I had the most remarkable experience this weekend. Please indulge me with a little background. My husband and I have been in the construction industry all of our lives. His last job was a Manager of Construction for a large telecom company. In earlier years he was a project manager, superintendent, foreman and initialy a journeyman carpenter. I am still a construction project manager. Over the years we did many projects together. Our last was the cabin at our hunting ranch, before he was diagnosed with cancer. My dad was a general contractor and did a lot of work for the Army in WWII on Fort Sam Houston. In the late forties they had thousands of wooden quanset huts they were trying to get rid of. He brought one here to the lake house. It was a playhouse for me, we turned it into a bedroom for our teenaged son and eventually it became a tool shed. It's a sad little building now, the roofing had blown off of it, door falling off etc. We discussed tearing it down, but Kim didn't have the strength and I couldn't do anything without making him feel worse. So it just sat there. About three weeks ago I decided to restore it. I have the tools (nail guns etc.) and the know-how from all of those projects we did together, and my Bachelor's degree was in Architecture although I never practiced. But I'm 60 years old and could never do as well as Kim. But Saturday I decided to get started. I went and bought my initial materials. My first priority was the roof, so I could stop the water from leaking in. All afternoon I could hear Kim's voice in my head. I couldn't find my 12 ounce hammer and I could hear "If you put it back where you got it every time, you wouldn't have to look for it". I was choking up on the hammer handle and I heard "If you're not going to use the whole handle, I'll cut it off for you".....and just silly stuff like that. My biggest problem is that I have wanted so badly to feel him around me. I sleep on his pillows, wear his shirts, put his toothpick in my mouth...everything I could think of, but nothing worked. My grief was crushing me. So Saturday night I fell into bed and I dreamed about him for the first time. We were at a dinner party and I looked at him and said "But Honey, you can't be here because you're dead". And he said, "But I am here". Then two men came up to me and said they were doctors and they had cured him. Then he disappeared from the dream, but I knew it was alright because he would be back. When I woke up Sunday morning I felt as though a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my chest. I was happy for the first time in months. I was raised very Catholic (Grade School, High School, College). My standing joke now is that my religious beliefs run from A to Z, Agnosticism to Zen. I believe in everything just in case one of them is right. I told God (if there is a God) "If you're going to rip the heart out of my chest, the least you could do is send me some salve or something. You're killing me here". Maybe the dream was my answer. Maybe my mind made it up because I needed it so badly. But I choose to believe that it was Kim, telling me that he is here with me. I still grieve. I miss him terribly and still cry every day. I have a long, painful road ahead of me. But that crushing weight is gone. I wish that for all of you. Anniebear

I would suggest that the relatives immediatly contact a lawyer/law enforcment people now. You might contact an elder abuse expert, if there are no relatives or if he appears to have done this before, again ask about elder abuse. If the state she lives in honors common law marriages, she could ask her attorney general to look into this, but it sounds like it was set up. As a friend, sorry, there is not much you can do about it except spend money to investigate how many times he has done this, and then talk to a invesigative reporter.

Saraj, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not had this experience, but I do know that you must allow yourself to go through the grieving process in all its phases. As someone else here said, you cannot skip grief, you have to walk right through it. I would strongly recommend that you call your local hospital to find out about grief counseling, whether individual or group. You reached out for help here, and that's wonderful, but you should also reach out for professional help which will benefit both you and your children. Family and friends' support is helpful too. Again, I am so sorry, and my heart aches for you and your children as well. Post back and let us know how you are doing. Susan

I'm so sorry. You've had one stunning blow right after another, & you must be reeling from it. I don't for one minute believe that these are "real" dreams (ie, dreams in which it's really your husband communicating). No way would he show up to torture you. I think they're just dreams in which your inner self is expressing the dismaying sense of loss & helplessness (if you'd known on November 4th, what could you have done? nothing). I'm with Marie: find someone & talk & talk & talk. Cry & holler & blubber if you want. I'm holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.