Reorganization mission: accomplished. Before I forget though I want to comment to ideefixe: I don't want to limit her reading by any means however, a lot of the junk is old old old and baby/toddler books. We jumped that hurdle first though by donating the baby books to friends and handing down the toddler books to her little brother/my son. She still has four shelves full of age appropriate books and she kept the books that were special to her like nursery rhyme books that are signed by grandparents etc. I did most of the reorganizing without her. She started helping and became overwhelmed and asked me to just do it for her. She has three decorative buckets that were full of 'stuff' I asked her to go to another room to sort through them and she can back with two empty buckets and one 1/2 full of what she wanted to keep. We went through her jewelry and threw away what didn't have a match or what was really old. We made a necklace hanger and hung up all of her necklaces and a bow hanger for all of her hair bows and moved ALL of her other hair accessories to a 'handmade' box As suggested by jlt above and put clippies and bands Into baggies so their easier to find. Took pictures of her most recent 'box' collection and she threw them away herself. I let her keep a box she had used to make a 'puppet' show stage but we found a place in her closet. I cleaned out he clothes of what she can't wear and organized them as I normally do. We didn't get rid of any stuffed animals, she organized them in a large tote in her closet and what appeared to be just a huge stack of junk wa a bunch of hand-me-down purses from grandma. We bought a tote to store all of the purses and she can get them out if she wants but the new rule is, they have to be put away when she is done. Organized her baby doll stuff and ended up with one large basket and one tote with a lid and I'm happy with that. Organized her game/movie collection on a freed up shelf on her book case and that made her tv stand look so much better. Her desk is cleaned off minus her lamp and laptop. Bought her a HUGE pencil box for her pens and pencils to keep on her desk. Got her a three drawer rolling cart for all of her art supplies and crafty stuff and threw away the boxes some of the stuff came in. It looks fabulous!! We hung up several of her art pieces and put all the others in an under the bed tote. Even got one for my son. She is Proud of her 'art collection' box. Thanks for all of the ideas. I was able to vacuum without Moving anything. The floor is cleaned up and everything is where is should be. She said she feels so much better and is so proud of her room. It's only day 1 so we'll see how long it lasts... But I think she is so proud it will stay organized for a while. I am a bit OCD ... And I don't want to push that off on her. As I do respect that she is very much an artist and understand that artists are cluttered and unorganized just not in their own minds. But I think everyone works better when they can see their desk... And surely they sleep better when they can find their bed...

"Why is it wrong for a 10 year old to want to buy underwear at a store that she knows has the undies that her peers like? I am curious about what bathing suits your young girls wear...." Because it is not age appropriate for ten years olds to be concerned about their underwear. They are not teenagers, they are ten year olds. Wanting to look like other kids (ie shoes) is one thing but 10 year olds do not dress out for gym, hopefully they are not flashing their undies, they are still children. Where I live we have 10 year olds engaging in sexual activities. And you can always trace it back to one or another of these things. No father taking an active role in his DD's life,hoochie mama parent, or a well meaning mom who is encouraging her lil darlin to be a lil teenager (how cute) far too soon. As for swim wear my DD always wore bikinis. Age appropriate bikinis meaning no high cut legs, no pubes hanging out the bottom and a fully covered booty. She started wearing suits with a contoured bra at the same time she needed a realbra. Not at size 6x which used to mean between a size 6 and 7 not what some moms seem to think it means today....a little girl running around with the word "hottie or juicy" on her butt is not cute...she's prey.

Hi Vesters. So many things you wrote struck a chord with me as we experienced the same issues with my SD, who is now 14. We've had custody of her since she was 5, after gaining emergency and then full custody though a very nasty battle. After DH and his ex divorced SM moved SD hours away. SD began sleeping in her bed, showering with her, being completely dependent on her mom. BM thrived on this - it made her feel needed and important. SD couldn't (or wouldn't) do or try anything on her own. SD became BM's 'bff' and confidant - all at the mature age of 3. This continued until BM found a boyfriend, and then SD was kicked into her own bed in her own room on a different floor and told to go to sleep. Once that relationship ended SD was needed again and back in BM's bed, all the while hearing about BM's relationship woes. Fast forward a few years. We have custody, SD sees her mom EOW. She's still trying to have SD sleep with her (between boyfriends) and be dependent on her. The 'bff' behavior is worsening and we're hearing all about BM's love life from SD. SD is getting stomach aches right before visitations and worrying about how to take care of her mom. All so appropriate for a mother/daughter relationship. And then there was. . . "BM also used to say things to SD (right after I came on the scene) like, "I'd never let a man come between us" and "You're the only one I need" which sounds innocent enough, but it was very much meant as a "look at your father, moving on with his life, I'll never let that happen to us." I could have written that. BM is always saying this. . . in between the men in her life. But what SD figured out about 2 years ago is that her mom is full of sh@t. She started to see all these behaviors factored around her mom and what her mom needed on her mom's schedule. She was blinded by the 'my mom needs me' and 'my mom loves me best' until then, but with the help of her counselor and a little maturity she started to figure it out. I won't say she doesn't fall back into buying her mom's crud every now and again, but for the main part she can she the behavior for who it is really about - mom, not SD. I tell you all this so you know you are not alone, and also to give you hope. Your SD needs help, and she needs her dad to help her receive it, but she can recover from this. I will tell you one thing SD's counselor shared with us that was helpful for SD and for our tongues as we weren't biting them so hard. When you say "I'm always a little uncomfortable when she talks so openly about her BM with me (because I know the "real deal"), yet I'm always very careful to make sure I speak loving and positively about her ." you need to stop. This doesn't mean speak negatively, but you don't have to put a good spin on bad actions. Don't try to make mom's bad action ok. Don't make excuses for her. Listen to SD, let her know you understand why she would be upset, help her with generalized, non leading questions discover why she's upset, but don't then tell her it's all ok and mommy knows best. Later, when she figures out mommy doesn't, you will be seen as a liar. It's ok to say sometimes mommy's get confused, or mommy's make mistakes. This is likely better pronounced by DH at first, but you need to know that you don't have to be positive. Just don't be negative, if you get what I mean. :-) Good luck. Keep us updated, and keep your chin up. You are doing the right thing.

Mary Why not collect the rain water? (I won't pay for water to water the plants). I have 5 rain barrels. Even with well ('free water'), I still use rain water - I just can't see letting it all soak in the ground, if I have plants that may need it. Even if you just start with large bottle from bought water (few gal), that would be good. I have done that too, cutting a top off to make kind of funnel, and slipping it into another, bigger bottle opening (I put piece of mosquito/window screen over the inserted opening so not to get mosquitos in it). First rain barrel I got was free from freecycle...didn't have any top, but I just fastened a piece of screen over the top. I bought spout and inserted it about 1.5-2" from the bottom of barrel, attached a hose and 5 yrs later, I am still using it. If you do something like this, don't forget to poke (drill) a hole near the top for overflow. I glued small piece of screen over it too. Even plastic (food grade) bucket will work (cover with screen and no funnel needed). I get those free from deli stores, they have things like pickles delivered in them...vinegar smell is gone in no time. You can see I am cheepo...I rather spend $$$ on new plants, and things like lights. Farm supply store should have chicken grit (#2 size - grower) for under $10/50lb. Don't get the smallest (chick) or bigger (hen). Check if they carry perlite, and/or turface -probably not, but it's worth asking. Dry Stall is something many use (very similar to turface I think), but I don't have personal experience with it. Any container you'll use should have drainage holes. Put little piece of screen over it to stop mix from falling out. I use plastic - mainly because of weight, but terracotta is great (and try to get them on freecycle too). Rina