Young wife 40. Sudden death
I'm feeling a little confused right now and I don't know why. My beautiful wife died of acute liver failure June 10 2009. Her passing was quick and she never was aware of her sickness or situation because she was in a induced state for comfort in the hospital the hold time. I thank the lord for that. As the subject line says she was only 40yrs old, I am 47yrs old. We had been together 12yrs. My wife was my everything, my everyday my air, and my sunshine. We have 8 children total 4 from her previous marriage. I had 2 and custody of 1 when we got together, so we had a household of 5 and 1 grown with her own family outside the home in another state. We also had 2 children together. I'm raising the 5 on my own, and I'll tell you the truth it gets rough sometimes. the ages in the home are 18,17,13,3,17mths 3 boys and two girls my youngest was 4 months when my wife passed. We have two 22yrs and 20yrs that live close bye. I must say that I have a slight challenge with my 13yr old. He has Autism and Asperger Syndrom. He's very manageable and a good student. My 17yr old is suffering from depression @ this point, and I feel helpless in making things better for my youngest 2 children. My 3yr old seen some vehicle headlights shine in the bedroom window from the driverway. He jumped up and said daddy mama is home and as I looked up of course knowing better the lights backed out of my driveway. It was a car just turning around. These things are very hard to deal with. I find myself in tears more now then a year ago. Sometimes I have to just pull over in traffic to be safe.I love all my children dearly, they are my world. They seem to be couping with this better then myself. I just went back to work recently (2 months ago) and had some very good results. I'm a amateur poker player and won my biggest payout to date $139K. Yet there's no excitement, no celebration just the money. Just frustration that my wife isn't here to enjoy the fruits of her labor in pushing me to my limits. I find myself withdrawing from people outside of my poker play. I'm starting to hear from people I know that I spend to much time with my kids, well after my wifes passing in my mind there is no such thing as to much time spend with my kids. I'm living in the state of Ms where her family is located. My family is in Ca. Something isn't right, I have no idea what it is. I think I've been through my depression stage already. Raising 5 kids alone wasn't the plan of course, however I don't believe it's my biggest issue. I've never felt so alone in my life. I have always considered myself a strong person and I know the lord won't put anything on me that I can't handle. I just need some guidance of some sort a different perspective something! Thanks for reading my postand all replys are welcome and needed. Also to everyone that uses this forum you have my blessing and my prayers. Thankyou for listening.