I miss my dad terribly.
gilda77
8 years ago
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Miss my dad... not doing as well as I thought...
Comments (2)My dad died May 2nd of last year. He was just 8 days short of his 96th birthday. Couple of weeks before he told me to look at him & said I don't want you to mourn me but it's OK to "miss me" Such comforting words that I often think about. I lost my hubby when he was 48 so that was so difficult as he was my best friend & so young. Your age may make it harder & your dad's age or sudden passing but all you felt is not unusual at all. You can see someone from behind walking & think, oh, there he is & then realize it can't be & you may flush in embarrassment. Couple of songs at church make me kind of teary & if at end of service I just say, oh, that song reminds me of my dad(or hubby) can hear it time & again & OK but then suddenly it gets to you. This will happen from time to time & best to just tell the person, "you remind me so much of my dad or that was my dad's name" the person will understand. It will get better with time your loss is very fresh & will be several months before you feel like you are even back in the world. I said it was like being thrown on a stage & told you had to go through this awful play & all you want is out of there & to go crawl in bed! I was 42 when he died at work. Nothing is real I think that is how most people feel at 1st. If your dad had a long illness then you might have an easier time as you have already been grieving. That's why my dad's was easier to take & his advanced age. I'm sure others will come on so keep checking back. It's a day by day thing & try to live as normally as you can. Lunch with a friends, movie with someone etc. Just sit & watch people shop. Better to get out than to hibernate that can get dangerous for your health as you quit eating, social engagements etc. Don't let that happen. Life does go on & it is up to you to pull yourself along & get to point where things are better & finally enjoyable. Doesn't mean you forget them. Your dad would want you to be happy!!...See MoreI miss my dad so much, i dont know how to live like this
Comments (2)Oh, (((Jill))) I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I just posted my story & noticed yours. Your grief is still so new...mine is 21 months old after losing my 27-year old son. These first few days, weeks & months (for me anyway) will be a foggy blur. You do things because they are automatic. I remember feeling SO angry when I had to take the first shower afterward. "WHY do I still need to bathe!?! EAT??? Why is everyone just going around like nothing has happened, don't they KNOW!?!" That numbness carried me through plus I had family here that I needed to cook for, watch grands, prepare for funeral, all of it. I remember finally falling into bed several nights later & finally just letting go on hubby's shoulder. We had to be strong for daughter-in-law, 3 grands & her family. You cannot be responsible for what other family members do or do not do. Just focus on what you need to do and don't let anyone or anything keep you from what you need to do. I remember listening to my son's cell phone message over & over just to hear his voice. That's normal & to be expected. Your tears will come & go. I remember when I laughed the first time, I felt guilty. We gathered at a close friend's house after the funeral and had a wonderful family & friend time together. We had to drive 300 miles to Anchorage from Valdez, Alaska so it was quite the challenge to arrange things from afar. Just take it one day at a time...every day will be different. Do you have any type of support group, church, minister or someone you can talk to? I think just coming here will be good for you. This is the first time I've been able to 'talk' to someone about what happened to us outside of our immediate family. Just keep talking to us...letting us know how you are doing. If you want to read my story, it's right above yours for now. You take care, Jill...again, I'm SO sorry for your pain. Please keep us posted on how it's going. HUGS...See MoreMy Dad is dying...
Comments (12)Sharon, I am so sorry for you and your family. I lost my dad in April; he had just turned 72. He had liver cancer, and lasted only 4 months from the time he was diagnosed. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but what I can tell you is that you may feel a sense of relief when your dad passes. Of course you will still grieve for him and miss him, but knowing that he is no longer suffering may bring you some peace; it did for me. I still miss my dad terribly, but I think he is watching over me and my family. Two weeks ago my husband totalled my car when he tried to avoid some debris on the highway. He walked away with minor srcatches- it was a miracle. I really think my dad helped him out. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time....See MoreI want a relationship with my Dad
Comments (31)sunnygardenerme...I have tried to be nice to her. I do give her hugs when I arrive. I do compliment the meals she cooks. She is a very good cook. However, it as though she cannot help herself but to pick a fight everytime I am around. Things always have to go her way. She always feels as though she is entitled to set the agenda and I am not willing to compromise on some things. My time there is precious and limited and I want to do the things that are important and entertaining to me. Often she will insist we go to the movies (I feel that going to the movies is a waste of time when time is limited), or she wants to play Texas Hold'em (I don't enjoy poker). She lets her dogs jump up on me when she knows that I really don't like them, she brings up and trys to justify why she treated me the way she did when we first met, which I have always felt was unjustifiable and unacceptable and is sure to start an arguement. The only solution is to bring a friend with me when I do go there and to only stay for 2-3 days MAX. She trys a little harder to behave herself when there are other people around. The problem with that is when I do bring friends and stay for only a few days, I still don't get any time to really relate or spend time with my dad and then my dad complains to me that I am the one who is not trying to have a relationship. He says that I only come to his house as if I am "passing through" and my real visit it with my cousin/his niece. I guess that he is partially right. I enjoy the time that I spend with my cousin, she is like a sister to me and I feel comfortable when I am staying at her place. She lives in Denver and he lives 2 hours from Denver, so I have to travel from the city/airport when I do go to his place. It would be easier for me to just stay in the city, so it is not accurate to say that I am just "passing through". I do think that my dad loves her and I have never said otherwise. I have no intention or hope of splitting them up. I want my dad to be happy, and if she makes him happy then I am glad. I don't think that he should have to split with her in order to visit me without bringing her along. Those are HER conditions, not mine. It truly doesn't make sense to me why she would want to come along other than the obvious control thing. If I were her and I didn't get along with my husband's children, I would encourage him to spend time with them without subjecting myself or them to the discomfort of being around somebody I didn't get along with. I actually do get along with my boyfriend's family and I still encourage him to also spend time with them when I am not around and he does the same for me....See Moregilda77
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