It's so easy to hate ourselves, to blame ourselves when things go wrong. The truth is that we're not powerful enough to stop people from dying.

You obviously loved your mother deeply, and still do. I guarantee she knew this when she was on this earth, and she knows it still. I can't tell you that the hole in your life will be filled, but please know that it will get better with time. It might help to be open to signs from your mom. Meanwhile, you have a son and others who need you. Let them keep you going for now.

Post here often.

Susan

You were harder on her probably because you were the most alike - just like my father and I, so wanted to see the best in her, which she maybe could only give to any of you in pieces, but don't ever think you didn't love each other, or that she didn't know you cared... from the sound of your note, she had to know. Life never seems to be fair, to match up the good and bad in equal amounts, but your mother being older I'm sure was also wiser, and knew it and didn't hold it against you or anyone else. You did your best, and that's all anyone ever can do. But I'm very sorry, it is much harder when it's so unexpected. Your children will manage just fine - hard as it is to accept, their memories are short (the younger they are) and they have you to help them.

There should be a grief counselor, group, available to attend. You cannot overcome this by yourself. Look in the paper, phone book, ask at the hospital, YMCA, some churches. You may not find the right one at first, but give them a try out. You might start making a scrapbook, or journal of memories, pictures and thoughts for you son when he gets older. At 3, they do forget easy and you will be angry over this. Counseling is good.

Honey, there isn't a child alive whose parent(s) have died who doesn't have some regrets. Even the kids who were pretty near perfect can dredge up something to feel guilty about.
My mother and I were nit picking at each other the day she died. She had climbed up on a stool to restart her Regulator clock and I found out....well, of course a lecture from me ensued. I was also on to her about eating too much chocolate...her health had started to go downhill, she had been in hospital and rehab and I was determined to fix her. She was 89 years old. I made our supper and brought it in to our TV trays , she said "Oh, you filled my glass too full...", crabbily. I took the glass back, poured some out and then set it down a little hard on her tray. We took a few bites and I was surfing the TV channels, I said to her, "There is nothing on TV", she said back, "I know it".
Out of the corner of my eye I saw her head droop down, her breath was coming out in little puffs, and she dropped her fork. She was instantly dead, I called 911, did CPR, etc., the guys got there right away but it was no use.
It took me a very long time to get over the fact that our last day together ended like that. One of my daughters said Granny knew you loved her and you know she loved you...that's all that matters. And it really is. We never know when our last earthly time will be with our loved ones, and since we are just living our daily lives in our regular way, not everything is going to come out perfect. I am sure your mom loved you and you loved her, and you both knew it, so accept that you are an imperfect human being with flaws and forgive yourself. You didn't do anything bad, and you definitely did not cause your mom to die of a heart attack. Like the doctor in emergency said to me when I said, oh, if I had just done this, or done that....he said "Don't even start that...it was just your mother's time, and nothing you could have done would have changed that."
Please don't torture your Mama's little girl, that's the last thing she would have wanted. Do go for some group counseling...it helps to talk to others who are hurting the way you are, because they understand. A professional would be good, as well.
God Bless, and take care.

Drizzt, I'm so sorry you lost your dear mother and for all the heartbreak you are suffering. Others here have offered you wonderful advice. Come back and re-read their words from time to time. It will help.

You have my deepest sympathy. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

It's a VERY common experience to feel some type of guilt when a person dies - that doesn't mean you actually did anything so terrible. There are no perfect people in this world, we have all done or said (or not done and said) something that we wish had been different.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's tough and you have a lot of emotions running through you right now but please try not to hate yourself. It only makes matters worse. Just know that your mom loved you and KNEW how much you loved her. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself.

You did your best, and if you think you didn't you can't change that now.

You know what you can do to feel better ?

Learn from your experiences, and be the best mum in the world to your children, do that for your mum and for yourself and for your children.

Life goes on, and you can be happy again, hugs to your children, find joy and happiness in them, this will keep you going.

When I lost my mum, I spoiled my son, a bit, it made me feel so much better, to do something for him. I was really doing it to make me feel better.

I used to buy myself fresh flowers, I used to look for the beauty in things, in nature, in art, in my children's faces. Hugging and touching others is very good for you, as well. Go for walks in lovely places.

I know its so hard, the loss is unbearable at times, but keep going, because things do get easier.

Popi