Maybe you could treat it like budget weddings sometimes do, with an open bar for a specific amount of time before dinner and than order a few bottles, maybe a red and a white for on the table and let those who want more to drink belly up to the bar on their own dime. Just a thought or go to a BYO resteraunt if there are any in you area that offer good food.

You could go to a BYOB and provide a few bottles of wine or champagne and invite the guests to bring their own.

Do you have a restaurant that has private dining? You may be able to set up a package of limited menu and types of drinks available.

The easiest way to control how much your guests drink is to host at home and serve punch. Punch with a bit of alcohol and a lot of fruit juice/soda in it. Or you can host at home and just not serve alcohol.

If you have the dinner at a restaurant, you can ask if the restaurant will serve a set menu for you--you pick out 3 or 4 apps, entrees and desserts and the guests get to pick from those, not the entire menu that the restaurant offers. Many restaurants will print up small menu cards for each guest. You can then include the drink offerings on the menu--water, soda, fruit juice, coffee, tea, red wine, white wine and maybe a "specialty" drink--one mixed drink, like an appletini or something. If the guest want other drinks, they would have to go to the bar and pay for the drinks themselves.

Also, since this is a work-related event, you could arrange with the restaurant to have drink tickets. Each guest gets two tickets each. Once those tickets are used, they have to pay for their own liquor. I wouldn't suggest this for a private event, but that's not what this is.

At my office holiday party, the owners of the company do what roarah suggests--the first hour, there's an open bar. After that, everyone pays for their own alcohol, soda and fruit juice and coffee are free.

Oh, and I'd like to add that I'm pretty surprised at your employees and their spouses. I can't imagine getting tipsy at a work related event--what message would that send to my boss? And the blatant taking advantage of your hospitality and ordering drink after drink (and probably the expensive stuff, too)? Also not a good message to send to one's employer.

I never have more than one alcoholic drink at a work event mine or my date's. It is simply not worth the potential harm it could do.

You could also just have a catered lunch at the office with wonderful sandwiches and such and give your employee a nice going away bonus instead. This way it's really for her.

I think if you really plan everything out ahead of time you'll avoid any trouble. If you just say "Let's go to dinner'" then you're leaving yourself open for ANY direction that the party might veer toward.

At my husband's company we do Christmas parties for about 30 people. We use a private room in a nice restaraunt. As people come in they are given two drink tickets. A waiter comes arounds with appetizers and takes drink orders. The meal is a buffet set up in the room or choices from a predetermined menu. There is a specifc time period, say 7-10, but people are welcome to stay longer if they want. We usually leave right at the end of the time period to avoid any potential drunken drama.

It's pretty rude that a guest would take advantage; however, if it were me and it truly wouldn't break the bank, I would just let them order what they want.

You could just be honest and say, "We are happy to take care of the meal but you will be responsible for your drinks."

Who would object to that?

I don't have any suggestions, and not trying to be a wet blanket, but after reading what you wrote about the behavior of some of the spouses the first thing that popped into my mind was 'liability' (insurance background, albeit rusty). Here is an article addressed to dentists about this situation: Best practices for employer-sponsored events

I'd just say drinks are not included and let everyone buy their own but I'm not a drinker and am not real comfortable being around a lot of people who are so it's probably not the best advise.

What about letting the staff know we'll be paying for the retiree and her husband and separate checks for the other couples?

I would not do that. It seems cheap and tightwaddy, do something else entirely if that is the only option.

I don't know exactly how I feel about the alcohol thing, but the suggestions about letting everyone pay for their own drinks seems best to me.
There's a part of me that thinks whatever you do should be classy, if going out for dinner is too much, then do a great bbq at a park or something.

Let everyone know in advance that dinner is on your, alcohol is not. Arrange in advance for those who want alcohol to be able to run an individual bar tab. If the restaurant won't do that, ask if the server can direct people to the bar to buy drinks. As someone who likes to have wine with dinner, I wouldn't mind doing that. It might also relieve you of responsibility in the event of an accident afterwards - just guessing here, don't know the law on this.

Does it have to be evening? There are some really nice places in our area that do a very classy Sunday brunch, a lot of people use them for events or holidays. A couple of them are country clubs with an intimate atmosphere. It's always a treat to go. That way you're paying a per person rate (no surprises), there's more than enough variety of food & desserts (the desserts are exquisite, lol). Either no alcohol included or maybe you can have just a glass of champagne to offer a toast? I want to say our favorite place includes non-alcoholic beverages with the meal price, bar tabs are separate. We usually spend a couple hours, done by 2ish. I think most places end their brunches by mid-day anyway. Plenty of time to linger but that time of day most people aren't lingering over drinks like they would an evening meal? Not with us anyway. The men are usually ready to head home for a nap and catch a ball game after all that good food. Odds are they won't imbibe beforehand like the article mentioned because it's too early. (Unless they're of the "it's 4 o'clock somewhere" mindset. ;)

I've been a waitress/bartender for years and also own a small company where we have done some entertaining with our stockholders and directors.

In the restaurants I've worked in the drink ticket option works well. Generally these are holiday parties for large groups of employees, many who are professional partiers. They wheel and deal the tickets and do the best they can to get as much booze and food as they can. Add that to their drug use and the liability is through the roof. I usually don't stay long and hope nobody gets hurt.

In throwing the parties, we like doing a lunch/brunch. Our company peeps aren't big drinkers so it is never a problem. We have it in our home with white wine, beer and champagne. The group is small so it is simple. Brunch is nice because you can offer mimosas, or bloody marys made ahead (weak!). I do that at our family Christmas party. I make a giant batch of "winter white" cosmos for the older ladies and they can't tell that they are weak because I use a lot of white cranberry juice.

I live it Massachusetts where the liquor liability laws are quite strict. DH and I have been in the business for many years and are all to aware of the consequences. One of the main reasons I want out!

Do you think you could do a lunch/brunch? We do lobster salad (cheap from the restaurant connections), chicken salad, fruit salad, a green salad and some fresh croissants. Then dessert and coffee. If you stop pouring/run out of champagne and Marys, they have to stop, right?

Good luck! I'm interested in hearing what you end up doing.

Beth P.

Yes, do a brunch, though some people may actually bring their own drinks. Another option would be to take just the employees out to somewhere like a crepe restaurant (for lunch), or maybe a BYOB place (Thai restaurants often are).

We generally drink only beer or wine at home, as a rule we don't have the 'hard stuff' here, since we rarely drink. So when we host parties that's all we have on hand. Our guests don't seem to mind, and those that DO want a cocktail will bring their own, since we'll have simple mixers (soft drinks) on hand.

I think I'd lean toward an early in the day event, that pretty much assures a lot less drinking.

I don't know what your office circumstances are, but could you close for a longer lunchtime and have a catered luncheon brought in, or go out for a nice lunch close by? That eliminates the alcohol issue in the office or out, as it is lunchtime and no one should go back to the office and work having had alcohol.

I have to be honest and say that I don't see why spouses are included. It is an employee event, not a holiday party.

Have it at lunchtime and there is no reason to expect that spouses would be a part of the event.

I agree w/Les on the spouses part of this equation -- why do you want to include them? Do you frequently socialize together off-work? Is the woman who is leaving also leaving the area? (tho I dunno why this would make a difference but I just thought I'd ask.)

I also would not do the ticket thing. It screams stingy to me. (And I completely understand the financial implications of NOT doing anything to limit the liquor tab, don't get me wrong). In a big corporate party situation, it might be OK, because people just laugh it off as "corporate being cheap," but when you're dealing with only a few people, you're the face of people's jokes about it.

So I wouldn't do a dinner. I'd consider either a slightly longer lunch period -- is that doable with your business? -- or a weekend brunch.

With a catered lunch (Chinese? Boston Market-type place?), you don't have the cost of spouses, you don't have the liquor situation (you don't have to worry about them driving after drinking and you can shift that saved liquor money to scrumptious desserts!)

If you are willing to spend more, then the brunch is an opportunity to invite the spouses, if you feel you really want to. And during brunch, as other posters have said, there's really not a LOT of the hard liquor being served (other than traditional brunch drinks), as opposed to a dinner out.

But even with brunches, I wouldn't automatically feel that you have to pay for more than the woman who's leaving and her significant other. For a brunch a few years ago for a co-worker (can't recall if the person was getting married or leaving), we each paid our own tab but chipped in to pay for that co-worker and his gal, as well as a going-away gift.

The reason for including the spouses is that the other employees asked they be included. And that's because they have become close social friends as well as close office associates. Yes, she is moving away, so this is a good-by as well as a retiring.

Settled.....we're having everybody over for a cookout and serving beer. It will be casual and easy to manage.

Thanks for all of your suggestions.

M.

I think that's a great idea! Hope it all goes well.

A graceful solution that is warm, friendly, and by its very nature, avoids the problem -- Perfect!

Sounds like a plan.

Sounds good. It will be easier for her to mingle too.