Dani, I am so very sorry. 61 was so young. I can tell you that every person handles it differently, but there are no magic tricks. I still break down after 3 years from losing my mom. I've alternated being mad at God, and then thanking him for the extra year he gave me with my mom, and then hating him again. I want her back. I want her back. Time does diminish the pain a bit. It really is like a scab over an open wound. You still have the hurt, but it isn't as fresh or severe. Grief is the price we pay for love I'm told. It's the other side of the same coin. Look for signs from your dad. I got several from my mom, so I KNOW there is another side and we will be reunited when it is time. Take care of yourself and cry when you need to. Know there is someone here you can talk to.

Duane

Hi Dani, I am sorry for your loss but happy to know that you had such a great relationship with your Dad. People are right: time does make a loss more manageable. I also found that focusing on the postives of your relationship and trying everyday to finish the things your Dad may have wanted you to finish for him are great things to ease the pain.

I will tell you that there is not a day go by that I do not think of my Dad. I focus on the things we did together and I demonstrate to him that I practice the things he taught me like helping others, speaking the truth in gentle ways and being supportive in good times, but especially in bad times.

Good luck to you. And btw, this is a life journey......my Dad passed away in 1969.

I'm so sorry.

Going back to your normal life actually helps;
there aren't so many silent "gaps" in your thoughts that give sadness an opening.

Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with anyone else who had sustained such a loss.

My Dad died June 7th due to quick liver cancer. My Mom and Dad were in the process of building a new house and getting ready for retirement. I lived with them which was good for both me and them. He was going to be 61 in July. Trying to live your life as normally as possible is the best way to cope with this kind of trajedy. Its hard I sure know that. Mom and I are in the new house now and things are better. But there isnt a day when I dont give a passing thought to him. Its normal.

Sorry for your loss Dani, I can't tell you the answer to ending the pain because I am going through it from losing my brother 4mths. ago. 1 thing for sure, being in this forum helps keep the calm for the present.

Keep posting if it helps you
Praying helps too. I wasn't much of a person of faith until after my brother died, we were so close like twins that I was totally alienated and a shutin after he left. I have just recently been able to go out for food and necessities although not feeling comfortable I did it. I find that learning about faith and trying to practice it gives me alittle feeling of not being totally alone which helps for the present time being.

Keep posting and take care of yourself

*hugs* I do know your pain. I hope this makes you feel better.
My dad died in 1998, at age 49, just a few months before turning 50. I was 20. He always knew he wouldn't see social security, but he had some funny excuses as to why that would be. He died of a brain aneurysm, mercifully for him. Just dropped, taken to the hospital, airlifted to another, had surgeons look at him and advise us to pull the plug. I was his 'little girl.'
Thankfully, he left us with a gift- his humor. I laugh through EVERYTHING and it's the only way I have been able to survive. I now have children who have never met him on earth. But he has 'come to me,' in ways, when I've been afraid. Not always, but I have felt his presence.
The pain doesn't last forever- it may come and go. But those good memories- THOSE last!
Sending you love and hugs!

I lost my Dad to Cancer 11 months ago he would have been 67,Since he left I feel scared lost and so alone,it seems like no pain in the world could compare to the pain I go through when im alone in my room and suddenly I have these bursts of images of him in my head.We didnt have the greatest relationship I was always trying to prove myself and always seemed to fail He would create new opportunities for me and no matter how badly i fell flat on my Face he always seemed to say dont worry My boy we will try again.Though he never showed it i knew he wanted something special for me ...........
Im so confused now because my patterns haven't changed and im a grown man still but I feel like a little boy lost and all alone and not knowing where to turn because his dad is gone and now facing the world without him is the scariest thought in the world.You know i have had relationship issues and problems in the past and even though he wasnt able to solve them He was my Dad and he was there for me and it comforting, because I was his son and now his gone I dont know where i belong :( my hearts so sore as im writing this the tears are streaming down my cheeks sometimes the pain is so much i feel in my chest ............ i am 37 years old and im a man but you know what I was Allans Son for me that stood for something special I was proud of my Dad though i never always told him We made peace before his quick passing He was so worried about me when he learnt he had cancer How selfless is that I guess in life sometimes our hardest lessons are being learned when The Living arent Here to say its ok My Boy dont worry we will try again

dani,
i am so sorry to hear that. You are concerned that your dad won't be around to see all those major events in your life. i don't even know what to say.
if you are on msn, add me so we can chat: syoks@hotmail.com
and please include a note saying you are dani from gardenweb. Joseph.

I just lost my dad a couple of weeks ago. Those things you are feeling about your dad not being with you during those special times, I was thinking the same thing. I believe times like this make you develop as a human being and its an opportunity to see yourself overcome a difficult situation. I will pray for you, I really will, right now actually. But stay as strong as you can and know its okay to grieve.

Hello there. I'm really sorry for the loss of your dad. I mean, come on, we all lose our loved ones everytime, right? And cheer up, you may not know, in future, many great things will happen. =) So, cheer up, k?

I have not lost my dad but my Mom lost hers when I was in high school. I don't think you ever truly get over the loss of a parent. My Mom has said that sometimes on the not so good days it's a little like feeling orphaned - and she's in her sixties. For many of us, our parents are who we turn to, they are the ones that you know regardless will always be there. I am so very sorry for your loss.