Lars, I am so sorry to hear this. I'm sending you and your family my sympathy and prayres.

Tami

I didn't see this yesterday. Lars I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have expressed, it is a blessing that your father didn't suffer any longer. I lost my mother this past year. She took a turn for worse a few days before Christmas and lingered until January 3rd.

My thoughts are with you and Kevin.

~Ann

Lars, I'm so sorry for your loss. You all are still in my thoughts.

Lars, I'm very sorry for you loss. My deepest condolences to you and Kevin.

Sue

Oh Lars, I am so sorry. My parents died within six months of each other, so I know what you are feeling.

I hope you find comfort knowing that they are together again.

My best to you, Kevin and the rest of your family.

Di

Lars,

My sincere condolences to you and Kevin. Please take good care of yourselves.
Jo

I wish I had anything helpful to say, but this isn't a situation I've been in yet. I am just so sorry. I also understand wanting to reach out to people but being afraid to be vulnerable or share too much. I'm glad you fought through those feelings. I also usually find that people surprise me, as I'm glad you did. I'm going to try to beam you some peace, quiet, and mental stillness.

Lars, I just now saw this. My best to you and Kevin at this sad time. My heart goes out to you.

Nancy

So sorry to hear the sad news. Take care.
Clare

Kevin and I are at our sister's house now, and I think we may have come too soon, and so instead of staying here, we will go to our BIL's house, where I hope we will not clash so much. I cannot stand to be around my sister right now - she keeps lashing out at me, as if to blame me for things that are beyond my control. It is very painful to be here, and I want to leave her house as soon as possible. This is going to be very difficult for the next few days, and the funeral will not be until Friday. We return to L.A. the next day, and I cannot wait to get away from here - I was not expecting anything like this.

Lars

I know it's an uncomfortable situation at a time that should be pulling people together. I have experienced this situation when my DM passed away, I took the high road rather than striking back (just by luck as that isn't my nature). Looking back, I have been rewarded for not participating in the finger pointing and blame game.

What Cathy said. Just realize that people have their ingrained habits, and people react to stress and grief in different ways. Moving to your BIL's or even a motel is preferable to having to face that drama right now. Ask your calmer siblings to help you if you need it.

Try repeatedly chanting some meditative phrase in your mind, like "Om Mani Padme Hum" or your own calming phrase, like "this will be over soon." And breathe!

Lars, I was just checking in for an update, sure didn't expect this news! I am so sorry, but as others have said, relieved he passed quickly and peacefully.

I hope you are either at your brother in law's or at a hotel by now. I am sure your sister is just stressed and does not know how to handle it.

I am sending healing thoughts to you and your family at this time, I hope it goes smoothly from here on in.

Linda

Lars and Kevin,
I'm so sorry for your loss of your father. Know that your friends here are thinking of you and sending our hugs and prayers to you. Get as much rest as you can and get through these difficult days.

I hate that some of your family members are making a trying and sad situation so much worse. This is the time that the family should support and console one another. Walk away from the confrontations if you can - excuse yourself to the restroom or outside for some "fresh air."

Teresa

Lars,

Thinking of you and hoping you are having moments of peace from time to time.

Jim

Poor thing, she sounds like she's hurting. I wish she wasn't hurting you too. Peace beyond all understanding is my wish for all of you. Keeping you close.

Oh Lars, what a mess. As others have said, moving to another place is a good idea. Years ago I heard a talk about how people react to their unhappiness; some can only think "I hurt" and like injured pets who snap and snarl at their loving owners, that's all they can think, there's no room in their heads for "This is a person who loves me" at that point. I hope you all get past this stage quickly.
Big hugs to you and Kevin.
Just keep in mind, keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually you will find you have put all this behind you. The trick is to hang in until you can outlast the unpleasantness, but it _will_ happen.

We ended up staying at our sister's house another night - she calmed down after awhile and eventually realized how she was hurting us without meaning to. I have since learned that she has been under a lot of stress because of her son, who is 43, is already a grandfather, unemployed, and asks her for money every day. For some reason she gives it to him, and this has been building up resentment inside her for years. Therapy has not worked with him, but as my SIL said today, it could be worse.

DF had a nice funeral today and was buried with military honors.

Lars

Oh dear, Lars, I'm so sorry to hear about your father, and so soon after losing your mother. I've been in Tennessee as Elery's father passed away on Tuesday.

I wish you and Kevin peace and strength to get through this difficult time, and I'm sending you both hugs. Take care of each other, my dear. I'll be thinking of you.

Like Jessica, "threes" also happened to me, I lost my father, my stepfather and my last remaining uncle within three months, my father in August, 2008, my stepfather in September the same year, my Uncle Martin in October that year, so I know how difficult it is to cope and I'm so sorry that it's happened to you.

Jim, I'm sorry to hear about your Mother too. Hospice personnel were wonderful to us, explaining what was happening and what to expect, and I greatly appreciated having them there for that.

Annie

Lars, I can't believe I'm just seeing this now, but I just haven't been at my computer much lately.

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a difficult time for you. I will think of you and Kevin and your whole family. I will keep you and Kevin close to my heart.

Sally

thanks for the update, I'm glad things worked out in the end.

I'm so sorry Lars and also sorry that your sister is having to deal with all that stress too. I'm glad you have a kind and forgiving nature. It is so hard!! But you will never regret being patient and loving if you can. It sounds like your dad was quite a guy! Try to think about the big picture of his whole life. Lots of loving thoughts going out to you from the east coast!! It's going to take some time for you to go through this grieving process and I agree with DC, don't sweat it, grief is natural and don't think you have to snap out of it quickly, give yourself time to heal. I live a long way from my family too and I know the distance and traveling ans staying in other people's houses, etc. adds another whole layer of stress.

Lars, I am so very sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves so differently and that can make a difficult time even more painful. My mom suffered a stroke unexpectedly the week before Christmas last year and died on Christmas Day. I purchased my siblings each a Christmas cactus in memory of my mom and it is comforting to see it blooming now, so I understand your flower connection. Please do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself - its hard when everyone around you is celebrating and you are in mourning. Take care, you have my sincere condolences

Lars, I'm just seeing this now, because I had to go out of town for a family emergency. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to say goodbye to a parent. You must be back home by now, and that will be calmer and much more restorative. It's so sad that families don't always provide support in times of bereavement. But that is how it is. As you said, you and Kevin do have each other. Please try to get as much rest as you can.

I really do not know how to feel right now, and so I am going to have to restrain myself and give myself some time to sort out the warring emotions that are going on inside me. At some point we are going to have to settle our estate, and it will be very difficult for us to come to any agreement, and I dread the time when I will have to deal with this. Our brother in Texas has already asked us to sell our portion of the land to him for below value, indicating his desire to take advantage of us. This hurts me.

Lars

Lars, my dear, it seems that monetary issues sometimes brings out the worst in people, I've seen it happen many times with families.

Stay strong and don't make any quick decisions about anything, when you are emotionally distraught is not a good time to make life-altering decisions. Wait for a time when you are more calm.

Hugs to you and to Kevin.

Annie

Stress on top of sadness. Sorry to hear that one emotion had to follow the other in your circumstances.

One suggestion is to get a local real estate agency involved. Have them prepare an estimate of the property in writing. That puts the facts on paper and your emotions don't have to jump through all kinds of hoops. Let your brother in Texas make a move from there.

Whatever course you choose, put the process off until you are ready to deal with it.

Teresa

Lars I'm so sorry to hear about the extra stress. I know your sister is an attorney, but you might want to consider getting one for yourself and Kevin just for peace of mind.

I am definitely going to have to try to put off the process of dealing with the estate for a period of time now. I do agree that Kevin and I need to have our own assessment of the property, just to know what is a fair value. Beyond that, I think we will also need a lawyer and a financial advisor, and I need some time to think about this. I believe there was $80,000 cash in their bank account before DM died, but then money would have been taken out of that for the funerals, and I think they were both rather expensive - more so than they needed to be, but then I was not involved in any of the decisions made for that. Mike had POA when DF was alive, and this allowed him to use the bank account for running the farm, and I think he thinks he can continue to do this, even if the cows on the land belong to him. Mike wants to buy the entire farm so that his son Dee can farm the land, but I do not believe that Dee wants to do this, as the rainfall in that area is too undependable. I know that Mike promised DF on his deathbed that he would farm the land after DF passed, and this comforted DF at the end, but I do not believe that the land is best suited for farming and that other options need to be considered. Dee could easily go bankrupt if he quit his job and only farmed, but at least his wife is working again, just a short time after the birth of their second child.

I'm still in pain from the loss of both parents and wish that the estate planning did not have to be part of the picture.

Lars

Here is the picture of my father that they used at the funeral. He was a WWII veteran and participated in the Battle of the Bulge, where he got wounded. He had about seven military medals, including the purple heart and spent his last days with other veterans. He was given a military burial, including a flag-draped coffin and a bugle player playing Taps. The bugle player was so perfect that I thought it was a recording, until I turned around and looked at him.

Lars

That's a wonderful picture, Lars. You do look a lot like him.

That is a great picture of your dad. I love old B & W portraits. Regarding the estate, I don't know what the probate laws are in Texas, but in Florida they take forever and there is tons of paperwork and legal fees. My mom passed over 1 1/2 years ago and the estate is finally being settled. Good luck to you and I hope things get settled fairly and quickly.
Clare

Oh my, Lars, you do look very much like your father. I also enjoy the old photos, I like to know how people have changed.

Here estates take a long time too, I've found that most take at least a year and that's if there is no bickering or in-fighting and everyone agrees. (sigh) I do hope that you can all work it out quickly and to everyone's mutual benefit.

Annie

Lars and Kevin, I am so sorry to read this, but like others feel that you all are blessed that this happened so quickly. You and Kevin have my deepest most sincere condolences and sympathy.

I have been in the hospital since Dec 8 and the wifi is awful with all Apple products. The only time I can connect is after midnight and I try to be asleep then. I'll send you an email in the next several days.

Lee, sending love and peace to both of you.

Lars, your father was quite dashing looking, very handsome. I also see the resemblance to you. Thanks for sharing his picture.

I hope the settlement of the estate goes smoothly and does not cause a family war.

Lee, I am sorry to hear you are in the hospital and wish you a speedy recovery.

Lee, I am so sorry to hear that you have been in the hospital, and I also wish you a speedy recovery. I will look forward to receiving your email. BTW, our cousin in Denver was unable to attend the funeral, and DF was her last surviving uncle. She has some problems with her hip (or something), and her doctor has advised her not to travel.

I agree that when I was his age, I looked a lot like DF. Our baby pictures look alike also.

I am also hoping that the estate settlement will go smoothly, but a lot of that depends on how flexible our brother will be. Right now I think he has a one-track mind, but over time, perhaps that will soften.

Lars

Lee, I'm sorry to hear you are in the hospital, and I wish you a speedy and full recovery. I do hope you get to go home for Christmas.

Annie

Lee, I'm sorry to hear you are in the hospital, and I wish you a speedy and full recovery. I do hope you get to go home for Christmas.

Annie

Gosh Lars, how like your father you look! As soon as I saw the photo I was struck by the resemblance.
Sorry to hear you're unwell, Lee, and hope you are better and home soon.

Hang in there Lars, in time things will settle down. I think it would be wise to have an attorney in TX that will look at everything in your behalf.

Lee, so sorry you are in the hospital. Let us know how you are doing. Please.

Nancy

Lars, I'm just reading this very sad news. I'm thinking of you, Kevin and your family. This is so sad but I too am glad that he didn't linger. Somehow I knew that you would do something special with flowers for your father.

Lee, I didn't know you were in the hospital. I was going to call you next week. I'll be in CO for a visit. Please know that my thoughts and sincerest thoughts are with you. Take care my friend!

Lars,

I know I'm really late catching up on the news of your father's death. I've been so preoccupied with trying to rebuild our home after Sandy flooded us out that I've not been around the CF much. To add insult to injury, I've had a bad case of bronchitis for the past 3 weeks. I'm very glad to read that while you had a few rough patches in Texas you seem to have arrived home with as good a mind set as is possible under the circumstances. Please add me to those feeling that you and Kevin should hire your own attorney if for nothing else than to answer questions for you and Kevin separate from what you might hear from your sister or Mike. Please know you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers every day. BTW, I love your Dad's picture. He's very handsome and I also see your resemblance to him. Dashing is a good description.

Lee,

I hope my post finds you released from the hospital and recuperating at home for Christmas. Hoping it was nothing too serious and you're on the mend.

/tricia

Still wondering about Lee - I never did get an email from her, and so I cannot know how she has been doing. I think that if it were something drastic, she would have had Max let us know.

I think I'm going to be able to cope with this holiday season somewhat better than I had anticipated. I originally wanted to leave town, but now I think that I can better deal with my feelings by tending to personal business at home, although my sleep continues to be erratic and disturbed. I'm still having hynagogic and lucid dreams - mostly in the early morning from 3:00 AM on, and sometimes I cannot go to sleep before that time. I think I will mention this to my doctor when I see him next, although I do not think there is a treatment for this. They are only somewhat confusing to me, but I also find myself in sudden lucid dream states at work in the middle of doing AutoCAD drawings. During these episodes, I will sometimes try to grab something or pick something up that is in the dream but not real. This always wakes me up.

I'm continuing to send positive thoughts to Lee and I hope I hear something soon. I also want to plan a short trip to Colorado and see one of my two remaining cousins - the one who started a very successful delicatessen business and who was unable to attend DF's funeral. DF was her last remaining uncle, and she was very unhappy that she was unable to travel to Texas for the funeral.

Lars

My thoughts are also going out to Lee. If anyone is in touch, please check in here.

Lars, I'm glad to hear that you're coping better than anticipated. It's time for healing and then new traditions!

Lars, I am just catching up. My condolences, and I hope all goes well dealing with your DF's estate. That will alleviate a lot of stress.

I hope Lee is doing well, also!

Lars, I sent you an email through GW yesterday. I don't think I have another current email address for you. I hope each week will find you feeling better - I learned long ago that you often don't see day by day changes but you do see week by week or month by month changes.

Karen, I would love to hear from you.

Thank you to everyone's for the well wishes - I didn't mean to hijack this thread, it was just so frustrating to have but not have wifi. I will post after Christmas.

Lee

Lars, I hope you get your sleep issues fixed. Could it be a reaction to medication, if you're taking any?

Lee, I send warm thoughts to you, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sally

Oh Lars, I am so sorry to read about your Fathers passing. I don't visit this side very often but clearly I should.

It use to be such a wonderful way of keeping in touch with each other and the personal things that were going on.

Life, death, romance, family PITA's, travel, meet ups......I made so many friends right here and Lars you are one of them. I can't count the times you made me smile.

My heartfelt sympathies to you and Kevin.

Lee be well, you are still on my bucket list.

Karen....always so special to see you post.

Lee, I got your email today even though it was sent on the 23rd - it took me a while to get caught up with a few things, and I'm still not fully caught up, although I am getting close. You are right that the adjustments are very gradual, and I feel that I am only allowing myself to experience them that way, which may make the process drag on for a long time, but I feel I can better handle it in small bits at a time.

On the one hand, I am anxious for our estate to be settled so that I can plan my finances accordingly, but on the other hand, once they are settled, there will be a finality to the passing of my parents that I am not quite ready for yet.

Sally, the medications I take tend to make me drowsy, but then sometimes I go to bed too early and then wake up in the middle of the night. Christmas Day I came down with a stomach flu or something, and I missed two days of work, as I still have a slight fever and fairly severe cramps. I feel better today than yesterday, however.

Sharon, thanks for saying that I've made you smile - that makes me happy and helps me to feel appreciated. I used to make my sister smile (although not deliberately), but lately she's been very edgy. I think that she has other issues that she is not sharing with me.

Lars

Lars, I am thinking of you almost everyday lately. I agree with Sharon in that you always make me smile when I read your writings on the CF. I hope you smiled during the holidays! After my Mom died I couldn't sleep at all. I had no sleep for days on end. I ended up taking Ambian for a few months and it really got me through that difficult time of grieving. I'm sending you all the positive thoughts that I can send each day.

Lee, I sent you a reply e-mail. I will call you or e-mail you the week before I leave to go to CO. I miss you!

Sharon, You always make me smile ;-)and I miss you too!