Hi Amy About the best thing I know for brain fog times is to ...laugh. I am quite sure that, once upon a time in your past life, you used to be a very together person. It's a bit shocking to find yourself standing in a supermarket (as I have) not only wondering which store I'm in, but even which town, and why am I there anyway???! If fibro and lupus are new to you brain fog can seem highly scary. Well, it is, in the early days. After a while you can see it coming on and take precautions, such a leaving yourself notes. Or going through a routine to calm your mind. Autogenic relaxation works well for me. I was put on that by the occupational therapist at the hospital, so it's pretty mainstream. And remember - those folk at the rare plants place will just be so glad that people are still buying! Even if you're as daft as a loon (and you're not) your money is still good. If you think a white lie would help, for now, you can always blame the chaos on a mythical friend who's a serious ditherer, forever changing her mind, if you have to call them again!!! Or simply confess you're under serious stress at the moment, would they please be patient. Most people are either decent or indifferent rather than outright hostile. If the chemo is knocking you about so you can't bear the thought of food - ask your doctor for a referral to a dietitian ASAP. You might need to go on to smoothies so you can get nutrients in quickly. And, if magnesium/potassium comes up as a supplement - look for magnesium malate. It's a bit kinder to your digestive system. Also, if you like them, avocadoes can be helpful. Good vitamin E and very digestible. Meantime, there are six shrubs coming, along with spring. Hope the warmer weather brings you quiet times in the garden, pain relief and peace of mind. (It doesn't stay this bad. Truly. The more you find out about the way you are the better you can 'use your spoons'.) BTW - you might want to check out this blog, if you haven't already: www.butyoudontlooksick.com/ She has lupus - and explains about the 'spoon theory'. You're not alone at all. :-))

You have to have a schedule and you have to adhere to it as best you're able. Sounds really draconian, but it isn't. It's the schedule that will keep an elderly person on course (esp. if they are losing mental capability), allow you to accomplish that which you must do, AND schedule help/respite. Help/respite. You must have this. Trust me on this. I have had Mum with me for nearly 3 years now. For fully 2 of them I did it alone. After her stroke I knew she was no longer able to bathe alone. I hired a woman to come in thrice weekly and assist her. Smartest thing I've done in a long time! I don't have to do it, it accords Mum some privacy, and she has another person with whom to interact. I calmly told my brother he had to step up to the plate and do some caregiving, too. It wasn't fair that I gave up my former life and he had to give up nothing. He now takes her for a month at a time; usually every 2-3 months. I'm OK with that arrangement; but know if he scheduled a "bath lady" it would be easier for him to take her more frequently. Try to incorporate them into your daily errands. I pack Mum into the car (along with the dog) and she "rides shotgun". She is perfectly happy to go for a ride, wait in the car in the sunshine while I dash into one place or another... sometimes she wants to go in, too... so I usually allot enough time. If I haven't, I simply say, "No" and explain why. I will grab her a "treat" if she must wait in the car. I make sure we get out to do something "fun" at the next opportunity. It takes practice to venture out with an elderly, infirm person. You will learn the places that easy to access, have comfortable bathrooms, have help that is willing to move slowly and patiently with the elderly. Mum goes every month for a shampoo/haircut/manicure. The woman is a delight; warm, patient, and gives Mum her undivided attention. We are "regulars" at several establishments BECAUSE they are willing to make time for a slow, old woman. It's hard work; not always fun. I miss my freedom terribly, if you want to know the truth. But I can do this and feel it is important for me to do it. She ain't gonna live forever, afterall. (Hi Connie!)

Absolutely agree with tina61. My reference marker of age 50 to set out your estate, was an "at the very latest". We actually started doing our wills when DD was born. Trusts, trustees, physical custody, education provisions and medical decisions were all spelled out plainly. Traveling often for business, medical needs of DD and just being prudent, motivated our decision to put our desires in writing. If you have children, you definitely need to do estate planning as soon after they are born as possible. Of course, we have amended our documents over the years, but our initial wills were drafted and signed when DD was born. DH and I were 30's at the time of her birth. rilie - I am the attentive one. I make all arrangements for medical care for both of my parents as well as transport them to and fro. Errands, needs, wants, all are my gig. My DB works hard and has little free time. However, he is also MIA when it comes to family occasions and holidays. He avoids it. Also, there have been no children born to the marriage. Seems as tho it may have a bit to do with his DW. She's an odd sort, very hard to get close to. I think everyone has a story, and her childhood may not have been a walk in the park. Her attitude toward family (her own) I think influences his decisions about being part of ours. I cannot blame her, he is an adult and should/would and perhaps does not get involved because he choses not to do so? Just figures I'll cover it, as that is the way it has always been. I still believe my parents' estate should be equally divided.

I picked DS up at rehab 2 days ago. He had a rough time which pleases me. The rehab was very regimented. Every second accounted for and one session or lecture every hour. There were many court mandated, formerly incarcerated, heroin addicts in the rehab. They were a tough group. A few were going through the motions because they had to for the courts. DS saw and lived in a whole new frightening world. He says he took it very seriously and never wants to be in that position again. He is aware that his problem is no different than that of his fellow patients. Just the addiction is a different substance and he is not facing jail. So now he is back with his really lovely girl friend. But she has no more tolerance and she is fully capable to be on her own. He knows that. His job is up in the air. He doesn't know if they will take him back, but he will wait until he has all his out patient commitments lined up before he contacts his boss. His drivers license is suspended until he pays a fine which he can't pay because he is broke. There is public transportation in his town and the outpatient facility is 1/2 mile away. So DH and I are not frantic this week. We are realistic and hopeful. Maybe this time. Thank you for all your support and giving me a place to scream. Laura