I am new to this forum and I had to join because I have no one else to talk to. My father died on Sept. 14th 2010, mthe day before my birthday in ICU from 2nd heart attack. He and I got very close over the past 3 years because I was the only one left helping him get through a divorce and fighting for his 2 young children 16 and 11. My step mom used his previous disability against him through the divorce. My blood sister was on drugs and hasnt been helpful before he died or after. I was the one to hold his hand while he was dying in the hospital and come to every visit. My sister came the first night in ICU, then left me all alone to go through this. I knew he was dying, I could tell he was in pain and the doctors were not promising at all. I could tell even when a doctor would try to give me hope that there was none. I watched his body shut down, I watched him swell up from fluids and sweat but he was very cold. I knew it. I stayed with him til 12am in ICU but then had to get some rest, got a call in the morning that he had a second heart attack and they put him on a respirator, which was not supposed to happen I had a living WILL and they were not supposed to resuscitate. I told them that this is not what he wanted as I came to the hospital and went to ICU no one told me he died. I saw him on breathing machine but thought he was still alive because his chest was moving up and down. I gave him a kiss on the head and held his hand thinking he was still alive, 2 minutes later a nurse came in and said he passed6 minutes ago, I was so sick to my stomach, i actually collapsed on the ground. I dont know how to get that last image out of my head when I saw him dead once I was told. I have no one helping me and I dont even see my half brother and sister because my step mother kept trying to use them so she could get more money from me. The minute I didnt pay, I was not part of their lives any more, but when she thought I would, they saw me every day and she pretended like we are all family. See my dad left me more than all other children because my step mom hadd already received half from divorce. She didnt think I deserved one of the higher life insurance policies. I have no one left on my dads side. I cry all of a sudden. I dont kknow how to deal with this and cant imagine going on withhout him. I cant tell him good news any more or listen to his good advice. He prepared me well in life and taught me a lot but there was still so much more to learn. How do I keep moving forward. I have several of his voice mails and i listen to them just to hear his voice. I miss him so much. I am also the Executor of the estate so there is so much more to do with his death. Im so tired and wish I could get his advice. I wish I would get a sign from him and I havvent and my blood sister has a life insurance policy she will probably overdose because of her drug use and now on top of how she was before, she is worse now because she cant cope with nnot being there for him while he was dying in ICU. Please someone help me with good advice