Wanted to thank book recommenders

nancybee_2010

13 years ago

I couldn't find the thread, but I read and enjoyed "Dead End Gene Pool" recommended by someone here, and have bought "Moloka'i", also recommended by someone here, and am looking forward to reading it next. Thank you!

I would like to recommend "Dirty Secret" by Jessica Sholl- a memoir- her mom was a terrible hoarder. I am now reading "Breaking Night" by Liz Murray- also a memoir. Her parents were drug addicts. Very uplifting- she ended up going to Harvard. I think there was a TV movie about her.

These are for those of you who like dark memoirs.

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Comments (26)

Oakley
13 years ago
I love memoirs, but usually on famous people.

I'm reading "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." Even though I disagree with the author who is Chinese, on how to raise her children, it's extremely informative. So much so I want to buy another book on the subject.
nancybee_2010
Original Author
13 years ago
I heard about that book, Oakley. Now I want to read it too.
Did you think the mom was just too pushy and demanding?
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tikilyn, in response to you question about what is "inefficient" about the kitchen... The main problem is that you've stuck in what is sometimes referred to on the Gardenweb kitchens forum as a "barrier island." Basically that means, you can't walk between sink and fridge, or between fridge and stovetop , or between sink and wall oven, without having to walk AROUND the island. It is a barrier to straight line travel between those points that you most often have to reach. Those who actually cook full meals in their kitchens (as opposed to just heating something up in the microwave 95% of the time) find barrier islands to be INTENSELY inefficient and annoying. It seems like everyone wants a kitchen island because they just look so "cool" and "modern." All of the kitchen design magazines feature them prominently on the front covers till it seems like, if your kitchen doesn't have an island, well you just might as well face it, you're a total loser. LOL! In reality, properly planned so that the island is to one side of what used to be called the "work triangle," a kitchen island can be a joy. But, poorly planned so that it IMPEDES your work, a kitchen island can turn out to be the bane of a cook's existence! I deliberately chose NOT to have a kitchen island and I couldn't be happier. I have a large L shaped peninsula that serves the same purpose as far as giving company a place to gather and giving a fabulous "bar" for serving purposes and for casual meals. But my work triangle is totally "barrier" free. Before you finalize you plans, do spend some time reading on the kitchen forum and post your kitchen plans there for feedback. There are some folks there with a huge amount of experience with kitchen design and they are very willing to offer advice. They can help you achieve not only a beautiful looking kitchen but also on that works beautifully! Next, beyond the whole kitchen thing, while I realize that your current plan is just a rough sketch, there are a couple of other things that I think you should take into account before getting too attached to it. (I won't bug you about the front-facing garage b/c we've already gone over that before on another thread and you've said your DH WANTS a front facing garage - so that's settled. ) 1) That powder room near the front foyer you have in your new plan is simply not deep enough to have the toilet and sink face-to face-like that. Men need a certain amount of room in front of a toilet to stand and aim. In your currently designed powder room, a guy would either have to stand to one side of the toilet (heaven help your walls!) or press his backside up against your vanity sink. NOT good! A 5 x 5 powderroom will fit a toilet and sink side-by-side with an entry door on an adjacent wall. For a face-to-face sink and toilet with a door on the wall between them, the room can be a narrow as 3 feet but it needs to be at least 6.5 foot long - and even then the door will need to open outward or it'll be nearly impossible to get into/out of the room. 2)And regarding the placement of that powder room... I suspect that many of your guests are going to feel very very uncomfortable using a powder-room that basically opens up directly into the Living Room. When a toilet is too close to a living area or another room where guests actually gather and linger, there is a concern (sometimes unconscious) that any noises made in the bathroom might be heard by other guests. Even worse, no one wants to worry that, if they make a bit of a stinky, someone in the adjoining room will smell it when they open the powder room door. Many people don't even like using a powder room where the flushing toilet can be heard from the public rooms. Having powder-rooms open off of a hallway where no one lingers helps to avoid these concerns. Guests may never say anything to you about how your powderroom makes them uncomfortable. Instead, they'll just shorten their visits so that they can head home (or to the nearest corner gas station) before they really NEED to use your PR. Strongly suggest that you find a less conspicuous location for the powder room. 3) If the bathroom for bedroom 1 is not going to be shared with the kid's TV room area as it was in the original plan you built yours off of, why not swap the bathroom with the closet space. That way you can put a window in the bathroom for natural light AND, if the closet is also going to serve as "safe room" space (as suggested on the plan you built yours from), it would be better if it were NOT on an outside wall anyway. 4) Wouldn't it be nicer to swap the master bathroom and that big closet so that the bathroom was along the outer walls and you could have more windows in the bathroom? 5) With no door between the living room and the kid's TV room, noise from the kid's area will bleed into the living room and vice-versa. 6) No way you're going to fit two L-shaped sectional sofas into a 12X12 TV room as you've shown. I've looked at a bunch of L-shaped sofas and the dimensions for each leg runs about 85" long. Two stuck end to end to form a solid U would require a space 85" x 170" not even counting space to walk around them or between the two unit. 170" is over 14 feet. If you're going to insert "furniture" into your drawings, be sure it is drawn reasonably closely to scale or you will confuse yourself about what will and will not fit in your planned spaces. The sofas you show in the Living room are close to scale. The ones in the theatre room are about half the size they should be! Lots of non-architects do design their own homes. But I think you'll find that everyone who has ever done so and been truly happy with the final result will tell you that they went through literally dozens of totally different basic layouts before they finally settled on one. And then, when they finally had a basic layout they were generally happy with, they tweaked it hundreds of times before they finally had a really great plan that they were truly satisfied with. If you're not planning to begin building for at least a year, you have lot of time to tweak and re-tweak you ideas. But, unless you really really love sketching house plans, unless you happily spend entire weekends revising your drawings for the umpteenth time, unless you find yourself sketching brand new possibilities on paper napkins while having dinner and on the backs of envelopes while standing in line at the post office, unless you fuzz out in the middle of movies because the camera happened to give you a momentary glimpse of a perfect hallway and it set you to thinking about how you could incorporate that into YOUR home, unless you wake up in the middle of the night and sneak out of bed to go tweak your plans yet again b/c you've just realized that if you move that wall 4 inches to the left, you can solve a problem that has been bugging you for weeks about just where the refrigerator ought to go... well, you might you really might be better off just turning the whole job over to a professional architect. LOL!
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DLM2000-GW
13 years ago
If you're interested, this is a link to an interview with her (the Tiger Mom) done by my favorite book reviewer. Somehow he gets to things with authors that other interviewers don't.

Here is a link that might be useful: Steve Bertrand: Amy Chua
Oakley
13 years ago
dlm, thanks for the link. Great interview!

Nancy, I did think she was too pushy, but I cut her some slack because that's how she was raised, and apparently she loosens up a bit and realizes her mistakes.

She did make a lot of good points in the book though that made me stop and think about how I raised my kids compared to the Chinese.

It's a very interesting book!
OllieJane
13 years ago
I just downloaded "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" on my Ipad. I have a 1st grader, and I know I won't be as strict as Amy Chua, but, maybe I could get some pointers from her. I admire the Chinese and their determination in studies, but, I want our family to have a "life" too.
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
My dh is Chinese and was raised in a fashion similar to the one described in Chua's book, as most Chinese are! Chua takes some literary license too, I believe, and dramatizes some interactions (to sell books and get people talking about her book!) My dh is 55 years old. The new generation, like Chua's daughter's, who are "ABC's" (American Born Chinese) really are experiencing a "lightened up" version of traditional Chinese parenting.

My two Chinese (ABC) nieces, one a junior at a very elite high school, the other a freshman at an outstanding college, were raised to excel academically, but also to be very well-rounded, and they are! They are two extremely happy, social girls with lots of friends. They are involved in sports, music, artistic pursuits, you name it, and they love fashion and popular culture.

I give kudos to my sister-in-law for incorportating the best of her Chinese values and for raising two girls who, in addition to being high-achievers, are super sweet, nice, and fun people too! Frankly, I am in awe of them!
Oakley
13 years ago
They sound like good people, Stinky. I was wondering, in Amy's book she says making anything below an A, including an A-, is unacceptable to Chinese. Do you know if it's the same with you SIL regarding her children?

We wanted our kids to make straight A's of course, but a B was fine. If it was a hard class and they got a C, we always lightened the mood by saying "C to Continue." lol
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
Oakley, my nieces are my pride and joy and I love them to pieces! As I said, I am in awe of them, and have been since they were babies. Not only are they smart and sweet, they are beautiful girls!

I can tell you that my eldest niece, who is now in college, has never made less than an A, ever, in her whole life! She graduated from a very demanding, difficult-to get-into high school, with a 4.5 GPA and got a perfect SAT score. Her little sister is now at the same high school, and she has made a couple of Bs. I don't get the impression that has signaled the end of the world! I think her parents recognize that she is an excellent student,but she is just not the outstanding performer the older child is. They are two VERY different children, thought they get along great and adore each other. Fortunately, I don't think mom and dad have tried to clone the first one...they appreciate the special gifts and talents of each child.

Parental pressure aside, I think A's are what the *girls* really want...they seem to have a lot of inner motivation!
tinam61
13 years ago
We have had several Chinese students here in graduate school. They are usually excellent students with high grades. You have to remember the Chinese culture is VERY different from ours. I understand what you are saying Stinky about the girls wanting the higher grades. Most of the students I have worked with ASPIRE to excellence. Honor is very important to their culture and they do not want to do anything to bring dishonor on themselves or their families.
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
Very well said, Tina. It is very different. Dh & I will be married for 24 years in June, together 2.5 years before that, and I'm still learning about Chinese Culture! Dh says even a Chinese person can't possibly absorb and fully comprehend all the history, philosophy and tradition of the culture.

I've seen you mention a few times that you work part-time. Do you work at a university? I've wondered what your job was!
nancybee_2010
Original Author
13 years ago
Stinky, have you read Amy Tan's books, especially "The Opposite of Fate", her memoir? I find the Chinese culture very interesting too.
tinam61
13 years ago
Stinky - you got it! LOL

I was going to shoot you an email but didn't see an address listed. . .
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
Nancy, read Joy Luck Club and Kitchen God's Wife ages ago. Thanks for reminding me about Amy Tan. It would be fun to revisit her books. She's a wonderful writer. Didn't even know about her memoir. Thanks also, for graciously permitting the conversation to go off-topic!

Tina, I didn't see your e-mail address either! Couldn't find a prompt on "My page" to add one!
tinam61
13 years ago
tinam61@yahoo.com

I thought I had it on my info, but someone else mentioned recently that it wasn't. . .
nancybee_2010
Original Author
13 years ago
Oh, I love getting responses because I think the people around here are so nice! Doesn't matter if they're on topic or not :)

Stinky, (this is not on topic!) but do you remember you asked rmkitchen to post pics of her lovely home? Did she, and I missed it? If she didn't, I wish she would. I mean that in a nice way!
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
Nancy, no, she hasn't posted pics yet. If she did, I missed them! She did check in when I made the request, & said that she would come back and post some pics. She also noted that she was busy at the time, and it might be a while. So...we'll keep an eye out!
DLM2000-GW
13 years ago
Figured I'd bring this back up and add to it rather than starting yet another book thread.

Just finished Night Road by Kristen Hannah. Couldn't put it down. Found myself totally immersed in the story, the characters and the emotion - cried repeatedly! My only warning is if you've lost a child, this may be too painful. If you lost a sibling at a young age (I did) you may find it painful or cathartic.

And if I remember correctly, on a previous book thread, someone recommended A Visit From The Goon Squad. I haven't read it yet but just watched this interview with the author and have added it to my list.

Here is a link that might be useful: Jennifer Egan
nancybee_2010
Original Author
13 years ago
dlm, I saw the Jennifer Egan interview too, and decided to read the Goon Squad book.

Night Road sounds too sad! And I'm so sorry to hear you lost a sibling.
DLM2000-GW
13 years ago
Thank you nancybee - I should clarify about Night Road - it is sad but it's also a wonderful book about motherhood, how we identify ourselves, loss, redemption, choices..... and there is and ending that is uplifting and hopeful. I think if someone is still raw from a loss this is not a good choice and didn't want to mislead anyone.
runninginplace
13 years ago
A Visit from the Goon Squad just won the 2011 Pulitzer for fiction!! An incredible read.

I just sent my sister a list of books I've recently read or have on my shelf to read or on my list at the library. Here they are, in case anyone else might be interested:

My Korean Deli was funny and touching, about just what the subject says. A guy who was an editor at George Plimpton's NY Review married to a Korean lawyer who decided to buy a deli for her mother.

Why Not Say What Happened-just finished this last night. A memoir about a (what else) wildly dysfunctional alcoholic British aristocratic family. Hey, anyone whose grandmother annually hosts the Queen Mother for a soiree while referring to QM by her wacky nickname "cake" has to have a readable story.

A Ticket to the Circus - Norris Church's memoir. I thought Norman Mailer was a misogynistic pig but hoping this will be an interesting trip through the literary world told from her side.

Bossypants- Tina Fey's auto, on hold. Good reviews and sheÃ¯Â¿Â½s the bomb so how bad could it be?

Learning to Die in Miami, Confessions of a Refugee Boy-sequel to Waiting for Snow in Havana, both of these are autobiographical memoirs about, again, pretty much what the titles say.

Swamplandia-have this requested, set in Florida novel. Hopefully it isn't too far into Carl Hiassen territory. I got tired of that over the top Florida weird genre awhile ago but this one might have potential. Speaking of weird...

The Weird Sisters-haven't read this but the reviews look good and itÃ¯Â¿Â½s requested up the wazoo. Three sisters named for Shakespearean heroines and a family saga.

The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore. Have this on my shelf to read, narrated by a chimp who has some kind of human/animal fixation. Good reviews on that one too so hoping it's worthwhile.

Dogfight, A Love Story is about a guy trying to avoid being hurt or worse by his drug dealer brother who thinks the hero ratted him out. My gritty read category, again waiting on my shelf.
tuesday_2008
13 years ago
dlm - I started reading Kristen Hannah this winter. Love her books. Night Road is on my list to read. Have you read Winter Garden? I couldn't get that story out of my mind for days.

Tuesday
DLM2000-GW
13 years ago
Tuesday - this was the first book of hers that I've read but will find the others now for sure. Right now I'm slogging through Cutting for Stone. Not far into it yet and I'm hoping it captures me the way it has others but so far, not so much. Maybe it's my mood after Night Road.
mitchdesj
13 years ago
dlm, I just started Night Road a few days ago, I can tell I'm going to love it.

Prior to that, I devoured Every Last One by Anna Quindlen, the story line reminds me of what you described Night Road as being, I loved the way she wrote. Quindlen also seems to have written a few other books which I'll look up.
DLM2000-GW
13 years ago
mitchdesi I love Anna Quindlen and read Every Last One a few years ago. It is similar to Night Road but I find NR more compelling - maybe I identify more with Jude and her flaws than MaryBeth.
texanjana
13 years ago
I just finished Swamplandia, and didn't really care for it. My best friend loved it, though!

I loved A Dog's Purpose, it was a beautiful story.
denali2007
13 years ago
I LOVED a Dog's Purpose. Best book I've read lately.

Wanted to thank book recommenders

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Oakley

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