I am so sorry.

I don't know a thing that'll decrease the grief of losing someone or the initial pain.

& in a way I think that we all need to go through that fire because, as Queen Elizabeth said after 9/11, grief is the price we pay for love.

The deeper the love, the deeper the grief.

I also like what Kahlil Gibran said in "The Prophet":
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On Joy and Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
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I do think that you have every reason to live & to thrive:
you're expecting a grandchild, your son's child, *& you are the only person who can give that child the sense of his/her father as he was when he was a baby, a tot, a child, a teen, a young man, from your perspective as his mother.*

Your position in that baby's life is unique;
you are irreplaceable.

Your grandchild is the next link in your son's chain of life.
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My own experience with loss & grief has given me some perspective on practical things, such as:

don't expect that you will function as you did before, at least for the first year or maybe more.

Go easy on yourself; don't make demands of yourself.

Know that you'll have mostly dark days for a while, & that your grief will 'sneak attack' you.

You'll think everything's going fine, & you'll burst into tears.

Let them flow.

Don't make any life changes for at least a year, & I would guess 2 years would be better, given the closeness of the relationship.

We just aren't in full control of our moods for at least a year, & our moods trump our brain's logical process, so don't do anything for at least a year.

Don't sell the house,
don't buy a condo or a motor home or a boat,
don't sell all your stocks & clean out your bank account & move to Tahiti,
don't, if you're divorced or widowed, date. at all.

Don't do anything.
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I wish you the best.

Take care of yourself, be there as much as you can for your daughter-in-law, let her be there for you, & be there for that baby.

I lost my son too he was only 28 years old. A tragic death he had drug addiction & would run out in the middle of the night at times. He was involved in a hit & run on July 6, 2014 which is under investigation now. I've been out here trying to seek help by going to church, grief group, and a counselor. I have been very fortunate about 2 weeks after his death I saw his image for just a few seconds & my mother too saw him. I now have some peace of mind he is in Heaven with God & Jesus. My throughts & blessings to anyone who has lost a child.

Sylvia - what lovely words and the poem is very moving.

Your words will be a comfort to lots of people on this forum.

xx

My precious Daughter-in-law lost her mom suddenly just 2 months after her first child was born. Her mom came up to visit them on Mother's Day and left on a trip 2 days later. My son took loads of pictures that day. So thankful he did because she was gone 4 days later. I have tried really hard to keep her Mother in my granddaughter's life. I wrote her a letter and placed a picture of Rachael in her casket. I have a picture from that Mother's Day on my bulletin board on my computer desk. Rachael and I talk about her often. I love being Grandma to Rachael and I know her other Grandma would, too. I would love having her here to share our love with our granddaughter. Death is so hard. Sadly, most all of us have to face it in some way or another.

Staciet, I am deeply sorry for the loss of your son. I pray it gets easier as time passes. Enjoy your grandchild. Your son would love that..

How are you getting on 4 months on? Sadly our son Jamie, aged 20, died in a car accident on 24 September 2014.

I sometimes feel I am going mad, at other times feel overwhelmed other times just numb. Like you I cannot get my head around the fact that our last conversation was a normal jokey one and now he is gone and we didn't get to say goodbye. We have yet to have the Inquest so keep getting bounced back to day 1, we are having flashbacks etc... I cannot get my head around the fact that we will never see him again.