No doubt I speak Japanese. Communications never cease to amaze.

Oh, and I also seem to be invisible, lol.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Sun, Mar 24, 13 at 22:16

That is really funny.

I can't verbatim repeat a conversation with my DH but it would go something like this

Me: How is your mom doing?
DH: Well, Paul (BIL) came down to see her.
Me: Oh OK - well how is she doing.
DH: She didn't like DWTS last night.
Me: Oh Ok - well how is she doing.
DH: She bought new shoes yesterday.
Me: I didn't ask WHAT she is doing I asked HOW is she doing - just answer the dam# question.
DH: Oh she's feeling much better.
Me: AAAAHHHH. (tearing out hair)

I don't think my DH has answered a question of mine first time around in 30 years.

When I ask DH a question, he will respond back not with an answer but a question...

me- what is the weather going to be like tomorrow?
DH - Why, do we have plans?
me - I wanted to go downtown and do some shopping.What is the temp suppose to be?
DH-I guess I could tag along. Did you want company?
me - sure, so what is the weather supposed to be like?
DH- maybe I can find a nice suit on sale.
me - I checked the weather on line, there is supposed to be a snow storm. Guess we,ll go some other time.

Sometimes I find this kind of conversation funny but other times, I get so frustrated!

I don't have this kind of conversation often with DH, but I do with an employee. No matter how yes or no I make the question, she never answers right away. Then when she does, I find out later she did not add relevant other information that could have changed my subsequent actions, so now I have to ask more questions than I did before. It is like a quiz game, sometimes.

Oh I could write a book. One of the most typical conversations goes like this;

Me: Do you want X or Y for dinner?
DH: Yes.
Me: That was an either or question, not a yes or no - which do you want?
DH: Ask me one at a time.
Me: What are you - 2?? Do you want X?
DH: Yes. See how easy it is when you ask one at a time?
Me: banging my head against a wall...... for almost 31 years now. :-/

That's too funny.

DH and his best friend are the same age and listening to them is like listening to Statler and Waldorf from the muppet show.

Joe: Hi Tom!
Tom: Huh?
Joe: Hi Tom!
Tom: Oh, Hi Joe!
Joe: Huh?
Tom: Hi Joe!
Joe: How you doin'?
Tom: Huh?
Joe: How you doin'!
Tom: Good.
Joe: Huh?
Tom: Good!
Joe: Glad to hear it.
Tom: Huh?
Joe: Glad to hear it!

I swear I don't know how much of it is a hearing issue or how much of it is an attention issue or a habit of "huh".

This shows up when I try to converse with DH and he tends to be slow about tuning in so he only hears the last part of what I asked and answers what he thought he heard rather than what I said.

Door is not locked.
Me: Did you lock the door?
Him: Yes.
We go to leave the house.
Him: I have to lock the door.
Me: I thought you said it was locked.
Him: No.
Me: But I just asked you.
Him: No, you asked me to lock the door.

Oh brother!

Then there's the cherry on the cake.

Me: Hon, will you let the cat in?
No reply. He must not have heard me.
Me: Hon, will you let the cat in?
No reply. So I speak even louder.
Me. Hon, can you let the cat in?
Him quite testily: Alright already! I heard you the first time!
Well how was I to know? Is it so tough to say, "OK"?

I'm laughing out loud. These sound so much like my parents. When I visit them, I find myself being a repeater station.

Mom: Honey, do you want an egg this morning for breakfast?
Dad: Hunh?
Me: Do you want an egg for breakfast?
Dad: I guess I could have cereal.
Mom: Do you want fruit?
Dad: Hunh?
Me: Do you want fruit with your cereal?
Dad: Are the bananas ripe?
Mom: Hunh?
Me: Mom, are the bananas ripe?
Mom: Whole speech about how Dad likes the really black bananas, but she can't stand them unless they are green.
Me: But, Mom, are there any ripe bananas for Dad's cereal?
Mom: Does he want bananas on his cereal?
Dad: Can you make me an egg?

OMG! At that point, I have to leave the room or go bald because in the time it takes them to get breakfast on the table, I've eaten, run five miles, showered, cleaned the shower, made my bed, emptied the dishwasher, written a novel, raised three children...well, you get the picture.

These are great! Here is a short convo I had with DH on Saturday morning which led me to get P.O'd and my DS ROTFLOL.

Something was caught in the disposal, DH had his hand way down there. I noticed he needed better lighting so I turned on the undercab lights....the switch is right next to the disposal switch.

As soon as the lights came on, DH screamed and jumped at the same time saying, "DAM*IT!!" I think I scared the you-know-what out of him.

But I got mad because he cussed at me. DS was standing there laughing his hiney off and he took his dad's side.

Then we all laughed. Did I do something wrong? ;)

Friend of mine had a number of old maid aunts who were dotty in their old age. He over heard two of them talking.

Aunt A: Mary came to visit me last week.
Aunt B, getting very upset: She did! Well! She didn't come to see me!

How is that funny? Mary died 25 years ago....

This pretty much hits the nail on the head over here.

Here is a conversion we had recently:

HIM: John said Mary is pregnant.
ME: Oh wow! How far along is she?
HIM: I don't know.
ME: Well, when is she due?
HIM: I don't know.
ME: Are they hoping for a boy or girl?
HIM: I don't know.
ME: Did he seem excited?
HIM: I don't know.
ME: Exactly how did your conversation with John go?
HIM: He siad, "Mary is pregnant." I said, "Cool."
ME: I'll call Mary.

I get sucked into a blend of several of the above and it is so comforting to not be alone on that merry-go-round. Thanks for the laughs :)

This post was edited by moonshadow on Mon, Mar 25, 13 at 20:27

These are all so funny. :-D

My SO has a habit of listening to me, but not hearing me:

Me: Mmm, we should make something on the grill tonight.

Him: Mmhmm *nods and smiles, looking right at me*

8 minutes go by:

Him: Hey, why don't we make something on the grill tonight?

Me: Great idea! I just said it a few minutes ago.

Him: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

This happens several times a day. Grrr. ;-)

Around here, the conversations are something like this:

Me: This is how we can address this problem, xxxx.

DH: This is why that will not work: Reasons 1-20...

Two weeks later:

DH: I was talking to somebody at work about this (usually another man) and they suggeted doing xxxx and I think it will really work.

Me: Yes, that is I what I suggested 2 weeks but it is only a good idea if somebody else suggests it. Let me give you reasons 1-20 why I am mad right now.

This happens way too frequently.

OMG are we all married to the same man??? I KNOW women aren't all cut from the same cloth so men could never do their own version of this thread... could they? ;-)

These are really good. Viral good. Pass it around to my friends and loved one good.

dlm2000 - I was wondering the same thing.

We also occasionally have the same kind of conversation as you have with your DH.

These conversations are really funny. From now on I won't feel so alone when I'm talking to my DH. I will remember this thread.

We may not all be married to the same guy, but as the old saying goes:

All men are alike...so you might as well stay married to the one you got.

Tishtosh, I can't tell you how many times that's happened here, so I call it planting the seed....you let it grow, water carefully and then in a couple of weeks when it becomes his idea, you say how wonderful and be fully supportive!

I just WISH you Women would get to the point here....;-)

Faron

My Mom and Dad had a great sense of humor together. I remember when Dad retired.

He told Mom that he worked the last 30 years and now it was time she should go to work and support the family. Mom said, OK, but that means you have to do all the things I do now.
He said, "Like what?"
She said, "Well you have to do the cooking and the dishes."
He thought for a second and said, "Yeah, I can do that."
She said, "And you have to do the laundry and the house cleaning."
He thought for another second and said, "Yeah, I can do that."
She said, "And you have to pay the bills and do the income tax."
He thought a little harder on that and said, "I'm not sure I can do the income taxes......but I can hire someone for that!"
Mom replied, "Great! I'm a bookkeeper and I'm looking for work!"

I have been a widow for over 10 years, but the most memorable conversations in this vein we had went like this:

Me: Oh, I LOVE this house (insert anything, car, coffee table, antique armoire). Let's get this one!
Him: We can't afford it.
Me: Sure we can; it will be tight for a couple of years but our wages will grow (this was back in the olden days when that really happened).
Him: We can't afford it.
Me: Sure we can, it's perfect for us.
Him: We can't afford it.
Me: I'll make it happen.
Him: We can't afford it.
Me: Sign here.

Next house (after we'd sold the first one we "couldn't afford" for a handsome profit):
Repeat above.

Next house:
Repeat above

Last house:
Me: This is IT! Let's buy this one!!
Him: We can't afford it.
Me: STOP IT!!! You've been saying that for 25 years. Have we always been able to pay for what I've wanted to buy?
Him: Where do I sign?

Well, if my husband were venting about his wife, he would likely use these words. This is taken from a rather funny chick-lit book called The Do-Over by Kathy Dunnehoff:

"What in the hell does that mean? I'm a guy. We say what we mean. We're not like you women. You never say what you mean, and you never hear what we say without it being something that we didn't say, didn't mean, and never even thought."

Of course, my favorite part comes next because much of the dynamic is summed up here:

John shook his head. "Women say what they feel they can say. It's a man's job to hear what a woman means."

These are hilarious...and painfully familiar.

For thirty years this how DH relays phone messages to me:

DH: Your mother called.
Me: What did she want.
DH: Call her back.
Me: Did she say for me to call her back.
DH: No.
Me: Well what DID she say?
DH: I think she wants to know if we are going to be at the birthday party Sunday.
Me: Well I assume you answered her question?
DH: No, I didn't talk to her.
Me: Well how do you know she was calling about the party?
DH: I don't know, she left a message on the machine.
Me: Oh, so you heard the message?
DH: No, I'm just guessing that's why she called.

And am I the ONLY one whose husband throws out what seems to be a random phrase and expects me to know wth he is talking about?

DH at 2 pm: I wonder if we will hear from DS today. He said he might come over on Wednesday but I think he wants to get his washer fixed first.
Me: Oh, ok.

No further mention of DS until 9pm.
Immediately following a conversation about the weather, DH: It will probably be Thursday.
Me: What are you talking about?
DH: DS!
Me: What about DS? (I've forgotten all about the earlier comments)
DH: He will probably get here on Thursday.
Me: OMG, and you thought that when you mentioned something out of the blue about Thursday I would know what you were talking about?
DH: I SAID, "DS probably won't get here till Thursday".
Me: You did not. You just said, "It will probably be Thursday" as if I have ANY idea what you are babbling about.
DH: I did say I was talking about DS. YOU are just getting forgetful.
Me, half muttering: Someone just shoot me.
DH: No, he's definitely not coming Tuesday, he said probably Wednesday.

Seriously, I wish I could add to this extremely funny thread. It could be the beginning of a great book.

Either I must have good blinders or my DH is not normal... I bet he could add to this thread though. LOL.

We have similar conversations too, but in context, I am the male component and dh the female!

In reality, I think it is the difference between MBTI S's and N's.
I'm an extreme N, dh an extreme S.

It's reassuring to me to read the above, I've often scratched my head when DH asks me about something we've discussed less than 24 hours ago.

I would love to hear the husbands' side on this.

I know DH complains that not only do I always know what he's thinking, but even if he says nothing, he gets in trouble just for thinking it!

And don't we all know the look? Y'know the look that they give us when we've just asked them a question that they know is a potential minefield and their mind is racing to find the best answer that will keep them safe?

An office neighbor at work was so well trained. One day for work I had to be in a video and in prep, they had a professional make up artist do me up. I was so pleased with how it came out that after the shoot, I went to him and said, "How do I look?" He immediately replied with a big smile, "You always look wonderful." I said, "You've been married too long!"

Well, if nothing else, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one living with this! Cindyloo, my DH does that delayed conversation thing too. Often times it's "Do you have that number?" two days after we have a discussion about a store. TWO DAYS!

He never can answer a question, it's always a merry-go-round.

And worst of all, is not owning up to something obvious. It's just he and I in the house-so when I see that a large piece of the freshly baked banana bread is missing and I mention that (since he's earlier chastised me for making it when he's on a diet), he claims it wasn't him that took it. He'll adamantly deny cutting into that bread even though he's been caught virtually red handed. A little while later he will confess, after I've made snarky remarks about ghosts and bread burglars.

Oh yes Pesky, I get the "rest of the conversation" days later too. It makes me wonder if he has had any other thoughts I know I've had "thousands" of things run through MY mind during the break, but the way he picks up right in the middle of an old conversation makes me wonder if he has had any other thoughts at all during that time!

Annie, I think the husband's side would always be their honest belief, "THAT never happens." They are experts at denial.

I agree that someone could compile these for a book called, "S@#t My Spouse Says". It might have to be a short book though, because it seems the communication problems are common.

This thread now reminded me of a B-day card you guys may have seen. It's been out for a few years, but it's so damn funny!

The cover:
A VERY white-haired old couple is shown from the back, with the man pointing across a lake to a peninsula of land. The old-fogey says to his mate..."See that piece of land sticking-out into the water? It's called a 'stick-out'"

Inside:
Another year older...another year of making-up crap...!

EVERY time I see that card, I crack up!

Faron

hahahahhahaha