I'm so sorry. You'll never be the way you were, nor would you want to be; as you said, he was your true love, & he wouldn't want you to grieve & be miserable & not enjoy, relish, & revel in the life you still have on this earth with your/his children. You are a vibrant young mother with 2 dear children tethering you to this earth; your mission here is important & it won't be complete for many many years. Your precious sons are the next links in your beloved husband's chain of life, & you're the one who can nurture their connections to their roots, for their sakes & for the sakes of their children., Please take care of yourself, in every way. Eat right, don't drink, make sure you see people every day (isolation is an enemy). Grief is deep & dark, but depression is a physical malfunction that can be beaten. Get outside that house & get your heart pumping; oxygenated blood is the best medicine for...well, many things. I know you don't feel like jogging or playing tennis or swimming, because not wanting to do anything is a symptom of depression. Make yourself do it anyway. If you can't summon the strength, have someone call you every morning & tell you to get up & get dressed & get outside. I always managed to get up if I knew someone was on the way over to take me to jazzercise, etc, somebody who wouldn't be embarrassed to bang on the door & holler at me to get my @ss out there. & go to your doctor: this is the year 2014, & there are sophisticated medicines out there these days to help you. Enlist some help; go to your family, friends, neighbors, church family, people at work, people you meet in the grocery store (seriously, I've found that saying "what a beautiful hairdo!" or "is that the best peanut butter?" provides a tiny little spark of human contact that really helps you to keep putting one foot in front of the other). & this may sound off the wall, but do something for someone else: it lifts the spirits & affirms...something, I don't know what. I do know that researchers have discovered that giving makes people happier than getting, or as our grandmothers said, it really is 'more blessed to give than to receive'. I wish you the very best, including a long & satisfying life, filled with the memories whose pain will fade in time, leaving only a sweet joy.

It was chocolate with homemade (not by me of course) vanilla frosting with exactly 12 chocolate sprinkles. Then I had the strawberry one as well buy failed to count the sprinkles as I felt too stressed at the time. I had two because the first one did not do the trick. PO1 I have no desire to add to my stressful life by contacting my dad's other children. We were not raised together. Maybe it isn't their fault but their biological mother locked me and my brother in a closet for days during our visits to my dad's. I was 8 the last time I let her close and lock the door on me. So no thanks. I have no need for reuniting and reliving the horror I sustained while my dad was married to their mother. I'm sure she abused them as well but they did move away with her and have continued to stay in the same area as her so I bet there is some loyalty to her, she is their mother. I know where they are. My sister keeps in touch with them. My sister and I are so different. She is best friends to this day with a girl who stole her bike, pushed her in the street and beat her face in. That girl would be no where near my face after that attack but my sister is forgiving. The same reason she tolerates my dad's inability to commit to being her father for longer than a week after 40 yrs. What surprises me is that she was 13 when he left and so she was very effected by it but she just has this need to know all of her blood biological relatives. The same way that she is attached to antiques and old pictures. I honestly don't care for the junk. I have no attachment to blood ties - maybe because I am 100% effected by being raised and loved by people who are not blood related to me. I have an entire family of non blood related people through my stepdad. My sister is not close to them because she was older but I was still in diapers. I don't feel the need to go off and find all of my dad's offspring. I'm sure there are more out there. He is good at reproducing. I just feel no attachment to them. Maybe I am weird but I just feel nothing. One half brother is dying. He has aids. He doesn't take care of himself. He prostetutes.. Why would I want to even say I'm related to someone that is possibly spreading a disease because he is ignorant and angry? I have NO desire. I dont care to know the other one either. The one time I did talk to him, he told me he remembered that I stole his toys. I was 5! He was still holding it against me. I had to steal something otherwise I was locked in a closet or not fed. I needed something to draw attention to myself! I have overcome that abuse. It never really defined me. I never really had issues. I was a great kid. So was my brother. My brother went on to serve our country freely and proudly for the last 17 years. So proud of him! We both overcame it and although I know it wasn't their fault what happened, I just don't want to bring that back in to my life. As far as my dad, I just don't know what I want right now. I considered writing him a letter and just calling it the end. No more contact. Move on. But the other part of me is scared I'll need his kidney one day. Actually that was a joke. I think putting it in writing makes it final. I don't want to hurt my dad. I don't want my words to burn into his eyeballs but I'm certain I just don't want a relationship with him. I just don't know if I want or need to tell him. I have nothing to get off my chest. I have told him all of the things I am sharing with you all, already. He knows it all and all he can do is say I'm sorry, again. I don't want him to say I am sorry. I know he is. I just have no interest. Do you think I'll change my mind as I get older? Not sure. JMT for the record, I agree with you 100%. I already said that and I don't think you need my approval but I completely get what you are saying. A bio parent that gives their child up for adoption is no more a deadbeat than a man who gave up his rights for the same reasons. Just because you both didn't give your child up doesn't change the circumstances. Maybe it would be different to PO1 if you BOTH gave the child up for adoption. Then you are selfless and did what was best for the child. For some reason we as a society say that because MOM kept the baby then dad should have to keep the baby too. But you have opened my eyes to that just isn't how it is nor should it be. I would probably have been so much better off had my dad just walked away and never looked back. Instead he wanted to drag us around to each girlfriend/new wife he had where I sustained abuse and guess what... Dad wasn't home anyway. He was always at work.

You stated that pregnancy, unlike cancer, is a choice, in response to my question as to whether it would be ok for a man to divorce his wife while his daughter was undergoing chemo. The implication in that statement is that the pregnancy WAS her fault. Of course I am a parent, and I was married for many years. I responded to your post originally because, in response to organic_maria who suggested that the divorce may have deeply affected the girl, you said you did not think that was not the case. Divorce ALWAYS affects children deeply, even in homes where there is a lot of conflict. I do not believe that excellent fathers divorce their spouses while their children are in crisis - no matter what their age or who is responsible. It is very rare that someone needs to leave right this second - unless the father was being physically abused by his wife. I believe that what the girl needed during her pregnancy was parents who were devoting most of their emotional energy toward her, rather than concentrating on a divorce and/or a new relationship. I have yet to meet anyone, no matter who filed, who did not find the process of divorce after a long term marriage to be emotionally draining. I believe that excellent parents do not date while they are still married, even in states like mine where it takes a lot longer than a few months to divorce when you have kids. I believe that excellent parents (and sensible people in general) do not remarry with a matter of months after divorce. I am sure you have read the axiom about 1 year of recovery for every 5 years of marriage. There is a lot of truth to that. Not only the parents, but the children also need time to recover before a stepparent is brought into their lives.

I did go to see the movie, and was not blown away by any means, but also not completely disappointed by it either. I was curious how they were going to apply the book so it made sense in a film version and I think they did the best they could. I went with two friends who did not read the book and both of them really enjoyed the movie. I explained to them that it was a "candy-coated" version of the book. Everything portrayed in a much lighter way than in the book. It lost a lot of the charm of the book but I wasn't upset by it like I usually am after reading a book and watching the film adaptation. I've seen far worse than this. Johngalt: As far as your issue with the wedding playing out with the older Henry, I think you forget that even when his future self is present in the past, that is the way the past happened, even if he isn't aware of it at the time. Remember that as Clare grows up she knows Henry without the present Henry being aware of it. He doesn't meet her until their 1991 meeting although she knows him intimately. So, even the first time around, the wedding occurred with the future Henry stepping in for the present Henry. Which is why Henry has no free will outside of what is happening to him at the moment. His future is decided as well as his past.