some closure to your feelings of not giving him your full attention. By the way, I think you gave all you could give considering the circumstances. Again, I am sorry for you losses!

Karen, if your family is anything like mine, until you lost your Dad, you hadn't seen a lot of loss or grief for someone. It's hard to watch it (and experience it!) I think I'd probably just call my Mom, if I were you, and ask her to your house to eat, to go out, to watch activities that the kids are involved in, etc. Let her know that it's okay to not be in the mood to do anything. Also let her know that you really WANT her to be involved in whatever your family is doing. My Mom has spent the night at my house two nights since my Dad passed away. Get this, I had to break my ankle and have surgery in order to get her to do that! LOL I kid her that having surgery is the only way she'll stay at my house overnight! LOL We live 80 miles apart and I call her everyday - usually twice a day. We've talked more by phone in the last four years than we'd ever talked in our lives. My DH and I and our kids and grandkids make it a point to at least spend part of every holiday at her house. She likes to stay home, so we go to her. I DO feel sometimes at her house, when everyone is there but Daddy, that there's the proverbial "big gray elephant" in the house that no one mentions. You know what I mean? Everybody is highly aware of the fact that he's no longer with us, but nobody wants to talk about it for fear of upsetting somebody else! Now, when it's just my Mom and me together, we cry (and laugh!) when we feel the need to. That's something else that I haven't thought to mention. Let her cry when she feels the need to cry. I guess you don't have to say a word, just be there for her. She and I both have talked about the fact that Fathers are the HEAD of most families. Then, as women, we both agree that the Mothers are the HEART of the family. Maybe you can reassure her in that way that she IS a vital, needed part. ((Karen))

This is great it helps me out and it is true. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 20 and I am now 23. She was diagnosed when she was 61 with the worst cancer anyone could have. She died nine months later and it was the wost time of my life. I miss her everyday and always think about her. I have to remember that she is in a better place. My heart is aching but I am trying to be happy. If you having a hard time dealing with death of a loved one is you need to read the book 90 minutes in heaven by Don Piper. Here is something I found about mother: The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all....unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children." And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them." And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion..........happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow..... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...............not even death!